


To Keep You Safe

by hopeless_romantic_spoonie



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Avengers Compound, Blood and Violence, Brainwashing, Comfort, Dirty Talk, F/M, Fingering, Fluff, Kidnapping, Language, Nightmares, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protected Sex, Smut, Torture, Unprotected Sex, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-06-30 09:16:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 136,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19850128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeless_romantic_spoonie/pseuds/hopeless_romantic_spoonie
Summary: Life as the assistant to Tony Stark was busy, but boring. All of that changed when I touched something I shouldn't have and woke up with strange new abilities. If I thought that trying to figure out my new place in life as an Avenger was tough, I had no idea what was in store for me once I ran into the frustrating God of Mischief, Loki.





	1. Changes are takin' the pace I'm goin' through

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! This is my first fic ever, so there may be some bumps along the way as I work out the kinks to everything.  
> This is a Loki/OFC fic without a Beta, so there might be a few grammatical errors.  
> Post Ragnarok, and Infinity War/Endgame didn't happen because this story couldn't exist otherwise. :P I promise I'll explain the new canon I selfishly made!
> 
> Thank you for giving this a glance, and I hope you have a lovely day!

“I’m sorry, but Mr. Stark is unavailable at the moment. May I take a message?” My hands quickly scribbled down the message onto a bright yellow sticky note. “I’ll get this to him right away, thank you for calling.”

Life as the assistant to Tony Stark sounds glamorous and exciting, but to live it was quite the contrary. While the public imagined me hanging out with Earth’s Mightiest at the Avengers Compound, swapping stories with Black Widow and working out with Captain America, my days were normally spent in my office with a phone constantly blaring in my ear. Mr. Stark was a genius, and he was like most famous geniuses in that he had his quirks and eccentricities. He could come up with amazingly brilliant plans to save the world or create AI programs that were more realistic than actual people, but he also tended to overlook the finer mundane details of life. What importance was scheduling appointments and ordering food for the inhabitants of the Compound when the world was under siege?

That was where I came in. With Pepper taking on Stark Industries as a whole, I took over Stark himself. My small office on the first floor of the Avenger Compound was ground zero for the intricate details of my boss’s life. I had spent so much time and effort upon first moving in to decorate it with small touches of personality to feel like I truly belonged: a picture of my family on the sleek modern desk, my sticky note collection neatly tucked away in the top drawer of said desk, a smattering of succulents and indoor plants around the room to tackle the oppressive modernity. But these touches were lost beneath years of assorted paperwork, receipts, press releases, sticky notes, and even pieces of old technology that were set down and never picked up again. So dedicated to my hectic job and overworked boss, I had a small murphy bed tucked away in a closet in the corner. When pulled down, spare outfits for any occasion hung from the top of the closet. All pants of some sort, as a skirt didn’t suit the frantic pace required to keep up with the frenetic Tony Stark. There wasn’t time to worry about flashing anyone when you were chasing after Iron Man. Heels would have also hindered my job performance, so those were nowhere to be found in the office or my tiny one-bedroom apartment in upstate New York.

Working for the world-famous Iron Man meant long, unknown hours that could change at the drop of the hat. Many would crumble under the pressure of such an intense man and odd schedule, but I preferred it. Staying busy kept me focused, and a focused mind was a quiet mind.

That day was like any other day working for Stark Industries. I came in early, grabbed some fruit for breakfast from the fridge in the first-floor break room, and set to work answering emails and fielding calls that Mr. Stark was too busy to handle personally. Several times a day I would make the trek to his most-used lab on the third floor with a stack of papers and sticky notes, ready to brief him on anything he needed to sign off on or be made aware. After snacking on a light snack of a granola bar that F.R.I.D.A.Y. reminded me to grab, as even I would sometimes find myself in a state of concentration that I laxed on self-care, I began the trek up the stairs to give him his daily messages.

My black ankle boots echoed pleasantly on the stairwell as I passed the second floor with ease. Half of the floor served as the living and training quarters for any current Avengers residing in the Compound, while the other half housed a large gymnasium and training area to keep Earth’s Mightiest in fighting shape. As far as I knew, Steve, Thor, Loki, Vision, Wanda, Sam, and Natasha were all living at the Compound for the foreseeable future. However, currently, Wanda and Vision were off-base, meeting with Shuri in Wakanda to see if they could remove the Mind Stone from him without killing him. Bucky was also in Wakanda, working on setting himself back to rights after everything he had gone through. Clint was off-base spending time with his family, and Bruce preferred the peace of his own apartment to the sometimes rambunctious living situation with so many outgoing Avengers.

The third floor contained several labs, conference rooms, and storage facilities. These areas were frequented mostly by Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, and myself as I worked with Mr. Stark throughout the day.

Finally reaching his most commonly used lab, I shifted the hefty stack of papers in my arms, wishing that the soft silk of my simple black blouse had more gripping power to it. Pushing the door open, my hazel eyes gave a cursory glance around the room to look for Mr. Stark. Finding the very cluttered and disorganized room empty, I groaned softly and stepped carefully inside. I paid little mind to the many projects in various states of completion around the space. With a mind as brilliant as his, and with as many responsibilities as he had, it wasn’t unheard of to juggle many tasks and assignments as needed. So, the glowing green box perched on the edge of one of his many workbenches and tables littering the large room also escaped my notice as just another forgotten gadget. I easily maneuvered my way through the crowded space to reach the workbench housing his latest project, knowing that his keen eye would more easily spot the bright yellow sticky note if I left it on what he was working on more recently.

Upon placing the sticky note on top of his latest helmet prototype for his suit, with a mental note that I should have F.R.I.D.A.Y. alert him to its presence, I pulled out my phone to make sure nothing else needed to be added to it before I left. My email was constantly full of new messages, and texts came in nonstop that Mr. Stark supposedly needed to see right away. _‘Ms. Jennifer Thompson, Please pass this along to Mr. Stark immediately blah blah blah.’_ I decided what was truly important or not, and his trust in me to do so was something I took great pride in.

Unbeknownst to me, Mr. Stark had decided to move the testing of a new force field surrounding the Compound, based on Wakandan technology, to that afternoon instead of the following day. In his sudden change of pace, he neglected to let me know so I could alert the rest of the team. After so many life-threatening happenings with missiles and explosions, it never hurt to give the heroes a warning ahead of time. Right as I settled my black denim-clad hips against the workbench to scroll through my phone, a missile slammed into the invisible barrier surrounding the Compound with a loud explosion, sending a scattering of blue lightning bolts across the dome. The shield appeared effective, as the weapon did not damage the building itself. However, the grounds surrounding the blast shook dramatically in the shockwave. Everyone inside the building was jostled around, although the more enhanced occupants were quicker to their feet and action than an average person. Like me.

In the blink of an eye, I found myself and various trinkets, tools, and pieces of equipment on the floor of the lab, including the glowing emerald box now by my feet. It just added to the new mess of items covering the floor that I needed to pick up and put back into place before I could return to my office to do the same for my own belongings. It wouldn’t do to leave only some of his belongings picked up, and not all.

With a groan, I righted myself and pushed my long, dark brown hair out of my face to better survey the damage. Thankfully, nothing seemed broken, although that was difficult to determine with so many half-finished and mismatched gadgets and gizmos dotting his workspace.

“Might as well start here,” I grumbled, bending down and placing the helmet back onto the desk. I thought nothing of the alien box, assuming it was just another piece of junk that he was toying with. Anything truly dangerous he either kept in his more secure underground labs or at least pointed out to me so she could give it a wide berth.

My fingers gripped the glowing artifact tightly. The green glowing light of the box traveled into my palm, leaving the box a dark empty shell and spreading through my body. White-hot electricity followed in its wake, scorching through my veins like Hellfire itself. I was unable to let go of the box, try as I might, as every muscle locked from a mixture of shock and excruciating pain. Electricity felt it was shooting out of every pore on my body. My mouth wrenched open to let out the scream of mind-numbing pain that ripped from my throat. My mind was so overwhelmed from the debilitating sensations that I didn’t even realize it was my own voice echoing throughout the room and into the hallways through the open door. Nor did I realize that my face was quickly moving to meet the hard tile floors. The only relief from the broken box’s fiery electric onslaught came after my forehead collided with the hard edge of his metal desk, forcing me into dark and silent oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short first chapter, but I wanted to get everything set up!
> 
> Thank you for reading/giving kudos/etc.!


	2. I loathe it all! Every little trait, however small

“Kid, you gotta wake up. C’mon, kid. _Please._ ”

The voice whispered at the edges of the darkness, beckoning me to leave the inky comfort of unconsciousness. I couldn’t quite piece together who it belonged to, but the pain in the words tugged at some person just out of reach. The last thing I wanted was for someone else to feel any sort of pain because I was taking a nap.

“Her vitals are good, Tony. You have to give her time.”

This voice sounded so gentle. Warm. It didn’t seem to help whoever spoke first, as I heard loud footsteps and a door slamming soon after it spoke. Concerned, my mind began to pick up other bits and pieces of information as I slowly roused.

There was a heavy, stable weight spread across my body. It felt soft and cool against my bare arms and legs. Wait, bare? I had been wearing a long-sleeved blouse and jeans. A steady beeping slowly picked up the pace as I focused on it. Whatever the sound was, it was really annoying. There was also a terrible ache throughout my body, but my head felt the worst. It was as if an angry Hulk had smashed me into the concrete several times. Fully registering this uncomfortable feeling brought a moan of pain through my lips, which cracked open after their long period of disuse.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., let Tony know that she’s waking up.”

Unable to handle the dryness of my throat now that I was aware of it, I forced my bleary eyes open against the bright light of the room. My hand tried to come up to shield my gaze, but it was stopped by a burning tug on my wrist. I settled for squinting, looking to the blurry figure standing over me. Blinking several times revealed the man to be none other than Bruce Banner, the other local genius. His hand was reaching out to settle over mine where the burning, tugging sensation was.

“Easy, Jen. You don’t want to rip this out. You’re banged up enough as it is and-”

“Jen! Don’t scare me like that!” Tony Stark, my boss, burst into the room. My tired brain managed to realize that it was his voice I must have heard pleading with me to wake up, and then subsequently storm out when Dr. Banner tried to calm him down. He rushed over to sit on the bed by my hip. His haggard appearance, from rumpled clothing to a scraggly goatee, suggested I had been out for much longer than it seemed.

“Mr. Stark, Dr. Banner. What happened?” My voice sounded as raw and scratchy as I felt, nothing like the confident lower register I normally employed.

Mr. Stark shared an uncomfortable look with Dr. Banner, who excused himself with a comforting smile. The remaining visitor, Mr. Stark, grabbed a cup of water from the small roll-up table beside the bed and held it to my hips so I could drink. Normally I was not one to accept such help, but my whole body throbbed with my heartbeat and I felt exhausted simply from existing. The aid would be allowed for the time being.

“Watching back the tapes from F.R.I.D.A.Y., it seems that my tests yesterday for the new shields impacted the building more than I expected. You were trying to straighten up my lab, and, well…” His voice trailed off as he pulled the water away from me once I had my fill, setting it on the table again. Mr. Stark cleared his throat uncomfortably, unable to meet my eyes. Instead, he looked to the wall across from my bedside. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., a little help.”

“Certainly, Mr. Stark.” The helpful AI projected the video footage from the day before on the wall, showing the pair what I had struggled to remember. As soon as the bright emerald box was in sight, everything came flooding back: The explosion. The box falling. Picking it up and experiencing the most excruciating pain I’d ever felt in my life. I turned my hazel eyes away from the gruesome sight after past me touched the box, not wanting to see any more.

My gaze landed on Mr. Stark, who finally dragged his eyes to mine. Regret, anger, and guilt were written in the depth of his brown eyes and the slump of his shoulders. It wouldn’t surprise me if he admitted that he hadn’t slept since F.R.I.D.A.Y. alerted him to the accident. But that’s what it was, an accident.

“Mr. Stark-”

“Tony. After everything, please call me Tony, kid,” he interjected, a small grimace attempting, and failing, to resemble a smile tugging on his weary face.

“Tony.” _That was going to take some getting used to._ Was anyone else hurt? What is that thing? That box? How bad is it? I know Dr. Banner isn’t a real doctor, but I’m hooked up to these things so they must say something. Where is everyone else?” As my brain slowly caught up to speed and managed to tamp down the worst of the pain, the words couldn’t help from just tumble from my mouth. I looked around the room frantically, checking to see if any others were stuck in a hospital bed. The only other living things in the room were a few bouquets of flowers decorating the windowsill, looking worse for wear despite having theoretically only been in the room for a day. The sleek white walls and floors instantly placed me inside the infirmary of the Compound, so my injuries hadn’t been so serious that they felt the need to take me to true medical professionals. Although I wouldn’t put it past Mr. St-Tony, to hire a doctor to come here instead. He had done so in the past for the Avengers more grievous injuries.

Tony patted my shoulder gently to bring my attention back to him. My darting eyes and the beeping of the heart monitor revealed my quickly worsening mental state. 

“Easy, kiddo. No one else was hurt. Cap and Wanda and Point Break and all the others are all fine. Besides your mild concussion, we can’t find any lasting damage to you either,” he assured me, a tired smile flitting across his face briefly.

“As for the box, I’m still working on it. I shouldn’t have left it in there at all, but Carol dropped it off and asked me to look at it just as I was getting somewhere with the helmet and then F.R.I.D.A.Y. reminded me of a phone call I needed to make and my head just wasn’t there. All we know is that she picked it up off of some thugs when she was chasing down a lead on a new sect of Hydra. It busted when it fell and whatever was inside it got to you,” he said quickly, as if saying the information as fast as possible would lessen the guilt written across his face. Tony hated not knowing something, especially if that something hurt one of his own. And me, I had been working for him for seven years. We were practically family at that point.

“Got to me?” I asked, my voice quiet as I worked to understand the underlying meaning behind his words. If it had only shocked the hell out of me he would have said so.

Tony rubbed his hands over his face with a heavy sigh. “Hey, I know that the gang wants to check on you. How about we get you dressed, pump a few more pain meds into you, and get you up to the bunkhouse? We can put on a movie, and I hear Reindeer Games is even sticking to his lair. It’ll be a load off of their minds,” he offered cheerily, his sudden diversion not lost on me. There wasn’t a chance in hell that the Avengers cared enough about me to be asking after my health. I was just the PA.

But a chance to joke with Natasha and ogle Thor wasn’t one to be passed up, no matter how much I felt like death warmed over. So, I hesitantly agreed. After another dose of pain medication for the pain surging through my body in tune with my heartbeat, I got dressed in loose pajama pants and a baggy t-shirt. Thankfully whoever had gotten me into the bed and placed the electrodes on my chest had left my bra and underwear on. The borrowed clothes weren’t from the extras in my office, which meant that the very captivating sandalwood cologne coming off of them belonged to one of the Heroes upstairs. I cinched the drawstring on the pants as tightly as I could, hoping that it and my hips would keep everyone from seeing my black granny panties. I inhaled the lovely scent from the shirt deeply when no one was looking, ignoring Tony when he insisted I take a wheelchair up to the second floor. I would, however, not turn down the elevator.

After several painfully long minutes of struggle and listening to Tony fuss over me, I finally plopped down on one of the many couches in the shared living area of the second floor. There were various seating arrangements scattered about the modern white and black space, as well as a pool table and bar stocked with alcohol. 

But the best couch, in my opinion, was placed in front of an obscenely large television and flanked by two loveseats. As soon as my ass hit the seat, the Avengers assembled. I was swarmed by a flurry of attractive, heavily muscled activity until Steve saw the panic in my eyes and made them give me a bit of breathing room. Besides, the IV pole that Tony had pushed along behind me the entire way needed to be arranged so I could rest comfortably on the couch.

Avengers placed themselves on the couches and loveseats around me, looking at me with concerned frowns on their faces. Even though I rarely interacted with them all, they all knew of me from listening to Tony brag about my various tasks performed and had seen me around the Compound. Having the attention of so many powerful people was still heart-stopping. It only increased when Tony ignored my pleading looks for him to stay as he excused himself to go work on the strange box that wrecked me.

Taking a deep breath and training my eyes on the IV I was fiddling with, I said quietly, “So, what do you do for fun around here?”

A large body fell into the couch beside me, and a heavily muscled arm rested on the back of the couch. I looked up in recognition when the same scent that covered my borrowed loungewear hit me from the God of Thunder currently lightly pressed against my side. “Well, milady, a rousing sparring session is always good sport.”

“But probably not the best for her right now, Thor. How about we watch a movie? It’s getting late, anyway,” Natasha offered, her usual sarcasm softening at the fatigue pulling at my heavy eyelids. It was obvious that I wasn’t going to last long after the embarrassingly tiring walk up the stairs. The sun was already setting, and they all had an early start for a mission tomorrow morning anyway.

“A film it is. Jennifer, you should pick,” Steve agreed, giving me a winning smile and nodding. Even wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, he still commanded the attention of all those in the room when he spoke. It wasn’t fair that he could be that attractive simply by existing. Well, from existing and from a terribly painful serum injection and diligent exercise. Still. Not fair.

“It’s Jen, if that’s okay,” I replied not unkindly, grabbing the remote the handsome Asgardian at my side proffered. I flicked the tv to my favorite movie, _You’ve Got Mail_ , before settling into the couch. The various heroes sank more firmly into their positions around me, barely paying attention to the rom-com as they kept an eye on me. It was hard to ignore, but concern for others seemed to be hardwired into their DNA. They were the Avengers, after all.

I drifted off within the first fifteen minutes of the movie. The drone of the film in the background and the mind-numbing weight of the pain medication allowed me to get some much-needed rest.

~~~

Early in the morning, the effects of the waning pain medication pulled me from my dreamless sleep. Sleeping curled into a ball on the couch might not have been the best decision for my healing body. At least someone had been nice enough to cover me with a blanket, warding off the chill of the large recreational area.

“Fuck,” I hissed, opening my eyes and immediately rubbing them with my stiff fingers. My whole body, even down to my fingertips, ached from staying in one awkward position for so long. As soon as my hands fell I was face to face with the last person I wanted to see in this godforsaken Compound: Loki. A brief flash of anger flew across my features before the pain that pulsed through my shifted my attention back to my most pressing need: finding more pain medicine and getting to a more comfortable bed.

“Language, mortal. What are you doing here? You are not one of the Avengers,” his steely voice spat condescendingly. His piercing green eyes trailed over my body slowly, likely categorizing me for weaknesses. He wouldn’t be a God of Mischief if he didn’t look for every opportunity to mess with his prey. Even with him several feet away, my heart still threatened to explode from my chest in a twisted mixture of fear and hatred.

“Fuck off, Loki. The others invited me here and apparently went to bed after I fell asleep,” I replied, trying to lace my words with as much distaste as possible. With a grunt I pushed the soft blanket from my body, only wincing for a second as the motion pulled on the now-empty IV line attached to my wrist. My eyes left his body briefly to look to it, and I used my free hand to slowly pull it out with a grimace. As soon as I was free of it my wary gaze flew right back onto Loki. I wasn’t going to allow the Trickster God to leave my line of sight for a second. Who knew what he was capable of when alone with an injured woman?

“What are you doing here, god?” I mocked, adjusting my clothing around me as I made to stand. 

I already knew the answer, of course. Nothing happened in the Compound without my knowledge, as Tony generally thought of the big ideas and then had me carry them out. Loki, even after his assistance with his brother on Asgard, was not fully trusted. And rightfully so. As such, SHIELD and the Avengers agreed that he should be kept under constant surveillance to see if his change of heart was merely another trick up his sleeve. 

Glaring at him from underneath my lashes, I slowly scooted across the couch toward the edge in hopes of using the sturdier armrest to propel myself into a standing position. And if that didn’t work, I could always throw the decorative plant on the end table at his face. That wouldn’t truly solve any of my issues with him, but it would make me feel better.

“That is none of your concern. It is not for a mortal to know the plans of those above her station. Or to use such foul language in the presence of royalty,” he chastised, straightening up to his full height and clasping his hands behind his back as he watched me struggle. A glint of recognition lit up his dark gaze as he watched me shuffle my way to the end of the couch for freedom.

“That is my brother’s clothing. Were you intimate with him and then cast aside in the aftermath? For shame,” he smirked.

I looked down at my clothing and then up at him, feeling my temper grow with each second I spent in his presence. His cold voice revealed his mirth and mockery, and I wanted to smack that smug look right off his arrogant face. So focused on Loki was I that I didn’t notice the small decorative plant I was inching towards was withering the closer I got to it. My mind was fully occupied by the asshole god lingering in my way. My glare was the only answer he was going to get to such a ludicrous statement. Even if I had had a roll in the hay with his brother, Thor would never do something like that. Of course Loki’s mind would go there first, as he probably assumed all human women were good for were using and then tossing to the side.

“Come, let me get you to wherever you are trying to go. If I allow you to go alone it will be morning before you are even off of these cushions. I have business to attend to and you are interrupting it,” he stated suddenly, interrupting my train of thought and pulling my mind from the kind, golden Son of Odin to the paler and slinkier version before me.

“I can do this on my own, Loki,” I sneered. I couldn’t stop the jump in my pulse as he bent toward me or my body from instinctively pushing back into the couch cushions to put as much distance as possible between us. I would rather die and ruin this very expensive couch than accept help from the likes of him. “Go skulk off and do whatever evil deeds you get up to at night. I don’t need you.”

Even as I finally looked away from Loki to figure out how I was going to get off of the couch and back to my office where I had a bed, I could still feel his penetrating gaze following my every move. It was unnerving to be the sole focus of his attention. His pajamas of a black t-shirt and soft black pants did nothing to dissipate the lethality that emanated from the incredibly still man. 

Gritting my teeth and bracing myself, I used the couch to push myself up into a standing position. It was shaky, and I felt less than confident with my ability to walk to the elevator, but it was a start. Just as I attempted to take a few steps in that direction, Loki sidestepped into my path.

“Loki, for fuck’s sake, move.”

He tsked her quietly with his tongue, “Such a mouth on such a fair lady. That isn’t how one should speak in mixed company.”

“Good thing I’m not in mixed company, asshole. Just trying to get by a jerk who has nothing better to do than irritate a random stranger,” I replied with a sarcastic smile. I glared up at him as I swayed on my feet briefly before settling into a more steady stance. “Are you going to move or am I going to have to make you?”

“Oh please, do try to force me,” Loki purred, his eyes gleaming as he took me in. He looked at me as a cat looks to a mouse. Yet, there was a sensual undercurrent to his words that forced the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end. Whatever his game, I wasn’t keen on playing.

“Get. Out. Of. My. Face. Now,” I seethed through my teeth, standing as tall as I could muster in front of the even taller god. My breath was ragged from a mixture of pain and fear, making me feel lightheaded in combination with the throbbing burn that tore through my limbs with each heartbeat. If I dared breathe any harder our chests would touch. This close I could smell the spicy cologne that he must favor, so different from his brother's. I refused to admit that it smelled amazing. But his mocking words meant nothing to me. While I instinctively shied away from his body at any sudden movements, my stubbornness and pride didn’t allow me to back down from his challenge. Even if that would have been the smart thing to do in the face of the God of Mischief.

“Now is that what you truly want, kitten?” Loki asked, his voice low as he seemed determined to push any button he could until he found the one that set me off the most. One of his large hands reached out to brush my arm and I jerked it back quickly. Without thinking, my open palm connected with the smooth porcelain skin of his cheek with a crack that resounded around the room. Only the stinging of my palm seconds later coupled with the look of astonishment and then fury that settled onto his features tugged me back into reality. A reality where I had just slapped a very powerful and intimidating man in the face. _Good one._

A flare of fear and anger shot through me at his burning gaze, and suddenly the houseplant on the end table flew off of the smooth glass surface and shattered against the wall. My eyes flitted to it in alarm briefly, but I attributed it to some trick from the god meant to get under my skin.

“Milady! Are you well?” A shout and a distant door slamming open echoed throughout the living space, drawing the attention of Loki and myself away from our current standoff. Thor, in nothing but a pair of loose pajama bottoms, rushed into the room. His worried gaze fell onto his brother then myself. The tightening of his one blue eye as he quickly looked me over spoke volumes for how I must look standing up to his calm and collected brother.

Thor quickly pushed himself between us, placing his back to me so he could look at his brother. The jostling of his large frame between our close bodies was enough to send me off-kilter, but he quickly turned around and wrapped a steady arm around my waist before I fell. He searched my face silently for physical or mental injury in those short moments, the concern written plain as day all over him.

“Your asshole brother was just grilling me, but it’s okay. He can’t touch me here,” I reassured him, glaring around his massive body to sneer at Loki as I put a gentle hand on his brother’s massive bicep. The warmth and strength it held helped to soothe my racing pulse, if only just.

 _“Oh, my dear, don’t be so sure of that,”_ Loki warned, his silken voice weaving into my thoughts without my consent. His instantly innocent smile and relaxed posture at the sight of his brother fooled no one, but it was a battle not worth fighting.

“Stay the hell out of my head, Loki,” I warned, my bravado stronger now that I had the literal God of Thunder on my side.

Thor’s concerned expression turned to anger as he looked to his brother over his shoulder. 

“Leave her be, brother,” he commanded. The strength of the warning rumbled through his body to my hand and sending a shock of fear through me. That is until my brain kicked in and reminded me that his fury was directed at the wraith of a man before me. 

Thor’s face melted back into a look of deep concern as he turned back to me. I had released his arm to worry the golden necklace that always hung around my throat and dipped down into my shirts. He returned my grateful smile before helping me walk away from the tense situation. The altercation with Loki had been more draining than I cared to admit so I was again willing to accept the offered help.

“Come. Tony told us that you would be staying with us until you’re more fully recovered. He left some remedies in the room chosen for you as well,” he instructed softly, taking his time guiding me at my own snail-like pace to the bedroom he indicated.

 _“This isn’t over, darling,”_ Loki promised, his voice slithering into my mind once again. I managed to use my free hand, as the other was currently around Thor’s waist to balance my uneasy steps, and flip Loki the bird as we shuffled away.

Thor, ever the gentleman, helped me into the bedroom. He was spouting off about the features of the room in attempts to distract from Loki and my ever-growing pain, but my mind was stuck firmly on the pale, lean Son of Odin we had left behind. I hardly noticed as he handed me my medicine to take with a glass of water from the bathroom, before carefully lifting up my slender body and cradling me briefly to his bare chest before depositing it beneath the soft blankets. Now _that_ I did notice. I was injured and exhausted, but I wasn’t dead.

“Goodnight, fair maiden. I will see you in the morning,” Thor promised, clasping my shoulder firmly before leaving to return to his bedroom for the evening. 

I offered him a tired, pained smile before he left. After the door automatically slid shut from his departure, my eyes darted around the room to take in my surroundings. I had, of course, seen the luxurious suites that the guests of the Avengers Compound were afforded. With contrasting black walls and white floors, the general feeling of the room was similar to that of the kitchen and rec room just outside her door. Modern and expensive, but without much personality. Large windows made up the entirety of the outside wall, revealing the stars that blanketed the night sky. The decorations were sparse, without even a throw pillow on the expensive couches in the small sitting area in the room. I couldn’t see into the private bathroom with the door closed, but I knew it was similarly styled. Tony had a certain aesthetic, and while it wasn’t what I would have personally chosen, it was more familiar and comforting than a hospital room would have been. That might also be attributed to the many extraordinarily gifted and strong men and women just outside the door that would be willing to assist me with anything at a moment’s notice. The omnipresent F.R.I.D.A.Y. also helped calm my rattled nerves.

With nothing left to do but rest and allow the drugs to tackle the coursing pain, I settled back into the devilishly comfortable bed and passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we got a taste of Loki's sparkling personality. Doesn't seem like they like each other much, huh?
> 
> Give it time. ;)
> 
> Also, this is completely written already, but unedited. I had planned on uploading every other day from now on, but I can change that if there is any interest to the contrary. Lemme know!


	3. I felt the poison fright that's in your breath

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. make the light go away,” I muttered, the rising sun making an unwelcome appearance against my closed eyelids.

“Certainly, Jen.” The bright red light slowly eased as I heard the AI helpfully drawing the blinds neatly installed inside of the glass.

“Thanks, Fri.” I rolled over onto my side away from the window, snuggling deeper into the sheets as I tried in vain to fall back to sleep. My need for the bathroom and another dose of pain meds was not to be ignored, though. With a frustrated sigh, I dragged myself out of bed and stumbled to the ensuite bathroom to use the facilities. My strength was marginally better than yesterday after the short rest in the outrageously soft bed, but I knew that what would truly help me feel better would be a shower and some warm food. I hadn’t had either in far too long.

It was a struggle, but with a few breaks on the built-in seat in the extravagant shower with two heads that could realistically hold at least four people, I managed to scrub the sweat and grime off of my pale body. F.R.I.D.A.Y. let me know that it was okay to remove the bandage on my head, as it would need changing soon anyway, and carefully scrubbing my hair revealed several stitches stretching across my forehead. Upon inspection in the mirror, the injury which felt as if it encompassed my entire forehead really was only one or two inches in length. My already pale skin looked gray, with even the multitude of light brown freckles across my nose and cheeks appearing duller than normal. My hazel eyes had their luster stolen by fatigue and pain, but maybe some food would help that aspect of my corpse-like appearance. Even just a little color in my cheeks would be a welcome improvement.

In truth, my appearance shouldn’t matter. Two days ago I was attacked by some random piece of alien technology. I had a concussion, my entire body felt like it had been flattened repeatedly by a tank, and the dark purple bruises scattered across my body served as visual evidence of the mysterious accident. But there wasn’t anything to be done about either, so I’d just have to suck it up. It was just so very easy to become hyper-aware of my own appearance when surrounded by superheroes who could get side gigs as supermodels.

“Jen, Pepper had some clothing purchased and placed inside the dresser for you. She also says that Tony will call for you in the infirmary once the tests they began yesterday have completed,” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice stated pleasantly, filling the room as I walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a plush cream towel. I grunted in acknowledgment and hobbled over to the closet. Inside were simple clothes that, from touch alone, I knew were far too expensive for my budget. Grabbing a set of underclothes along with a soft pair of black leggings, a thin white sweatshirt, and a sturdy looking pair of black ankle boots, I dressed slowly. It was a painfully embarrassing process that took several minutes and two breaks, but I assured F.R.I.D.A.Y. that I didn’t need the help of Natasha or Wanda. I was injured, but I wasn’t helpless. My own soiled underclothes and Thor’s borrowed pajamas were left in the laundry basket to be washed and returned to their respective owners at a later time.

“Now for food,” I mumbled to myself, opening the door to my room cautiously. It was quite early, the clock in the hall read eight in the morning, but I also knew the various Avengers tended to rise early to get a head start on the day. Saving the world doesn't care about the snooze button. Peeking outside, I let out a breath of relief that I didn’t realize I was holding when a certain Asgardian Prince was nowhere to be found. Instead, Sam, Natasha, Wanda, and Steve were all in the kitchen either preparing or consuming their morning meals. Wanda looked up when she heard the faint whirring of the automatic door opening, smiling gently when she saw my bedraggled and damp figure standing in the doorway. The others followed her gaze and shot stunning smiles my way as well. Geez, these people needed to control their hotness so early in the morning. At least tone it down until I'd had a cup of coffee.

“Jen! Want a protein shake?” Natasha offered, holding up her glass of sludge in greeting. Steve seemed to be having the same. I could smell bacon frying, which Sam turned back to the stove to tend to after waving the spatula in my direction. Wanda was sleepily picking at a bowl of fruit while she scrolled through her phone. It was an abnormally normal breakfast scene for an extraordinary bunch of folks.

“No thanks, Natasha. Any more of that left, Sam?” I asked hopefully, eyeing the bacon and eggs frying up as I settled onto a stool at the bar next to Steve.

“Scrambled or fried?” Sam asked, pulling open the nearest large refrigerator and grabbing a carton of eggs and a packet of bacon.

“Oh no, I can make-”

“Scrambled or fried?” Sam repeated, a hint of frustration edging onto his tone, countered by the easy smile he wore.

“Scrambled, please. Thanks,” I replied quietly, nodding to him with a grateful smile. I turned my attention to Steve and Natasha, who were pouring over a piece of paper between them as they finished their liquid breakfast. “Everything okay?”

Steve looked up at me, his eyes revealing a kindness that the rest of his face did not. He was obviously in Captain America mode, fully focused on the business in front of him. 

“Yes ma’am. We have a mission to head off to in about 30 minutes. Everybody except Stark and Banner. Stark said that he needed to stay here and figure you out. I’m sure he’ll have you with him by that time, so you won’t have to worry about a thing,” he assured me, patting my arm lightly before getting up and putting his glass in the dishwasher. After that, he retreated to his room to assumedly get ready for the mission.

Natasha finished up her breakfast as well, giving my shoulder a squeeze before she jogged toward the stairs. Sam and Wanda followed suit after he put a delectable plate of bacon and eggs in front of my face with a wink.

Alone in the kitchen, I inhaled my breakfast with the grace of a rabid dog. Three days without food was too much, and my stomach growled even as I shoveled food inside it as quickly as possible.

“Milady, you are looking well this morning!” Thor exclaimed, coming from his own bedroom to greet me with a gentle hug. His large hand went to my cheek so he could better examine my forehead with steady, calm eyes. “Did you face any more troubles since our last meeting?”

I flushed under the intensity of his stare as he checked my wounds, feeling small with his giant grip holding me steady. He meant nothing by it, that much was obvious, but it was hard not to get caught up in the positive attitude and compassion that radiated from his exuberant face.

“Nothing new to report on my end. Tony will call me sometime soon, and then-”

“Hey kid, we’re ready for you in the infirmary whenever you are. Finish up and head this way ASAP,” Tony directed, his voice sounding from the many speakers dotting around the room.

“Guess duty calls, Thor. I’ll see you all when you get back from wherever the hell you’re going?” I asked, snagging my last piece of bacon as I slowly rose from the barstool. Thor’s hand had fallen from my face while Tony talked, his assessment seeming to come up satisfactory.

“Of course, fair maiden. Until we meet again,” Thor beamed, bowing dramatically at my exit.

I bowed my head to Thor before turning with a laugh, feeling a lightness to my step despite the protest in my bones from every movement. It was nice to have someone to joke around with, even if that someone was a thousand-year-old god from a foreign planet.

I was chewing on the last bit of bacon as I walked into the infirmary. Dr. Banner and Tony were standing behind a computer, talking quietly over whatever they saw on the screen. When Tony saw me arrive he stood up quickly and rushed over to my side. He knew better than to offer to help me, but it didn’t stop his hovering like a concerned parent as he gestured for me to sit on the edge of an examination table. Dr. Banner offered me a smile and a nod in greeting before he went back to whatever they were working on before I interrupted.

“Awesome, you’re here. So, we haven’t exactly figured out what the box that Danvers left does or where it comes from. She’s working on trying to track its home right now. In the meantime, we have a working theory on it did to you,” Tony explained quickly. His poor mouth couldn't keep up with his brain sometimes. He always seemed a little manic whenever he was working on something new, and I was the shiny new puzzle waiting to be solved.

“Okay... So, what’s the news? Did it do anything while it was shocking the crap out of me or am I good to go?” I asked, my eyes moving back and forth between the two men in front of me. Dr. Banner's sober expression and Tony's working hinted at the former, but I could always be hopeful for the latter.

“We believe that it gave you geokinesis,” Dr. Banner stated, finally looking me in the eyes for more than a few seconds as he turned the monitor to where I could see it.

“What?” I asked in shock, my brain failing to compute what the quiet genius had said. What did geokinesis even mean?

More questions died on my open lips as I watched the monitor. It was video footage of Loki and me last night. More specifically, just a looping clip of me slapping him and the houseplant flying into the wall and shattering. If I gained nothing else from this moment, I wanted a copy of me slapping him to cherish forever. The bastard deserved it.

“This is just Loki and me fighting and him doing his weird trickster bullshit to intimidate me. I don’t see anything,” I stated frankly.

“Geokinesis is the ability to control the earth with your mind. That plant wasn’t Loki’s doing; I asked Reindeer Games this morning. All you, kid,” Tony replied, firm but kind. He knew the big pill I had to swallow.

My eyes never left the screen as I tried to find a connection between the potted plant and myself. Sure, if you thought about it _that way_ then it could look like I was the one who did it. But all kinds of crazy stuff happened in this Compound, especially with Loki and Wanda around. Who knew if Loki was even telling the truth? He _was_ the God of Lies, as well as Mischief and Trickery. When I voiced my concerns, Tony and Dr. Banner both shook their heads.

“He wasn’t lying about this, Jen. The flowers in your room wilted when you woke up in pain, and they were only hours old. I’m sure the same can be said for those in your room. We want to do some more tests, maybe run you by Wanda, and see what this means for you,” Dr. Banner said, his steady but polite tone cutting through any doubts I was about to raise.

If they were wrong, then what was the harm? A few more vials of blood and some boring tests spent in Tony’s lab. Might as well see this thing through to the end.

They explained what the next steps for me would be as Tony checked my vital signs and applied a new bandage over the stitches on my head. I was to give more blood and tissue samples for them to look over, and I would meet with Wanda to see if she could help me figure out this whole new power thing - if it existed at all. Hers was the most similar to what I could possibly do, besides Loki, and it wasn't a secret that I’d rot in Hell before I allowed him to help me with anything.

After giving Bruce, he insisted on dropping the formalities, and Tony all that they needed, I was given enough painkillers and muscle relaxers to last me for the next few days. They both said it looked like the bruising on my body and gash on my forehead was healing at an impressive rate, but it was nice to have the meds as a backup. Tony also gave me a new phone as mine had gotten fried when I did. All that was left was to hand over the keys to my small one-bedroom apartment so Tony could have my belongings moved, as I was going to have to live on base for the time being. If I did have weird mystical earth mojo, I needed to stay away from the general public until I had it firmly in control. And it didn’t make sense to make inflated rent prices on a home I wouldn’t see for months, at the very least.

With nothing else to do and no one to distract me, the small garden tucked away on the roof seemed like the best option to do some thinking over what I'd learned. I hadn’t breathed fresh air in days. All the information dropped on my shoulders felt like it would crush me if I didn’t get out of these walls. Thankfully it wasn’t the worst trek up there after the meds kicked in and loosened my stiff joints.

And that was where Loki found me, sitting on a bench in the tucked-away garden, going through the arduous process of setting up my new phone with all of my junk lost from my old phone. The breeze stirred my hair around my shoulders and the sun warmed my skin, but my blood ran cold when I looked up to see the smaller of the two Odinson brothers regarding me silently.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” I snapped, glaring at him briefly before returning back to the settings on my phone. Was there an app to get this annoying god to leave me alone?

“You’re seeking the Witch for aid.” Loki arched his brow, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Spying on me, Loki? How did you even know about that? I didn’t know I interested you so much,” I replied with a sickly sweet smile. I tucked my phone into the pocket of my hoodie, resigned to finish this conversation before I attempted to keep working. He wasn’t going to leave me alone until he got what he wanted, so I might as well get it over with.

“I hardly have interest in a dull mortal woman such as yourself. My only concern is self-preservation, as it would be most unfortunate if you misplaced your temper and started hurling rocks everywhere like an ape,” he rolled his eyes, closing the distance between us casually. He offered no explanation for his knowledge, but the God of Mischief surely had several ways to overhear things he shouldn’t.

“If you want to ensure I keep my cool, why don’t you stay the hell away from me?” I seethed, standing up to lessen the impact his tall frame had looming over mine. Every move he made was probably planned and calculated to piss me off, to create mischief. Even with this knowledge, it was difficult to keep him from getting under my skin.

“Oh, that wouldn’t be any fun now, would it? Your fear is intoxicating, darling,” he said, his voice deep and rich as he leaned towards me as if drinking in my negative emotions.

It took every bit of courage in me to not shrink away from the intensity of his gaze. His piercing eyes tore right through me to my very core, where nothing but hatred and fear and pain resided for the prince before me. I hated that he could see it in the pulse racing on my neck, the rapid heaving of my chest, and the tense muscles all along my body.

“You don’t scare me, Loki. Piss me off, _oh yes_ , but I’m not afraid of you,” I bluffed, clenching my jaw to keep my voice from wavering. I knew exactly what he was capable of, especially to a _dull mortal woman_ like me. I reminded myself every day with the gold necklace around my neck. He was a murderer, a villain, and no amount of good deeds would right those wrongs or change who he was at his core.

“Is that so, Jennifer? It’s foolish to attempt deceit with the God of Lies.” His piercing gaze finally left mine and looked behind me pointedly.

Not wanting to turn my back to him, but unable to stifle my curiosity, I turned my head to see what was so fascinating from the corner of my eye. “Oh. Shit,” I muttered, fully turning to take in the rocks floating several feet from the ground. That was _me?_ As soon as my horror turned to shock, they fell back to the roof with a chorus of resounding cracks.

“That wasn’t my doing, darling,” Loki whispered, his cool, firm chest suddenly pressing lightly against my shoulder and his lips so close to my ear I could feel his breath on my pebbled skin.

I jerked away from his touch and turned around, throwing my hands in front of me in defense. As if _that_ would do anything to the smirking god before me. What _might_ do damage were the stepping stones now flying in his direction. That would have been impressive, if not for my terrible aim. Instead crashes echoed around the rooftop as they smashed through the glass windows behind him. 

“Next time you touch me, Loki, those rocks will go through your face,” I threatened, attempting to play off my knee-jerk reaction as a threat instead of a wildly inaccurate mistake.

Of course, the God of Lies didn’t buy it. There wasn’t an ounce of fear on his face as he merely bowed his head to me in parting before turning and walking away with a throaty chuckle. Even in a simple black suit, he radiated the power and ease of an Asgardian prince. And it was infuriating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, leaving kudos, bookmarking, etc! It's all very much appreciated :)


	4. You committed, I'm your crime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors that I fail to catch!
> 
> Enjoy! :)

After my little stunt on the roof, Tony decided my superpower training with Wanda needed to begin immediately. Waiting until I fully healed wasn’t an option if I was going to destroy the Compound with a--totally justified--mood swing.

Wanda did her very best in trying to help me figure this whole geokinesis thing out. She was patient and didn’t give up on me even when I gathered my hair in my hands and groaned in frustration. She ignored any bellyaching or whining I sent her way and remained the ever-supportive tutor. Through our combined perseverance, I was aware of the constant thrumming inside me, like a thousand bees buzzing just beneath my skin that got really pissed off when I was surrounded by nature or experienced heightened emotions. We worked for hours outside each day, her coaching me to harness my emotions and funnel them outward properly--AKA not mindless destruction of expensive property and killing of nature. It was frustratingly easy for her. She’d been working on her powers for years, while I’d had less than a week.

It was exhausting work, and I hadn’t even started fight training with Nat yet. That woman was going to kick my ass six ways to Sunday, and to say I was dreading it was an understatement of epic proportions. I collapsed into bed each night and passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow, often forgetting to shower or eat until I woke up disgusting and ravenous the next morning. It was easy to understand some of my new roommates’ preference for protein drinks. I chugged them down on my way to the lawn in the middle of the Compound each morning, forcing myself to get something in my system before we began. 

Half of the time I just looked constipated as I stared at leaves or small rocks, willing them to do what I commanded and getting discouraged as the wind proved more effective. Then something would move, but not how I wanted, and we’d have to try again but _harder_ or _differently_. It wasn’t a very satisfying process, to say the least.

I even had some meetings with Bruce. He knew more than anyone how important it was to keep a handle on strong emotions and, since that seemed to be a huge trigger for me and I refused to let Tony hire an actual professional about it, offered to help me out as best as he could.

“Jen, what seems to set off your anger the most?” Bruce asked kindly during one of our ‘sessions’. Sitting in his office of neutral warm beige and soft lighting, He might as well be my therapist. With him perched across from me in a tasteful armchair and me cross-legged on a plush couch, we at least looked the part. All he was missing was a clipboard and look of feigned interest. But if it meant less destructive outbursts and my eventual freedom I’d pour my guts out to him all day long. 

“Loki.” The answer came without hesitation. That Asgardian serpent knew how to push my buttons, and always took advantage of doing so at the worst time. Although to be fair, he did make everything worse when he deemed us worthy of his presence.

“Why does he bother you so much? He can’t hurt you, not here. He’s stuck on base so we can keep an eye on him, so he has to play nice. And you’re getting better at controlling your powers, so you can fight back. He only has the power to hurt you because you let him.”

The truthful answer immediately sprang to mind, but I hesitated, sucking my bottom lip between my teeth and staring at the floor. I didn’t talk about my past. Bruce was a great guy, and he wouldn’t judge me, but talking about it meant _feeling_ it again, and I wasn’t so great with that feeling thing people were supposed to do. Much easier to work myself to death and pass out to some fun nightmares, then repeat. But to make him explain the deeply rooted loathing that I harbored for Loki, I’d have to give him some sort of explanation.

When I looked up to him, hoping that he would just let it go, the curious concern on his face appeared well and truly settled onto his warm features. He even sank further into the cushioned chair, as if he could wait all day for me to reply. “He’s an annoying little shit,” I tried, hoping he’d believe my easy and obvious answer.

“We all know that. But he also doesn’t make us angry enough that we break an entire wall of windows or kill a tree just by walking by it.”

_Oops._

“His face is just really punchable?” I tried again. Going by the unchanged expression on his face, it didn’t work. 

_Damn._ Guess it was honesty time.

“He destroyed my life years ago. Seeing his smirking face every day just rubs it in. He shouldn’t be free to roam around after what he did,” I mumbled quickly, staring down at my hands twisting in my lap. I had taken to carrying a palm-sized pointed stone in my pocket at all times. It gave me something to practice with when I was idle, and the paranoid side of me knew that I might one day need some sort of weapon I could manipulate while surrounded by man-made materials. I fiddled with it now, turning it over in my fingers and rubbing one side absentmindedly with my thumb. Anything to avoid looking at Bruce as he peeled away my protective layers to reveal my soft, gooey insides.

“The Battle of New York? Tony told me you worked at Stark Tower when it happened. But you’re here. You’re safe. He didn’t hurt you, and if he did, it wasn’t permanent,” Bruce soothed, his voice laced with sincere compassion.

“He didn’t hurt me, no.”

“I know that trauma can linger for years after-”

“I don’t have PTSD. Tony paid for me to see a therapist after the attack, and I worked though the trauma of the situation. I’m not afraid of that happening again,” I muttered, clenching the rock tightly as I looked up to him. Anger was simmering just beneath my skin, mixing unpleasantly with deep grief that I did my best to keep safely stored away at the back of my mind at all times.

“If you don’t have lingering trauma, and you aren’t permanently injured, how did Loki destroy your life?” Bruce prodded, digging deeper and deeper. “Without getting to the root of this issue, it’s never going to get better.”

“He took it from me.”

“I don’t understa-”

“He took it from me!,” I snapped and stood up, my anger boiling over as my free hand reached into my grey sweater and pulled out the golden necklace always around my neck. I stepped closer so that Bruce could see the small circular pendant. Etched into the gold were the shaky whorls of a thumbprint. My other hand gripped the stone so tightly that the edges drew blood from my palm, but I didn’t care. All I could feel were the tears pricking my eyes and the swarm of bees searching for release from beneath my skin.

“He took _them_ from me. My mom. My dad. Michael, my twin brother. I see his face every day in the mirror and feel him around my neck, and I see their mangled bodies that I was forced to identify every time I look at his smug, arrogant asshole face! And he just gets to walk free around this place like he didn’t kill thousands of people that day, and wreck the lives of thousands more left behind! He feels _nothing_ for what he did,” I shouted, my rapid-fire words tearing from my throat in an impressive shriek.

I turned away from Bruce to avoid the pity I knew I would see. It would be the same look that I got whenever I told anybody the story, which is exactly why I didn’t mention it. Ever. I stared up at the ceiling and blinked back the tears that threatened to spill down my face. Without waiting for his response I stormed from the room, leaving a stunned Dr. Banner in my wake.

Outside his office I jogged up the stairs, my eyes downcast as I focused on just getting away from that room. From the words I hadn’t spoken out loud in years to anyone. Speaking it made it real again, and that ache ripping my heart to shreds was one I wanted to avoid if at all possible. So preoccupied with my retreat and holding myself together, I didn’t notice the wall of pure muscle coming down the stairs until I ran straight into it.

“Milady! How are yo-what is wrong?” Thor went from surprised and happy to worry in an instant as I stumbled against him, his hands reaching out to steady me by grabbing my upper arms. He quickly took in my red blotchy face, the tears that had slipped down my cheeks, and the blood slowly dripping from my hand. “What happened?”

I took him in just as quickly, searching his eyes for pity and coming up empty. Only careful regard and fierce protectiveness furrowed his brow. Rubbing the back of my injured hand against my cheeks, I shook my head harshly. “Ask your brother,” I croaked, pulling away from his firm grip and rushing passed him.

“Loki!” The booming voice of Thor shook the art upon the walls like the thunder he commanded as he stormed away in the opposite direction. Good. Maybe he could knock that shit-eating grin off his face. If anyone could handle Loki, it was his brother.

I paid no attention to the assembled Avengers in the kitchen, even after Steven and Vision called after me. I needed to get to a safe place, one without rocks or plants or anything else my powers could use as a projectile. I barged inside my room without uttering a word. After my incident on the roof with the windows, I’d come back to find all of the decorative plants removed from my room. At first, I’d been insulted, but critical thinking made me realize it was for the best. The only weapon in my bedroom was the rock clutched in my hand and my body wasn’t going to fight itself for it.

I hadn’t even taken three steps into the room before I heard banging on my door. 

“Pebbles, let’s talk, kid. Why is Thor trying to rearrange Loki’s face?” Tony’s voice projected into my room through F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s PA speakers. Our rooms weren’t fully soundproof, but regular shouting was barely audible through the thick walls and heavy door. The blood rushing through my ears didn’t help matters, either.

I stared up at the speaker in the ceiling in silence, focusing on stamping down the roaring in my ears and itching beneath my skin. I wasn’t going to open that door until I had myself under control, and a chat with Tony wasn’t going to suddenly undo all of the hurt that I fought daily to keep bottled away inside.

“Pebbles?,” I called out, picking up on the new nickname and ignoring his question purposefully.

“Pebbles. You can throw tiny rocks around. It’s cute.” I could hear the smirk in his voice followed a couple of heavy bangs on the door. “Now open the door and let’s hash this out, Pebbles.”

“I’m good.” I threw myself dramatically down onto my bed. I was not in the mood to deal with Tony right now. I just needed to sit and stew and maybe break a few things. Then it’d all be fine and I could go on my merry way of stunted emotions and repressed thoughts.

“No can do. Gotta be a grown-up and talk it out,” his firm, no-nonsense voice grated on my agitated nerves.

Talk it out? No thanks.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about. Leave. Me. Alone,” I replied, directing my words and a pillow at the continuous banging on the door. As soon as the pillow thumped uselessly against it, the echoing knocks stopped.

“But I do, Jen,” came Wanda’s soft voice through the speaker. Bruce must have gotten to her.

“Ugh.” I stood up, wiping away the last of my tears from my face as I went to the door. Taking a deep breath and blowing it out through my mouth, I opened the door. Thankfully, only Wanda and Tony stood on the other side. The rest of the gang must have gone to watch the spectacle I’m sure Thor and Loki were making. The disappointment on Tony’s face cut me to my quick, so I averted my eyes to Wanda. She offered me a sympathetic smile, cocking her head toward the room behind me. I stepped aside and let her through with a wave of my hand. 

I groaned in defeat and looked up to a frowning Tony. “Tell Thor to back off. I’m sure he’s done enough damage as it is,” I muttered, dropping my chin to my chest and closing the door on him.

I turned around to find Wanda sitting on the couch, her elbows on her knees and her hands clasped. It was still surreal to have _The Scarlet Witch_ just hanging out in my bedroom, even after daily training sessions for over a week.

“You know that I had a brother. Pietro,” she spoke softly, her eyes trained on me as I crossed over to sit beside her. “I also lost him because of another’s hatred. And it is a knife in my chest that never goes away. Sometimes I forget that it’s there, but then it comes back sharper and more painful than ever. But I can’t let that control me.”

I walked over and plopped down beside her with a thoughtful frown. I could feel my slick blood on the stone’s surface as I worried it, but the stinging in my hand was inconsequential to the turmoil inside. It could be taken care of later. “That’s easier said than done,” I muttered.

Wanda raised a hand covered in red light, twisting it. My bathroom door opened, and then I heard my medicine cabinet open and close. The first aid kit found in each bathroom of the Compound, because Tony knows who his guests are and their occupational hazards, levitated out and into her waiting hand. She gently took the rock from me and set it on the coffee table in front of us so she could tend to my injury with gentle touches as she spoke.

“It is. And I also thought that getting revenge for his loss would make me feel better. I ripped out the heart of Ultron. I watched him cease to exist, and the pain didn’t lessen. I still woke up reaching for him each morning and looking for him first when I needed to talk. It doesn’t fix the pain, Jen,” she murmured, dabbing at the small but plentiful cuts on my hand with a cleansing wipe.

“I have to see him every day. He gets to be free around this base without any issue,” I spat, clenching my teeth against the sting of the antibacterial solution.

“Being trapped isn’t without its downsides. Besides, I know for a fact that Thor is giving him a sound lesson as we speak. He has tried to atone for his mistakes,” she pushed, unwrapping a set of bandages and slowly rewrapping them around my hand. 

She was at least right about one thing. From the crashes of thunder and darkening sky, the anger of a certain God of Thunder currently held for Loki was made clear.

“It’s not enough,” I replied, my extreme emotions slowly fading to leave me feeling more drained than anything else. My usual state after the Battle, to be honest.

“Would you see him dead? If given the opportunity, would you take this rock and drive it through his heart? Honestly?” She finished up the dressing with a piece of medical tape to hold everything in place. Undeterred by my drying blood on the rock, she picked it up and held it out to me.

“I… don’t know,” I whispered, taking the heavy stone from her slowly and staring at it to avoid her knowing gaze.

“I don’t think you’re a murderer, Jen. And I’ve met several of them,” Wanda offered and stood up with a heavy sigh. “I’m not telling you that you’re not allowed to feel this. But you won’t like the person that you turn into if it’s all that you feel.” She squeezed my shoulder before leaving me alone with my swirling thoughts.

I gathered the bloodied medical supplies and took them to the trash before walking to stand before the floor-to-ceiling windows on one side of the room. Thor must have found Loki outside, as there were scorch marks on the ground and twisted remnants of metal benches scattered around the open green lawn.

I wasn’t a murderer. That I knew deep down inside. If Loki was powerless before me right now and I had a gun to his temple, I wouldn’t be able to pull the trigger. I couldn’t have that blood on my conscience. Did I want him to know my pain? I think so. He showed no remorse for his actions. He sauntered around like he owned the place, as if the feelings of others were inconsequential and insignificant.

But he didn’t deserve to die. If anything, he deserved to live with the guilt of the lives he ruined for the rest of his immortal life. And maybe an occasional beating from his incredibly strong brother. But if he was going to learn from his mistakes, he at least needed to know what he did wrong first.

“Shit, I have to talk to Loki,” I groaned, pushing my forehead against the cool glass in front of me.

~~~

I stayed in my room for the rest of the day. Wanda must have told everyone to stay away, as no one came to bother me. During that time, I practiced. I sat on my bed, staring at my blood-stained rock and forcing it to move around the room. To do what I wanted it to, and not lose control. Hours passed this way, me fighting the weariness of my mind and body until the natural light outside my room disappeared and was replaced with cool blue moonlight.

If there was any time to find Loki, it was now. His displeasure for the company of the Avengers was obvious, leaving him to do the majority of his skulking around after hours. After his fight earlier with Thor, I knew he’d want to confront me. He wasn’t one to just take something lying down. All I needed to do was leave the sanctuary of my room.

After I stowed my rock inside my pocket, I threw on a pair of black tennis shoes and put my disheveled dark hair into a ponytail. The hum of electricity and fan of the heating system were the only sounds in the Compound other than my steps ringing firmly on the stairs as I jogged up to the roof. It was one of my favorite places and that wasn’t a secret. I settled onto a large boulder in the middle of the garden, my back to the roof access door, and waited. He’d come.

“I should drive this dagger through your throat right now,” Loki’s low silken voice was in my ear the second I felt two lean arms constrict around me. One around my shoulders to yank me against his rigid chest, and the other holding a dagger to the soft skin of my neck. _That didn’t take long._

“Why don’t you?” I asked quietly, stretching my head back against his shoulder in a futile effort to keep the blade from nicking my skin. I was engulfed by his presence. From the feeling of his taut body against my back to the heady scent of leather and spice, I was surrounded.

“I’m not done with you yet,” he hissed, the dagger around my neck disappearing as if it had never existed. His hands went to my shoulders and roughly spun me around before one went to my throat. He squeezed, not enough to cut off my air, but enough to let me know that he was the one in control of the situation. 

In the softly lit garden, I could see the damage Thor had done to him. The rolled-up sleeves of his dark button-down did little to hide the blows that must have gotten through his armor, and his strikingly handsome face looked dreadful. Cuts marred his sharp cheekbones, and a large black eye only served to highlight the malice in his piercing emerald eyes.

 _Handsome?_ Nope, I didn’t just think that about the man threatening to strangle me. 

Still, I couldn’t appear too weak. Calling upon the energy pulsing beneath my skin, I beckoned the sharpened, blood-stained rock from my pocket and put it to his own throat. My hours of practice that I had put myself through earlier showed in the slight tremor it gave in the air, but I dug deep to maintain it’s threatening position against his pulse. I would never do more, press it any harder, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Why did you send my brother to fight me?” he asked, glancing at my makeshift weapon with no concern before shifting his manic eyes back to mine.

Best get to the point before he strangled it out of me. “You killed my family,” I choked out around his hand, swallowing thickly and putting both of my hands on his wrist. For all my tugging at his arm, I was rewarded with his grip on my airway tightening ever-so-slightly but not budging besides that. It was enough of a message to still my hands but they remained on his oddly cold skin.

His steely gaze met mine, filled with fury. With a smirk, he grabbed the rock I held to his throat and it disappeared from his grip just like his dagger had. Well, shit. “And now what? You want to fight me? Or, rather, send Thor to fight your battles since you are too weak and irrational to take me on? You wouldn’t stand a chance,” he smirked, stepping closer until he had to look down his nose to see into my eyes.

“Try me, God of Mischief,” I replied through gritted teeth, my eyes flicking over to a tree behind him. With great effort, I directed the buzzing of power inside of me to find the weakest point in the tree. Locating it, my bandaged hand let go of Loki, clenched into a fist, and broke off a branch. It flew over at the beckoning of my curled fingers, poised against his throat.

His sadistic smile grew at the thin limb pressing into his jugular. Without moving a muscle, it was wrenched from my control and soaring across the Compound away from us. I was fighting a losing battle, but it didn’t stop me from trying.

“Learned a new trick, darling? How quaint. But you won’t win against me,” he whispered, pulling my body flush against his by the hand at my throat, his breath warm against my ear. After one last demonstrative squeeze, he released me, pushing me away from him.

I fell to my knees as soon as I was released, taking deep gulps of sweet, sweet air. His icy touch sent goosebumps down my spine and lingered on my skin for far too long after it left me. A weariness from manipulating my abilities for so long also tugged on my limbs, urging me to rest and recuperate from the strain. I remained kneeling, gathering my strength, as I scowled at him. “You ruined everything. You deserved it.”

“Get in line, darling. It’s hardly unusual behavior for me,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest with a shrug.

“You should pay for what you did!” I hissed, standing up and advancing on him. 

He stood his ground, looking down at me with all the fear a panther holds for a mouse. “You know nothing of my recompenses. I know full well what I did on that day,” he seethed, the cold anger that radiated off of him made all the more imposing by his tall frame as he towered over me.

I flinched; I couldn’t help it. I was provoking a god, and the tension in his body and anger in his eyes radiated a power much stronger than my own. He had held his own against Thor earlier, only receiving a few bruises and scrapes for his troubles. What did I expect to be able to do if he decided to fully unleash the barely-contained rage that poured off of him? I bluffed that he wouldn’t be able to hurt me, but how far did the protection of his brother and Tony really reach? Besides the threat of another beating and possible imprisonment, there wasn’t anything stopping him from ending my life here and now and then disposing of me just like the throwing knives he so easily manipulated into and out of existence.

“I am not the same god that ravaged that city.” His harsh breath blew across my face as he advanced towards me, forcing me to back up until my body hit the cold glass windows behind me. I desperately clung to any iota of control I had over my powers as they bubbled beneath the surface seeking an outlet for the heightened response his closeness instilled in me. Craning my neck to stare at the fair-skinned man crowding me, I saw no difference to the same villain that invaded New York City years ago, and I voiced that opinion.

“My actions on that day were not done with my full consent,” he admitted, some of the fury that furrowed his brow escaping with his strangled sigh. I could’ve sworn that he looked haunted for a moment, but I must have been mistaken because the cold gleam shining once again in his eyes was so intense that it looked etched into his features. “No matter, as I have suffered the consequences either way.”

“Then add this to your list of consequences,” I whispered, reaching between us to pull my necklace from beneath my clothing and holding it out for him to see. “His name was Michael Thompson. My twin was murdered sitting in a cab with my parents from your Chitauri army. And every time I look at your stupid face, at _my_ face, I’m reminded of it. I can never escape it, and you shouldn’t be able to either,” I said, my voice shaking with too many emotions that I wouldn’t name and fought desperately to stifle. I was not going to lose control, not after digging up the courage to face him head-on.

Loki’s eyes quickly glanced down at the necklace before coming back to me, searching them thoughtfully. His jaw clenched as he took in my expression, and a look I could only describe as pain cracked the icy glare directed at me.

“I do know what it’s like to lose those I hold dear. This I promise you,” he breathed, his words drifting across my face in a mint-scented cloud before he turned and quickly left the rooftop. Leaving me standing there alone, shaking from an overload of emotions and struggling to breathe.

Free from his intensity, I leaned forward and put my hands on my knees, trying to quiet my ragged breath so I could listen for if he returned to finish what he had barely begun. I had done what I had set out to accomplish. I made him face the harsh realities of his selfish actions years ago, literally shoving the evidence in his face and forcing him to listen to me. For all the good that it did. He had lived for centuries. What was the plight of a woman who was but a blip on the timeline of his life going to change anything?

The first bit of the conversation that I truly didn’t understand was the conclusion. _’I do know what it’s like to lose those I hold dear.’_ Who had this man lost? To have lost means that he must have loved someone, and who would he deem worthy of his affections? He made it abundantly clear that everyone was beneath him, dull creatures compared to the superiority of his godliness. 

Had Loki had a heart at one point in his life? Was he born with the black shriveled-up stone that he most definitely possessed now? He must have been a little boy at some point in his life. Although, to be honest, I wasn’t actually sure if Asgardians just came into existence fully grown and, in his case, ready to piss off the world or, in his brother’s case, ready to save it. Could there really be a reason for the loathing that he harbored for the world?

 _Nope._ Not going to try to humanize the murdering bastard. 

The second thought nagging at my overworked mind was that he claimed to have not been fully in control of himself during the invasion. Was that a lie? Recalling the haunted expression that had flashed in his dark eyes for the briefest of moments, it was hard to doubt it. It was the look of someone who had known pain. Was the God of Lies that good of an actor? This new tidbit of information hadn’t been brought to my attention before, but I also hadn’t lifted my nose from the grindstone to really pay attention to much since I had lost my family.

If it was true, then what in the hell had been strong enough to make him do something he didn’t want to do? Loki was a thousand-year-old god with incredible amounts of will, strength, and power. He didn’t just bend his knee and listen to anyone who could get a word in edgewise. No, his cooperation would have had to been taken from him, as there seemed to be no one who he would freely give it to. I was under no illusion that he was playing along with his captivity now, perhaps having nothing else better to do than to hang around until a more enjoyable opportunity came along. Did Loki actually fear something and have a weakness like us _pathetic mortals_?

Obviously I needed to get some sleep if I was starting to go down that road. I was delusional with exhaustion. 

_Yep. That’s it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated! :)


	5. We wear red so they don't see us bleed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter does have mentions of violence and blood. I tried to keep it from getting too graphic, but just a heads up.
> 
> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors that I fail to catch!
> 
> Let's get this show on the road, folks! :D

After our talk, to his credit, Loki did give me a wide berth. For the next several weeks of life on the Compound, I trained and practiced with Natasha and Wanda, hung out with Thor and Sam, and watched TV with Steve without a single confrontation--let alone sighting. The Trickster God had to have been using whatever abilities he normally employed to keep tabs on everyone to steer clear of me. And that was one hundred percent peachy-keen in my book.

Tony and Bruce finally finished their extensive testing on all things me. It was decided that the only powers the mystery box gave me were geokinesis and an increased healing rate. When I asked for a reason why this happened, I was given some medical mumbo jumbo that instantly turned my brain to mush. Long story short, they didn’t know what the box had been, only what it had done to me, and it wasn’t going away. This was my new normal.

The knowledge that this wasn’t going away was one hell of a motivator to get a better handle on everything. And because of that, my grasp on my powers improved. I could control more than one object at a time, and it didn’t drain me physically nearly as much as it did in the beginning. Nor did it require such an emotional toll. I could draw on them without bringing forth the full scope of emotional upheaval as before, although that did seem to help. There was still so much work to do, but I was getting there. Slowly but surely.

As for my physical abilities, those lessons were kicking my ass just as much as I had anticipated. I wasn’t super strong like Steve or Thor, so I had to be more thoughtful and strategic when fighting. Brute force wasn’t going to work when I was only five and a half feet tall and preferred cookies to carrots. Natasha worked on teaching me various martial art techniques that relied more on striking effectively than hammering away at my opponent with my fists. It made sense but that didn’t mean it wasn’t hard as hell. I limped away from our training sessions covered in bruises and nursing strained muscles more often than not. Thank goodness for accelerated healing. I needed it to keep up with the grueling sparring sessions.

~~~

Flashing red lights and F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoing throughout the entire Compound jerked me out of my exhaustion-induced sleep. “All Avengers report to the Quinjet immediately. All Avengers, gather your gear and report to the Quinjet immediately.”

I lurched out of bed and ran to my closet, throwing on a pair of dark jeans and a thick long-sleeved t-shirt. I didn’t have a custom suit like everyone else, but this seemed like it would do for whatever I would tackle. I shoved a sturdy pair of boots on my feet and I was barreling out the door.

Natasha was just leaving her room, already fully dressed and ready to kick ass. We both sprinted down the stairs and through the building, crossing the lawn into the hangar. Thor, Bruce, and Captain were all running inside the jet, followed by Natasha. Tony was poised at the edge of the ramp to get inside, looking anxious as he waved people in. When I tried to rush passed him he put his arm across my chest, barring my entrance.

“No can do, Poison Ivy. You’re not ready,” he stated, leaving no room for argument. 

Not that I wouldn’t try.

“But what if I-?

“Nope. You stay here with Rock of Ages. F.R.I.D.A.Y. will keep you updated. You’d be a liability. We can’t risk it.” The visor over his face retracted into the suit, allowing him to level me with a hard stare. He didn’t even glance at Vision flying into the jet while holding Wanda securely in his arms.

“Get back. You’ll get burned,” he said more softly, a paternal concern twisting his lips into a frown. He pushed me away from the ramp and jogged inside, closing it behind him.

I had no choice but to back away out of the hangar, watching uselessly as the Quinjet started up and flew through an invisible opening in the force field surrounding the Compound. Once it was gone I pulled out my phone, checking the time. At only four in the morning, it was going to be a long day if all I did was sit around and wait for them to come back.

After heading back into my room and changing from jeans and boots into athletic shorts and tennis shoes, I headed to the gym. If I wasn’t ready for this mission I was going to be ready for the next one. Even if I had to spend hours taking out my frustration and anxiety on a punching dummy until my knuckles bled.

During a break around noon, I chugged water and wiped the sweat from my brow. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., any news?” I panted.

“Sorry, Jen. All I can say is that they made it to their destination and everyone is still alive,” she responded, somehow managing to sound remorseful even as a computer program.

I snarled in frustration and threw down the now empty water bottle, punishing the practice dummy in front of me an elbow to the face. Several hours of doing my best to beat the living daylights out of the dummy and it was no worse for the wear, while the soreness and exhaustion in my limbs weighed them down considerably. But it was this or stare at the TV or wall in the living room distractedly as my mind raced with all the things that could go wrong for them on this sudden mission, and this at least wore me out enough so that I might be able to sleep later.

“Perimeter breach. Perimeter breach. One helicopter on the main lawn,” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice rang out through the compound and my phone in my pocket as red lights flashed throughout the Compound.

Just as I did that morning, I dropped what I was doing and sprang into action--despite my protesting muscles.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit,” I cursed, stopping short just outside the building. A sleek black helicopter was hovering over the middle of the Compound with four men dressed in black protective gear descending from the sides on ropes. As I watched in shock, two more helicopters came into view and began depositing their payloads of terrifying men as well.

As soon as their feet hit the ground, they raised impressive-looking guns into their sightlines and ran toward the main building. Right at me.

_Ah hell._

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., I could use some backup,” I grunted, crouching down behind a bush and looking around to see what I had nearby I could use as weapons. Some trees, basketball sized rocks and a giant decorative boulder were all I could see. _Awesome._

“The team is still off-base, Jen,” she replied, her voice muffled from my phone in my back pocket. _Super awesome._

It was a long shot, but I had to ask her anyway. “What about Loki?”

“He is handling the intruders on the West side of the Compound, Jen. Several groups have come in on foot.”

Loki was helping? What in the world was that about? Maybe it was just a chance to do something, wreak some havoc, as he had to be bored as hell cooped up here without an outlet. If his boredom and need for mayhem was keeping more men off of my back, I’d take it. 

But, that still left the group in front of me for me to handle on my own. I’d never fought anyone, not really. Sparring with Nat and training with Wanda did not live up to this experience at all in terms of preparedness. I was the end of the line, though, so I had to try my best. Gritting my teeth, I focused on the ground, lifting my arms and pulling up as much dirt and debris from the grass as I could. The men slowed their advance at the peculiar sight, but only just enough to look at one another briefly before continuing. With a shout I sent the debris flying at them, hoping to blind them temporarily while I figured out what the heck I was supposed to do next. My weak plan wasn’t the most effective. I was disheartened as they crept on even as they blinked dirt from their eyes.

 _Plan B._ I curled my fingers inward and ripped several thin branches from the tree nearest to myself. Aiming the sharp, broken ends at the men, I flicked my fingers outward and sent them flying with as much oomph as I could muster. Only one went through the neck of a man and sent him bleeding and thrashing to the ground. The rest hit their helmets or thick kevlar vests like they were nothing. 

“I’m so screwed,” I muttered. My aim still wasn’t the best with multiple projectiles, and that was without having spent the morning taking out my frustrations in the gym. The adrenaline rushing through me could only do so much to compensate, and that wasn’t going to last forever.

The closest to me grabbed something off of his belt and threw it at the building behind me. I whipped my head around, tracking the beeping with my eyes to get a better look at what had been thrown. Having never seen one in real life, my brain stuttered over what it was for half a second. _They had grenades?!_

My feet carried me away from the building before I had made the conscious decision to move, propelling me as fast as possible from the explosive. It just wasn’t quite fast enough. The shockwave battered against me, followed by tiny pricks of pain all over the back of my body as white-hot glass embedded itself in my unprotected skin. The cry that tore through my lips was almost silent to my ringing ears, but it was enough to draw the attention of the men, who rained bullets down on me.

No time to think or run, I brought a large, decorative stone in front of me like a shield. I saw dust particles and chunks of rock fall to the ground and I struggled to keep it between me and the men. My teeth ground together and all the muscles in my body strained as I directed all of the energy that constantly coursed through me at holding up the massive weight while also slowly backing away from them. I just needed to get inside the building. I could take them out one at a time if I could get more cover. _Maybe._

As soon as I was close enough to the now blown-out glass wall, I shoved my hands and, consequently, the boulder at two of the men and dashed inside, slamming my back into a concrete wall for cover and ignoring the wave of pain it brought to the new wounds I had just gotten. Thank goodness for modern minimalist architecture and adrenaline.

I took a few deep breaths and got to my knees, turning around to poke my head out to see who was left. Two pairs of legs were still beneath the human-sized boulder I had thrown, so that just left nine baddies for me to deal with. Going for broke and hoping that this was something I could do, I reached out towards a tree near the back of the group. I could feel the glowing life-force of it, from the tips of the branches to the roots. 

“Here goes nothing,” I growled, directing my energy to the roots, willing them to grow. I reached out and pulled hard, and for my efforts, I saw the thick dark roots burst from the ground and race toward one of the men. They tangled around his ankles as I twisted my fingers in a circle, pulling him down and wrapping around his body. He panicked and fired his weapon wildly, trying to shoot the roots off of him, but only succeeded in hitting the stomach of one of his buddies. I urged the roots to wrap around his chest and neck, and the shooting stopped abruptly.

In the distraction of flexing my newfound powers, I failed to notice the man coming up around the wall until just before he shot. I ducked my head and the bullet lodged itself into the concrete inches from my ear, sending grit flying into my eyes. I wildly turned, flailing desperately and pulling another stone from outside to slam into the back of his unprotected neck.

As the man fell, I saw the muzzle of his gun flash before white-hot agony exploded in my shoulder.

In the movies, when someone gets stabbed or shot, usually they'll fly back dramatically and scream. They have a few seconds to mutter some last words and then it's over. Turns out getting shot isn't like the movies. I didn't fly back several feet, soaring through the air to sprawl ungainly onto the floor. I sank to sit on my heels, blinking harshly as my brain attempted to process the worst pain I'd ever experienced as it radiated from my shoulder. My hand shot up to cover the wound, trying to stem the flow of blood as it pulsed out of my body in time with my staccato heartbeat. It took several tries to take a deep breath, the action seemingly doing more harm than good as the movement tugged on my shoulder. 

_Gotta focus._ I had to get my head in the game. The remaining seven bad guys were still coming, and fast. It didn’t matter that I was injured to them. They weren’t going to stop to give me a time out to get patched up, so I just had to keep going. My best bet on stopping them relied on my being able to see them which unfortunately meant sticking my head out of cover. I clenched my teeth as I got to my feet and let out a guttural battle cry as I turned around to face them. 

I was most definitely going to die today, but when my friends returned and watched the footage, I didn’t want them to see me cowering in fear until one of them put a bullet in my brain. That wasn’t what being an Avenger was about. It was about fighting until the last breath, and taking down as many of these bastards as I could along the way. _Sorry, guys. Sorry, Tony._

Heads turned in my direction, guns following suit. With one hand busy gripping my bullet wound, the other curled into a fist as I focused on bringing every single stone on the Compound lawn levitating in the air.

“Get down!” Loki shouted, running from the opposite side of the building toward me, looking the battle-hardened warrior in his leather armor. An invisible force knocked me to the ground with such force that the back of my head bounced against the tile floor.

And then everything became a blur.

Loki screaming in rage.

Deafening tearing and ripping sounds.

Bullets flying and smashing into the wall.

Warm blood matting my hair and pooling in the hollows of my neck.

Blood-curdling screams cutting off suddenly.

A pale, unfocused face.

Excruciating pain as I was jostled into strong arms.

_Is this what dying feels like?_

The scent of iron and sweat and leather and spice.

“I am not allowing you to die, damn it!”

And then darkness swallowed me whole.

~~~

A flurry of voices pulled me from the blissful, painless darkness.

“It’s been three days.”

“I know that. Her vitals are stable. You gotta give her time.”

“That’s not good enough!”

“What else can we do?”

I took stock of my body with my eyes closed. My limbs were heavy on the soft surface that I rested on, probably a bed. Besides the voices, a steady beeping that matched the painful drumbeat in my head. Probably a heart monitor, which meant that I was in some sort of a hospital. Itching fire burned on my shoulder, and I blamed that for the real reason why I had woken up. It was impossible to ignore, just like the loud voices echoing around the room.

“You can stop shouting in my room, for starters,” I croaked, my voice dry and scratchy from disuse. God, I sounded weak.

I peeled my eyes open only to immediately close them against the bright lights above me. Trying again, I opened them just enough to squint at my surroundings. I’d landed myself in the infirmary of the Compound once again. Not a hospital, but I had been close enough. A frazzled Tony, Natasha, and Thor appeared to be the culprits for the shouting match I’d just heard.

“If you’re going to shout, at least give me some more pain meds so I can sleep through it,” I grumbled, hoping that the bad attempt at humor would ease some of the anxiety from their faces as I tried to sit up in the bed, only to fall back down with a gasp as soon as I put weight on my shoulder. The shock of pain was enough to tell me that that was a very bad idea right now.

All three rushed over to me at once. Thor took my right hand carefully, mindful of the IV connected to the back of it, and Natasha took the left. Tony moved behind my bed only to reappear with a syringe full of unknown liquid that he injected into the IV line. Within moments a weight smothered the pain and pulled a sigh of relief from deep within me. _Ahh, pain meds._

“Milady, I am so glad to see you awake,” Thor said softly, his thumb lightly stroking the backs of my fingers as he smiled down at me.

“We gotta work on your observation skills,” Nat teased, gesturing to my shoulder and giving me a thin smile.

“Pebbles, I thought I told you not to scare me like this,” Tony chided me, standing at my feet. His hands rested on my blanket-covered ankles, clutching them like I was going to run out of the room and get shot up again. That wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. Once was enough for me.

“What happened?” I directed my quiet question at Tony, knowing he would have the most forthright answer of the bunch.

“We have been searching for these six rocks, called Infinity Stones. That’s what Vision has in his head, the Mind Stone. This guy called Thanos is trying to get all of them together. Reindeer Games says that he wants to rule the world with it, wipe out half of everything in existence. So, we’ve been trying to track them down,” he said, brow furrowed. “We’ve already destroyed one, well, Wanda did. The Mind Stone. Thor stole it from some nut job on another planet months ago. The Space Stone was in the Tesseract, which Loki had. When he and Thor escaped Ragnarok, Loki brought it back as a peace offering. So that’s one’s gone, too. F.R.I.D.A.Y. is programmed to look for certain… anomalies that might be one of the remaining stones being used. She’s found one in New York City, but the wizard that is currently using it won’t give it up. That’s a work in progress. Something sketchy was happening in New York City, and that was the alert that she gave us. It was Thanos, with the Soul Stone, trying to get the other stone from the wizard. We managed to get it from him. Took a few licks, Steve broke an arm and Wanda a leg, but it’s destroyed now. We’re still looking for the Power Stone and the Reality Stone,” he rambled, exhaustion lining his face as he recalled the events he had rattled off.

“That’s, um, a lot to take in,” I replied, my thoughts muddled by the glorious meds I had been given. That was a lot to unpack, and I wasn’t in any state to even try to do that. It could wait for another day.

“Yeah, so, anyway, we were off fighting Grimace when those assholes from Hydra attacked here. We didn’t even know about it until we got back onto the jet and F.R.I.D.A.Y. let us know. We booked it as fast as we could, but it had been almost a whole day since…” he trailed off, swallowing thickly and gripping my ankles just a little tighter as he shifted his gaze to my blanket-covered knees.

Natasha chimed in, “Tony was able to stream a live feed from F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s cameras. We saw everything.”

“You fought valiantly against the attackers. Loki took up the battle after you had fallen, finishing it in your stead,” Thor added, his voice clear and proud. Whether it was for me or his brother, that was to be determined. I was too exhausted to worry too much.

Tony nodded to Thor and Natasha in silent thanks. “Standing up like some action hero was a dumbass move, by the way,” he paused, staring me down until I felt thoroughly chewed out. 

Only after I looked appropriately shamed for my actions did he continue, “Him knocking you on your ass gave you that nasty goose egg on the back of your head. He took out the rest of the Hydra men before getting you up here. I’m not sure what voodoo he did, but he got the bullet out of your shoulder and slowed the bleeding until the doctors I called could get here,” he finished, taking a deep breath.

“By the time we arrived, you were sound asleep and all patched up. Loki hadn’t left your side the whole time,” Nat added, her brow raised.

A yawn escaped from my mouth without warning and I nodded through it, pulling my hand away from her to at least cover my gaping maw. “Loki saved me?” I asked on the tail-end of the huge yawn.

“If it weren’t for Loki, you would be through the gates of Valhalla by now, Milady,” Thor whispered, his eyes grave as they met mine.

Tony let go of me and walked to my side, nudging Nat out of the way so he could rest the back of his hand on my forehead. “You feeling okay?” he asked, changing the subject abruptly.

The change of subject was not unwelcome. The pain meds seemed to spread like molasses throughout my brain, muddling my already scattered and confused thoughts. There were magical stones that some dude named Thanos wanted to use to destroy half of everything? And the Avengers had been going after them all of this time without my knowledge? How long had these missions been going on where I thought one thing was happening and it was something entirely different? And there was no way in Hell would Loki ever save my life. I was a thorn in his side that made his time stuck in this compound a thousand times worse. No one would’ve blamed him if he’d ‘forgotten’ in the heat of battle to push me into cover, letting Hydra riddle me with bullets.

“Uh, yeah, totally. I could go dancing I feel so great,” I muttered sarcastically, pulling myself out of my thoughts and into the room filled with my friends who watched me with concern.

“It’s on, Jen,” Nat said, winking at me from the edge of my bed.

“Let’s give her some space to rest up, guys,” Tony said, flipping his hand around on my forehead and rubbing it lightly with his thumb before stepping away.

Natasha and Thor both nodded to me with a smile before they left the room, the door whirring shut behind them. Tony gave me a final once-over and then left, calling out before the door closed, “The team left some flowers for you on the bedside table. Don’t kill anyone with them!”

After smiling at the expensive-looking glass vase of roses, I snuggled further into the soft sheets and fell into a deep, drug-induced sleep.

~~~

A cool hand on the side of my head woke me suddenly. My eyes tore open and my left hand shot out, grabbing the attacker before they could do me any harm.

“Loki,” I whispered, startled to see the Asgardian Prince at my bedside. What was he doing here?

“If you’d release my hand, I can resume checking your head wound,” he said flatly. 

It was hard to grasp, the annoyed god at my bedside in casual black slacks and a white button-down shirt, waiting for me to let him go when he could easily remove himself from my grip. “Oh.” I sheepishly let go of him, my hand falling to rest at my side. 

He maintained eye contact with me for a moment, his brow furrowed as he searched my eyes before looking back at the back of my head. His long fingers moved to my jaw, tugging it away from him so he could get a better look at the injury. I felt them move to probe it gently, pausing whenever I let out a hiss of pain.

“I need to change the bandage again.” His voice was firm but gentle. His tone alone threw me for a loop. It was so odd to hear him speaking cordially to me when I was used to him hissing like a snake or shouting up a storm.

As I busied himself behind me, I searched for the remote that typically accompanies a hospital bed. Finally finding it tucked beneath my leg, I used it to slowly move the automatic bed so I was sitting up. By the time I was finished Loki had come to the other side of the bed with a syringe filled with clear liquid. His piercing green eyes met mine once again as he hesitated only briefly before injecting it into my IV. Had he been waiting for me to stop him? The familiar weight of pain medication flooded my body, revealing what he had done moments before without my prompting.

He put down the syringe onto the table beside my flowers. Only now, instead of the single vase waiting for me, there was another. A single sunflower sat in a tall elegant black and gold vase. I looked back to Loki with a furrowed brow, watching him place bandages, gauze, and alcohol next to the new gift.

Finally, unable to hold back my confusion any longer, I blurted out, “Why are you helping me, Loki?”

“Because you are injured. I’ve taken over this aspect of your care since you arrived.” He said it so matter of factly it was almost an insult. As if there was no question that he wouldn’t be doing such a selfless act and he was offended that I would think he’d act differently.

“One of the others could handle this. Why are _you_ helping me,” I pressed.

He sighed heavily and refused to reply, instead reaching out and placing his fingertips on either side of my face to tilt my head forwards off of the pillow. He moved out of my line of sight for a brief moment and I heard water running before he returned to lean over me, his chest inches from my face. This close, I was able to smell the strong spicy and masculine scent that I was quickly beginning to recognize as distinctly him. A warm, damp compress was pressed to the back of my head.

“Some blood soaked through the bandage into your hair. I need to cleanse it before I can remove the bandage.” He smoothed the damp cloth over my head again and again, the pain meds he had given me doing their job to take away the pain and leave only pressure in its wake.

The bloody rag was tossed unceremoniously into a hamper across the room, and then he grabbed the alcohol and gauze next. Some part of my mind screamed that I shouldn’t be letting him do this, that he was going to turn around any second and wrap those long fingers around my throat to finish me off, but a more rational part of me shut that down. If he was going to kill me, there would be no sense in saving my life in the first place. 

And there wasn’t any hatred or malice in his gaze as I strained my eyes to look up to him without moving my head. To be completely honest, I couldn’t glean any emotion from his impassive face as he worked over me. Whatever he had to be feeling was currently locked away behind stony eyes and a firmly-set mouth.

“I’ve been watching you, Jennifer. As you train with the Witch and the Widow. Both will throw you to the ground repeatedly, besting you, and you stand right up and try again. You never give up. You clean up after the others when they forget without expecting gratitude or repayment. You set out the protein powder for the Widow and Captain each night. You explain the flavors of the food you’re eating to Vision. When they left you behind three days ago, instead of pouting like a child, you took to bettering yourself.” As he spoke he tended to the large gash on the back of my head, his soothing cool touch at odds with the confusion that littered his own words. As if I were some puzzle that he couldn’t piece together with just my odd actions as a guide.

How long had he been watching me to notice these things? And when had he noticed them? I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him in weeks. He may as well have disappeared off the planet for all that I had encountered him. And had he taken the time to notice these behaviors, or had they simply been a byproduct of his observant nature? Was I a puzzle to him that he must observe to find out, or did he watch everybody that carefully? And _how_ the hell had I not noticed him noticing this? 

“And, I need to make amends,” he added, voice so low that I almost didn’t hear it through my scattered thoughts.

His deft fingers left my skin and he placed the remnants of the medical supplies on the table. I took it as a sign that I could move my head and search his face more comfortably, trying to figure out where all of this was coming from. This was not the Loki that I knew. The Loki that I knew would be mocking me for my injuries, possibly prodding my wound to watch me squirm, if he was even here at all. Was this him trying to make things right, to 'make amends' as he had called it? Surely I, the puny mortal, wasn't worth the effort. His actions said otherwise.

He clenched his jaw, meeting my curious gaze with his own. “You knew that you were no match for those men, but you fought them anyway. Why?” Another piece of the puzzle that he couldn’t find a place for. 

I swallowed thickly, flashes of the encounters playing through my mind. I killed those men. My heart sped up and tears burned in my eyes despite my clenching them shut. My lungs were unable to hold onto the air from my quick, shallow breaths as their deaths flashed through my mind. Sending an improvised spear through a man’s neck. Crushing a man to death with tree roots. Doing the same to two more with the decorative boulder. Hitting the one who shot me with a rock at the base of his skull. I hadn’t seen him die, but it had hit too hard for him to survive that.

_I killed them. I killed them. I’m a murderer._

“Breathe, little one. Breathe, " Loki soothed, his voice velvet as it washed over me.

The bed pitched as he perched himself on it by my hip, and I heard his fingers snapping to get my attention. But it wasn’t loud enough, wasn’t _enough_ to get me to open my eyes and stop the flood of images that refused to leave my mind’s eye. 

“If you hadn’t have done what you were forced to do, you would be dead,” he assured me, his voice steady and sure as he tried to pull me out of my ever-increasing panic attack.

 _I would’ve died either way, so was killing them something I should’ve done?_ I lowered my chin to my chest, feeling lightheaded as I struggled to take in enough air. My whole body trembled and I pulled my knees to my chest beneath the blankets, wrapping my good arm around them to hold them to me. The onslaught of death paraded through my mind unbidden and unrelenting.

“Look at me,” he commanded. His cool hand cupped my chin, lifting my face so that he could see me more clearly. His thumb brushed against my cheek, wiping away the tears that I hadn't even realized had escaped. But it was as if I lost the ability to open my eyes, his attempts be damned. I couldn’t do it even though I so desperately wanted to.

His other hand reached out and settled onto my knee, and it was so startling that I ripped open my eyes and looked at him. Concern softened his features, at odds the harshness of his tone. “They forced your hand. You are not a murderer."

I couldn’t think of anything to say to that, so I chose silence as I focused on him. He was breathing more forcefully than normal, in through his nose and out through his mouth, and I copied him. We stayed that way for several moments, him showing me how to breathe through my panic and me following his lead. Slowly, the lightheadedness lessened enough so that I could focus. The terrible visions in my head were replaced with the piercing green eyes that held me captive.

Satisfied that I was calming down, he asked again, “Now, answer me this: Why did you fight those men when you knew you were going to lose?”

I looked away to his hand on my knee, the long fingers completely covering it even beneath the thickness of several blankets. It was easier to gather my thoughts without having to watch his reaction to them. 

What _had_ I been thinking?

“I… I knew I was the last line of defense. F.R.I.D.A.Y. said I was on my own. Was I supposed to just let them do whatever shitty thing they came to do? Guys busting through Tony’s forcefield in battle gear and assault rifles aren’t showing up to ask for a cup of sugar. If I hadn’t have done anything, they would have found me and killed me anyway. I was dead either way, but maybe I could stop enough of them that you could take the rest out if you came to help.” I ran my hand over my face, dislodging his grip from my chin in the process. “I-I didn’t mean to kill them, but I did mean to stop them. And then after that asshole shot me, I was one hundred percent dead anyway. I was bleeding out. So I might as well take as many out as I could before I go,” I shrugged, wincing at the discomfort the movement brought to my shoulder, even with the haze of medication.

“That reeks of the same self-sacrificing hero act that my brother and his troupe of morons put on. That was foolish and unnecessary,” he scolded.

I offered him nothing more than another shrug, but only of my uninjured shoulder, for his reprimand. It probably was, in his mind, but that didn't mean that I agreed.

“Did you not think I would come to your aid?” Loki asked, the smallest expression of hurt registering on his face as he brought attention to its cause.

“The last time we talked you held a knife to my throat, and then I did the same to you. Kinda. It was a tree branch, but it still counts. Why _would_ you help me? If they had finished the job then you’d have a much easier life here. You wouldn’t have to avoid me and constantly worry about Thor breaking your face whenever I throw a fit. You could skulk around at night or on the roof without running into me. I’m just in your way.”

A muscle in Loki’s jaw ticked at my words, but he didn’t say anything he as considered them. The silence was almost more painful than the hole in my shoulder. I idly reached up to scratch at the bandage and his hand reached up and slapped it away.

He frowned at me. “I need to redress that as well. Leave it be.”

The silence stretched on as he organized the supplies he’d need in front of him and then tugged the hem of my large hospital gown down my arm to expose my shoulder and better access the bullet wound. His spindly fingers were quick and efficient in their work of removing the bandage, cleansing the wound, and then replacing the dressings with clean ones. His steady touch coming and going from my bare skin sent my heart skittering in my chest. I didn’t allow myself to wonder why it was invoking that reaction in me, but I did allow for the luxury of watching him unnoticed.

I'd never taken the time to actually _see_ the man tending to my wounds. Taking the time to really inspect him, I was surprised to find that he was very easy to look at. His skin was unblemished and smooth, no hint of age showing on it except for the wrinkles that appeared as he furrowed his brow or squinted his eyes to get a better look at his task. His jawline was sharp enough to cut glass, and I trailed my eyes downward to the small amount of pale chest that his unbuttoned collar revealed, not a single hair to be seen. His shirt didn't hide the lean muscles that rippled beneath his skin as he worked, and some strange part of me wondered what they would feel like if I reached out and closed the distance between us. For lack of a better, more eloquent word, he was beautiful. As if sculpted by the very gods that he proclaimed himself to be. His beauty was more delicate compared to the rugged masculinity of the men of the Avengers that I was used to associating with, but that didn't make it any less lovely to behold. Just different.

I pulled my wandering eyes back up to his, a blush betraying me and heating up my skin when I found that he had been watching me look at him. The intensity of his gaze knocked me back to my senses, and I quickly looked down at my hands as they twisted around themselves. He didn't say anything, however, keeping up the silence until he was finished and throwing away the soiled bandages in the trash across the room. With his overwhelming presence gone and his large hands off my skin, I felt the tension I had unknowingly been holding in my clenched muscles ease away and my mind clear a little more. Loki paused in front of the door with his back to me, one hand resting on the windowsill beside the door.

“One thing I’ve only recently learned from my brother is to never leave a warrior behind. Especially not one of such caliber.” He took a deep breath, his shoulders heaving with the movement. “And I’m not willing to lose anyone else.”

And then he was gone, leaving behind my favorite blood-stained rock on the windowsill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, he is pretty.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated! :)


	6. A guy like you should wear a warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta’d, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during revisions!
> 
> The length of this one got away from me a bit. I don't think that you're going to mind, though. ;D I couldn't find a good place to cut it up without making it obscenely short, so here ya go!
> 
> Enjoy!

Thanks to my speedy healing powers I was able to leave the infirmary the day after Loki’s late-night visit. I was still prescribed extreme amounts of rest and a moderate amount of painkillers, so I used the time when the others were busy working or training to unpack the boxes from my apartment and truly decorate my suite. Now that I wasn’t working myself into the ground each day, I had hours and hours to kill. If I was going to be staying here a while, so it might as well feel like home.

I had more in control of my powers so I allowed myself the luxury of putting out my small potted succulents and aloe plant onto the windowsill, having retrieved them from Pepper’s office after she had nabbed them for safe-keeping ages ago. I wanted to replace the duvet with mine from home, but moving up from a meager full-sized bed to a king meant that wasn’t going to work. It was easy to order another through F.R.I.D.A.Y., and a simple plush forest green duvet cover arrived promptly. Steve helpfully reassembled one of my bookshelves for me and put it up next to the couch in the sitting area. I finished that off by filling it to the brim with my extensive book collection. 

The last bits of personal memorabilia were my drawing supplies. I hadn’t touched them in years, truthfully not since I began distracting myself after New York with work, but I had little else to do in my free time. I wasn’t allowed to train yet, and my job as Tony’s assistant had already been filled by someone else. Plus, I can only watch reruns of _The Office_ so many times. So, my sketchbooks were scattered across my coffee table, with the one currently in use on my bedside table when I wasn’t lugging it around as I puttered about. A pouch of charcoal was always alongside it, along with a black-stained once-white towel to wipe off my hands.

So, in the interim of getting injured and being allowed to train, I drew. I now had a designated spot on the couch parked in front of the TV that was left open for me to curl up beneath a black blanket, to avoid stains, and draw as I socialized. My sketches started as complete and total trash from my lack of practice, but after a few attempts, my friends went from looking like misshapen cartoon characters to actual people on the page. If you squinted and tilted your head a little. And allowed for artistic license. But it was a work in progress like everything else in my life.

One surprising figure who kept appearing in my sketchbook turned out to be Loki. Whenever I was out of my room, he seemed to be as well. Keeping to the shadows and himself, but still present. His penetrating gaze drilled holes into the sides and back of my head as I went about my day. When I’d look up to catch his eye he stared back unabashedly with that same look of puzzlement that he had worn during our last conversation. Because even though he had been my new shadow, he never approached me, and I couldn’t even begin to think of what to say to him. _'Hey, so, you totally saved my life and now we don’t seem to hate each other and I don’t know what that’s about or what to do about it. So, what’s up? Stalk much?'_ That didn’t feel right. So I just left it be. If he wanted more answers so that he could wipe the curious look off of his face, it was very clear that he knew where to find me. Even if I couldn’t see him, like when I went on walks with Thor or Sam to keep my strength up while I healed, the small hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as I felt his eyes upon me.

And each night, when I would wake screaming and sobbing in bed from visions of the Hydra men I had slaughtered, he was there. After the first night when I sent my trusty ole rock flying at, and then through, his expressionless face and learned that it was just a projection, it became routine. I’d wake up shrieking, drenched in cold sweat, and there would be an illusion of the Trickster God sitting on my couch watching over me. Never talking, never approaching me, just keeping guard over me with a steady gaze. Even though he wasn’t physically there, I knew that he was just on the other side of the wall, having woken from my cries and sending his doppelganger to me. Some tiny part of me took comfort in knowing that I wasn’t alone, and it was that part that I clung to as I fell back to sleep each time. That part only grew with each occurrence of his reliable appearances for my night terrors.

Should I have been more creeped out by it? Probably. This could go into stalker pasty vampire territory real fast. But I was so desperate for any sort of comfort that I began to search for him immediately after I was wrenched from my haunting dreams, a sigh of relief huffing out of my mouth when I saw him sitting at his post. It wasn’t good for me in the slightest to become so reliant on his steady presence, but it helped too much for me to put an end to it. What was it hurting? Besides our sleep schedules, of course. But mine was damned either way.

So, with little else to do, I drew him. If he could be a creep, so could I. I kept him in the corner of my eye whenever I would sit and sketch. And through my workings, I continued the exploration of the distant but oh-so-present god that I had begun in the infirmary. My fingers became familiar with the sharp lines of his cheekbones. The harsh angle of his jawbone. The slant and curve of his lips from the ever-present smirk. My eyes knew the breadth of his shoulders and the lean yet defined muscle filling out his standard button-down shirt. His long, spindly fingers were familiar to me not only from touch but now sight as well. And it was easy to fill my pages with his exceptionally well-proportioned figure while carrying on with everyone else. They got uncomfortable as the subjects of my sketches, but Loki was unwilling to talk to me to voice his opinion. As the only one to do so, he became my easiest muse.

~~~

After two weeks of rest, recuperation, and doodling, I was finally allowed to return to my training sessions with Nat and Wanda. And even in those, Loki lingered at the fringes. At first the others took notice, just as I had long ago, and waited for him to take action or say something or do _anything_ to give a reason for his continued presence. It was one thing to always be about in the living room or grounds but harder to explain when he was always fifteen steps behind me. But when nothing happened and no explanations were given they tuned him out as I had learned to. If he wanted to be the ghost of my life, that was his prerogative. I needed to get my ass back in shape.

This was made all the more apparent as Nat slammed my body onto the training mat for the fifteenth time during our latest training session. My back was becoming far too familiar with the dark mats that cushioned my repeated falls.

“Knock the wind out of ya?” she asked, smirking down at me and offering her hand to help me up.

With a gasp and nod, I took her hand and allowed her to yank me gracelessly to my feet. I braced my hands on my knees, taking deep breaths and blinking the stars from my eyes.

“Tony talked to us and we all agree. We’re not leaving you as unprepared as you were before. So, catch your breath, because we’re not done yet,” she declared, holding out my reusable water bottle for me.

I drank heavily from it and even poured some on the top of my head, relishing the ice-cold water on my sweaty body.

“Then bring it on,” I tossed my water bottle to the edge of the mat. “I haven’t had my ass kicked in enough different ways yet.”

And Nat seemed to take that as a challenge. In the next hour she pinned me, tossed me to the floor, and put me in various holds until I tapped out probably 20 more times. At least.

“Good job, Jen. You lasted longer than I expected,” she praised me, tossing a towel on my prone form on the floor. 

After she slammed me onto my back for the final time getting up didn’t seem like it needed to happen right away. The floor and I were good buddies by now and I just wanted to spend some more quality time with it. I groaned wordlessly, swiping the towel from my bare midriff and throwing it over my face. My entire body hurt, but my shoulder was the worst of all. An itchy, burning sensation pulsed with my heartbeat beneath the gnarled mess of scar tissue just to the right of the strap of my sports bra. I scratched at it absentmindedly before standing up, throwing the towel around my neck.

“I mean it. You’ve been out of commission for almost three weeks. It’s hard to get back into it, especially with the God of Ghostliness checking you out the entire time,” she teased.

“Oh no, that was definitely _not_ what he’s doing. He feels guilty and he’s just keeping tabs.” There wasn’t a universe where Loki, Prince of Asgard, would be eyeing me for that reason. “Plus, he probably gets a sick thrill from watching me eat dirt over and over again.”

“I know I do,” Nat joked, linking her arm through mine as we walked out of the gym toward the building housing our rooms. “But really. You’re wearing a sports bra and tight leggings, all hot and bothered from getting your ass kicked, and grunting and huffing and puffing. It’s definitely some guys’ thing.” 

I rolled my eyes, not dignifying her speculations with a response besides that. I was an unknown to Loki, that was all. He was such an intelligent person that he probably didn’t like not understanding something, and he just hadn’t figured me out yet. Once he was satisfied with whatever mystery of my character that he was trying to solve he would go back to slinking around the Compound on his own.

That didn’t explain his almost-nightly visits to my room after my nightmares, but I had long ago concluded that I wasn’t going to understand his motivation for that, either. Probably something along the lines of wanting me to shut the hell up so that he could get some sleep. That sounded more like his style.

Nat pulled me out of my thoughts with her suddenly enthusiastic tone. “Hey, before I forget, Sam and I were thinking of heading to the city tonight. Maybe hitting up a club and getting some,” she paused, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively, “frustration out. You should come. After all, you did say you like dancing.”

“I was kidding! Tony asked me how I was feeling while I was in a hospital bed with a hole in my shoulder and brains falling out of my skull and I’m a sarcastic smartass when I'm tired! That doesn’t count!” I exclaimed, laughing as she pulled me toward the stairs. My jelly legs quickly redirected us to the elevator.

“Doesn’t matter. You haven’t left this place in over a month. You need to get out. You’re coming. After dinner you’re coming to my room, I’m throwing you into the slinkiest dress I can find, and we’re hitting the town.”

By that point we had reached the main living room, and she pushed me toward my door for a much-needed shower.

“It’s happening!”

~~~

True to her word, after we’d all eaten dinner I was dragged into Nat’s room. There wasn’t even time to protest as the assassin plopped me down onto her bed, aiming a stern finger at me before going about her diabolical plans to dress me up like a doll.

She went through her clothes like a madwoman, picking out dresses and holding them up to me, then frowning and tossing them aside onto a rapidly-growing pile of provocative frocks. I didn’t blame her for the struggle considering the differences we had. She was a bit bustier and curvier in all the right places than my taller, boxier frame. With my bigger hips, smaller ass, and longer legs, half of the dresses were tossed aside simply because we weren’t looking to get me arrested for indecent exposure.

Finally, after several minutes of searching and a mountain of rejected dresses, she shoved one into my hands. “This is it, I know it,” she exclaimed, shoving me toward the bathroom to change. 

I stumbled inside and closed the door behind me, holding in a groan. Whatever she picked I knew it had to be far more risque than anything I’d ever choose for myself. But she got one thing right from the start: the color was my favorite: a deep emerald green. I didn’t see any sequins or sparkles, so that was a bonus. Mimicking a disco ball had never been high on my list of wardrobe choices.

But as soon as I put it on, after first running to my room and back to grab a strapless bra, I knew it wasn’t happening.

The high halter neckline of the dress revealed my fair, only slightly muscular shoulders, and as such, the twisted mess of raised pink scar tissue I wasn’t too keen on revealing. Following the dress down, more of my pale skin was revealed by cutouts on either side of my waist just above my hip bones. I only ever showed my midriff when I was working out, and that was because Tony seemed averse to air conditioning in the gym. This was _a lot_ of skin. Plus, it was a dress and I just really didn’t want to wear one.

“Nat, this isn’t going to work,” I whined through the door, staring at my body critically in the mirror.

“Lemme see, Pebbles!”

Sighing heavily, I opened up the bathroom door and padded out into the bedroom. I even did a little twirl to prove just how much the dress did not work for me.

“I think that Tony is right about the Poison Ivy thing, especially in that dress. Damn, girl!”

“It’s too much, Nat!” I covered the fair skin revealed at my waist to the best of my ability, crossing my arms over myself.

“No, you look stunning! He’s not going to know what hit him,” she gushed, grabbing my hand and pulling me over to a vanity in the sitting area of her room. She pushed me down in front of it and began fussing with my hair.

“But it isn’t too much?” I asked quietly.

“Trust me, you’ll knock him dead,” she promised, twisting my hair into a bun on the back of my head. 

_Him?_

~ 

One hour later, I looked myself over in the mirror while Natasha quickly got dressed, surveying her handiwork.

After existing in the dress for a while, I begrudgingly admitted to myself that it wasn’t the absolute worst. I still felt a little uncomfortable with how tight it was, but I was given some relief and breathing room with the slight flare of the skirt out from my hips. My dark brown hair had somehow been thrown up into a simple bun with just one long gold hair clip, a feat of epic proportions considering just how much hair I had. A delicate gold arm cuff resembling a snake wrapped around my bicep on my right arm, hopefully distracting from the scarring above it that wouldn’t disappear behind the dress no matter how much I tugged at it. My ever-present thumbprint necklace was completely hidden by the high neckline and collar of the dress. And to complete the outfit, much to Nat’s dismay, I snagged a pair of chunky black ankle boots from my closet. If I was going to be dragged out for a night on the town, I was not going to do it in the scary-high black stilettos she had offered to me. Breaking my ankles would probably put a damper on the evening.

At least my makeup was within my comfort zone. With subtle winged eyeliner, heavy mascara, and berry red lips I still looked like I tried without resembling a clown. As Nat said, 'You, but better.' I _think_ it was a compliment.

“Oh! One last thing,” Natasha cried, popping up from finishing her makeup at the vanity and dashing out of the room. She reappeared moments later with Tony by her side.

“Damn, Poison Ivy. You look fantastic. I didn’t even recognize you.” Tony sauntered over to me, wrapping me in a brief one-armed hug before pulling back and holding out a polished wooden box from behind his back. “I know you may be feeling antsy about tonight, so I sent out for this.”

I blushed at Tony’s compliment and took the box over to the vanity. “Y’all really want that nickname to stick, huh?” I asked, rolling my eyes as I opened the surprise gift.

“It’s an obsidian dagger. It’s made out of volcanic glass, so you should be able to control it with your powers if you get in a tight spot. And that’s a thigh holster. It should work over or under your clothes. The leather is reinforced on the inside, so you can't cut through it. But be careful. That thing is sharp as hell.”

I stared at the beautiful, semi-translucent black dagger and holster nestled in the red velvet inside the box. With a flick of my wrist, the dagger slipped from the sheath and flew into my waiting hand. The blade itself was about the length of my hand, and the handle just long enough for me to comfortably grasp it.

“It’s perfect, Tony, thank you,” I beamed, pulling everything from the box and carefully sliding the knife back into its sheath.

Natasha snapped out of admiring the weapon from afar once it was put away and pushed Tony toward the door. “Now shoo! She needs to strap that thing on and you need to go home to Pepper.”

“You kids have fun! The car is waiting out front! Do something I would do!”

I rolled my eyes with a smile at Tony’s shouted parting words before looking back down at his gift. It was beautiful. And he was right. The heavy dread that had settled in my stomach lightened slightly with the promised protection of the deadly weapon. The slim holster easily slipped up my leg and under my dress, which was just long enough to cover it. When I stood up and looked in the mirror, the extra swing of fabric around my legs concealed it. I had been concerned, since, once holstered, the set-up ran from slightly below my hip bone to the middle of my thigh on the outside of my leg.

“Let’s go, Trouble,” Natasha called, leaving the bathroom and shoving her feet into a similar pair of stilettos to what she had tried to force me into earlier. She was stunning in the classic strapless little black dress that clung to her every curve. I don’t know how she thought I was going to get any attention from whoever the mysterious _‘him’_ was that she kept referring to when I would be standing next to her drop-dead gorgeous ass.

We both grabbed our bags on the way out of her room, mine a tasteful black leather square clutch on a long, thin gold chain and hers a bright red clutch with black straps to match her heels. 

As we left her room, we saw the third member of our party. Sam was waiting for us dressed to kill in a brown leather jacket, white t-shirt, and dark jeans. He was the embodiment of looking cool without trying too hard.

But to my surprise, another man was waiting for us in the living room. I stopped dead in my tracks when I took in Loki leaning casually against the arm of the couch. The slim black pants, dark gray button-down shirt, and fitted black blazer looked like they were made for him and him alone to wear. 

Oh. _Him._

The arrogant smirk he normally wore fell from his face as his piercing green eyes blazed a path down my body, lingering on the golden snake bicep cuff and cutouts. The offhand comments Nat had made and her very particular styling choices suddenly made much more sense as I watched Loki eye me appreciatively. I was going to kill her and her meddling ass, assassin or not.

She pushed me toward Loki before walking over to Sam and casually slipping her arm around his waist so he could wrap his arm around her shoulders. I stumbled slightly and turned to glare at her, wishing that that dumb green box had given me face-melting laser powers right about now. When I turned back around, Loki was standing just inches away and was offering me his arm with a mischievous smile.

“You look absolutely divine,” he murmured, taking my left hand and tucking it into the crook of his arm.

“Thank you.” I blushed for the second time that night and lowered my gaze to the floor in front of us.

We followed Sam and Nat silently down the stairs, Loki’s arm tightening to trap my hand securely against his body as we descended together. While my dazzling friends in front of us chatted away excitedly about tonight’s plans, I couldn’t get over my shock to think of anything to say to the prince escorting me to the back row of the waiting black SUV. He took one of my hands in his, the other resting politely on the middle of my back as he helped me inside. After I was settled on the rich leather interior, he went to the other side and gracefully slipped in next to me.

Sam and Nat piled into the row in front of us, letting the driver know that we were ready to go. I fumbled with the seatbelt, my hands shaking and missing the buckle once, twice. 

Along with the shock of Loki’s presence on our outing, I was suddenly very aware that this was the first time I was going to go out in public since getting my powers. I thought I had a good grip on them, but what if I didn’t? Would wherever we were going have anything around that I could accidentally use against someone if I got hurt? What if I lost it and used my new dagger on someone? Loki's steady hands covered mine and helped me on the third try, bringing me back to the car and making my breath hitch in my throat.

I pulled away and angled my face to look outside. My heart was threatening to jump out of my chest. Not because of how pleasant his cool fingers had felt on my warm skin, but because I was anxious about being around so many people again. _Yep. That’s it._ I kept my eyes trained outside the heavily tinted windows for some time, listening to Sam and Nat without actually hearing what they were saying. Anything to focus on besides Loki’s leg that pressed into my own each time we were jostled by the car.

After a few tense minutes, I cleared my throat and blurted out the one thought that wouldn’t stop nagging at me. “Why’d you come?”

Loki’s eyes met mine and held them prisoner in his own with their intensity. “To keep you safe.”

And that was that.

~~~

We pulled up to a stop outside of a busy club, a long line curled around the side of the building as people waited in the chilly September air to be allowed inside. After accepting Loki’s hand to help me out of the car, I stifled a groan at the thought of waiting in such a line with just the short dress I had on to shield me from the cold. Neither Nat nor myself had thought about the weather when she was playing makeover.

But I had not realized the power of who I was with as I trailed behind my friends. Loki, Sam, and Nat strolled confidently up to the bouncer, Nat flashing him a jaw-dropping smile and Sam slipping him an even more jaw-dropping collection of bills. With a satisfied smirk and leering eyes ogling Nat’s ample cleavage, the giant of a man waved us inside.

The thumping bass assaulted my ears after we stepped through the door behind the bouncer. The smell of sweat and mixing colognes and perfumes made me crinkle my nose. Multicolored lights flashed across the club, just light enough to illuminate the undulating dancers in the middle of the room without being so bright that they felt self-conscious. Along the edge against the brick walls were various couches scattered here and there, left in shadow to afford those resting from their revelry a bit of a break from the pandemonium. 

Nat didn’t seem to notice any of it as she let go of Sam and grabbed my arm instead. She yanked me from Loki’s grip and led me to the nearest of two dark wooden bars. I looked back at Sam and Loki briefly before I was swallowed up by the crowd. The former was already moving in on a very attractive woman, and Loki remained standing tall and proud where I had left him, alabaster skin changing colors with the flashing colored lights around him. His piercing eyes tracked me until I was out of sight. I turned my attention back to my friend, following in her incredibly steady footsteps for her mile-high stilettos. We both leaned against the bar and she flagged down the bartender.

“Vodka cranberry please, make it a double!” I shouted, hoping that the bartender could make out what I was saying over the almost deafening music. I couldn’t even hear what Nat ordered and she was right beside me. She placed a large bill in his hand after our two drinks were in front of us and shouted something else that I couldn’t pick up.

I grabbed mine and took a drink, grateful to discover that he had heard my order correctly. I didn’t have time to savor the drink, as Nat caught my attention by holding up a shot of clear liquid in front of me suggestively.

“No! I can’t hold my alcohol!” I shouted, shaking my head dramatically at her and attempting to push the liquor back in her direction.

She leaned into me, pushing the shot back into my hand. “Yes! What have you got to lose?” 

With a groan, I accepted the shot and hastily poured it down my throat, wincing at the burn of vodka that I felt all the way down to my stomach. I chased it with a sip of my drink. It was a smart move for my taste buds, but not necessarily my liver. _Too late now._

Her drink now in hand, Nat grabbed my free hand with hers and pulled me out onto the dance floor. I could see Sam off to the side, getting very familiar with the woman he had approached earlier. Loki was nowhere to be found, but he had to be close. He wouldn’t come all this way just to leave. He was most likely off taking advantage of the inebriated patrons and the dark surroundings, God of Mischief that he was. This was probably his twisted version of a candy store.

I felt the shot working its way through my system, warming my body and loosening up the strangled tightness that had gripped my chest in the car earlier. I could feel the power coursing through my veins, but it wasn’t hard to tamp it down and focus on the buzz in my head instead. Maybe tonight wouldn’t be so bad after all. I allowed myself to give in to the infectious anonymity of the pulsing darkness, laughing and dancing with Nat.

Several songs and one more drink later, I was working my way passed tipsy and toward drunk, and I needed a break. I gestured toward the bar, but Nat shook her head and closed her eyes while she kept on dancing. It didn’t hurt my feelings any. She deserved to let loose just as much as I did and I didn’t need babysitting just to go get another drink and take a load off for a minute. I pushed my way through the crowd of sweaty bodies to the bar and plopped down on a barstool.

I pressed a bill from my clutch into the bartender’s hand when he came around to me, asking for another vodka cranberry. He went off to make my drink, and once he was back and the beverage was lightly grasped in my hand I closed my eyes for a moment to focus on catching my breath.

A cool hand settled onto the exposed skin at my waist and an arm stretched across my back. I opened my eyes to see someone plucking the drink from my hand before retreating quickly.

“What the fuck?” I swore loudly, whipping around to see Loki looking at me over his shoulder as he sauntered away, my drink held tauntingly in his slightly raised hand. He slipped into the crowd and I was just barely able to make out the top of his head among the throng of dancers.

I hopped off of the barstool a little less gracefully than I would have liked. I was at least grateful that I was able to pick my way through the crowd without stumbling into anybody despite the alcohol in my system.

While it had been easy to find him when I had been removed from the crowd thanks to his height, once I was surrounded by people I lost him. A growl of frustration passed through my lips. The God of Mischief was a real pain in my ass.

“Lose something?” The words were passed to me over the din of the club through smooth lips pressed against the shell of my ear.

I turned around to see Loki watching me with a smirk on his lips and mischief glinting in his eyes. I tried to be quick and snag my drink from him, but he lifted it higher so that all I succeeded in doing was looking like an idiot.

He stooped down to speak lowly into my ear again. “Your drink for a dance, little one.”

“Are you serious?’ I shouted, glaring at him as he pulled away. The quirk of his brow signified that his proposal was indeed very serious.

I contemplated just going back to the bar and getting another drink. It wasn’t like I didn’t have the money, with what Tony paid I could retire today and live a modest, but comfortable, life. But it was the principle of the thing that mattered. He was throwing down the gauntlet and I was just stubborn enough and drunk enough to pick it up.

I shrugged my shoulders in light acceptance of his terms and he closed the distance between us to place a large hand on the small of my back. I draped my arms around his shoulders and made sure to press back against his hand as I rolled my body to the beat that reverberated through my boots from the floor.

His pale skin was the perfect canvas for the colored lights to saturate as he stared down at me moving against him. I couldn’t help the smirk of my own as he pulled me closer to him until our chests brushed. I blamed the alcohol and exercise for the cause of my heart beating erratically in my chest and my uneven breaths. It wasn’t the darkening of his eyes as my hips rolled against his. And it was most definitely not the solid muscles that flexed against me with each twist of his body. Nor was it the wolfish smile that pulled on his lips as his hand skated across my back to grip onto the exposed feverish flesh on my side.

He used the leverage he gained from this new position to turn me around so that my back was to his front. I felt every angle of him against me as he pulled me flush against him, from his rigid chest curling into the back of my bare shoulders to his hips grinding deliciously against the padding of my ass. The hand not holding my drink rested on my flat stomach, keeping me against him as we moved together to the pounding bass. My arms reached up above me so that my hands could resume their place around the nape of his neck, consequently opening my body up to him for his perusal.

Surprisingly, he didn’t take advantage. His hand remained stretched across my soft stomach, holding me to him, but the other moved down around me until my drink was poised in front of my lips. Emboldened by the heady mixture of alcohol and his masculine scent surrounding me, I tilted my head forward enough to down what was left of my cocktail after he had seemingly taken his own drinks from it if the low level of liquid was anything to go by. The glass disappeared from his hand, which was now free to trail across my jaw and hook on my chin, turning my head so that his nose brushed against my cheek and his breaths panted out against my sweat-dampened skin.

“You have had your drink. You are free to go.” His words were at odds with his hand, which held me captive against him by digging pleasantly into my hip.

We _had_ fulfilled the bargain that he had given me. I danced with him, and he had given me what remained of my drink. But it sounded like too much work to go find Nat, Sam was most definitely enjoying time with some random beautiful woman, and I had to admit that Loki was an amazing dance partner. Why would I leave him to go dance alone, or worse, have some random brute grind up on me and try to cop a feel? I knew, well kinda, what to expect with him, so I just laughed in response and dragged my nails against his sensitive skin at the nape of his neck.

Over the pounding music, I felt more than heard the rumble of his chest at my actions, and the sound sent chills through me. His large hands took to roaming over my body as we danced, never staying in one spot for too long. Dragging from the outside of my thighs to my hips to brush across my stomach to reach up and trail down my upraised arms and back again, leaving fire in their wake. 

I shut down the logical part of my brain that told me that I shouldn’t be enjoying this so much. That this was Loki, the god who hated me and was nothing but his own needs. Future me could worry about that. Right now I was too engrossed in the exhilarating movement of his body against mine to do anything about it. Especially when he ducked his head so that his lips trailed across my bare shoulder. It was intoxicating. _He_ was intoxicating.

“What do we have here?” he purred, voice velvet sin behind me. His hands had stalled their movements on the outside of my legs, and one hand toyed with the edges of my dagger over the fabric of my dress.

I turned around in his arms and moved my hands down to rest against his chest. “Insurance,” I smirked up at him.

He chuckled darkly and looked positively sinister as he loomed over me. “Plan on using it?” he asked, his groping fingers reaching behind me to gather a healthy amount of my backside in their clutches.

I smiled sweetly up at him as I released him to reach behind me and take his hands into mine. “Only if you don’t keep your hands to yourself,” I replied, slipping out of his grasp and walking away.

When I peeked over my shoulder for his reaction, he was where I had left him, watching me stroll away with a predatory gleam in his eye that sent a rush of heat through me. The logical side of me had disappeared some time ago, sent away by the sensual roll of his hips against mine, so I shot him a wink before slipping through the crowd toward the edges of the bar, one of the dark leather couches calling my name.

_What the hell was that wink?_

I found an empty couch in the shadows and perched on the armrest, taking care to keep my thighs firmly closed together and my skirt draped over the lethal weapon I was hiding. Wouldn’t do for anyone to see anything they shouldn’t. It was much easier to breathe now that he wasn’t holding me so tightly to him, and I bowed my head as I focused on cooling and calming down.

“You need to rehydrate.” The words came from above me as a pale hand holding a glass of water slipped into my field of view.

Like any intelligent woman who had had alcohol in public before, I knew better than to accept a drink that I hadn’t seen made. I lifted my eyes to Loki, expecting to see the same lascivious expression on his face as I had last seem him, but only finding a light concern furrowing his brow instead. But he wasn’t looking at me. He straightened up while I watched him and turned partially around to stare off into the crowd. When he turned back to face me, an urgency had taken over his features.

The seriousness of his expression cut through my buzz and I stood up as quickly as I could manage from my awkward position on the sofa. “What’s wrong?”

He seemed to grapple with something for a moment as he searched my face, indecision in his darting eyes and twitching fingers. When it appeared that he had made a decision, judging by the forced exhale through his nose and his hands reaching out to steady themselves on my waist, he stepped closer and stooped down so that our foreheads were almost touching. “Do you trust me, little one?”

My hands immediately went up to exhibit a light pressure on his chest, keeping him from getting any closer as I studied him. There wasn’t a smirk, mischievous grin, or pleased smile on his face to indicate that he was trying to trick me. The hunger that I had detected in his eyes earlier had been wiped clean and replaced with anxious sincerity. It was startling to see him change so abruptly.

Did I trust him? I mean, he hadn’t threatened to stab me in several weeks, so that was an improvement. And I sure as hell had been dancing with him just a few minutes ago like I did. I had picked to dance with him instead of going at it alone because I knew that he wasn’t going to be a creep about it. But trust implied something deeper. Built on a bond and respect and a mutual understanding. I wasn’t sure if I had that with him. He wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important, though. And it must be, to cause the visible tension in his body.

“Um, I guess so. Sure.” That was the best answer that I could give him. He was going to have to take it or leave it.

“Then trust me in this and do not hit me.”

“Don't hit-”

My words were swallowed by his lips swooping down onto my own. I froze under the suddenness of it. When I didn’t respond to his ministrations he dragged his lips from my mouth to my ear.

“I’m in contact with Sam and Natasha. They believe that Hydra has tracked us here and is searching for us. Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable. We can disappear as another amorous couple seeking our pleasure in the shadows,” he explained quickly.

Nat had told me about that tactic. It was a common one, easy to execute if you had the wiles or knew your partner in a mission. I certainly didn’t have the first, but I had a bit more of the second now than I did at the beginning of the evening. If Nat thought that it would work now, and Loki agreed, who was I to argue?

He was waiting, tensed, for me to decide the next course of action. He was allowing me the option of going along with the plan or backing out. The very notion that he wasn’t going to force me into an uncomfortable situation after I had shown hesitance was one that I wouldn't have expected from him. He was known for taking what he wanted and begging no forgiveness, not for politely doling out options in times of distress.

My fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt, gathering the smooth material into my palms. I tilted my head back enough to look up at him and traced the elegant contours of his face with my gaze, taking in the unexpected kindness that warmed his bright eyes. I tilted my face up to him and closed my eyes before bridging the small gap between our lips in a searching kiss.

I wasn’t sure what I expected kissing him to be like, I hadn’t truly thought about it, but it wasn’t this. His lips were so soft and tasted of vodka and cranberries as they worked expertly against me. His hands splayed out against waist and pulled me until our bodies were pressed together from hips to chest. The contact, so easy to facilitate earlier on the dance floor, was now much more charged and it coaxed a gasp from my throat.

That small noise seemed to awaken something within him, and the gentle exploration of my mouth turned more passionate, his tongue snaking out to tease the seam of my lips and beg for entrance. I granted it willingly and melted into him. My body moved on its own accord as he stoked molten flames beneath my skin. My fingers released their grip of his expensive shirt to wind around his neck and tangle in his long black hair. I lightly scratched at his scalp, remembering his pleasure at it while dancing, drawing a low groan from him that shot straight to the heat that was pooling in my lower belly.

His long body surrounded me. He walked us back until I was trapped between his body and the wall, pinned by his leg slipping between my own. When I wrenched my mouth away to gasp for the air that his embrace had stolen from me he took it in stride and moved his scorching lips to caress the delicate skin of my neck.

Just as soon as his tongue snaked out to lave against the pulse that was hammering in my throat, he froze, his once-relaxed muscles tensing against me. His hands left my body to press against the wall on either side of me as he towered over me. As if he could make me disappear behind his lean frame.

“We have to move. Now,” he panted, taking my hand in his and pulling me quickly behind him as we fled the relative safety of the shadows.

He led us to a metal exit door and we spilled outside. The chill of the air soothed my flushed skin and helped clear the haze that had settled over my mind. Loki held my hand behind his back as he looked around the dark alleyway we found ourselves in. The faint bass from the club stopped, and two gunshots reached my ears through the thin door behind us. Screaming patrons poured out of the front of the club. Thankfully they ignored our dark figures pressed against the rough brick wall.

“It’s Hydra. They discovered Sam and Natasha. We need to leave.” He kept his death grip on my hand as he pulled me deeper into the alley and away from the entrance.

“Don’t take another step.” A voice pierced through the screams, shooting ice-cold fear through my veins.

Loki turned around and pulled me with him, keeping his body between me and whoever had spoken. I peered around his shoulders to see two men slowly approaching us, guns pointed at Loki’s head.

_Hydra had found us._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're cooking!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated! :)


	7. Sometimes the wrong ones are just what you need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta’d, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during revisions!
> 
> So it seems that I just write stupidly long chapters. Hope that's cool with y'all! This one was difficult to get through, for sure.
> 
> Warning: This chapter does get violent and bloody.

“It isn’t wise to threaten me, gentlemen,” he warned, anger rippling off of his body as his elegant suit shifted to his traditional leather armor in a wave of green light. He slowly pulled me towards him so that my hands were against his back so that he could keep track of me while freeing his hands. I tried my best to hide the tremors wracking through me from the adrenaline, fear, and alcohol still buzzing through my body. It wasn’t very successful, but at least I tried.

“What about threatening her? How’s that for size? We don’t want you. You can just walk away right now. All we need is the girl.” This voice rang out from behind us, and we both turned our heads in that direction to see another pair slowly advancing on us. At least they were only holding up knives and were, for the time being, ignoring the guns strapped to their backs.

“It would be in your best interest to stay away from her, lest you wish to incur my wrath,” Loki promised, the dangerous implications of his tone even sending chills down my spine. Did they know who they were dealing with? Even if they didn’t, he was still a threatening figure to behold.

In an instant, another copy of Loki was at my back, staring down the two men with knives. Loki and his doppelganger both thrust their arms out to the side dramatically, conjuring long daggers into their hands from thin air. Both the real man and the illusion cast a glance at me over their shoulders. “Stay behind me.”

I turned and put my back to the real Loki, making sure to maintain contact so we were both aware of the other at all times. A fight with razor-sharp knives was not the time to be surprised by your partner.

Without warning, the men sprang into action. Gunshots rang throughout the alley, and grit fell onto my bare shoulders and hair as bullets dug into the wall around us. The men in front of me broke into a full sprint, raising their knives as they got closer. The illusion of Loki stepped forward to distract one of the men, leaving me to deal with the other.

I tore at the skirt of my dress, yanking it out of the way and calling my obsidian blade into my hand. It came easily, and I shot my arm out to send it flying at the man closest to me. Using every ounce of concentration I could muster, I directed the knife low, stabbing into where Nat had shown me if I was ever in real danger. Pretty sure that this counted. He fell to the ground with a pained cry and I yanked it out with a jerking motion, dragging it up his leg as I struggled for control in the chaos and doing more damage in the process. My bloody knife came back to my waiting hand as soon as it left his body, but it was too late as the other man was already upon me, Loki's illusion melting away as he ran through it.

More shouts of rage came from behind me, indicating that more men had come in the stead of those Loki had surely taken care of by now. Their anger drowned out the sound of my attacker’s battle cry as he swiped his knife across my midsection. I pushed back against Loki to try to dodge the blade, but pushing against him was like pushing against a brick wall, and it all happened so fast I didn’t have time to ask him to move. The serrated edge of his knife caught the edge of my dress at one of the cutouts, hooking into it and pulling across my middle. Sharp pain sliced through me from the wound he created beneath my ruined dress and the gravity of the situation hit home.

This wasn’t a training session with Nat. All of my hard work did nothing to prepare me for the realities of battle. I wasn’t going to get a break to get a drink of water or catch my breath. The sweat that dripped into my eyes and blurred my vision wasn’t going to be wiped away by a towel. The fresh wound on my stomach sent another spike of adrenaline flowing through my system that forced me to focus on the man in front of me. I grunted as my leg shot out and connected with his wrist as hard as it could, forcing him to drop the knife he had raised threateningly.

“You bitch!” he yelled, curling his fist and pounding it twice into my eye in rapid succession. It felt like my eye exploded and I saw stars. My hand shot up to protect it as I staggered to the side to get my bearings. He didn’t stop coming for me, though. He reared back again to level another fist at my face and I lunged forward and ducked to slam my elbow into his throat. It caused him to choke, coughing and gripping his throat with both hands as he struggled to breathe.

The opening presented to me, I reared back to dig my knife into his throat, intent upon ending the threat, but large fingers wrapped around my wrist and halted my momentum.

Loki stood beside me and forced my hand to my side, prying my fingers from my blade. Without a word he turned to the man and grabbed him by the throat with one hand, tossing him halfway down the alley as if he weighed nothing. I flinched and looked away after his head cracked against the grimy pavement.

My wide eyes took in the carnage from our brief fight. The man that I had stabbed wasn’t moving from where he had fallen, and no matter how much I willed it, his unfocused eyes never blinked. Looking behind Loki were the fallen that he had taken care of, some of them with throwing knives still sticking out of their chests or necks. Something snapped inside of my chest when I tried to take a breath and all of the air was sucked from my lungs. I couldn’t stop my eyes from darting from body to body, skipping over the dark blood that stained the black concrete.

Gentle fingers swiped away a tear from my cheek--I didn't even know I was crying--and I startled at the touch, jerking away so hard that my back dug painfully into the brick wall behind me. Loki stepped up to encompass my field of vision and he, very slowly, brought a hand up to cup my cheek so that I couldn’t continue to look behind him at the bloodshed he had left behind. No, _we_ had left behind. His lips were moving as he stared down at me, but the words didn’t register as my brain couldn’t handle anything more than trying to block out the images that had been seared behind my eyelids. He kept his eyes locked on mine as he reached for the holster on my thigh, very carefully sliding my knife into the sheath so he didn’t cut my exposed skin. When I didn’t react to whatever he was saying, or to his hand on my leg, he slid his arms behind my back and under my knees to pull me up to his chest. My hands gripped the leather over his chest of their own accord, not even letting go as the blood-stained armor changed back into the suit he had been wearing earlier. My head fell heavily into the crook of his neck as he carried me away toward the road.

A different car than the one we arrived in screeched to a stop in front of us, and Sam's head poked out of the passenger window as it rolled down. Loki’s swift strides never faltered as he walked toward the car, opened the door with the use of his magic, and then folded us inside. He tried to disentangle me from his arms once we were safely on our way, but a small noise of protest slipped out of me and I curled deeper into his chest. I wasn’t sure what had switched in my brain that decided that he was what I needed, but I was completely unwilling to let him go. Encompassed in his strong arms, with his heart beating in my ear, I felt safe. _Protected._

“It’s okay, darling. I’m here,” he whispered, the hand at my back stroking the length of my spine over and over again. His other hand moved slowly, as if not to startle me, to tuck beneath my chin so that he could lift my eyes to his.

Blood splattered his fair skin but I didn’t see the source of it. His dark hair had gotten unruly, too. But the most startling aspect of his appearance was the look in his eyes. I hadn’t ever seen him look so concerned and sad in all my time of knowing him. I wanted to reach up and smooth my hand over the furrow in his brow, but that would mean relinquishing my grip on his shirt. Instead, he touched me, his fingertips ghosting over the quickly swelling flesh around my eye, causing me to scrunch my face in pain. He lifted his hand from me quickly, only to replace it with a small ball of ice that he had conjured into his palm.

“Cold.” I jerked back.

“My apologies, little one. I forget,” he murmured, conjuring a thin cloth around the ice. This he laid against my skin and I accepted it. The cool cloth felt heavenly against the hot, throbbing injury.

I allowed my forehead to press against his neck once again. Now that we were heading home the adrenaline saw fit to leave my system and my body became so heavy. Everything was too much and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep forever. I closed my eyes to surrender to the fatigue and allowed Loki’s steady presence attempt to soothe my frazzled nerves.

Loki had me, and he would keep me safe. That was an undeniable fact that had cemented itself deep within me, and it grounded me--along with his hand softly tracing shapes onto my back and his lips moving against the top of my head to chant quiet words for my ears only. “I’ve got you, love. You’re safe. I will not let anything happen to you. You can rest now. I have you.”

“How’s she doing?” Nat asked.

“I believe that she’s in shock, but not lethally wounded. All I have found is a wound along her abdomen and some bruising on her eye,” Loki’s voice reverberated throughout my head.

I didn’t realize that I had been shaking until the jacket that Loki had been wearing earlier was pulled around my body. It wasn’t warm, because Loki was always freezing, but it helped further wrap me in his comforting spicy and masculine scent. I burrowed deeper against him in the small cocoon of his body and clothing. He only tightened his arm around me in response, and I was eternally grateful for it.

When we arrived my body was sagging against Loki’s heavily. My erratic heartbeat had calmed to more manageable levels and I didn’t seem to be in danger of hyperventilating anymore. A numbness had swept over my mind and body that left me a shell of the person I had been just an hour ago. I only needed comfort, which Loki was willingly providing for me. I kept my eyes closed and turned so that my nose buried into the hollow of his neck when I heard the doors of the car open. I didn’t want to leave this car. It was safe here.

“Come on, darling. We need to go inside,” Loki purred, and the ice he had been holding against the swelling of my eye disappeared and was replaced with his large hand. It felt like it was made of ice itself and I opened my eyes and pulled away to look at the offending limb. His hand, from his fingertips to his arm disappearing into his shirt, was blue.

“What?” I asked, trying to understand another mystery on top of everything else my brain was fighting with. He just shook his head with a sad smile.

Hands of an unknown origin slipped beneath my arms. I panicked and threw myself away from them, ending up sprawling on my ass outside of the car. Everyone who lived at the Compound, plus Tony, had gathered around me and were offering their hands to help me up. Excluding Sam and Loki.

“Give her some breathing room, guys,” Sam said authoritatively, putting his back to me so that he could corral our concerned friends away from me.

Loki gracefully stepped out of the car and knelt in front of me, holding out his--normal-colored--hands for me to take. I slipped my hands into his and let him pull me to my feet, nodding my head silently when he asks if I can walk. The group parts for us as he escorted me into the Compound with his arm wrapped securely around my shoulders.

Neither of us said anything as he lead me inside. I don’t know what I would begin to say to him. All I can think about is stabbing that man in the leg and killing him. _I_ did that. Even if I hadn’t meant to kill him, it was the result. That’s all that’s really important, isn’t it? Do the ends justify the means?

By the time we reach my room I was able to focus a little bit more. The familiar scents and sights of my safe haven lessened a tiny bit of the weight that had settled onto my chest. So when Loki asked me if I need any help cleaning myself up and getting ready for bed, I declined and sent him on his way. As he left he gave me a firm squeeze of my hand and I found myself missing the steady calm of his touch after I’m alone in the room.

But that is absurd and silly and I shoved that thought into the box at the back of my mind where I put thoughts that I don’t want to dig up again, like where I want to put tonight’s events. Since that doesn’t seem to be working right now, I just repeated over and over again what I need to do to get myself into bed.

_Take off the dress. Take a shower. Wrap up your cut. Put on PJs. Brush your teeth. Go to bed. Take off the dress. Take a shower. Wrap up your cut. Put on PJs…_

That works well enough until I make to go into the bedroom from the ensuite and I grab my holstered knife from where I had dumped it onto the floor with the rest of my clothing. I need to clean it, but when I pull it out of the sheath, the dried blood on the blade sends my heart racing and my whole body trembling once again.

_Not my blood. Not my blood._

The sudden sobs that sounded from deep within me echoed around the large bathroom. I bit my bottom lip to attempt to stifle them as I hurriedly scrubbed the blade with a washcloth in the sink. It knicked my skin a few times, but I don’t stop scrubbing beneath the steaming hot water until my hands are pink and I have no more tears left to give. I left the blade drying on the counter and went to bed, crawling beneath the warm sheets and falling into a fitful sleep.

I woke up screaming what felt like moments later, my body sore and drenched in cold sweat. The visions of fallen, bloody men swarmed around me in the last remembrances of my dreams. A glance outside told me that I had slept through the night, but I didn’t feel like I had gotten any rest at all.

I looked to where Loki’s illusion would normally be waiting on the couch, always appearing when he heard my cries to soothe me back to sleep. But of course he wouldn’t be there in the middle of the day. He was out doing Loki things. Whatever those were.

Frowning to myself, I rolled out of bed and mechanically got ready for the day. It was better not to think at all, I was slowly discovering, so that’s what I tried to do. I threw a towel over the weapon on my sink and made myself forget about it. That could be handled at another time when I wasn’t actively fighting the images that wanted to play on repeat in my mind’s eye.

The one train of thought that I allowed myself to indulge in was Loki’s actions last night. First of all: _wow_. Second of all, _damn_. I had to admit to noticing the charisma and confidence he exuded as he went about the Compound, but to bear the full brunt of his attention had been something else entirely. Even just dancing with him, I felt confident and desired and sensual. Those weren’t feelings that I experienced very often. But his body had fit so perfectly around mine. And what a body it was. All lean muscle and hard lines that, when thinking about it, made a light blush tint my fair cheeks. You would think that someone so tall with such long limbs would be more uncoordinated and awkward, but he had spent the hundreds and hundreds of years of his life learning exactly how to work with what he had been given.

And it was impossible not to follow that train of thought to that shadowy corner of the club where he had all but claimed me with his touch. Man, that god could play me like a fiddle. I had kissed a few men in my day and I hadn’t ever experienced anything as breath-taking as that. Did that say something about the men that I had been with or about him? Probably a little of both, sadly. It had started as just trying to blend into the crowd, get the attention off of our backs, but when it was over, something had changed. It had in me, at least. But the vulnerability that I had seen in his eyes as he had pulled away, _that_ was something, wasn’t it? It had to be. I needed to find out.

After dressing in a simple and comfortable outfit of slim-fit dark jeans and a soft blue sweater, I padded out of my bedroom in bare feet to head to the kitchen to tend to the grumbling in my stomach. It was around lunchtime, so I expected more people to be milling about, but I only found Sam standing at the counter assembling a sandwich. He looked up with a smile when I walked in.

“Quite a shiner you got there, Poison Ivy,” he said lightly.

“Not you too with that nickname,” I grumbled, grabbing a plate from the cabinet and moving to stand beside him.

Sam handed me the loaf of bread at his side. “You get any sleep?”

I shrugged and piled some cheese onto my bread. “I did, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it.”

“Doesn’t look like you did,” he joked.

I leaned over and nudged him roughly with my elbow. “Hey!”

He finished making his sandwich and placed his hands on the counter, looking at me. “We’re all here for you if you need someone to talk to. Steve doesn’t get it so I gotta have my _Office_ buddy for this next season. ‘Kay?”

I managed a small smile and a nod. “Sir, yes sir.”

He got to work putting away the sandwich ingredients after I had finished up, and I took my plate and headed to the elevator to go up to the roof. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath of the brisk fall air as I stepped outside, feeling a little calmer in the open air.

When I opened my eyes to head to the bench I usually favored, I found Loki already sitting on it, leaning forward with his elbows perched on his knees, his hands clasped together in front of him. Encouraged by our progress last night, I approached him. A few steps away from the still god, I loud bang echoed around the grounds, followed by Tony yelling “Sorry!”.

The crash of my plate falling and shattering came immediately after. I had completely forgotten about it, the sudden sound instantly pulling me back to last night. Snapshots of bloodied bodies flickered behind my eyes. I knelt on the ground at the sudden onslaught of images and sounds, throwing my hands over my ears and clenching my eyes shut. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the world and no matter how much I gasped in great gulps of it it wasn’t enough. I was too hot and my stomach was rolling and I couldn’t do anything about any of it because I was rooted to my spot amongst the broken china and ruined food on that rooftop.

Blissfully cold hands moved beneath the thick curtain of my hair and gently clasped my neck. I instantly knew they were Loki’s, no one else was as cold as he always was, and a sigh of relief whooshed out of me at how lovely the chill of his skin was on my own. His thumbs hooked beneath my jaw and tilted my head upward.

His steady, authoritative voice pierced through the cacophony in my mind. _'Open your eyes and look at me.'_

I did as he asked, taking in his folded up form as he balanced on his heels in front of me.

“Good girl. Now, breathe. As I do,” he said, out loud this time, his spoken voice holding the same tone as the one he had sent into my head.

He kept his eyes locked as mine as he led me in taking slower, deeper breaths until I had calmed down and lightheadedness had gone away. His cool touch had lessened my nausea as well. As soon as I closed my eyes once again to focus on holding onto the calm that he had instilled in me, his hands left me and I heard the crunch of his shoes on the rooftop as he walked away.

It was startling to be suddenly without him. Looking up, I watched him settle back onto the bench, this time sitting straight and tall with a detached, expressionless expression hardening his sharp features. Careful not to cut my feet on the scattered remnants of the plate I had broken, I picked my way over to him and eased down on the bench beside him.

“Thanks,” I muttered with a wan smile.

“Sam said that you might be skittish after the events of last night,” he explained, voice bereft of emotion.

I scrubbed my hand along the back of my neck uncomfortably. “Yeah, guess he was right, huh?”

Silence. It was like I was talking to a statue. A very regal, unaffected statue. I summoned all of the courage that I had inside of me and tried a new tactic.

“Um, about last night…”

Loki finally looked over to me, but still without any discernible emotion in his distant gaze. “Ah, yes. I do apologize for being so untoward. It had to be done, you see.”

Oh. That wasn’t what I had expected him to say at all. I rubbed my hands together nervously. “Well, um, I appreciate it. A lot.”

“No thanks are necessary. It was only polite to lend a hand,” he replied flippantly.

Polite? There hadn’t been anything polite about his tongue in my mouth or his leg shoved in between mine. “It just seemed, I dunno, different.”

“God of Lies, darling. We needed to make it believable. And while I will admit that it was very pleasurable to kiss you,” he winked at me, “that is all it was.”

_Oh._ I wasn’t expecting that. Or for his words to be such a punch in the gut. Beginning this conversation I hadn’t known what I had been looking for, but now that I hadn’t gotten it, I realized that what I had wanted was for him to admit that he had felt something, anything, last night. To let me know that I had remembered it correctly and there might be more to us than a cool working relationship. I was a fool for expecting that from him. What was I, a regular person, to an immortal alien prince? Just someone used in the heat of the moment to ensure our mutual safety. It was foolish to think that I was anything more, but my affection-starved heart had read way too much in the situation. The pang that shot through me at the indifference written on his face was the exact reason why I hadn’t gotten involved with anybody in years. 

Salvaging the last of my dignity, I stood up and plastered a fake smile on my face. “Okay, then. I better go make myself a new sandwich.”

He only nodded in response, not even looking at me as he settled back into the same position as I had found him in.

If he could be so unaffected, so could I. I shoved the unexpected hurt to the box of things I didn’t think about at the back of my brain and walked away from the man that had somehow wormed his way into my heart in such a brief period. He had made it very clear that he didn’t want to belong there.

~~~ 

It took two days for me to leave my room when anyone else was around. 

I spent the first day alternating between staring outside and angrily drawing terrible sketches of the cold landscape to cursing myself for being such an idiot for both developing any feelings for him in the first place and for being upset that he hadn’t returned them. He wasn’t known to be sentimental or affectionate, and little ole me wasn’t going to be the catalyst for such a radical personality shift. That night I left my room only after F.R.I.D.A.Y. confirmed that no one else was in the kitchen. I ran in, grabbed a hastily made sandwich, and then darted out without seeing anyone. 

The second day I mindlessly watched trashy reality TV, losing myself in the amped-up fake drama of someone else. When I left that night to grab something to eat, I opened the door to find a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and chips waiting on a plate just in front of my door. It had a sticky note on the sandwich that read, “I made it sterile. -S” 

“Just saying ‘sterile’ doesn’t make it so, Sam.” I smiled. I bent down and picked up my bounty, disappearing in my room once again. 

And on the third day, after deciding to end my pity party, I rose. 

“She lives!” Sam shouted as I walked out of my room looking and feeling like a zombie the next morning. 

“Not before coffee. Gimme,” I replied, stumbling over to the ready-made glass of iced coffee with a dash of cream, a pinch of cinnamon, and two scoops of sugar waiting next to Wanda. 

I sank into the stool next to her and drank it gratefully, closing my eyes with a contented hum. I wasn’t sure who had made it, or when, or how they knew that I was coming out today, but the kindness of the gesture warmed my heart a little. These were good people who cared and I had been acting like a teenager holed up in my room feeling sorry for myself. I was a huge idiot. 

“Miss Jennifer, you don’t look very well.” Vision stepped through the wall in front of me, flashing me a look of concern before heading to wrap his arms around Wanda from behind. 

“Door!” we all shouted out in unison. 

“It’s a common area!” 

“It still counts, Barney, and you know it,” Tony answered as he walked into the kitchen. “Pebbles, glad to see that you’ve risen from the dead. Let’s walk and talk.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, executing a drive-by exhausted-woman-napping as he steered me and my precious coffee off of my stool, to the elevator and then further into his lab. 

“Okay, we walked, now talk,” I grumbled into my glass, plopping down on the examination table that he had indicated and crossing my legs beneath me. 

“Good news or bad news first?” He asked as he followed me, hooking up a monitor to the finger I automatically held up for him. My heart rate and oxygen levels flashed across the screen next to the table. Perfectly normal. 

“Um, bad news?” Best to lighten to blow of things I didn’t want to hear with something positive afterward. 

Tony pulled the monitor from my finger, replacing it with a finger pricker. “One, this is going to sting,” he paused to use the damned thing, ignoring my flinch and squeezing out a tiny droplet of blood onto a slide. “Two, your lessons with Wanda are going to have to be put on hold for a while.” 

“What, why?” After what happened at the club, and what happened before that with the invasion, I was more determined than ever to get a better grip on my abilities. I was tired of being the damsel in distress to asshole gods with silver tongues and weirdly cold skin. 

Tony leaned over the microscope, squinting at my blood and fiddling with the device. “Well, first her and Vision are going to go visit Wakanda. I told you about it, right?” He waited for me to make a grunt of agreement before continuing, “Well, they have a super-smart princess there and we’ve been talking. She thinks that we can get the Mind Stone out of his head and keep him chugging along, so we’re gonna try that out so Wanda can destroy it. Then we need her to poke around some brains for us for a while so we’re gonna send them around to a few places to see what she can find out. We gotta figure out where these Hydra assholes are coming from, and why they were so interested in you last night. If they were willing to take on Reindeer Games to get to you, it’s something serious. You’ll have to fly solo until she gets back. Probably a few weeks, at least.” 

I hid my grimace behind another sip of my coffee. He wasn’t saying anything I didn’t know, but it still wasn’t nice to hear it out loud. I didn't want to accept the fact that those men had been targeting me but ignoring it didn't make it any less real. I think I had enough of the basics down so that I could keep improving without her. I was always up for embracing work as a coping mechanism so this would do in a pinch. Tentatively accepting this change in my life, I quirked my brow at him as he finally stopped fiddling with checking me over and came to a stop in front of me. 

“You said there was good news?” 

He clapped his hands loudly and then pointed at me with a smile. “Yes, I have another present for you!” 

“Another present? Where is it?” I asked, all negative thoughts driven out of my mind at the unexpected gift. 

He retreated to a desk in the corner and pulled out a folded piece of hunter green leather from a drawer. He was practically strutting as he walked back over to me and deposited it on the table beside me. 

“Is this mine?” I exclaimed, immediately recognizing the armor for what it was and hopping off the table, abandoning my coffee on it so I could unfold the garment to my full height. 

“All yours, kid. It seems that you’re going to be needing it, and now is as good a time as any to give it to you. Since so much of your juju requires flexibility, we couldn’t put in too much bullet-proofing besides a bit on your upper chest, since you seem to be needing that. But the leather is thick, so any knives should have a more difficult time getting through to you since that also seems to be an issue that you have. It’s green because you’re our Poison Ivy, and Nat said the brown along the seams and down the arms would make you look less like a little girl in a onesie. You have built-in holsters for two knives on your outer thighs, and a pair of matching brown boots are waiting for you in your closet.” 

“This is awesome,” I said reverently, stroking the smooth material. I clutched it to my chest, knowing the care that Tony must have taken into having it made, and permitted myself to feel the full depth of my gratitude for his kindness. I quickly hugged him before rushing back to where I had left my friends still enjoying their breakfast. 

I wasted no time in showing off my new suit to the gang, and I stifled my enthusiasm when Nat demanded that I go try it on to get the full effect. It fit me like a glove. I wasn’t sure where or when Tony got my measurements, but I didn’t let myself linger on that awkward detail for long. I pretended to be in battle, crouching around the room and wiggling my fingers at them until everyone was cracking up at my antics. It felt good to get everybody laughing, but after the laughter died and they all dispersed to go about their daily routines, I was left with the deafening silence of their absence and forced to pay attention to the tiny nagging voice that had been at the back of my head since I put it on. 

I wanted to know what Loki thought of it. His haunting presence was nowhere to be found as I had proudly displayed my new gear. I had gotten used to him always on the sidelines, watching over me with that curious look furrowing his brow. Now that he was missing I realized how much I had come to rely on that constant company. But I had gone and screwed that all up with trying to make a bigger deal out of our making out than it needed to be and now I was paying the price for it. I just needed to suck it up and move on from our non-existent relationship like a big girl. 

~~~ 

Taking my frustrations out on fight training with Nat later on wasn’t really working as well as I had hoped. 

“Again.” 

“Again.” 

“Again.” 

“Aga-” 

“I know. _Again._ I’m never going to be able to fucking pin you so just give me a second to breathe,” I shouted, jerking onto my feet and ripping off my tank top. “And it’s too damn hot in here!” 

“Hey, hey, easy there tiger. You’re bleeding.” She grabbed my discarded shirt from the floor to dab it at the blood on my stomach. 

“I’ll be fine. It isn’t deep. Well, it was, but not anymore. I probably just caught it with my nail.” I looked down at the knife wound, rubbing at the small bit of blood that had welled up with my finger. 

“Is that from-” 

“Yep. One of them got a swing in when I couldn’t push the Prince of Assholes away in time. It’s fine.” I rolled my shoulders and bent at my knees. “Let’s fight.” 

“No, we’re talking about this. About what’s been going on.” She was putting her foot down, quite literally, as she had placed her foot on top of mine to keep me from bouncing around. I yanked my foot away and walked over to the practice dummy in the corner, giving it a few anger-filled punches. 

“Well, Tony gave me my suit. That was cool.” 

‘That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.” Nat smacked the back of my head and knocked the dummy over with one strong kick. 

“Ow!” 

“You’ll be fine. Your black eye from the club is almost gone. This tiny bruise will heal faster than you can grow a pair and tell me what happened with Loki.” 

I grumbled while rubbing my head and trying my best to look innocent. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

She rolled her eyes and fixed me beneath her pointed stare. “I’m not blind. I saw you both at the club.”

“It was just dancing. We had to blend in,” I supplied, willing her to drop it so this conversation to be over.

“And grind on each other?” Guess she wasn’t going to let that happen.

“Everyone else was doing it!” _What was I? 16?_

“Was everybody else also having x-rated makeout sessions against the wall?” she quipped with a brow raised in my direction.

I pushed my finger into her chest with a glare, attempting to look as intimidating as she did. “Now that’s not fair. You told us both about using it as a distraction! We were just doing what we had to do.”

“And that included his tongue in your throat,” she teased, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

I tried a new tactic, pretending to ignore her as I righted the dummy and began kicking at its ribs. Maybe then she’d take a freaking hint.

“And when you were in the car, I’ve never seen either of you like that. He was holding you and looking at you like you were the most precious thing in the universe. And you _melted_ into him, Jen. Full-on trust and dependence. You don’t do that. Ever.”

_Maybe not._

“I’m so done with this conversation. Keep the shirt for all I care,” I snapped, getting to my feet and running out of the room. I wasn’t going to stand there and have her reiterate the thoughts that had been plaguing my mind for days now. I didn’t need her to tell me what I already knew. It didn’t change anything, so what the hell was the point?

My feet carried me out of the gym, outside, and around the edge of the Compound, and then they continued to drag me in a jog around the perimeter of the grounds for the next forty-five minutes. I used my last ounce of strength to haul my exhausted ass up to the garden, deciding it had the most diverse natural materials for me to use to also tire out my mind while I was at it.

“Just gotta harness my emotions. Got it. I don’t have any extra feelings going on to make that difficult or anything,” I said to myself as I plopped down onto the sun-warmed roof, letting the heat seep pleasantly through my thin athletic shorts.

I reached out for my power just beneath my skin. It was pure electricity running through me, made even stronger by my heightened feelings. But whenever I tried to draw on it, to use it to manipulate my surroundings, I couldn’t focus long enough for anything to happen.

I could just hear Wanda now: _If you can’t control your thoughts, you can’t control yourself._

Fat lot of good that was doing me right now. 

I was being dumb. I was acting like an immature child. I should just treat that night like any other one night stand, as if those were a regular occurrence to me, and let it go. But no matter how often I told myself that, it didn’t work. His touch had been electric on my skin. I had never felt so desired as when he had been holding me. Or safe, when we had been in the car. I had known without a shadow of a doubt that he would have done anything to protect me at that moment. And he had, hadn’t he? He had killed those men who were trying to take me without any hesitation. And I craved that delectable balance of desire and comfort.

The thing that made it hardest to forget was the look that he had that night. Nat had been right. He had looked at me as if I had been so important, so precious to him. I didn’t mistake the softness in his eyes; I know I didn’t. I hadn’t ever seen him look at anybody that way. I wanted him to look at me that way again, to make me feel that special again. But my wants weren’t important, especially not to a self-obsessed god./p>

I lost track of time as I sat there trying to focus. Emptying my mind didn’t work. Making those dumb meditation noises and sitting cross-legged with my hands upturned on my knees didn’t work. Neither did counting my breaths, stretching, or saying the same phrase over and over again. It probably didn’t help that that phrase was ‘I’m such a dumbass.’ But what can you do?

Finally, after I could no longer ignore my stomach demanding to be fed, I stood up and glared out at the buildings and greenery below me as if they were the source of my frustration.

“Fuck you!” I shouted, bending down, picking up a rock, and throwing it as hard as I could over the edge of the building. It wasn’t nearly as cathartic as I wanted it to be. I could have made it go farther with my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any and all feedback is so appreciated! :)
> 
> P.S. Sorry this post went up later today than usual. My carbon monoxide detector went off and I had to get that sorted. But it's all fine now!


	8. I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during revisions!
> 
> Enjoy! :)

I quickly established a new routine without my training sessions with Wanda to distract me.

8 AM: Wake up, chug coffee, practice being social, get dressed.  
9 AM: Run laps around the perimeter of the Compound.  
10 AM: Get my ass kicked by Nat. Repeatedly.  
11:30 AM: Inhale lunch.  
12 PM: Suck at controlling my powers.  
3 PM: Do more laps around the Compound.  
5 PM: Zone out to reality TV in my room.  
6 PM: Dinner with the gang. Play at being a human some more.  
8 PM: Go to the gym to punch stuff.  
9 PM: Shower, get ready for bed, pass out.  
2 AM: Wake up from traumatic nightmares and fall asleep to more pointless reality TV.  
5 AM: If I hadn’t exhausted myself enough, wake up again from nightmares. 

Lather, rinse, repeat.

~~~

Over a week into my new work-myself-so-hard-that-I-don’t-think routine, I noticed that my carefully constructed schedule wasn’t fooling anyone.

Nat was staring me down with pointed glares in between each ass-kicking session. She mentioned that I was losing my edge. I didn’t know I had one to begin with, so that was a nice compliment.

One morning at breakfast Steve went full Captain America and pinned me to my stool with an insanely heavy hand on my shoulder, promising me that I can always talk to him about anything. It’s absurd how much strength that guy holds in just one hand. Probably more than I had in my entire body if I’m being honest with myself.

Bruce tried to get me to start going to daily sessions with him again. At the risk of bringing out the big guy, I never showed up to the meeting times he suggested--and that I never agreed to. He left well enough alone and only made F.R.I.D.A.Y. nag me about it once a day. Good guy, that Banner.

Thor seemed determined at cheering me up at any opportunity. He watched my favorite reality TV shows and sitcoms with me, kept me company sometimes when I couldn’t sleep at night, and even tried to help me learn some new techniques in the gym--that was the ass-kicking of the century. He was a sweet, lovable bear of a man who did give a mean hug, but sometimes he was just too much. Too loud and too big and too enthusiastic. He needed an off button or some sort of dial to turn it down.

The last one to break and say anything was Tony. He interacted with me much less than he used to in the past now that I was a mini-Avenger in training and not his Personal Assistant. I went into his lab every three or so days so he could check on any injuries I’d gotten from training, take a few blood or tissue samples, and update me on Wanda and Vision. It’s hard to get a surly word or fake smile in edgewise when he does ninety percent of the talking, so I flew under the radar for longer than I had expected I would. For a genius, he could be oblivious about interpersonal relationships.

His breaking point was when I just flat out didn’t respond to his latest status report on my magical voodoo coach and her door-hating man.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Jen? I just told you that they’re going to be out for at least another two weeks, and you don’t even bat an eye? Since when do you not care about your friends?”

I did care about Wanda and Vision, I did. Tony had informed me a while ago that the insanely smart Princess of Wakanda, Shuri, had successfully managed to remove the stone from Vision’s head and Wanda had promptly destroyed it. Vision was doing fine, but he was adjusting to having to use doors now that he couldn’t just walk through walls anymore. He couldn’t shoot beams from his forehead anymore, or alter his appearance to look human, but those were all minor setbacks when it came to destroying the Mind Stone and keeping him chugging along. Once they were finished with their Hydra brain-digging they’d be headed straight home.

My hands twisted themselves together in my lap. “I do care,” I insisted unconvincingly.

Tony took off his glasses and leveled me with a hard stare, his arms crossed over his chest. “What’s going on?”

“What do you want me to say?” I huffed, unable to meet his disappointed gaze any longer.

“Explain why I’ve had four of our friends and coworkers come up to me and ask if you were okay. If the tests showed anything negative because your piss poor attitude sure does. Did your favorite person get kicked off of _Survivor_? Did Ben and Jerry’s stop making Hunka Hulka Burning Fudge? What is it?”

I groaned, pulling my knees up to my chest as I sat on the exam table and shoved my face into them.

“You wouldn’t understand, Tony.”

“Try me, Poison Ivy,” he insisted, not unkindly.

“It’s dumb as hell.”

He came over to sit down on the table next to me and nudged my shoulder with his. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me that you’ve been having nightmares and I know you haven’t been talking to Bruce about it. I can get someone in here if you need it. A professional. Just gotta ask.”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. is a snitch,” I muttered, fiddling with the handle of my knife on my thigh absentmindedly. I had taken to wearing it again, at Tony’s request, and it was equal parts reassuring and daunting to have that steady weight on my leg again. Of course Tony would check up on me when he noticed something. He was basically Dad of the team, and he’d been doing his best to take care of everyone, including me, for as long as I could remember. He would see my restlessness and work ethic and nightmares for what they were. It wasn't as if this was a new pattern of mine. “I don’t need to see anybody. I’m fine.”

“Then get the hell over it. You’re an Avenger now. You gotta sort through this shit however you need to so you can get back on your A-Game. Hydra is still out there looking for your skinny ass. They aren’t going to stop trying to breach the Compound’s defenses or lure you out because you’re throwing the world’s longest pity party for yourself. Wanda and Vision are out there risking their lives for you, so maybe show a little gratitude for their hard work and don’t act like a waste of space,” he snapped, his voice barely restrained as he poked my arm with each point until I looked up at him. He was right in my face, giving me every ounce of disappointment and rage in his clenched jaw and hard eyes that he refused to let out in his words. It was so paternal and there was so much care driving the speech.

And it broke me.

I pulled my eyes from him to stare up at the ceiling, blinking to try to keep the tears that pricked at my eyes from falling. It didn’t work, though, and they slipped down my red face anyway. I chewed on the inside of my cheek and crossed my arms over my chest as I worked as hard as I could to keep from crumbling under the weight of his disappointment.

“Oh, shoot. Hey, kid, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out,” Tony said worriedly, hands fluttering uselessly in front of him.

I took several deep, shaky breaths before I felt in control enough to get off of the exam table and put some distance between us. I needed to lessen the intensity somehow. Why was everybody in this damn Compound so freaking intense all the time? My hands clasped over the back of my head as I paced in front of him and just let my jumbled thoughts spill out of my mouth.

“No, it’s not okay. It’s frustrating as hell and I’m pissed and I can’t do anything about it so I just _don’t_ but that doesn’t work because then I’m just bottling all of this up inside. That’s not good for my powers, so I haven’t been able to use my abilities and practice since it happened. And _that’s_ not good because I need to make sure I can defend myself and that I don’t need anybody to help me. And I can’t sleep at night because I keep seeing those…” I sucked in a shaky breath, “those guys but then I wake up alone and it doesn’t feel safe and I’m so angry at myself and-”

“Woah, woah, woah. There’s a lot to unpack there. Let’s start from the top, okay?” Tony asked, raising his hands to stop the rambling tirade as it spilled directly from my brain out of my mouth. He waited until I had stopped pacing back and forth and was looking in his general direction before he continued, “What is frustrating as hell?”

It was too much to pick apart. “Everything.”

“One example, kid. Throw me a bone.”

“Can’t do just one. Better question,” I countered quickly.

Tony rubbed at the bridge of his nose with his thumb and pointer finger, squinting his eyes together tightly. “Okay... Why can’t you do anything about whatever is frustrating as hell?”

“Because I’m not the one who did it.” _Well, kinda._

“Who did what?” he asked, his frustration clipping his words.

“Acted like an asshole. Which is to be expected of him, but it’s frustrating because I believed him and I trusted him and that’s a dumb, naive thing to do when it comes to the God of Lies and Mischief,” I explained, my voice sounding as deflated as I felt after my outburst. 

It had been dumb to believe him. He didn’t have me. I wasn’t safe. He wasn’t going to be around like he promised me in that car. The look in his eyes had been a lie. The gentle touches and steamy kisses were easily faked to deal with a sticky situation. That’s all. I had known better than to trust him, I had every reason _not_ to believe that he had changed, and I ignored it all because of two life-saving moments, some making out, and a halfway confession of mind control. I _knew_ better.

He shifted on the table, shaking his head and blinking dramatically as if to make what I just said any less nonsensical. From his continued confused expression on his face, it didn’t work. “I’m sorry, Jen, but you’re gonna have to explain.”

And so, after taking a beat to gather my thoughts, I unloaded everything onto Tony. The admission in the car. The dancing and making out in the club. Our fight against the Hydra assholes. How he was in the car. How he was completely different on the rooftop. And how pissed I was that I _was_ pissed that he was ghosting me now after he’d made himself such a staple in my life over the last month.

After all was said and done, I collapsed onto a nearby chair and hung my head, letting my thick hair fall to partially hide my face while I waited for him to tell me what I already knew: That I was an idiot. I was naive. I shouldn’t have expected any different from Loki. He was known for this sort of behavior, wasn’t he? When the reprimand I was expecting didn’t come after several pregnant beats, I peeked up at him to be met with a very guilty-looking Tony staring back at me.

“Oh, kid. I fucked up,” he sighed.

My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. “What did you do, Tony?”

“I, uh, overreacted. I might have flipped out. When Sam and Nat called to tell me what had happened with those guys I lost my cool. And then when you pulled up and I opened the door to see Loki holding you like that, while you looked so broken… It brought out this whole protective thing in me that usually just comes out around the Spiderkid.”

I got up and stood directly in front of him. “What. Did. You. Do. Tony?” I asked through clenched teeth, working very hard to remain in control as my pulse thudded in my ears. 

“You know who he is. The Trickster God of Lies and Mischief. All I saw was this thousand-year-old god taking advantage of someone who’s had too many hard knocks in life. So I talked to him.” Tony held his hands up in surrender.

“No shit, Sherlock. What did you say?” I asked, feeling the familiar power roaring to life beneath my skin. It was nice to have it feel so accessible after almost two weeks of frustration, but I smothered it the best I could. I wouldn’t get a good answer out of Tony if I dragged him outside and made a tree give him a nice tight squeeze.

“I told him to stay away from you. That you were off-limits and he’s no good for you. You’ve been through too much to be chewed up and spit back out once he’d finished playing with the shiny new mortal-”

“Fuck, Tony! Damn!” I shouted, throwing my hands to my side. My knife came unbidden into my waiting hand, but I didn’t raise it against him. I wasn’t that far gone to my anger. “You aren’t my Dad! That’s not your place!”

He stood up so that we were face to face, his jaw tight as he glanced at the dagger before looking back at my tight face. “That’s right. I’m not. Because _he_ got them killed. Did you forget that?”

It was like he had stabbed me in the heart and punched me in the gut at the same time. I shoved the unwelcome last images that I had of my father out of my mind as tears that I had just gotten control over pricked at my eyes once again. I took a stumbling step away from him, as if I could walk away from the emotional turmoil he’d thrust upon me. “No, I didn’t. But that wasn’t him. He wasn’t in control.”

“And you believe him?” he asked incredulously. “He’s a liar.”

I hesitated briefly. “Not about this. You didn’t see his face.”

“I don’t need to. _I_ know what he is. _You’re_ not thinking clearly,” he accused, shaking his head at me.

“I’m not doing this with you right now,” I stated, backing away from him. I stormed out of the room, fumbling and then shoving my knife back into its sheath. I missed on the first attempt, leaving a steadily bleeding thin slice down my thigh and ruining my leggings, but I didn’t miss a step. I had a god to confront.

I jogged to the roof, standing there panting with my hands on my hips and my head dropped to my chest. My breath condensed in the air in front of me, and I made myself try to slow everything going on inside of me, from my blood rushing through my veins to my power desperately trying to claw its way to the surface, way down while I waited for Loki to show up. He was always creeping around somewhere and he would have been curious about my argument with Tony, I was sure of it. We hadn’t exactly been quiet about it.

Sure enough, by the time I was in slightly more control of myself, the hair on the back of my neck raised at the feeling of someone watching me. I had talked to Thor about this odd sensation, and he agreed that my suspicions of Loki being to blame were probably correct. He was more than capable of messing with my head enough so that I wouldn’t be able to sense him there if he wanted to, which meant that he _wanted_ me to know that he was around. He was too good at his magic to just slip up like that. No, he was playing with me just enough so that I would know he was being an invisible creeper without actually making himself known. It was like knowing that there was ice cream in the freezer while you were on a diet. It was there, but it might as well not have been for all the good it was doing and the torment it caused.

“Stay out of my head, Loki. Don’t be a coward. Show yourself,” I called, holding my arms up in the air challengingly.

 _“I am a god. A Prince of Asgard. I am no coward,”_ his voice hissed in my head. 

_Gotcha._

“You won’t even speak out loud or show yourself. Seems pretty cowardly to me,” I goaded him loudly. “Afraid?”

Loki appeared before me in a flash of green light, gripping my upper arms and shoving me roughly back against the door behind me. His eyes were crazed as they swept over my face. “Don’t you dare assume you know anything about me, mortal.”

I stared him down, telling myself that this was all show even as my body reacted very differently. I was practically vibrating with an electrifying mixture of fear and rage as his fingers dug painfully into my flesh and he towered over me. But he wouldn’t do anything me. I had to believe that. If he was going to kill me he wouldn’t have saved my life twice over by now. That was a little harder to make myself fully believe when he looked so manic and wrathful and I knew just how much damage he could do to me if he wanted to. Very easily.

“I know that Tony talked to you,” I said quietly, continuing when he opened his mouth to probably give some smartass answer, “I know that he treated you terribly. Like a monster. Telling you to stay away from me even though he didn’t have the right. Twisting everything around so it seemed like you manipulated me into trusting you.”

Loki tightened his grip on my arms, only releasing them when an involuntary wince twisted my firmly set mouth. He didn’t back away, though, his angered breaths blowing against my face as he sneered down at me. He dragged a long, cool finger across my jaw. “How do you know that I didn’t manipulate you? Mortals are so easily swayed, especially the fairer sex.”

“What would be the result of that? What would you get out of saving my life twice, tending to my wounds while I wasn’t even conscious to appreciate it, and helping me hold it together after the night of the club? What does that do for you?” I refused to move away from him. That was what he wanted. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

His brow furrowed for half a second, as if he was actually contemplating my question, but quickly replaced it with his mask of fury once again. “I was merely toying with you, love. It was in my best interest to go unrecognized in the club, and then afterward I would’ve been imprisoned again if I had let them take you. Your Avengers hold a soft spot for their new pet.”

He was just lashing out at me to avoid confronting his emotions. I had to keep on digging or we weren’t going to get anywhere.

“That doesn’t answer why you comforted me.”

He finally took a step away from me, and even that small amount of distance eased the rapid beat of my heart in my throat. From the way his eyes ticked to my neck I had to assume that my pulse was visible to him, and he had taken notice. Disgust dripped off of him as he replied, “Because you were _pathetic_. A warrior does not mourn those that they slay in battle. I had to keep your fragile psyche together long enough to get you to your equally feeble friends, who wouldn’t see it for the weakness that it was.”

His words finally achieved his goal, and I had to look away to try to hide how they had cut me to my core. He was just voicing what I had been telling myself. I did feel weak and pathetic for reacting that way, but it also meant that I wasn’t some robot who had no value for human life. Any normal person would be troubled by the knowledge that they had killed someone and gotten more men brutally killed just be existing. Either way, I couldn’t win. 

But the aspect that hurt most of all was that he hadn’t acted out of concern for me. It was all to save his ass and get rid of me, just like I had suspected. At least, that was what he wanted me to believe. I couldn’t accept that completely, though, not when my gut was telling me otherwise.

I straightened up off of the wall and set my fiery gaze on him once again. “So explain this to me, and don’t you dare interrupt. You are going to hear what I have to say and then you can fuck right off to go haunt some other poor soul.”

I hesitated to see if he would try to stop me, but surprisingly he just stood there in stunned silence as if he couldn’t believe that I was standing up to him. It wasn’t like this was the first time. But I was fully done at this point and I needed to get everything out of my system and then I could just leave it. But he was going to let me say my peace, damn it.

“I don’t know how long you think that you can lie to yourself, but it isn’t going to work forever. I’m not going to let it. You spent weeks watching me like I was some fucking science experiment. You slithered your way into my life by constantly hanging around, by making me reliant on you when I wake up from my nightmares, by stopping bullets aimed my way with your own body, and then drop me on my ass. You don’t do all of those things for anybody. I don’t see you doing any of those things for Natasha. I know that girl has to have nightmares with all the shit that she has been through. I don’t see you throwing yourself in the line of danger for somebody like Sam. You don’t get to just thrust yourself into my life like that and then waltz out like nothing happened. I’m not some plaything that you can use and toss away. I’m a person, even if that doesn’t mean much to a freaking thousand-year-old asshole alien prince.”

“You do not get to tell me what to do,” he hissed. 

But while his words were laced with anger, I could see the cool facade that he had constructed slowly cracking at the edges. Just a furrowed brow, his lips slightly parted, his eyes darting between my own. But it was enough to give me that last bit of oomph that I needed to continue.

“What are you going to do about it? Stab me? Kill me? I’m just a human woman. It wouldn’t be hard to do at all. If that’s what you want, then do it,” I seethed, pulling my dagger out and holding it to my neck for him, staring defiantly at him even as tension pulled my muscles taut. “Because either you admit that you did those things because you wanted to, because you _felt_ something and that you’re too much of a coward to admit it, or you can get the hell out of my life. None of this halfway bullshit anymore. I’m too tired and too stressed and I’m struggling too much to play games with the _Trickster_ God.”

His shining eyes took me in, and in one quick move he stepped up to me so that our chests were touching and his hand closed over mine, holding my knife at my throat. “I admit nothing.”

His grip hadn’t been very strong and I yanked my hand away easily. I sheathed my knife and shook my head, all of my rage melting out of me, leaving just exhaustion to weigh me down. “You see everyone else so clearly but yourself.”

He flinched at my words and closed his eyes tightly but I didn’t let myself question his reaction. I just wanted to be done with this conversation and never have it again. So everything needed to be said. I wasn’t going to have any regrets or thoughts of ‘what if’ when it came to this moment, consequences be damned. It wasn’t like he could hurt me anymore than he already had. 

“If you won’t admit it, I will. That night, something changed. And I’m not just talking about when we were dancing together, or when we kissed. Yeah, that _was_ really good, you weren’t wrong about that. But it had felt _right._ We… we fit. Even though you’re a giant compared to me, we fit. And then, after...,” I paused and took a steadying breath as I choked out the words around the lump of frustration in my throat, “you were the only thing that felt safe. You were the one that I trusted to protect me and hold me together. And I needed that, especially during my nightmares. And I hate that I needed that so much. I try to be so independent. But you had abandoned me.” 

I ran a hand through my hair with a heavy sigh. “And that’s fine. You don’t owe me anything. I’m going to learn to live with what I did and what I saw in time. I’ll do it on my own. But I can’t do that if I’m also trying to figure out this situation on top of everything else. I can only handle so much at one time, and I have to take care of myself. You acting like an asshole to me one second and then treating me so tenderly the next isn’t going to cut it. You have to pick one.”

My hand settled lightly on his bicep. “I hope that one day you can be honest with yourself. Because I don’t think you are right now, and I think that’s hurting you more than you think it’s protecting you,” I whispered, squeezing his arm softly before walking away from him.

I didn’t expect him to stop me, and he lived up to that expectation. I didn’t run into anyone as I took the elevator down to the ground floor, and the few employees that I passed as I made my way outside didn’t even glance up at me as I moved quickly through them. The bite of the winter air returning to the exposed skin of my face was more than welcome as I began my usual jogging route along the perimeter of the Compound. I needed to think, and with Loki currently occupying my favorite thinking spot, this was my alternative that wasn’t the confines of my room. I wanted the open air right now.

I didn’t get very far before all of the emotions that I had cycled through in such a short period of time finally fully released themselves into hot tears that rolled down my cheeks. I always cried when I got overwhelmed. It was embarrassing. I let out a strangled shriek and stopped jogging, bending forward at my waist and pulling my sweater into my fists to wipe away the evidence of my emotions. Loki was right. I really _was_ pathetic.

“I am not worth your tears.”

I straightened up and lowered my hands to my sides, digging my nails into the fabric clutched in my palms. I kept my back to him, not wanting to be seen crying for what felt like the thousandth time that day. “Oh?” I asked, cringing inwardly at the break in my voice on such a short word.

His voice was closer this time. “I am not. No one is.”

I barked out a harsh laugh. “Yeah, well, I guess I’ll keep that in mind,” I scoffed, walking away.

His slim fingers encircled my wrist gently to stop my speedy progress away from him. “Did you mean what you said?”

I turned around to face him, swallowing my pride and looking up to him. The cold hatred that he had worn earlier had gone, and in its stead, his eyes were soft as they took in my tear-stained face. Tentatively, he reached up and swiped away a tear as it rolled down my cheek. “Did you mean what you said?” he implored in a low voice.

“I don’t have any reason to lie,” I replied, just as quietly.

In one swift motion he yanked me against him, encompassing me in his strong embrace. My face collided almost painfully with the hard muscles of his chest he was so fast. I remained stiff against him, even as one hand moved from my back to cradle the back of my head. I wasn’t going to let myself get pressured into enjoying how heavenly he smelled, or how comforting it was to my weary heart to feel his voice rumbling through his chest.

“Only one other woman has been able to see through me so effectively.”

A small smile cracked my lips. “Smart woman.”

“Yes, she was,” he replied, voice weighed down with a terrible sadness that tugged at my heart. “This will not be easy.”

I didn’t say anything for a while, letting myself process everything. If he said that I could see through him, that _had_ to be his weird proud way of admitting that I was right. But what about? Everything? That’s what it sounded like. But my weary heart and mind needed more clarification.

I hesitantly lifted my hands from their place at my sides and rested them on his waist, sliding over the slick fabric of his shirt. “I’m going to need you to be more specific, Loki.”

A sigh ruffled my hair before his hands moved to my shoulders to hold me at arm’s length. That same softness was still there on his face, but it was now laced with a hint of vulnerability and fear that I wasn’t used to seeing on him at all. “I have grown quite attached to you, as of late, little one.”

Stifling the hope that soared within my chest, I raised an eyebrow at him. “No tricks?”

He pushed an errant piece of hair behind my ear and let his hand fall to rest on my shoulder so his fingers could lift goosebumps on the soft skin of my neck from his caress. “No more tricks. Not with you.”

Smiling wearily, I stood on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face into the column of his throat. “Don’t make me regret this, Loki,” I pleaded, my voice muffled by his skin.

His arms crushed me to him so tightly that it was hard to take a deep breath, but it still didn’t feel close enough. I felt his smooth lips move against the skin just beneath my ear as he replied, “I wouldn’t dream of it, love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a teeny tiny bit of soft!Loki and fluff. I'm a sap.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Any and all feedback is so appreciated! I see you, people who leave kudos and sub/bookmark, and it makes this worthwhile! :)


	9. Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during revisions.
> 
> Enjoy! :)
> 
> Warning: Brief mention of blood.
> 
> P.S. Special thanks to Vazanya for the lovely comments. You're the real MVP. <3

For just a few moments, everything was wonderful. I melted into his tight embrace and just breathed him in, comforted and held and _safe_ for what felt like the first time in forever. The steel bands of his arms around my back and middle felt like they were tethering me to him and would never let me go. And that was just fine in my book. I could stand here forever basking in the warmth that his cold body against mine created inside of me, but of course Loki had other ideas.

With a soft kiss to my forehead, he moved his hands to latch onto my waist and pull me away from him just enough to look down at me. I kept my hands firmly clasped behind his neck, unwilling to let go of him for fear that he was going to suddenly change his mind and disappear for another two weeks.

“I meant what I said, little one. Choosing to stand by my side will not be easy,” he warned, clearly giving me an out in this relationship that had only just begun. I could almost see him preparing to erect another set of walls between us at my expected rejection.

I traced idle circles on the back of his neck, earning a small hum of approval from him. “No, it won’t. I’m not going anywhere, though. Are you?” I did my best to hide the apprehension I felt, but it didn’t seem to work too well by the sadness that darkened his eyes.

“Your Avengers will not approve,” he reminded me, ignoring my question.

I frowned. He was definitely killing the happy buzz we had earlier. “You’re right, they won’t. But they’re also not in charge of me, not even Tony. And he knows that now. But I’m not going to let go of something that could be great because it could also be hard. If you are really concerned about it, we could keep it between us for a while. They’ll find out eventually, but we could let ourselves get used to… _whatever this is_ before we let outside opinions in. Would that make you feel better?”

He puzzled over my offer for a few moments before nodding wordlessly. One of his hands left my waist to glide up my arm and cup my cheek. I leaned into his touch despite the combined chill of his skin and the cold weather sending a shiver through me. He was always so cold. That shiver made my legs shake, and I felt a bit of a breeze over my thigh by my holster. I lifted my head from his grasp to look down, and only after I had seen the scratch I’d given myself in Tony’s lab did I feel the sting of it. With all of the emotions and chaos, I hadn’t been paying attention to how I felt externally, which just felt silly now. It looked worse than it was with the amount of blood that had soaked into my leggings, but I was still too content to care too much about it. My superhuman healing powers would take care of it in a few days.

Loki must have followed my gaze because he abruptly knelt in front of me and took my thigh into his large hands. His thumbs barely touched the split fabric on either side of the long cut as he examined it closely. It was a heartwarming sight to see the god kneeling before me, cradling my leg as if any touch stronger than a caress would further injure me. Just as suddenly as he had knelt he was standing up straight again, his body as tense as his voice as he ground out, “Who did this to you?”

“I missed my holster earlier when I got pissed. It’s already scabbing over, it’s fine,” I assured him with a shrug.

He grabbed my hand and tugged me toward the Compound at a brisk pace that I had to scramble to keep up with. For each step he took, I had to take two because of his long legs. “Loki, it’s okay! I’m not that fragile.”

“It could become infected. Your bodies are so prone to illness. I will not risk it with you,” he said gruffly as he stopped to turn to me. “You are mine to care for. Allow me this.”

How could I say no to that earnest face? “Okay, but we don’t have to sprint upstairs. I won’t bleed out or get some super-bacteria between now and then. I’m tired,” I admitted with a short, weary laugh. I hadn’t been getting very much sleep lately, and with how emotionally draining the day had been I honestly just wanted to take a nap.

Apparently he took my admission as me saying that I couldn’t walk anymore, as he easily lifted me into his arms and proceeded to the Compound. I would have to pick my battles with him and this was one that wasn’t worth it. Besides, it was nice to have an excuse to nuzzle my nose into his neck and wrap my arms around his shoulders. I briefly wondered what the others would think when they saw us like this, but after we went inside and passed several interns and various techs without earning even so much as a glance, I lifted my head to pin Loki down with a questioning look.

“Just between us,” he said simply, hugging me tighter to him as he passed through the doorway into his suite before depositing me carefully onto his bed. Ahh, magical creeper Loki had made an appearance again. Or, rather, made a disappearance. _Terrible joke._

I took advantage of him disappearing into the bathroom for the first aid kit to take in his room. It had the same bones as mine, but he had done much more to customize the space than I had. The entire wall on either side of his door was covered in overstuffed bookshelves, with more piled up on his coffee table. One nightstand also had several thick tomes, some of them in languages I couldn’t even begin to identify. A thick green blanket was draped haphazardly over the couch, and it was the only comforting personal item in the room other than the sinfully soft black duvet beneath my kneading hands. He even went to the trouble to switch each doorknob, drawer pull, and metal fixture from the standard stainless steel finish found throughout the Compound to gold. Even the stitching in the blanket beneath me was golden. Nothing less than opulence for the Asgardian Prince.

Unbridled desire flashed in his eyes as he returned to me carrying the first aid kit. “How long I’ve waited to have you in this position, darling,” he smirked, eyes raking over my body as he settled beside me on the bed.

“Watch that silver tongue of yours,” I warned as I felt my face and neck heat up beneath his appreciative gaze.

“Don’t tempt me,” he winked. He made to tend to my leg, but it was difficult to reach through the thin tear in my leggings. He raised his brow as he looked up to me. “What do you suggest we do about your bottoms?”

“Um, do you have any shorts? These leggings are trash, but I’m _not_ going pantless,” I said, adding in the last bit when a mischievous glint shone in his roving eyes.

A truly mischievous smirk crossed his sharp features that sent my heart racing. I was about to tell him to wipe it off of his face when the slightly cool air of the room washed over my legs and I got thoroughly distracted by watching my leggings shift into a pair of indecently short shorts in a wave of green light. It was an odd sensation to have the fabric slithering over my skin, and his magic tingled as it traveled up my lower half. I couldn’t even be mad at the length of the shorts for how in awe I was at his powers.

“Well, that’s cool as hell,” I breathed, gathering a fist of the material experimentally. Still felt like clothes, so that was something. What did I expect them to feel like? Paper? _Idiot._

A low chuckle pulled my attention back to him. It was pleasant to listen to, especially considering how he was normally laughing at the expense of others. This was a good change of pace. He pulled my leg into his lap and raised his darkened eyes to mine as he dragged his fingertips slowly up my leg until they had reached the edge of the holster high on my thigh. His dangerous smile only grew when I captured my bottom lip in my teeth, biting down on it to stop myself from gasping as his nails lightly traced the edges of the sheath. I’m pretty sure that I forgot how to breathe and my heart thudded erratically in my chest. Did he know what he was doing to me? His rough, calloused fingers rasped deliciously at my skin as they followed the band around my thigh to remove it. With exaggerated slowness, he pulled the holster down my leg and sat it beside me on the bed.

“Damn,” I breathed. “You have no right to talk about temptation.”

He winked at me with smug satisfaction before finally turning to the task at hand. The actual cleaning of the scratch was much less drawn out, and my poor frazzled nerves were grateful for it once he was done. It hadn’t even needed a bandage, but he had still slathered it with antibiotic ointment. Probably just to watch me squirm beneath his firm ministrations. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take of whatever the hell _that_ had been without spontaneously combusting.

When he was finished, he banished the supplies back to his bathroom before turning his attention to the holster resting beside him on the bed. I moved to take my leg from his lap, to give him space and myself a chance to breathe properly, but he stopped my attempt wordlessly with a hand on my calf. He rested his elbows upon my shin to hold my leg to him so he could use his hands to expertly unsheath the pitch-black dagger.

“Have you any training with this?” he asked, weighing the dagger in his palm.

“Um, no. Nat is just working with me on fighting. I was working on controlling my actual powers with Wanda, but that hasn’t exactly panned out with her being gone. Tony gave it to me after, well...” I paused, rubbing at the hidden mass of scar tissue beneath my sweater. “Since it’s rock, I can control it. It helped at the club. But I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing.”

“That is unacceptable. A weapon in untrained hands is more dangerous than in the hands of an enemy.”

“Hey!” I said indignantly, swatting his arm.

He raised a brow at the cut on my thigh.

“Point taken,” I huffed.

Sheathing the blade, Loki set it back down at his side and looked to me, determination setting his jaw. “I will instruct you.”

“You’ll what?” The words blurted from my lips sounded pretty ungrateful, but to be fair, he was a thousand-year-old god telling me that he was going to be my knife fighting teacher. What reality was this that _that_ was going to happen? Tack on the fact that he was currently holding my leg in his clutches because he _wanted_ it there, had admitted that he had some sort of romantic or fond feelings for me, and let me tell him off without reprimanding me and this day was becoming just a little too surreal for me to contain my incredulity.

“I’m an expert combatant, even more so when it comes to dagger work,” he stated, thrusting an arm out at his side and conjuring a dagger into his palm. He traced my leg with the flat edge of the dagger, the smirk on his face growing minutely when my breath hitched at the touch of the cold metal.

“I’m not to have you brandishing a weapon that you cannot command proficiently. After you finish with Natasha, we will work together so that you are just as lethal with this dagger as you were the other night,” he stated, leaving no room for argument.

My blood ran cold at his reference, and I dropped my eyes to my hands as they twisted together in my lap. I had been living in the comfortable, if not exciting, small world that existed in his bedroom as he took care of me, but his words brought up a bloodied, slack face to the forefront of my mind. The more I tried _not_ to think about it, the more I did. It felt like my head was swimming and I vaguely put together that that was most likely because I couldn’t remember how to take a deep breath.

“And if you had not been as brilliant and acted as you did with this beautiful weapon, more damage could have been done to your precious body before I could stop it. I will always be there at your side to try to protect you from the harsh realities of this life you have been thrust into, but it would lessen the burden on my heart if you were more prepared for combat,” he urged, the dagger disappearing from his hands. He moved his hands to firmly knead my calf muscle, which made my heart race for an entirely different reason than the images that plagued my waking and sleeping mind at the worst times.

“Jen?” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice pulled me out of my derailing train of thought. My eyes focused on the impossibly handsome man caressing my leg as I tried to lengthen my shaky breaths.

“Yes, F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” I asked, grateful for the distraction.

“Mr. Stark would like a word with you if you’re available.”

“She isn’t, you insufferable machine. Is it an emergency?” Loki asked, his grip tightening on me possessively.

“It isn’t.”

“I’ll talk to him in the morning,” I replied bitingly. Even though he had been the catalyst for my current position in bed with a god, it didn’t mean that I wasn’t still pissed at him for thinking that he could control my life as he had.

“I’ll let him know.”

I reached out and covered his hand with mine, loosening his tight hold on me. I could feel myself shaking as I brought it up to my lips so I could place a tender kiss to his palm before I lost my nerve. “I’ll do it,” I murmured, allowing my lips to brush against his skin with my words. It only made sense that I should learn how to use the weapons at my disposal. He had been right. I was more likely to hurt myself with my knife than actually protect myself. Beginner’s luck could only work for so long. And how could I say no when he had said that teaching me would _’lessen the burden on his heart’_? That was heart-melting material coming from his silver tongue.

A fire flickered to life beneath his gaze as he watched me carefully. He extracted his hand from mine and rested on my hip, curling his long fingers into me. “My greatest desire is to keep you safe,” he admitted, his other hand brushing a stray hair behind my ear. His hand lingered on my cheek, allowing his chill to seep into my heated, pink skin.

I closed my eyes to the intensity of his stare and pressed my cheek into his hand with a shaky sigh. His hands lifted from me and the bed pitched as he moved around to position himself behind me. I opened my eyes to watch his long legs spread out on either side of mine. An arm wound around my shoulders and pulled me back until my back was flush to his chest. There was nothing sensual about the movement or the way his body encompassed mine, nor in his words, but that didn’t stop my heart from stuttering. “I will do everything in my great power to keep you safe,” he vowed, pressing his lips to the shell of my ear. “You are mine.”

We stayed that way for some time, listening to each other’s breaths. I took the opportunity to at least rest my eyes since I wasn’t going to get much sleeping done with one of his hands absentmindedly stroking the smooth skin of my stomach that peeked out between my shirt and shorts. I gripped the arm around my shoulders with both of my hands and let my head fall back to rest beneath his chin as I tried to wrap my head around all that had changed in the past few hours.

I had never been good at relationships. Before I lost my family, I hadn’t ever had a truly serious boyfriend. Nothing lasted more than a few months. Besides, I was practically a baby when New York happened. And afterward, opening my heart to someone else never seemed worth the possible heartache it could bring about. There were a few flings here and there, one night stands or truly terrible blind dates, but I never went into it intending to find a long-term partner.

But knowing what I did about Loki, this wasn’t going to be just a little fling. If that was all that he had been interested in he would have approached me before now to get it out of his system; he wouldn’t be holding me now when we could be getting up to much more _interesting_ activities alone in his room. No, he had said that I was _his_. Which the strong independent woman in me balked at, but the warm fuzzy feeling that spread out inside of me overruled that. That could quickly change if he decided to be an asshole about it, but I didn’t see that happening. I felt reasonably certain that I understood the realities of pursuing a relationship with a god. At least I thought I did until I phrased it that way.

Loki was all intensity, all the time. Even in the quiet moments, every touch and look was charged with emotion or meaning. Now all of that intensity was directed at me. Could I handle that? Could I handle his anger and mood swings and penchant for getting into trouble? Sure, half of the time the darker side of him wasn’t directed at me, and when it was, it wasn’t because he was upset. He lashed out at people to protect himself, and he may not like my systematic chipping at those barriers to get to the real Loki.

I rolled over against him so that my side was curled against his front and wrapped my arms around his waist, wedging them in between his rigid body and the pillows propped up behind him. He readjusted his grip to encircle me once more, one hand tugging lightly on the ends of my hair as it spilled down my back and the other circling my hip bone idly. I barely registered his contented sigh against the crown of my head before I gave into my exhaustion and sank into a deep sleep in the safety of his arms.

~~~

I woke up to a cold hand cupping my cheek. I grumbled against the unwelcome sensation and tried to burrow away from it, but I was met with an equally freezing hard body beneath mine. My heavy eyes blinked open to take in the unfamiliar dark room around me before I tilted my head up enough to look up at the source of the chill. Loki was staring down at me with a kind expression softening the harshness of his features. Lit by the blue moonlight filtering in through the windows of his room he was quite a stunning sight to behold. He pulled the blanket covering me--he must have summoned it from the couch--tighter around my curled up body when I shivered from his thumb caressing my cheekbone. That was only part of the cause for my reaction, but I wasn’t going to let _him_ know that. 

“I hate to wake you when you are sleeping so peacefully in my embrace, but your stomach was growling quite loudly and you missed both lunch and dinner,” he said with an amused smile.

My stomach grumbled loudly as if it had heard him. I unraveled my arms from around him with a groan, the muscles protesting the movement after staying in one position for what I assumed to be hours, judging by the stars twinkling in the sky. “Food should probably happen, yeah. Sorry for passing out on you.”

He shook his head and tipped his chin down just enough to capture my lips in a quick yet thorough kiss that left me breathless. He left another soft kiss on my forehead before leaning back against the headboard, allowing me room to get my bearings. “Never apologize for that. I enjoyed it immensely”

I blushed and scrambled up into a sitting position. Sometime during my nap it seemed that I had wiggled my way around so that I had sprawled as much of myself across him as possible, even my legs had tangled up with his, and the intimacy of that combined with his low gravelly voice was making it entirely too warm in here. “Oh, okay then…” I babbled, grateful for the darkness to hide how much that statement affected me.

The bed pitched again as he followed suit, tucking his legs beneath him so that he was balanced on his knees beside me. He slowly leaned forward over me and trapped me between his arms as his hands propped his upper body up next to my hips. I was forced to lean back as he crowded me, my stomach clenching from the strain of staying upright and his body towering over mine. Just when my abs were about to give out, he snaked an arm around my back and held me upright so that I wasn’t given any other choice but to reciprocate when he kissed me, working his soft lips expertly against mine. I couldn’t help but arch my back into him and clutch my grasping fingers into the fabric of his shirt between his shoulder blades as I tried to hold myself up against the desire that threatened to make me lose complete control of my body.

I sighed into his mouth, and he lifts his body from mine and easily untangles my hands from around his neck, keeping a firm hold on one of them as he tugged me off of the bed. I stumbled slightly, still reeling from the intoxicating kiss and then his sudden backing off. Irrational fear sent my already racing heart to race faster as my overthinking brain created scenarios for why he would stop. _I’m a bad kisser. I have morning breath. He isn’t interested in me. He wants to get rid of me. I’m boring him. This was all a bad idea._

“I can see you thinking, love. Relax,” he chuckled, brushing a quick kiss across my knuckles and instantly silencing my fears. He peered out of the open door before leading me to the kitchen, our path illuminated by a scattering of low lit lamps around the large open living area. It was oddly domestic to watch him putter about the kitchen, carrying on as if he hadn’t just kissed me within an inch of my life on his bed. 

I momentarily forgot that I was supposed to be getting my food I was so entranced watching him. Only when he paused in the reheating of his leftovers in the microwave--that was an odd sight in itself--to quirk an eyebrow at me did I snap out of my daze and get to it, avoiding looking back at him to hide my blush at getting caught staring. I busied myself with making a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich and pretending not to be very much aware of the Asgardian as he finished his task and stalked up behind me. His arms wrapped around my waist to hold me to him while I spread strawberry jam on a slice of bread. He didn’t say anything as he held me; his nose buried itself into my hair and he just kept me close while I worked.

“Ahem.”

Loki jerked and took several steps away from me quickly at the sound. I whipped my head up and dropped the glass jar, sending sticky glass shards everywhere. _Shit._ The source of the sound was Nat, who was also known to have difficulty sleeping. She was leaning against the kitchen table several feet away, a knowing smirk on her face and her arms crossed over her chest.

“Oh, don’t mind me. Just wanted to grab a snack. I think I’m good, though…” she winked at me before strolling casually away down the hallway and out of sight.

Nat’s unexpected interruption briefly stopped my heart, but after getting over my shock, I burst out laughing. I stifled it behind my hands, propping myself up against the counter as I just lost it. I had been so wound up all day. Now that I let loose I couldn’t stop. Through the blur of the happy tears streaming down my face, I watched Loki easily collect the broken glass with his magic and toss it into the trash can. 

“She set a fire under your ass,” I teased, doing my best to imprint the image of his shocked face and hands held up in the air in my memory forever. He looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

“You mock me, love?” he asked, his voice taking on a dangerous timbre and his eyes gleaming wickedly.

“Yep,” I replied, popping the last ‘p’ of the word and situating my hands on my hips .

“Don’t you know that it’s dangerous to mock a god?” He stalked towards me with a predatory grace that sent a wave of electricity through my body straight to my core. _Hot damn._

I took a shaky breath. “You won’t hurt me.”

“Oh, little one, do not get ahead of yourself. I may no longer wish to bring you harm, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t give you _pain_ ,” he hissed, his delicious deep voice dripping with sin. 

He pressed his chest against my own, forcing me to walk back until I was pinned against the counter. His fingers moved to the small area of exposed skin at my hip where my sweater had ridden up, and he pinched it sharply. I squeaked in shock, about to ask him what the hell his problem was when he followed the brief moment of pain by shoving his hand fully into the side of my shorts, effectively turning my protests into a harsh gasp instead. His calloused fingers dragged along the stinging skin, rubbing away the pain.

“Oh,” I breathed, realization fully dawning on me. It would make sense that the God of Mischief was into _that_ sort of thing.

My reaction must have pleased him judging by his seductive smile. “Did you enjoy that, darling?” he whispered hoarsely.

Lust lit up his penetrating eyes and rendered me mute. He stooped down and claimed my lips for his own with a growl. His hands gripped my hips beneath the shorts tightly, pulling me against him and making me feel the hard evidence of his desire against my thigh. With every stroke of his fingertips and breath straining against my chest, he never ceased his relentless assault on my lips. His lips fought for purchase against my own, taking everything I gave him with relish and demanding more. I finally broke the kiss when I thought my lungs would burst, panting against him as he took the opportunity to drag his mouth down my neck.

At the first touch of his teeth dragging just hard enough against my skin, my legs grew weak. His cool velvet tongue following the scrape of his teeth made me cry out his name softly. “Loki…”

His mouth pulled away from my pulse point and left a steady, dull throb in its wake. _Had he just given me a hickey? How old were we?_ His forehead fell heavily onto my shoulder and the bruising grip of his fingers on my hips lessened as he stroked them gently instead. “We both need to get some rest…”

“Yep,” I said quietly, unable to think of anything more eloquent to say than that. He had thoroughly driven all rational thought from my mind as soon as he forced me against the counter. I didn’t know that I had liked that side of intimacy, but _hell_ he was he sexy as hell when he got all dominant.

He chuckled and extricated himself from my grip--at some point my hands had latched onto his unyielding backside. “Goodnight, little one.”

And he swaggered away with all the confidence of a man who had purposefully left his woman wanting for more. If my legs worked I would have chased after him and demand he finished what he started, but I was worried I might melt into a puddle if I moved. He was certainly living up to his namesake. Damn God of Mischief was a _tease_.

Gathering myself together, I grabbed my sandwich and headed to my room, thinking about the weird turn the day had taken as I ate my quick late dinner, went about my bedtime routine, and clamored into bed with a tired smile on my face.

“Lights off, F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to throw in some fluff because things aren't gonna stay this peaceful for long! Hydra and Thanos are still out there to wreck some lives, after all.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Any and all feedback is so appreciated and makes this feel so much more worthwhile!


	10. I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I'm meant to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during revisions.
> 
> This is the longest one I've posted so far, I thiiiink, but I asked on my tumblr (found in my profile) whether a shorter or longer update was wanted. Longer won! So, enjoy!
> 
> Warnings: Violence, blood, death, and language.

_Loki had me pressed up against the brick wall of the alley where we’d just had dinner. His lips and hands roamed over my body, setting fire to my nerve endings. I writhed against him, delighting in his searing touch against my overheated skin._

__

__

_“We need the girl!” A man appeared next to us, pushing a gun into Loki’s side._

_Another appeared on the other side of our entangled bodies and held a knife to my throat. “No funny business, pal. You move and she dies.”_

_Loki’s eyes met mine, filled with fear. But I instinctively knew it was not for himself, but me. He reached out with impossible speed, breaking the hand of the man holding the knife to me, forcing him to drop it with a terrible scream._

_A gunshot echoed throughout the night. I saw pain flood Loki’s face, his mouth open as he gasped in shock. He fell to the ground, blood pouring from his stomach. I slammed down to my knees by his side, my hands uselessly pushing on the wound to try to hold him to this Earth._

_But it was too late. The spark had left his eyes and his lips were still, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. The man who had shot him grabbed me underneath my arms and hauled me away from Loki’s body._

_“No!” I screamed, reaching out for him with hands wet and dark with his blood. I struggled and flailed, tears pouring down my face as I stared at the lifeless body of the man I held most dear._

_“He’s dead, bitch.”_

_My heart stopped, and my body tensed. Heartbreaking despair switched to pure, unadulterated rage. I slammed my feet down into the ground, halting our progress and taking in my surroundings. I saw my dagger that the men had taken off my person at some point tossed aside by Loki._

_With cold, calculating fury I summoned the knife to me. It flew into my hand, and I plunged it into the eye socket of the man restraining me. I stormed toward Loki, my hazel eyes and clenched fists flashing with green lightning as I saw more men approaching with guns drawn._

_There was no hesitation as I wrenched a heavy limb from a nearby tree, my hands twisting in the air. I squeezed my fists in their direction, and the limb knocked them to the ground and crushed their upper bodies beneath its weight._

_More men came, and I killed each of them brutally and without remorse until the alley was filled with corpses and stank with the overwhelming iron scent of the blood I had spilled. But when I looked at Loki, he was still cold and lifeless. Had I thought that killing everyone was going to change anything?_

_The nearest corpse to me opened his eyes and turned to me, cracking open his bloody lips with a terrifying moan, “Our deaths are on your hands, and we will still come.”_

I wrenched up in bed, sobbing so loudly that it felt as if my throat was ripping apart. My hair was stuck to my sweaty neck and forehead. I clutched the sheets for dear life as my eyes darted around the dark room in search of the dead from my dreams.

My strangled sobs must have been louder than I realized; Loki materialized next to my bed almost instantly. His brow was furrowed as he looked at me in despair. “Let me in, love.”

I then registered the knocks on my door, soft enough to not wake the others while remaining barely audible. With the biometric scanners used to keep the bedrooms secure his handprint hadn’t been added to the database to allow him into my room. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., open the door.” My voice was so scratchy and raw that it didn’t even sound like me.

The door opened and Loki rushed inside, matching the illusion that disappeared, wearing only a pair of flannel pants and his hair disheveled from sleep. He climbed onto the bed beside me quickly but stopped just before he was going to pull me into his arms. He hesitated with his arms outstretched, searching my tear-soaked face to make sure that his touch wasn’t going to make me cry harder.

As soon as he sat down on the bed my hands flew to his stomach, needing to feel for myself that he was whole and unharmed. The dim moonlight practically glowed on his pale flesh, and I couldn’t see or feel any evidence of my dreams on his taut skin. With that fear alleviated, I threw myself into his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck. I wasn’t crying anymore, but I couldn’t silence the need that I had to hold him as close to me as humanly possible. I needed the reassurance that he was truly okay.

“Shhh, love. I promise you, it is all right. You are safe in my arms. I’ve got you,” he whispered, drawing me onto his lap and wrapping his arms tightly around my back. With only my shirt between us, he was so much colder than normal, but I appreciated the shocking temperature. It grounded me to reality, to him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, his quiet voice intimate in the stillness of the night.

I shook my head and pressed it into his neck, inhaling the comforting spice and musk of his skin. Saying it only made the dream more real. Besides, would he judge me for getting so worked up over a dream? It wasn’t like it had happened. Well, like some of it hadn’t happened. The most worrying part of the whole dream, besides him dying, had been the absolute madwoman I had turned into after he had died. I didn’t want to believe that that person was inside of me. But as he gently rocked me in his arms I knew deep down that I wouldn’t passively accept the circumstances if something happened to him.

“That’s fine, love. I’m here. I’m not leaving you,” he whispered. “I only offered because it may help you.”

I pulled away just enough to meet his eyes. He looked so concerned, so worried. It was a far cry from the smug arrogant look he normally wore. I hated to know that I was the cause of the pain twisting his features. “Look,” I whispered, my voice cracking on the short word. I grabbed one of his hands and put it on my forehead, permitting him to search my mind for the recurring nightmare that nagged at me.

“Are you sure? I don’t have to know.” He brushed my sweaty hair off my forehead, but I was too tired to feel embarrassed about it. His hand felt too good against my skin when he put it back where I had left it.

I nodded silently, pressing my forehead harder into his palm. Maybe he was right. Maybe it would help to not have to carry this burden alone anymore. Anything to get it to stop and to get a good night’s sleep.

Loki’s shining eyes closed, and then I was reliving the nightmare with a rush of warmth that flowed out from my head. It was over in the blink of an eye, but it felt like I was stuck back in that terrible dream for a lifetime. I dropped my face into his chest once his hand lifted from me, trying to focus solely on his body wrapped around mine and not the haunting images burned behind my closed eyelids. My ear pressed against the hard muscle over his heart, and I listened closely to his heartbeat to try to slow my own.

His breathing was ragged as he soothed me, and I detected the faintest tremor in his hands as he smoothed them over my arms, my back, my head. Something in my dreams had hit him just as hard as it had me. “I’m safe. You’re safe. We’ve got each other,” he whispered, letting go of me briefly to reach down and pull the twisted blankets up until they were pulled up over us.

“They’re still coming for me,” I whimpered, keeping my hold on him as he slowly lowered both of our bodies until we were laying down. I pulled my arms from around his neck and instead tucked one beneath my body, the other draping across his middle as he stretched out on his back.

Loki pulled on me gently until my whole torso was cushioned on his chest and my head buried into the hollow of his neck. 

“We’ll be ready, love. Now quiet your mind and try to rest. I’m not leaving you,” he hushed me, tucking an arm around my back and resting his other hand on mine, holding it to his chest.

I didn’t fight him. It was late and I felt like I hadn’t slept in weeks. And for such a lean, muscled man, he was quite comfortable. It was easy to give in to his demands and drift off to sleep once more.

~~~

“She is still resting, F.R.I.D.A.Y.. I will not wake her, no matter how often he has you request it,” Loki’s deep voice rumbled against my cheek that rose and fell with each breath he took, rousing me from my deep sleep.

I groaned, tightening the arm that was currently wrapped across his chest and pulled myself up his body until I could bury my face into the crook of his neck. He smelled so distinctly _Loki_. Just a clean combination of earthy spice, leather, and something entirely male. It was quickly becoming a scent I craved, and I was becoming more and more okay with that.

“Good morning, little one,” he murmured, pressing his lips to my temple.

“Nope,” I grunted.

He chuckled warmly. “Did you sleep well for the remainder of the night?”

I pulled away from him and sat up in bed, facing him and rubbing my fists into my eyes. Letting my hands fall, I took stock of how I felt. I was surprisingly well-rested, and my muscles were loose and warm. “Yeah, I did.”

He sat up and leaned against the headboard of my bed, his eyes never leaving me. I wanted to take a picture of the soft fondness in his gaze and treasure it forever. I wanted to admire this little glimpse of him that no one else got to see. The genuine smile that he had for me even in my bed-rumpled state. The warmth of his eyes when he reached out to push some of my messy hair out of my eyes. It was a private version of the god, just for me. 

“You haven’t had a proper sleep in weeks. I did my best to allow you to rest for as long as possible, but Stark can be impatient.” He rolled his eyes.

As if on cue, F.R.I.D.A.Y. came in over the speakers in my room, “Jen, Tony wants you to meet him in the gym as soon as possible.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I paused to stifle a huge yawn behind my hand. “Lemme get some clothes on and kick the devastatingly handsome Asgardian Prince out of my room.”

“I will let him know that you must get dressed and make Loki leave your bedroom.”

“No, wait! _Shit._ ” I fell backward onto the bed, putting my hands over my face and groaning loudly into them.

“Devastatingly handsome, hmm?” Loki's voice was dripping with mirth. I watched him through the cracks in my fingers as he knelt on the bed next to me, trapping my shoulders between his hands as he leaned over me.

I moved my hands up to grasp his flexed biceps and rubbed them with my thumbs in appreciation. “You are a literal god, shirtless in my bed, with washboard abs and muscles that I didn’t know existed, looking at me like you want to eat me, and a voice that could make angels weep. Yes, your handsomeness is devastating.” As if he _didn’t_ know the effect he had on me.

He moved to rest on his elbows so that he could grasp my hands in his, the length of his body firm against mine. “I don’t wish to eat you, darling. I wish to _devour_ you,” he promised with a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth.

My breath hitched at the contradiction of his desire-laced voice and unbearably tender kiss. He smirked at my response, then rested his forehead against mine. I tried to tilt my face up to kiss him, but he pushed me further into the bed with his hold on my hands.

“Ah, ah,” he purred, his breath tickling my lips. He teased me, brushing tender kisses to my temples, eyelids, nose, cheeks, and forehead. Anywhere but where I truly wanted him.

“Do you have any idea how _devastating_ you are?” he asked, parting his lips so he could lightly bite my earlobe. I arched my back against him, the molten lava flowing through my veins demanding more of his touch.

“Jen, Loki, F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me you are both in here. Gym. Now. Or I’m coming in there,” Tony’s voice interrupted us through said AI’s speakers.

I flushed, opening my eyes to see Loki still leaning over me with a toothy, mischevious smile.

“Oh no, I’m not going to hang around and see if he’s willing to go through with that. Not when we’re like _this_.” I pointedly looked up and down his shirtless body pinning me to the bed.

“If you insist,” Loki replied with a smirk, leaning down to capture my lips in a deep kiss, pulling away with a swipe of his cool tongue on my bottom lip. He got off of the bed, his hungry eyes following my body as I stood up as well.

 _Damn._ “Can you not?” I muttered, rubbing my hand over my face as I tried to regain my composure.

“But it’s so nice to watch you _squirm._ ” He stood there, chest heaving, looking like sin personified. “To feel your body against mine and listen to your quiet moans in my ear. It is entirely your fault that I long to feel your soft skin beneath my fingertips and-”

“Please stop. Telling you about the voice thing was a bad idea. I’m going to need you to go now so I can get dressed.” I blushed bright red and hid my face in my hands.

Loki prowled over to me, his hand clasping my hip as he stooped down to kiss the racing pulse point on my neck. “Until later, darling.”

And then he sauntered out of my room and I finally remembered how to breathe. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., tell Tony that I’ll be there in ten.”

Dressed ready to train in leggings, my holstered dagger that Loki had left on my bedside table, and a tank top and munching on an apple, I walked into the gym. Nat was already waiting for me in one corner, warming up with powerful punches and kicks to our practice dummy. Loki was in the corner across from hers, conjuring daggers and throwing them with graceful lethality into the center of a target halfway across the gym. And Tony was waiting for me in the middle of them, leaning against the padded wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

“You’re late, kid,” he called, looking at me over his blue-tinted glasses as I walked up to him.

“Sorry, Tony. Lost track of time. I didn’t sleep well last night.” I leaned onto the wall next to him, mimicking his pose. Maybe if I acted like everything was normal and didn’t say anything, we wouldn’t talk about F.R.I.D.A.Y. spilling the beans on Loki and I. He had to have known already considering how I reacted to him telling Loki to stay away, but that didn’t mean I wanted his suspicions confirmed. Maybe she didn’t say anything.

“Because of him?” he scowled, glancing at Loki, who continued as if he wasn’t listening to our conversation. I’d put money on the fact that he was, though. He was too nosy _not_ to listen.

“No. Nightmares. He’s the only reason I slept at all,” I snapped, raising my brow in defiance. 

_Damn F.R.I.D.A.Y.._

“You’re old enough that I can’t tell you what to do, or who to do, but there are some ground rules.” He got off of the wall, standing in front of me and holding his fingers out with each point, “One: No funny business in the common areas. I don’t need those mental images. Two: You have to keep up your work commitments. Hydra is still coming after you, and we gotta get you in tip-top shape.”

He pointed at Loki, his concerned eyes meeting mine. “Third, don’t take any shit from him. I know that’s his thing, but you’re too good for that. You got me?”

“I got you, Tony,” I smiled, stepping forward and clapping him on the shoulder with my free hand. 

I left my hand there, squeezing harder and looking at him with thinly-veiled anger, my smile turning sinister. “And you do not say one hateful thing to him when it comes to me. He’s my choice, and I deserve the chance to figure this out solo. No telling the rest of the team, either. Just you and Nat know. You got me?”

He took a step back, his brow raised as he pulled himself from my grip. After straightening his black-zip up Stark Industries jacket, he nodded. “Deal.”

“Awesome.” I smiled more sweetly and crossed my arms over my chest. “Now, what’s up?”

Tony rolled his shoulders and waved over Nat and Loki. “I know you’re going to tell these two, so let’s just save us all some time. Nat, Loki, get over here!”

Nat paused mid-kick and jogged over to us, panting slightly as she stood by my side. I felt a hand on the small of my back, and Loki stepped up to my side without even a hair out of place for all of the rigorous training he had been doing.

“I know she’s training with you guys after this, and you need to know this anyway and she tends to ramble for ages. So it’s easier if I just tell you all now. We finally got some intel from Wanda.”

“What is it?” Nat asked, standing up straighter, her curious face hardening as she switched into _Black Widow_ mode. It was like Steve’s _Captain America_ persona, but much scarier and less condescending.

“Her and Vision should be back in a few hours. They figured out why Hydra wants Jen. They had planned to use the juju in that box that Jen absorbed to run some experiments on their guys. Make some super-soldiers like Cap but with what she has going on now. But now that all the good stuff is in her, the next best thing is to just take her and use her instead.”

“Use me for what?” I asked quietly. Loki’s hand pushed against me, making me take half a step closer to him so that my shoulder brushed against his chest. I unwound my crossed arms and mimicked his position, knowing he would probably need the comforting touch just as much as I did.

“What they always want: world domination. You aren’t nearly powerful enough for that yet, and you may never be. Especially to face off against us. So we don’t know what their game plan would be to get you there. But we won’t let it get to that, kid, I promise,” Tony tried to reassure me, but the concern he felt over the situation weighed on him, visible in the dark bags beneath his eyes and the droop in his shoulders. When Tony was worried I tended to worry, too.

I let out a heavy sigh of resignation. “Then they’re not going to stop.”

“No, they’re not. I’m thinking our best bet is going in and wiping these guys out for good. We know where a few different bases are, and we can take them out easily if we hit them with all we’ve got. We’re taking out the first one in three days. Try to hit them before they hit us. Any questions?” Tony asked, taking charge of the situation. He always did feel better with a plan.

“I’m coming on that mission,” I blurted out. It wasn’t a question. I hadn’t known that was what I wanted, not really, but saying it felt right. I wasn’t going to let them risk their lives to save me. Not when I could be beside them helping out.

“You are, Poison Ivy. You’re safest with all of us to back you up. Now, take these,” Tony reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like smart watches for each of us, “and wear them at all times. They’re hooked up to F.R.I.D.A.Y. so we can use them to stay connected. Do not take them off.”

He set his stony gaze on Nat and Loki beside me, “Get her ready.”

“Come on, Jen. Let’s kick some ass,” Nat said, determination squaring up her shoulders.

I nodded to Loki and Tony before following her, feeling the nerves and anticipation roiling through my body. It was all very _real_ now. I wasn’t training for some unforeseeable future where I would be called on a mission for the Avengers. Now there was a deadline. In three days I would be out in the real world, fighting people who wanted to kidnap me, and I didn’t feel anywhere close to being prepared.

“So, about last night…” Nat stretched her arms across her chest while she watched me with a smirk.

“We don’t want anybody finding out yet. Just, please, okay?” I begged, taking the last bite of my previously forgotten apple and tossing it into a nearby trash can.

“Just answer me one question: How amazing was it when he gave you that hickey?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows and glancing at the lanky Asgardian across the gym as he resumed his target practice.

“Oh my god! We are so not talking about this!” I exclaimed, feeling my cheeks heat up. I tugged on my braid as if that could cover the love mark marring my skin that I had forgotten about while I was rushing to get ready earlier. That only made her suggestive smirk bigger, so I dropped it and braced myself on the balls of my feet, preparing to get the daylights beaten out of me.

While I had improved from when we first started, I still wasn’t anywhere close to the skill level of my teammates. Every move I made required a split-second choice, which was an eternity when fists and legs were flying at you, while they had all worked so long and trained so hard that the reactions were second nature to them.

Spurred on by the very real future where I would be put in situations where I was the main target, Nat worked me harder than ever. No more holding her strikes back. No more breaks mid-fight to allow me to catch my breath. She was taking Tony’s directive to heart.

I chalked it up to dumb luck when my kick in the back of her knee sent her falling. I hastened her fall by shoving her shoulder and then threw myself on top of her. Straddling her hips, I trapped one of her hands beneath my knee and held the other by the wrist. Only once she was securely pinned did I pull out my dagger, holding it to her throat with a triumphant and exhausted smile. 

“Finally!” I exclaimed, letting the tension seep out of my shoulders and pulling my hand away from her neck to rest on my thigh.

She just smiled in return, glancing behind me.

A hand tangled into my hair and my head was jerked back. I felt the cool bite of steel against my throat. Nat disarmed me without trouble now that I was effectively immobilized and touched the tip of my dagger to my chest, just enough to let one drop of blood well up beneath it.

“Don’t get cocky,” Loki hissed from behind me, releasing my hair and pulling his dagger away.

With him no longer holding me, Nat smoothly bucked me off of her hips and reversed our positions. All the air left my lungs from the force of her slamming me into the mat. And with my knife against my throat once more, I was dead for the third time in less than a minute. 

“And don’t let your guard down,” she said, getting off of me and holding out her hand.

I took her hand and stood up, wiping the sweat from my brow with the back of my arm. I waited until I could gulp down a deep breath before bending my knees, nodding that I was ready. I felt like I had been pulverized by Thor’s hammer repeatedly, but fighting, while I was this beat up and exhausted, was good practice. I would take all the practice I could get.

“Good. Again.”

I only managed to pin her one more time during our sparring session, and there wasn’t a moment spared to celebrate my improvement. She just critiqued how I could have done it more efficiently, and we began again. By the time we finished, I was more bruise than person.

I was sweating and panting when I walked over to Loki, who had alternated between watching us spar and throwing his own magically conjured daggers. He leveled me with his hard, penetrating gaze for several moments, his brow furrowed in thought.

“You put too much thought into battle. I can see you thinking as you fight with Natasha. You have to let go and just react,” he stated, beginning to walk slowly around me. 

I stood still, following him with my eyes and head as much as I could while keeping my feet planted firmly on the floor. I summoned my dagger into my hand from the holster, holding it at my side as I readied myself for his attack. He moved with all the surety of a predator, at ease and focused as he waited for the perfect opportunity to strike.

“My first instinct is to run. If I just reacted, I’d be out of here,” I said flatly.

“You cannot run when in battle. Your enemies will not hesitate to stab you in the back, and then they will take you from us. You must keep your eyes open and face them head-on. You are stronger than you realize,” he commanded, his voice coming from somewhere behind me. “I will be by your side in battle, but I must know that you are able to hold your own. Feel and hear what is going on around you as much as you see it.”

I took a deep breath, struggling against the fatigue that wanted to tremble in my limbs and weigh them down. I couldn’t hear anything he was doing over the pounding of my heart. A breeze stirred hairs that had fallen from my braid against my neck, and I whirled around as fast as I could, aiming my dagger high for his face. He grabbed my shoulder and knocked my dagger from my hand with the flat of his blade, then aimed his weapon at my stomach as he pulled me to him. I gasped, bracing for pain, clenching my eyes shut. I felt nothing but his lean body as I fell against his chest, where he let me rest for a split second before he pushed me away from him so roughly that I stumbled for a few steps before getting my bearings. He had made the blade disappear just before he would have stabbed me with it. _Asshole._

“You’re dead.” He put his hands out beside him with a flourish, daggers appearing in them easily. “Again.”

“Can I take a second?” I asked, leaning forward with my hands on my knees. “Nat kicked my ass six ways to Sunday and I’m beat.”

“In three days you will not get a break. In three days, your team will be depending on you to have their backs. In three days, men will attack you with the sole purpose of taking you from me and using you in despicable ways. You must be faster. You must be more prepared. Stand up,” he said harshly.

“Let me breathe for a second!” I shouted.

He was on me in an instant, forcing me to stand with a hand at my throat. It wasn’t restricting; I could still breathe easily, but his point had been made. I looked up to him, ready to chew him out, but I was rendered mute by the look of fear and anger warring in his bright emerald eyes.

“They want you! They will stop at nothing to make you their weapon against us. They will not hold back or show you mercy. These men are killers, and your hesitation could mean the death of those you hold dear.”

The fury in his eyes gave way to fear, and he stroked my neck softly with his thumb even as he continued to hold me captive by the same hand. “They will take you from me. I will do everything in my power to protect you, but I need you capable,” he said, not unkindly.

“But you’re a thousand-year-old god who grew up training to be a warrior. I will never be as strong or as fast as you,” I groaned, taking his hand from my neck and dropping it by his side.

“You don’t have to be my equal in battle. You only have to be their better, and you already are. Prove it,” he challenged as he handed one of his daggers to me. “Do not hold back.”

He stood several feet away from me, crouching down and brandishing his weapons, and shot me a sinister grin. I burst into action, throwing his dagger at him as I charged toward him. He dodged it with a roll on the ground, coming up right next to me. I aimed an elbow into his face while swiping at his midsection with my dagger. My elbow barely connected with his mouth as he hit my arm, the strength of it knocking my knife from my hand. He threw his fist into my stomach, sending me stumbling back with a moan of pain. I called my knife back into my hand, sending a kick into his knee. It connected and he fell to one knee fluidly, as if my blow helped him rather than hindered.

With a shout, I sliced down to his neck. I felt his hand latch onto my ankle, and he yanked it upwards, throwing me heavily onto my back. His weight settled onto my hips, and he conjured a blade into his outstretched hand that pointed right at my throat. I scrambled, bucking my hips and twisting my leg up to throw it over his shoulder and force him onto his back. My knife went toward his face with all of my weight thrown behind it as I rolled into a sitting position with my momentum, and I was brought to a halt when I felt the bite of a knife digging into the tense skin on my stomach. I had lost track of one of his hands, and he had slipped it between us.

“Don’t lose sight of your opponent’s hands,” he instructed with a smirk, his eyes flashing impishly. _Of course I only pinned him because he let me._

I dropped my dagger to the mat beside him, rolling off of his body to collapse onto my back. Breathing heavily, I threw my arm over my eyes. “Got it,” I huffed breathlessly.

“Let’s go again. Come,” Loki urged, grabbing my arm from my eyes and hauling me to my feet effortlessly. 

He led me over to stand in front of the wooden target he was using earlier. It was at least forty feet away, but I could see the large holes chipped from the middle from his practice earlier. “Show me how you would hit that target.”

Rolling my head around to loosen my weary and throbbing neck and shoulders, I stared down at the target. Summoning my knife into my hand, I lined up and threw it as hard as I could. It hit the target, but only just, catching the edge of it. “Shit.”

“You are too forceful in your approach. Daggers are not hammers meant for hacking and brute strength. They are extensions of the body, and should be treated as such.”

“Okay, Yoda. What does that mean, exactly?” I grumbled.

Loki came over behind me until I could feel his breath upon my neck, wrapping one arm around my waist and the other hand on my dominant hand. “Just as you have worked with the Widow on working with your body’s limitations and abilities, that same thought applies for mastering throwing knives. Your body is built for agility and speed, not brute force. You are all momentum and grace.”

He called my weapon to his hand, placing it gently into my palm and closing my fingers around it, adjusting my grip until it was where he wanted it. Tightening his arm so that our hips were flush together, he spun around, pivoted on one foot, and followed the motion through by guiding my arm to relax and let go of the dagger with a flick of my wrist. It sailed through the air and hit the center of the target with a satisfying _thunk!_

“And if you cannot garner that momentum, you have other talents you may call upon.” He released me, tossing his dagger lazily toward the target. A green light surrounded it, increasing the speed, and it slammed into the target with so much force that it broke in half.

With a snap of his fingers the target was in one piece again. He looked at me and waved to the target with a flourish of his hand, his brow raised expectantly.

Taking mine into my hand, I focused on the energy that constantly thrummed inside of me. I opened my palm, willing it to levitate a few inches above my hand. I spun my hand around and flicked my wrist. The obsidian dagger lodged itself into the target just off-center.

“Not bad, darling. Once more.”

An hour later and I was spent. Loki had alternated my training with him between sparring and target practice. I hadn’t improved much in either discipline. I could feel the purple bruises blooming on my skin, and my muscles were tense and shaking from overexertion. I had several light cuts on neck, arms, stomach, and thighs from Loki nicking me to make a point and keep me on my toes. Sweat drenched my clothing, and I had never been so tired in my life.

But I was proud of myself. I had managed to open a small cut on Loki’s lip and give him a bruise on one of his high, sharp cheekbones. He wasn’t sweaty or exhausted like I was, but to have done a small amount of damage against someone so skilled was proof that I wasn’t completely terrible. Although one of them had been a cheap shot when he thought I was hurt and he had come to my aid, but I was still counting it.

“Come on, darling. You cannot sleep on this floor all night.” Loki stood above me, grinning as he held out his hand to hoist me up.

“I don’t know, I’m pretty comfortable,” I grumbled, accepting his hand and standing up with a grunt.

He squeezed my hand before dropping it and walking beside me. “You are improving,” he said encouragingly.

“If I didn’t I’m pretty sure you would’ve stabbed me at least ten different times back there,” I laughed.

He chuckled and steered me into the elevator with a light touch on the small of my back. “Not to wound your confidence, but I was holding back. You will never be close to besting me.”

“Arrogant ass. Someone needs to knock you down a peg,” I teased.

“And you think yourself up to the task?” he asked, arching his brow with a wide, sly smile.

“Bring it on, God of Mischief,” I smirked as we rounded the corner into the kitchen.

“Jennifer! How nice to see you again!’ Vision called as we walked in, standing next to Wanda who smiled brightly at me.

I ran over to Wanda and gave her a tight hug. “I’m so sweaty and gross and I’m sorry about that but it’s so good to see you guys again!”

I gave Vision a quick hug as well before stepping back to stand by Loki, who was watching the other couple with a blank expression. I nudged him with my hip, trying to get him to loosen up a little and look less like hated everything.

“We’re glad to be back. Did we miss much while we were gone?” she asked, brown eyes shifting between me and Loki and the lack of distance between us.

Loki, clearly not wanting to be a part of this conversation any longer, cleared his throat and nodded a farewell to us before walking quickly to his room.

I followed him with my eyes before looking back at the couple. Vision was watching me with a calculated expression on his now-permanently purple face. It was weird to see him without the stone in his forehead, but it meant that there was one less weapon for Thanos to get his hands on. Wanda was watching me expectantly, and I suddenly remembered that she had asked me a question.

“Oh! Uh, Nat has been kicking my ass to get ready for the mission in a couple days. And Loki did this,” I pointed to the cut on my cheekbone and lip, “working with me with daggers today. But I got him back for it. so I’m getting there! And I’ve been working on my powers while you were gone.”

I held out my hands in front of me. The dagger strapped to my thigh flew into one hand. I looked to a potted bamboo plant on the kitchen counter in front of them and caressed the air with my fingertips, willing the plant to grow several inches higher.

“So, I’m a bit better at that now, too,” I stated proudly, slipping my dagger back into its sheath at my hip. “But now what I really need is a shower, and then we can catch up on everything you both did while you were gone.”

I smiled and jogged off toward my room, excited to feel less like a swamp monster and to get all of the details I craved from Wanda and Vision about what happened while they were gone.

I walked into the living room after I resembled and smelled like a person again, refreshed and wearing clean dark jeans and a thin blue sweater. I was about to turn to go into the kitchen when I heard Vision’s matter-of-fact voice.

“I do not believe that your fraternizing with Miss Jennifer is a good idea.”

I froze, knowing immediately that he had to be talking to Loki, but I wasn’t sure of whether or not I should let him handle this himself or help him out.

“I do not believe that she is of your concern, machine,” Loki hissed. I could picture the anger distorting his face, matching the malice in his voice.

“She has returned from your training physically harmed,” Vision replied accusingly.

“And her body is also riddled with bruising and swelling from the Widow, but I do not see you having this conversation with her,” he said coldly.

“Natasha has proven herself loyal to these people. You have not. How are we to know your true motives when you are known for your cunning and deceit?” Vision asked, a hard edge to his tone.

I heard a chair screech against the floor. “How am I to prove myself unless I’m given the chance?” Loki sounded so upset and frustrated; I needed to go in there.

“I believe it is best that you leave her-”

I stormed into the room, ripping my dagger from my side and holding it out in front of me as I stood in front of Loki. “Enough, Vision!”

Vision’s calculating stare moved from Loki to me, and he tilted his head. “You would defend this man?”

“I _will_ ,” I replied, gripping the knife tighter to stop my hand from shaking.

“And you know of all he has done?”

“I do, especially to me. But if we are all judged just based on our past we never have a chance to grow or get better. He’s _trying_ , and it would be a hell of a lot easier if all of the judgemental assholes in our lives would back the hell off about it,” I hissed, glaring at him.

“Darling, it’s all right,” Loki murmured into my ear from behind me, his hand reaching for my bicep to make me lower my weapon.

“No, it’s not!” I shouted and jerked my arm out of Loki’s grasp. “How did you even know, anyway?”

Vision crossed his arms over his chest. “I have access to everything F.R.I.D.A.Y. does. The cameras are part of her system.”

“So you spied on us? That’s fucked up,” I exclaimed, looking at Wanda as she walked in from the room she shared with Vision. “And I don’t think that Wanda would agree with you, Vision.”

Wanda’s hands and eyes flickered with red as she quickly took in the tense scene. “What wouldn’t I agree with?” she asked tersely.

“Vision jumped on the same Loki-is-a-terrible-person train that Tony was on. I get that you all are protective of me and that I’m the newbie who can barely control my powers. I get that Loki has done some really terrible stuff in the past. Trust me, I really do. But I also need you all to understand me and _trust_ me when I say that he’s trying to make up for that and help me out. Your choices are to get over it, or... to get over it,” I spat, chest heaving with barely-contained anger. It felt like it was going to explode out of me, and Loki’s large hand splayed across my stomach to hold me back against him was the only thing keeping me from completely losing it.

“Vis, she can protect herself,” Wanda said, eyeing the knife that I held out at Vision warily. 

“It isn’t only about _her_ protection-”

A crack appeared in the blade of the knife as it shook in my hand, my powers warring to escape and finding a chink in my control. “Right now it is. I’m the reason why you were both gone for so long, and I’m the one that Hydra wants. If you think that this man who put stopped actual bullets for me with his body and has saved my life twice now isn’t one of the best people for the job, I don’t know what to tell you. Wanda was also feared and disliked by people who only saw her past, and look at her now! Because she was given a chance!” I shouted. 

“We’re done with this conversation!” I laced my fingers through Loki’s hand on my stomach, leaving the stunned faces of my friends behind and dragging him into my bedroom.

“It isn’t fair!” I huffed, tossing my ruined blade onto the bed and whirling around to face Loki.

Loki stayed by the door, leaning against it with his hands in his pockets an unreadable expression on his stony face. “I do understand their concern.”

“What? You can’t possibly believe what he’s saying,” I said incredulously.

He walked over to me slowly. “What proof do you truly have that I am not deceiving you?”

“We’re not going to do this again. You’re not going to convince me to not have feelings for you, so just stop trying,” I snapped.

“What if I only saved you so that you could be taken by Hydra in the future? What if I am forcing you to care for me so that you will be distracted from your goals? Am I not the God of Lies and Trickery?” He brought a hand up to caress my cheek, “What if you are mistaking lies for affection?”

I subconsciously leaned into his cool touch, using it to calm the rage deep inside of me. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take. I’ll find out in three days, where I will either stand with you to destroy this Hydra base, get kidnapped, or die,” I replied smoothly.

Alarm flashed across his face and he lowered his hand to rest on my shoulder. “Why would you die?”

Unable to look at him, I stared down at the outline of his chest through his thin black shirt. “Because I’m about to ask you to do something that you aren’t going to want to agree to, and I need you to hear me out before you say yes...” 

He visibly stiffened, the muscles I could see in his chest flexed and his hand followed suit to match their tension. “What?”

“Hydra wants to take me to turn me into some freaky killing machine like Bucky was before Steve got to him. But while Bucky was under their control, he tried to kill Steve and he _did_ kill so many innocent people. They pumped him full of the same type of drugs that made Steve Captain America, and they gave Wanda her powers.”

I groaned, running my hands through my damp, scraggly hair. “I can’t let that happen. If they do to me what they did to them: increase my powers so I’m as strong as her, or fuck with my mind so I wouldn’t recognize Tony or Thor,” I paused to look up into his confused, haunting eyes sadly, “or _you_ , and I end up hurting or killing any of you… I couldn’t live with myself. I can’t let them take me.”

I had been giving it a great deal of thought since Tony had told me their plans. I couldn’t imagine the torture I would have to go through to get to that position, and then if I lived through that, I would be a danger to so many people. So many people that I love and hold dear. If someone ever managed to undo what was done to me would I be able to live with myself after that? I didn’t want to find out. I didn’t want to know what I was capable of. It would be like my last nightmare, but in real life and never-ending. And it is what any of the other Avengers would do. Sacrifice for the greater good, right? That’s what a hero does, and I guess I was part of that group now with my new powers.

Realization dawned on him, and he shook his head and my shoulder fiercely. “No. No. I am not ending your life in some irrational attempt at heroism.”

“And I won’t let myself be turned into some brainwashed evil person who kills her friends and-and you, and innocent people. They want to take over the world, and they won’t be doing it to bring about world peace!”

Loki backed away from me, his eyes radiating pain and determination as he took in my stubborn expression. “I will not! If you are taken then myself and the bumbling idiots outside this room will stop at nothing get you back,” he said firmly.

I closed the distance between him until our chests touched with each breath, taking both of his hands in mine. I tried to stop the tears that gathered in my eyes from how much this was hurting him, from how scared I was at asking this, but a few betrayed me and slid down my face anyway. “Please, Loki. If it ever comes to it, to them taking me or my death, I am begging you to kill me. I know you will make it quick.”

His eyes blazed as they met mine. “So you wish to die, then?” he hissed, and he let go of my hands to press a dagger into my neck, the other hand tangling in my hair so that I couldn’t move.

“No, but I’ve accepted the reality that I’m not strong enough to fight off whatever they would do to me. Even if it means leaving behind this new family that I’ve made. If it means protecting them, and you, I’d do anything,” I whispered, my voice thick with tears.

“You are _mine._ I will not let them have you,” he vowed, tossing his dagger away carelessly. He pulled me into his arms, and I could feel him shaking slightly against me as he buried his face in my damp hair.

I sank into his embrace. I memorized the feeling of his lean, muscular body wrapped around me and the spicy, warm smell of his skin. I wouldn’t push him on the issue, not right now when he seemed so vulnerable. But when it came down to it, _if_ it came down to it, I hoped that he would change his mind. I wasn’t going to allow myself to become a weapon for a terrible organization that wanted to ruin everything that I believed in and everyone that I cared for. 

“Come. Sit with me,” he said softly after a time, letting go of me and leading me to sit on the bed with his fingers laced through mine.

I followed him wordlessly, plopping down beside him on the bed and wiping my tears away with the back of my hand so I could see through them. He wasn’t looking at me, though. He kicked off his shoes, leaving them on the floor, and ran his spindly fingers through his hair. He looked conflicted, his brow furrowed and his mouth pressed into a thin line as he stared down at my lap. It wasn’t my eyes, so I couldn’t try to figure out what he was thinking, but it was at least in my general direction. I slid my hand over the comforter to twine my fingers with his, trying to pull him back to me with my touch.

He finally looked up to me after a few more silent moments, his eyes wide and shining. “You defended me,” he whispered, sounding shocked.

I smiled sadly and scooted over on the bed until our sides were pressed together, moving our entwined hands to rest in my lap. “Of course I did, sweetheart,” I replied matter-of-factly.

“But these people are your family,” he insisted, searching my calm face.

I reached up and gently stroked his cheek, careful to avoid the light bruise I’d given him. He leaned into my touch and closed his eyes, breathing me in. My heart broke for him. For this man that was so lost that he didn’t expect anyone to stand up for him or with him. What had happened in his life that made him think that he was so unworthy of that? No one deserved to feel that unwanted or unloved.

“You would choose me over them?” His eyes flickered open and captured mine with their piercing stare.

I frowned and lowered my hand to linger on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat thudding beneath my touch. If it came down to it, if I had to choose to stand with Loki or the Avengers, what would I do? There were too many variables to make a decision, and I couldn’t lie to him. “I… I don’t know.”

His face fell, and I quickly pressed on before he could pull away from me again. “No, that isn’t me saying no! I just… I don’t know why you would be on opposing sides. What would make have to choose. But…” I took a deep, shaky breath, “I will never go out of my way to hurt you. You have made yourself a very important part of my life. I’m not going to cast that aside.”

“It’s because I’m devilishly handsome,” he smirked, hiding his soft wonder behind levity. He brought our hands to his face so he could leave a light kiss on my knuckles.

“I adore you,” he said hoarsely, staring at me as if he could see straight into my soul. Like he could see how much of a spot in my heart he was making for himself and he rejoiced in it. 

He leaned forward and kissed me. Just the barest brush of his soft lips against my own. I steadied myself with my hands on his shoulders and deepened the kiss, spurred on by the warmth that rushed through my body from the moan that rumbled through him. Despite our cut lips, we nipped and sucked and teased each other in a fury of lips and teeth and tongues until we were clinging desperately to the other. One of his hands trailed down my side and slipped beneath my shirt, pressing into the small of my back. I flinched at the pressure on a particularly bruised spot, breaking the kiss and resting my forehead against his to catch the breath that he had so willingly stolen.

“Have I hurt you?” He opened his heavy-lidded eyes to search my face for signs of pain.

“Well, kinda. You did slam me into the floor over and over again, and barely stab me a few times,” I teased, wiping my thumb across my tingling lower lip at the cut he had given me earlier. “And Nat didn’t hold back much either, so I think I’m just a walking bruise at this point. My muscles are killing me.”

“I am terribly sorry to have caused you pain.” He stroked a small slash beside my collar bone with the pad of his thumb. I shivered at the soft caress, my breath catching in my throat.

His eyes warmed at my reaction, and his usual mischievous grin made an appearance. “Will you allow me to make amends?” he asked hoarsely.

I flushed bright red and my throat ran dry. Was he asking what I think he was asking? Only one way to find out. Unable to find my voice, I nodded minutely. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., lights off,” he instructed hoarsely.

_Oh my._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated!
> 
> I plan on posting the next chapter tomorrow since it doesn't hold much value plot-wise. It'll be worth the read, though. ;)


	11. Knows everybody's disapproval, I should've worshiped her sooner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during revisions.
> 
> This post is just pure smut. Nothing plotwise happens here, so feel free to skip it if that isn't your thing. It needed to happen, though, before everything goes to hell.
> 
> I've never written anything like this, so please be kind. :)

Desire darkened his eyes and he looked up to me from beneath his sooty lashes. “Lie down for me, darling,” he said softly, voice velvety sin. Behind him the blinds dropped down on the windows, leaving just a faint glow of the afternoon light peeking out from between the slats. _Smooth._

I paused for a moment, my stomach twisting with a sudden bout of nerves before I relented and scooted up on the bed to rest my head on a pillow while I stretched out on my back next to him. His eyes trailed down my prone form with agonizing slowness, taking his time admiring every inch of my body laid out before him. The attention made me flush and squirm as I resisted the urge to hide from his piercing gaze. 

Loki shifted so that he sat on his knees with his feet beneath him. He put one hand firmly on my hip and applied pressure steadily until I rolled over onto my stomach. After he slid a pillow under my hips, his calloused hands dragged down my arms to capture my hands and pull them from beneath my head to beside me. Every movement was unhurried, and each second that went by without him touching me stole my breath away just that much more. My whole body was tense, waiting for his next move, waiting to see where this was going to go. He was in charge now. And it was _thrilling_ to relinquish that control.

“Relax. I will not do anything that you do not wish me to. I am simply working to ease your discomfort,” he soothed, brushing the hair off of the back of my neck and gathering it carefully beside my head. His fingers lightly tugged on my hair, causing goosebumps to tingle on my scalp.

I nodded, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes. His strong fingers began rubbing steady, even circles on my neck, focusing on the knots and working them away skillfully. I knew that he had to feel my racing heartbeat as he massaged my neck, and I buried my face into the comforter to hide my blissful smile. He had obviously done this before, and his talented hands were both relaxing and exhilarating at the same time. I wanted to both let him lull me into a deep sleep and flip over and beg him to end my torture and _touch_ me, but I was too keyed up to do either option. The heat between my legs was certainly hard to ignore, and growing more difficult with each ragged breath he hissed out behind me.

His fingers skimmed over my shoulders, catching on the soft threads of my sweater, and down my arm until he clasped my hand in both of his. A soft moan passed through my parted lips when he began kneading the joints in my hand. I wasn’t used to anyone paying attention to that part of my body, but it was heavenly, and my hand went completely lax when he moved onto the next one.

‘Does that feel good, love?” he asked, voice rumbling low with desire and sending a wave of pleasure through me.

If it was at all possible, I shoved my face deeper into the bed beneath me. I didn’t answer, hoping that he would continue and forget his question, or that it was rhetorical, but his hands stilled over my forearms and I could feel him watching me expectantly. How could he ask that question? Wasn’t it obvious that he was driving me insane? It took everything I had not to moan wantonly from his touch alone, and then he had to go on and throw in _that_ voice. I was done for and the smug prince knew it.

My voice muffled by the blanket I refused to lift my head from, I growled out, “You know damn well it does.”

One of his hands lifted from my arm and brushed through my hair, tugging on it until I lifted my face out of my comfortable sanctuary. “I can’t hear you, darling. Look at me,” he commanded firmly, the smile in his voice lessening the harshness of the order.

With an embarrassed groan, I opened my eyes to look up to him. He was watching me with lust blowing out his pupils, his brow lifted as he waited for me to answer his pressing question. Him looking at me like that, like I was the most seductive woman he had ever seen, gave me enough courage to answer his question. “Yes it does and you know it, ass,” I muttered.

“Why does that embarrass you?” he asked curiously, his thumbs rubbing against the tired muscles of my forearms now that I had done as he asked. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, and in my aroused state the innocent gesture was so obscene that the wet heat between my legs throbbed in response. 

I couldn’t answer this one, though. I didn’t have an answer, the more I thought about it. Feeling good because of something he was doing shouldn’t be shameful. He was my boyfriend, or something along those lines. Boyfriend sounded so immature, but we weren’t anything more than that. His touch felt _good_. And I should be able to admit that, especially when he asks for it.

He moved his hand from my arm to grasp the bottom of my chin, lightly stroking my bottom lip until I parted my lips for him, pulling me from my thoughts. When my breath hit his thumb he shivered, and his wolfish grin made my mouth suddenly go dry. _Damn, he was beautiful._

“You are an exquisite creature, who deserves all the pleasures of the world. And as your lover, it is my duty to bring them to you. You are allowed to be selfish with me. So,” he paused, a seductive smirk slowly growing on his handsome face, “don’t hold back, love.”

The word ‘lover’ had always been one that I hated. Like the word ‘moist’. It sounded so creepy when anyone else had used it, but coming from his deep, accented voice and paired with his hands skimming over my back and barely skim over the sides of my stomach, it became the most beautiful word I’d ever heard. Coming from him, it promised passion and tangled limbs and cries of ecstasy and I _needed_ it all.

But I still had some reservations. The logical part of my brain was clawing its way to the surface, demanding that I made sure I knew what I was getting into before we got in too deep and I lost myself in him completely. “You’ll stop if I ask you to?”

“As I said, I vow to you that I will do nothing that you do not wish. My only task, at this moment, is to bring you _pleasure_.” He accented his last word with his fingers moving back up my body to graze the sides of my breasts, and my nipples hardened against my bra instantly.

How could I say no to that? Biting my bottom lip, I propped myself up on my forearms and nodded. Yearning smoldered in his eyes as he moved to straddle my legs in one fluid motion, trapping them between his lean thighs as he settled above me. I had to stifle a groan and my chin dropped to my chest as I felt the hard length of him pressing into my ass. And all of _that_ was just from him giving me a little massage. Goodness gracious, he was going to kill me.

“Do not turn your face away, darling. I want to watch you unravel from _my_ touch.” He leaned forward and ground himself against me, drawing a mewl from my throat.

He spoke softly to me as his cold hands slipped beneath my shirt, lifting it over my head and tossing it to the side, “An exquisite body such as yours should be given the proper adoration and worship that it deserves. Every curve,” he trailed his fingers down my the length of my spine, “every dip,” he caressed the curve of my waist, “and every inch of supple skin should be properly attended to,” he splayed his large hands across my lower back and rubbed at the tender spot he had found earlier. 

With each firm yet tender touch, I relaxed further into the bed and oblivion. Goosebumps spread across my body as the edges of his fingers slipped beneath the cups of my bra and passed over my hardened, aching nipples briefly before retreating to my back. I gasped, arching my body into him, and I felt more than heard the rumble of his pleased laughter as it shook his hips pressed against my ass. 

His nails followed the edge of my bra, scratching pleasantly at the skin until they rested on the closure of the restricting fabric. “May I?”

God, did he have to sound so sexy asking that? Men really needed to get on board with asking for permission to undress their partners, especially men with beautiful accents, because those two little words caused goosebumps to rush over my entire body. I wasn’t sure I remembered how to speak, so I managed a jerky nod.

“Your skin is so smooth,” he purred, easily unhooking my bra and moving the straps so they fell to the side.

I couldn’t stifle my soft moan when he ran his hands down my exposed back from shoulders to the edge of my jeans. Each touch was an inferno on my sensitive, flushed skin, that traveled down to settle into the now-constant throbbing between my legs. I craned my neck to keep watching him, even though his lustful gaze scorching my body was almost my undoing in itself. No man should look as handsome as that and then direct his full attention onto someone. I was just a mere mortal, trapped willingly beneath him, powerless to his sensuality.

I cried out softly when both of his hands teased the sides of my breasts once again and then lingered to rub small circles into the giving flesh. He was so tantalizingly close to where I wanted him, my nipples brushed against the bedspread with each shallow breath I took, but he showed no sign of giving me the relief that I so needed.

After several moments of him focusing on my sides, I groaned in frustration and shoved my forehead into the pillow beneath me. “Loki...” I pleaded.

“Yes, darling?” he asked innocently, voice all honey and sweetness.

I squirmed beneath him, unable to voice what I wanted. My brain had melted into uselessness long ago, and I couldn’t find the courage nor the words to tell him that I just needed _more_. Instead, I pulled off my bra and tossed it to the side, propped myself up on my elbows, and arched my back to expose my chest to the cool air of the room. I turned my head to look at him with my bottom lip captured between my teeth. “Please.”

I felt the hard length of him twitch against my ass, and he leaned forward suddenly and pressed his entire upper body against my back. He grasped my chin with his fingers and pulled my mouth to his, coaxing my lip from between my teeth with his tongue.

Pleasure flooded my senses and I twisted beneath him--as much as I could with my hips trapped beneath his--to deepen the kiss. He tasted like the sweetest ambrosia and the most intoxicating wine as his tongue teased my own.

He lifted himself from my body only for a moment to roll me onto my back, settling back down between my legs that had opened for him of their own volition. I reached out to grip his shoulders to pull him closer to me, to stop his wanton perusal of my bare torso, but he didn’t budge.

“You are ravishing,” he growled, cursing softly into the dimly-lit room.

My hands flew to my chest to hide my goose-bump covered flesh, a sudden wave of embarrassment from his intense scrutiny rising within me. Even clothed as he was, he was still so breathtakingly perfect, and I was anything but. His hands covered mine, lacing our fingers together, and he moved them to rest on his lean thighs before releasing them.

“You will never need to hide your body from me,” he promised, staring deep into my eyes. With a groan he leaned over, cupped one of my breasts in each hand, and then took my right nipple into his mouth.

“Loki!” I cried, arching myself into his cool, wet mouth. All of his teasing had made me so sensitive, and his teeth lightly scraping against the hardened nub shot electricity straight to my clit. My fingers sought for purchase on his legs, scratching at the slippery fabric of his athletic pants as he bit down just hard enough to draw a gasp of pain from my lips before he laved the aching bud with his tongue.

“I do love the sound of my name on your lips,” he murmured hotly, moving to give equal attention to my other breast.

My hands caught the edge of his shirt and tugged roughly. It was not fair that I was the only one partially dressed. I needed to feel his skin against mine. With a flick on my nipples, he gave me what I so desperately needed and straightened to pull his shirt off.

“You’re beautiful,” I whispered, eyes tracing each line of muscle on his smooth chest, my nails following in their path, scratching lightly at his pale flesh. His muscles rippled beneath my touch, and there was no stopping myself from dropping my touch lower to the line of muscles at his hips that pointed to his very hard sex that was slowly grinding against my hot, wet center.

I grinned at the blush that stained his skin and the hitch in his breath when my fingertips dipped beneath the hem of his pants before moving up his body. I hooked my hands around his shoulders, pulling him down so that I could feel every ridge and hard plane of his body against the softness of mine. _Every_ ridge. His arousal never stopped the tortuous rocking against me, and I tried rolling my hips in return, drawing a loud moan from him. His hands pressed my hips into the bed, keeping me from continuing to seek the delicious friction we both craved.

“Darling, if you do that I’m not going to be able to give you the attention you so deserve,” he ground out, digging his teeth lightly into my shoulder.

“Is that such a bad thing?” I breathed, sliding my hands beneath his pants and underwear and taking a handful of his ass to pull him down to ground harder into me.

He bit down harder, sending a shock of pain through my body that had me digging my nails into his flesh. “Patience,” he chuckled lowly, pressing open-mouthed kisses up my neck and to my ear where he nibbled on the lobe. “I want to hear you fall apart around me first.”

“Oh, fuck.” My head pressed back into the pillow behind me. He was absolutely going to kill me tonight. _But what a way to go._

His lips placed wet kisses down my neck and chest as he slid down my body. I closed my eyes and tangled my hands into his hair, stifling a moan when I felt his tongue trace the edge of my pants. “May I?” he asked, and I felt him tug gently on my skin-tight jeans.

I lifted my hips for him, and he slid down my jeans and my underwear in a few quick tugs, adding them to the smattering of discarded clothing tossed around the room. Feeling the cool air of the room against my hot sex, I tried to close my knees against him, butterflies fluttering in my stomach at the thought of him seeing me so vulnerable and making me shy. His hands slid up my legs to rub small, comforting circles into my inner thighs.

“If you truly want me to stop, I will. But if you are merely shy, then let you ease your worries,” he said reverently. A sudden sharp sting erupted from my thigh as his teeth bit down on the sore, tender flesh, forcing my leg to jerk away and open for him.

“Look at me while I touch you,” he ordered, rubbing the bite with his fingers to ease the throbbing pain from his love bite.

I forced my heavy-lidded eyes open, looking at him up through my eyelashes as he knelt between my legs. I have never seen a more beautiful and more sensual sight than the god smirking up at me from between my spread thighs. His eyes flashed at the wanton need that had me buck against his fingers as he traced the line of where my hip met thigh. 

God, he was gorgeous, with his fair skin flushed with desire, his piercing green eyes as he delighted every thrust and arch of my body, his sly smile as he reveled in the pleasure he knew he was the cause of. The god tantalizing me was ruining me for anyone else with each caress, forceful exhale, and kiss that he lavished upon me.

I writhed beneath him, bucking my hips to try to move his long fingers to my center. They crept closer and closer to my hardened clit, exploring my wet folds with too-light touches and strokes.

“You’re so wet, little one,” he murmured, before teasing my outer folds with a swipe of his tongue. I cried out, gripping the sheets beneath me in surprise. “And so _responsive._ ”

When I let out a soft cry of frustration, he gave me an incredibly smug grin before finally giving me what I needed most. His thumb pressed firmly onto my clit just as two fingers slid easily into my ready and quivering opening. I jerked and moaned at the sudden influx of pleasure, attempting to close my legs around him to fight away the growing wave of ecstasy threatening to overwhelm me.

The heel of his hand ground against my clit as he adjusted himself over me, putting one forearm beside me on the bed to hold his weight as he lowered more of his body to rest enticingly against mine. His hard cock was still trapped beneath layers of frustrating fabric as it ground into my thigh. Becoming more frustrated at my rising need, at the growing ache between my thighs that overruled any soreness in my body, I slid my hands back around to grab his ass and pulled him against me, seeking any friction that I could find.

He took my lips for his own, plundering my mouth with his tongue that still tasted of my arousal. I swallowed his soft groans of pleasure, my heart fit to burst at the sensual sounds. His thumb never stopped rubbing a steady beat on my clit, matched by the curling of his two fingers inside me, bringing me closer and closer to the edge of bliss.

My body desperately sought release beneath him. My thighs shook beneath his and my muscles contracted around his fingers, trying to pull my pleasure from them. He pushed harder down onto my clit, and I threw my arms around his shoulders, fingers digging into the muscles flexing on his back in a futile attempt to stay grounded to reality.

“Don’t fight it, love. Open your eyes and let go. I want to watch you lose control,” he whispered, breaking the kiss and panting into the air between us. I did as he asked, forcing my clenched eyes open to stare into his just in front of me, our foreheads pressed together. He angled his fingers in deeper and beckoned me closer to orgasm with them. When they brushed my most sensitive inner spot, it sent me plummeting over the edge into the abyss.

I cried out my release, closing my eyes and scratching my nails into his back and clamping my thighs around his hand as I rode him to completion. The world faded away around me and I was only aware of the spasms of white-hot electricity twitching throughout me, of the wonderful fragrance of arousal and spice and heady masculinity of his skin, the hardness of his body against mine, the heat between my legs, and his forceful exhales against my cheek as he watched me soar to heaven and then fall back down to my spent body.

Once I gathered my senses, my eyes fluttered open to see Loki pulling his fingers from his mouth with evident satisfaction. It was the most overtly sexual sight I’d seen yet, watching a man enjoy the taste of my sex on his skin. He caught me watching him and winked, standing up to finally remove the last of his clothing so that he was as bare as I was. My eyes widened as they fell on his long, hard cock twitching between his thighs. He smirked at my expression and settled back over me, propping himself up on his forearms and nudging my thighs open with his knees, resting his arousal on the outside of my folds.

“Darling, I so desire you around me, but I-”

“Drawer,” I interrupted him, excitement dancing in my stomach as I caught his meaning. It wasn’t hard to guess what he had meant, if the very hard member slowly rutting against my hot center was anything to go by.

His lean body towered over mine as he stretched out and dug around in my drawer to grab a condom from inside. I stopped his hand as he made to open it, boldly taking it from him. “May I?” I asked softly, repeating his words from earlier.

“Oh yes, darling, please,” he purred, getting up on his knees before me. I sat up in front of him, ignoring the way his eyes raked over my flesh longingly, focused only on his pleasure now.

My fingers closed hesitantly over the base of his cock, stroking the length of it lightly. His chin dropped to his chest and he let out a deep, low groan that shot straight through to my still-throbbing core. Emboldened, I dipped my head forward and dragged my tongue along the underside, and his hands fisted into my hair. I slowly slid the protection over him, taking the time to tease the flesh with my fingertips as I go along.

He was long and thick enough that when I wrapped my hand around him fully my fingers barely touched. I wasn’t sure how I was going to take him inside of me, and it must have shown on my face.

“I’ll go slow, love. If you still want to,” he assured me, giving me one last chance to change my mind. His willingness to stop when he so obviously wanted to take me as his own warmed my heart, and only made me want him more.

“Fuck me, Loki,” I sighed, hardly even recognizing the seductive depth of my voice.

With a growl he grabbed both of my hands, pinning them to the bed as he leaned his body over mine. His hot breath panted against my neck, and his hips shifted so that the very tip of him parted my soaking wet lips. I bucked my hips, desperate to have him inside of me, needing the friction he was holding back from me.

“Darling,” he groaned, his body shaking from restraint as he slowly sheathed himself within me.

I clenched my eyes shut, feeling like he was searing me from the inside as he slid into me, inch by tantalizing inch. My breath puffed out against his shoulder as he finally settled fully within me, stretching me to my limits. It was just shy of being painful, he was so very big, and it had been a long time since I had known a man this way. My hands clung onto his as I got used to feeling so full, and I felt my muscles contract erratically, drawing a pained moan from him.

“Are you all right?” he asked, and I opened my eyes to see concern flooding his perfect, flushed face.

“Yes, ugh, you are very big,” I grunted, angling my hips up against his and thrusting slowly, spurring him on.

His lips parted at the movement, and he pulled himself out gently, tugging deliciously at my inner walls, before thrusting back inside me in one smooth, fast motion.

“Fuck!” I grunted, pulling my hands away from his grasp so I could bring him down against me and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He slipped his forearms beneath my back, clutching onto my shoulders from beneath me for leverage, pulling me into him with each thrust.

He began with mind-numbingly slow thrusts, allowing me to feel every inch of him moving within me. Every breath pushed his chest against my own, my sensitive nipples rubbing against him. His low moans and shallow breaths were muffled against my neck where he left hot, open-mouthed kisses against my feverish skin. Each movement of his hips rubbed against my clit just enough to kindle the flames of my orgasm, but not enough to fully ignite within me. It was delicious torture.

“Please, Loki…” I whined, bringing my legs up to loop around his hips, urging him deeper.

He kissed the mess of scar tissue on my shoulder, breaking my heart amid all the pleasure he was subjecting me to. “Say it, love, say it for me.”

“Fuck me,” I spat through clenched teeth, any semblance of shame I once felt at my desires had shattered along with my first orgasm.

His breathing quickened against my own as he slammed into me harder, deeper, faster. His bruising fingers left my shoulders to grip onto my hips, holding me still beneath the snap of his hips against mine. The angle he set for us hit my g-spot just right, and that along with his thumb moving to rub harshly against my clit sent me hurtling towards orgasm much faster than the first. I rocked against him, holding onto him for dear life as I fought the waves of pleasure threatening to consume me.

“That’s it, love. Take everything from me,” he whispered, voice broken and hitching with each impassioned thrust. It was enough to consume me, stealing my breath and tearing a loud cry of ecstasy from me, and I bit down hard on his shoulder as I struggled to come back to reality. I vaguely registered his own deep, shuddering moan as his hips jerked into mine frantically and then slowed to a stop.

He collapsed onto his back next to me and I hissed as he slipped from my tender body. He discarded the used protection into the trashcan by my bedside and then reached over to me, guiding me to lay on top of him with my torso on his chest. He wrapped both of his arms around me and rested one hand on the small of my back, the other tracing nonsensical patterns on my upper back. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the moment, sprawled in bed with my _lover_ , basking in the afterglow of our lovemaking.

Because that’s what it was when you got down to it. That wasn’t some fling with a stranger from a bar, or a fuck to get it out of your system. That was _more_ , as were most things when it came to Loki.

“How are your aches and pains now, darling?” he teased, his voice laced with exhaustion and contentment.

I reached down to pull the blankets over our bodies before stretching my arm across his chest, placing my hand over his slowing heartbeat. “Much better, thank you,” I yawned, snuggling deeper into him.

“I am pleased to have been of service. Rest now, love,” he said softly, kissing the top of my head before settling into the soft bedding himself.

“If you insist,” I cooed, already sinking into a deep sleep in the comfort of his loving embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Ahem. Thank you so much for reading! Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated (it's because of some feedback I received that I posted this today instead of on my every-other-day posting schedule)!


	12. All the good girls go to hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Blood, violence, torture, language, needles
> 
> Everything before the first break is free of triggers (as far as I can tell, please let me know if I have missed a trigger that I wasn't aware of). After that, this chapter gets pretty graphic and does describe instances of torture. I will put a synopsis in the bottom notes if this is something you wish to avoid.
> 
> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during revision.

The next two days were some of the most physically demanding of my life thus far. Loki and Nat worked me to the bone, both spurred on by the fear that this mission was going to go sideways and that I was going to be collateral damage. I didn’t blame them; that same fear did all it could to keep me up at night. Loki had taken to sleeping in my bed with me. It was easier to cut out the moments wasted by him running to my room when I had a nightmare, and he would hold me in his arms and whisper stories of his childhood--always about his mother--until I drifted off with the worries and whims of a child to chase away my more pressing and looming concerns.

I talked to Wanda and she got Vision to reluctantly agree not to spill the beans on Loki and I’s relationship. She wasn’t happy about it, but she understood our desire for secrecy with all the controversy around him, and that was all I asked. I was more concerned about Nat blowing our cover with all of the suggestive comments she made whenever we were within five feet of each other. For an assassin, she wouldn’t know subtle if it hit her over the head. And I’d know; I’d tried. The others shot us some questioning looks whenever he would station himself at my side around the Compound, or get a little more _hands on_ with adjusting my stance in training, but nobody asked either of us about it. Maybe they saw it as a natural progression of his haunting me. Just a step up from being the ghost in the corner to a new, more touchy bodyguard. Or they were all too preoccupied with the upcoming mission to give it a lot of thought. Whatever it was, I was grateful for it.

So by the time the morning of the mission came, I was ready for it--if only to get a break from the punishing training sessions. I’d never experienced anything more surreal in my life than sitting on the Quinjet, surrounded by the Avengers, getting mission plans from Tony Stark. Looking around the room to see the people I’d begun to think of as my family suited up and looking lethal as hell was a bit intimidating. I still felt like an imposter, just some PA who had stumbled onto the jet and was given a suit. The usual crew from around the house, plus Loki, were all present and accounted for. He had made it abundantly clear that he was going wherever I was, which turned some heads, and it was agreed upon by everyone else that I wasn’t going to be left at the Compound. So, they got two bonus tagalongs for the job. At least we were _useful_ tagalongs.

My nerves made themselves known as a lead ball in my stomach, and I kept twisting my fingers together in front of me from all the anxious energy threatening to make me explode if I didn’t do _something_. I stood next to Loki, trying very hard not to be distracted by him in his green and black leather armor, and focus on getting my head in the game.

“Intel says that there shouldn’t be more than 50 in there. Wanda says that this is just a surveillance base, so we shouldn’t be worried about anybody too big and bad. Now, that being said, _somebody_ ,” Tony snapped his fingers until I made eye contact with him, “needs to do everything by the book. Nobody runs off, nobody does some dumb hero shit, nobody gets separated from the group.

“Pebbles, you’re sticking with Nat and Loki. Do _not_ leave them. You’ll be looking for their main server so we can get more info on their other bases. Again, _you stick to them like glue_. This isn't the first rodeo for those two, so do what they say. Just in case any funny business happens in there we want everybody to have someone watching their six.”

Tony pointed to the screen next to him on the wall, gesturing at a blueprint of the building Hydra had commandeered. “Rock of Ages, Widow and Pebbles will go in through here after we land. Loki, stick to her but do your Invisible Man schtick. We don’t think they know you’re with us, and what they don’t know will hopefully hurt them. Cap, myself, Wanda, Vision, and Thor are going in to take as many out as we can on the front end and distract them so that you all,” he pointed to Loki, myself, and Natasha, “can slip in as undetected as possible. Bruce and Sam, you guys are going to stick to the outside of the building in case they call for back-up. We’ll be in Washington D.C. in one hour.” He nodded to each of us in dismissal before turning off the screen and heading up front to sit in the cockpit.

The serious expressions were wiped away from my friends’ faces as soon after Tony finished his spiel. They began talking and laughing with one another; even Steve looked calm and collected as he joked with Sam.

I didn’t know how they could be so calm about everything. I felt like I was going to be sick. In one hour I was going to be sneaking my way through a building full of people who want to take me and make me some superweapon. And if they attacked us, I wouldn’t have a choice but to fight back. Could I do what I needed to do to protect myself, or Loki? My head swam at the troubling thoughts. I must have looked a little green to Loki, who put his hand on my arm to get my attention. “Are you feeling well?” he asked quietly, searching my face for any signs of weakness or illness.

_Nope. Freaking out, actually._ But he didn’t need to know that. He needed to focus as much as I did, maybe more, to pick up my newbie slack. Taking a deep breath, I ran my hands over the smooth dark green leather of my suit. It felt more like a costume standing next to such professional badasses, but it would protect me better than what I had worn the last two times I’d been forced to fight Hydra. That was something, at least. “Yeah, yeah. Totally fine. Just heading into a building full of men who want to kidnap me and wipe my brain to turn me into the next Winter Soldier. And I can only manipulate natural shit, so unless these people are really into indoor gardening I’m useless. Super calm and in control,” I rambled, inwardly cringing with each word that tumbled from my lips. _So believable._

Loki reached down and pulled one of my new, lethal-looking obsidian daggers that he had gifted me after I Hulked out on the last one. It was longer and more lethal-looking than the one from Tony with a stained black wooden handle and slightly curved blade. They both fit easily into the holsters that Tony had put onto the outer thighs of my suit. He spun it expertly on his palm before holding it out to me handle-first with a serious look furrowing his brow. “If nothing else, you have these. And I will not leave your side. I will protect you."

I took the dagger from him and slipped it back onto my thigh, tapping my fingers against the handle as I looked around the jet. Just because I had new pretty knives didn’t mean that I wanted to have to use them. But they did offer some small form of comfort in potential protection, as did Loki pressing his hand onto the small of my back, rubbing small circles over the supple leather unseen by everyone else with my back to the wall of the jet. He had seen so many fights and battles and wars, I just had to trust that he knew what he was doing. He had been fought in actual wars before, so hopefully, this was nothing to him. He was at least acting like it was a walk in the park.

_Trusting sucks._

~~~

“Okay everybody, touchdown in 30 seconds. Comm’s in and game faces on,” Tony called.

I took my earpiece out from my pocket and shoved it in my ear, secretly hoping that the pencil eraser sized piece of tech wouldn’t get fall out of my ear. If it did, at least I still had my watch on me as a backup. Everyone’s murmured voices were now amplified in my head, including Tony’s after Nat easily landed the jet in the middle of a park, “We got your back, kid. Head out.”

I glanced at everyone one last time, trying to absorb some of the courage and bravado that they now readily displayed. Steve winked at me before tilting his head for me to leave, pulling his shield off of the floor and slipping it over his arm.

“Let’s go, girl,” Nat called into my ear, and I turned and jogged down the open hatch behind her.

I couldn’t see Loki, but I felt his hand in between my shoulder blades as we both caught up to her outside the building we’d identified as housing Hydra. The three of us pressed against the outer wall, sticking to the shadows as we waited for the others to make their move.

“Honey, I’m home!” Tony shouted, and explosions vibrated through the building against my back. _Always so dramatic._

That was our signal. We rounded the side of the building and Loki, now visible, stepped ahead of us and used his magic to silently open the locked cellar door protruding from the ground. Natasha moved in first, pulling out a gun and holding it before her. Loki then disappeared once again, and he nudged me down the stairs in front of him. Being touched by an invisible man was way too weird, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Steve said, his voice sounding small in my ear, the explosions having died down. He was right. It was too quiet on their end.

We continued on our way, forming a silent line as we three snuck from room to room to reach where the brains of the team, AKA Tony and Bruce, decided the computers might be kept. _If_ that intel was correct. And _if_ there weren’t a million guards in our way. And if this wasn’t a trap. _If, if, if._ I was practically vibrating with nerves as I trailed Nat, who looked cool as a cucumber. All in a day’s work for a Russian super spy.

“I agree, Solo. Nobody’s here,” Tony replied skeptically.

“Should we abort or...?” Natasha asked as we walked into a large empty room with several doors leading off of it. The servers should be in the room farthest from where we entered. Almost there and then I could breathe.

But I agreed with the others. Everything just felt wrong. My skin crawled with unease. If this was a Hydra base then we would’ve run into someone by now. Somebody would’ve responded to us blowing down their door and storming the castle with so much firepower. And if this building wasn’t being used by Hydra, why hadn’t anybody at least called the cops about our blowing things up inside the very populated city? They hadn’t exactly been subtle about it.

A flashing red light caught my eye as it slid by us into the middle of the room.

“Bomb!” Natasha shouted.

A heavy, invisible body knocked into me, cradling my head to cool leather and throwing me to the ground beneath it seconds before an explosion rang out through the room. Smoke and fire and light filled the space instantly, disorienting me. I barely heard Loki shouting my name as he appeared on top of me, looking unharmed but alert as he pulled me to my feet and shoved me into the closest dark doorway after doing a quick scan to check me for any obvious injuries. Bullets peppered the wall across from me, forcing me to move away from the door until I could get my bearings.

“Found ‘em!” Natasha shouted into the comms, and I heard her grunting as she did her best to handle whoever had thrown that grenade. She was more than likely responsible for some of the gunshots that echoed loudly throughout the enclosed space. Loki’s sounds of struggle sounded in my ear, and I couldn’t ignore the urge I had to help them.

I made to get up and leave the dark room--heck if I was going to cower in the corner while they fought--when I felt a hand around my mouth and my waist, effectively trapping my arms to my sides and silencing me. I bit down on the hand covering my mouth, tasting copper and sweat. Out of nowhere, a fist collided with my jaw, making me groan from the explosive force behind it. My fingers twisted by my side, and one of my daggers went into my waiting hand. The man holding me grunted in pain as I stabbed down into his thigh. Just because they had me restrained didn’t mean that I was helpless. I left it there when he fell, twisting around to strain to see in the darkness for any more attackers coming my way.

“We’ve got some big black bad-guy looking cars rolling in!” Sam shouted.

“Kid, get out of there!” Tony screamed desperately.

“I’m a little busy!” I cursed, another set of arms yanking me back and restraining me against a large body. There was a pinch in my neck that spread ice through my veins, and I felt my limbs instantly get heavy. _Not good._

I struggled, swinging at them the best I could with my remaining blade, but one man handily took it from my hand and tossed it to the floor. Fingers dug into my ear and ripped out the earpiece, which was instantly lost in the darkness. Another punch landed in my stomach and I doubled over, coughing and spitting up a mouth full of blood that I’d earned from the earlier punch to my jaw. My feet were kicked out from beneath me, and I told myself to get up from where I was sprawled heavily on the floor. _Just gotta put one foot beneath me, then the other._ But my arms and legs were so _heavy_. And I was so tired. I tried to push through the haze fogging over my mind, but my fingers only twitched uselessly in response to my commands.

“Loki!” I cried weakly, using my last bit of strength to call out to him as desperation and reality sank in. It was an ambush, these men were taking me, and I needed him to fulfill the promise he refused to make just three days earlier. I lost the battle against my heavy eyelids just as I felt someone grab my hands and drag me across the floor.

~~~

White-hot electricity surged through my body and ripped me out of blissful unconsciousness. A scream tried to force its way out of my mouth, but it couldn’t get around my clenched teeth and something rubber wedged between my jaws. When I tried to thrash my head around to escape the agony coursing through me I was stopped by something metal covering the left side of my face and wrapping around my skull, holding my head absolutely still. My hands clenched the armrests beneath me as I did everything I could to just ride out the pain that battered my body. It was the only choice I had.

After the torment stopped I slumped forward, my head fully supported by the restraint around my neck and the metal around my head. I pried my eyes open to look around at my surroundings, trying to get my bearings. An older man in a white lab coat with stark-white thinning hair and hard eyes pulled the weird contraption off my face. Behind him were five men holding rifles pointed in my direction. We were stuck in a concrete, windowless room with iron bars over the only visible doorway. Underground, maybe? Either way, they didn’t want to be found. Wouldn’t blame them. Torturing a woman isn’t a good look for anybody and tends to raise alarm.

Either I was too exhausted or there wasn’t anything around for me to manipulate, because when I tried to reach out with my powers I could barely feel them humming beneath my skin, let alone find something to use as a weapon against them. It was a foolish thought. I was still strapped to the chair even if I could move my head around now. Needed to get my arms and legs free before I tried to think of any heroic escape plans.

Still, I trained my glare on the middle-aged man who strolled into the room flanked by an extra four guards, looking far too pleased with himself with his cheap suit and ugly thin black cane. As he got closer I could make out a design etched onto the cane of a skull with tentacles coming out of it. _Hydra._

“Jennifer, I heard you were awake. We’re so happy that you could join us today,” he sneered, voice sickly sweet as he stopped an arm’s length in front of me.

I tried to lunge out at him, feeling my sweaty, grimy skin peel away from the cold metal chair beneath me as my back bowed against the restraints. Looking down quickly, I could just see my bare knees at the edge of my vision. A quick wiggle check confirmed that I was just in my sports bra and boy short underwear, so at least they had only taken my suit, boots, and watch--ruining any hopes I had of Tony using it to track me. Oh well. I could kick their asses in my undies, no problem.

“We here at Hydra are so excited to get you going on the right path. Tony Stark and his Avengers were not good for you. They held you back. They coddled you,” he droned, circling my chair slowly. “But we want you to be the very best version of yourself. To reach your full potential. We need your help to make the world as it should be. Isn’t that what you want, too?” he asked, stopping in front of me.

_Get me out of these restraints and I’ll show you what I want, asshole._

He shook his head and walked away, waving his hand dismissively at the man in the lab coat. “Give her the serum, Wood. They’re looking for her and we need to have her camera ready.”

_Serum?_ I followed the maybe-doctor--Wood, I guess--with my eyes, watching him warily as he took a syringe full of green liquid from a metal table next to me. He looked nervous as he approached me, and I growled deep in my throat when his hand came towards my arm; I couldn’t do much more with the rubber bite guard still in my mouth. The cold metal tip of a gun pressed against my temple, digging into my skin threateningly. I froze against the threat of death, silently seething as I felt the bite of the needle into my upper arm.

My blood boiled inside of me starting from the injection site. I’ve never felt my heart beat so fast in my life, and I would’ve sworn that all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. I knew my eyes were open, but I could only see blackness as I screamed around the bite guard. Whatever they had stuck me with felt like it was dissolving all of my muscles in acid, and it was too much for my body to handle after being hooked up to what felt like an entire power grid earlier. My rigid body went limp as I gave in to the sweet relief of oblivion.

~~~

I was unceremoniously dropped onto a hard concrete floor, the force of it knocking my head into the ground and rousing me. Someone hauled me up until I was kneeling and held in that position by a collar wrapped around my throat attached to the wall, if the chains clinking behind me were any indication of my current restraint situation. 

I kept my eyes closed as I knelt on the cold floor, doing my best to get as much information as I could from my surroundings without letting Hydra know that I was paying attention. It seemed like something Nat would do, and she would know how to get out of this situation. Why hadn’t I listened to her more? I could feel warm air blowing against my exposed skin, so I was still in my underwear. My hands were tied up behind my back with very thick handcuffs, and I felt cold metal around my ankles as I sat on them. So all of _that_ needed to be handled before I could do anything else.

Try as I might, I couldn’t access my powers. I felt them, barely pulsing inside of me. It was like there was a sheet covering them; I could feel them stirring and working within me, but when I tried to pull them to the surface something was in the way. Which meant if I did manage to get out of these chains I was going to have to fistfight my way out. Not the best option, considering all the guns I'd seen, but it was all I had to work with.

That wasn’t going to go so well, judging by the aches and pains riddling me. Maybe adrenaline would kick in and keep the worst of it at bay until I could get out of here. But I didn’t even know where _here_ was, or how many people there were between me and the exit, or how to get to that exit. I just had to wait. Wait for more information to present itself to me or for my team to come in and get me out of here. Hopefully either one would happen sooner rather than later.

“Get her up.” It was the voice of the man in the suit from earlier. _Great, Malfoy was back._

A fist slammed into my nose and hot blood gushed from it into my mouth and down my chin. I coughed, opening my eyes in shock and pain as I tried to lean forward to keep from choking. The cuff around my neck stopped me, forcing me to lean back and tilt my head to the side instead, ignoring the sting in my jaw as the metal collar dug into the bone.

“Morning, princess. We’re going to make a movie for your friends, and you’re going to sit there and be a good girl. Or else we’ll make life exceptionally hard for you,” I looked up at the suited man to see him gesturing to a large muscled man next to him, “and you don’t want your Avengers to see that.”

I spat out the blood that had pooled into my mouth on the floor at his feet, shoving back every ounce of pain wracking my body as I glared daggers at him. He looked like a cheesy movie villain, with his three-piece suit and tacky cane that was just for show. He only smirked at my attitude, moving to stand beside me and revealing the video camera and men set up behind him. I kept my eyes on it, breathing heavily as I tried to ignore the extreme discomfort working against me. One man went up and turned the camera on. After some fiddling and adjusting of the equipment, the cameraman gave Malfoy next to me the thumbs up to begin.

“Tony Stark. We know that you and your team are out looking for this young woman. As you can see, she is in our care-”

I spat more blood at his feet, earning me a hard smack on my exposed back with his cane that was definitely _not_ just for show. I did my best not to reveal how much it hurt, especially if this video was going to be sent to Tony and the gang, but I couldn’t help the hiss of pain that slipped out between my clenched teeth.

“As I was saying, she is in our care. If you do not stop now, we will have to take it out on her. Each man that you take,” another blow slammed down on my back, “each man that you kill,” another into my ribs, “will cause her more pain.”

“Fuck them up!” I burst out, permitting them to do what they needed to do. I knew that they weren’t going to stop trying to find me. Tony and Loki would not let them just keep me. Especially not after this cinematic masterpiece, showcasing just how much _care_ they had put into keeping me prisoner. I probably looked like death warmed over, kneeling in my dirty underwear, covered in grime, bruises, and blood, my hair tangled and disgusting. But I would rather be brutally tortured with the hope of rescue than face the idea that they may choose not to come for me ‘for my own good’ or some heroic bullshit like saving me a couple of bruises. I could take it. And if I couldn’t, I needed to fake it, pretend that I was okay and still fighting, or they wouldn’t be able to focus enough to get me out of this hell hole.

Brawny man hit me like a freight train, and I swear I heard something crack as my eye exploded in my skull. My cry echoed throughout the barren room, ringing in my ears along with my heartbeat. It was immediately too painful for me to open that eye, so I just stared in a pained daze into the pitch-black lens in front of me with the good one, trying to force down nausea that roiled in my stomach and still look unfazed. Judging from the sorry sight I made in the flipped viewfinder, it wasn’t working so well.

“By the time you get to her, she won’t be yours any longer. She’ll be Hydra’s,” Malfoy-that nickname was growing on me-said gleefully and with promise.

“Oh, shu-”

My snark was cut off with Brawny’s boot in my ribs. It sent me coughing again. I writhed around on my knees as I tried to lean forward to breathe but the collar around my neck stopped me from seeking that relief. I lost count of how many times Malfoy whipped the cane against my back, again and again, the pain radiating through my body until it became all I was. Just waves and explosions of pain storming through me, setting my nerve endings on fire and stealing my breath away. Hot tears streamed down my face, mixing with dirt and drying blood in a sticky mess, but I was powerless to stop them.

I wasn’t going to break. I wasn’t going to break. I wasn’t going to break. 

_I’m stronger than this._

I clenched my eyes shut against it and, unable to take any more after an untold number of hits on my now bleeding and raw flesh, let out a pained scream that felt like it was tearing my throat in two.

“Good girl,” the man whispered, and the beating mercifully stopped.

I slumped as much as I could with the various chains holding me in a kneeling position, panting and crying silently through the pain. The telltale bite of a needle registered in my upper arm and I passed out seconds later.

~~~

“Tony Stark is your enemy. Wanda Maximoff is your enemy. Vision is your enemy. Steve Rogers is your enemy. Samuel Wilson is your enemy. Natasha Romanoff is your enemy. Thor of Asgard is your enemy. Bruce Banner is your enemy. Tony Stark is your enemy-”

It kept repeating nonstop. I sat there, half-naked in a pitch-black room with what felt like concrete floors and walls and an iron door, listening to it. I could repeat every change of inflection and pitch in the recorded voice after having listened to it for who knows how long. I wasn’t sure how much time had gone by; I hadn’t seen the sun or a clock since they kidnapped me, but I had fitfully slept in this dingy room twice without them stabbing me full of knock-out drugs. Did two sleeps equal two days? Hell if I knew.

They were trying to break me. Between this insane mantra, no food or water, the beatings when I would get lippy on my way to the electrocution sessions, and the electrocution sessions themselves, I was already so worn down. My mind and body were spent. It was harder and harder to listen to the voice in my head denying everything I heard when I was just struggling to keep the pain and hunger and sleep-deprivation at bay. My mouth was dry, my head was constantly pounding to the steady drum of my heartbeat, and I couldn’t stop shaking as I sat there curled up around myself. To say I wasn’t in the best shape would be an understatement.

I didn’t even have the dignity of clothing to comfort me. Keeping me in my disgusting underwear and taking away my necklace, _Michael’s necklace_ , must have been another way to try to tear me down. I would lie and say it wasn’t bothering me, but I kept reaching for it, the desire to smooth my thumb over the worn whorls ingrained in me over the years. Instead, when I reached for it, I felt the cold metal of the collar they used to restrain me when I left my cell. It rubbed against my shoulders and jaw with each movement I made, and I could add that layer of raw skin to my list of injuries. 

But the one person they didn’t manipulate me against was Loki. His name wasn’t on repeat from the speakers above me. His face wasn’t in the videos I was forced to watch, listing all of the negative deeds the Avengers had done. I guess Tony was right, after all, when he said that they didn’t know that he had been on our side. _With_ me. He wouldn’t hurt me. He wasn’t my enemy. I just needed to hold onto that and the tiny sliver of hope that he was working tirelessly to find me, rip these assholes to pieces, and take what was his. He had promised that he wasn’t going to leave me. _He’d broken that promise, too…_

“Up and at ‘em, sunshine. Boss wants ya,” a gruff voice broke through my thoughts as blinding light filled my cell from the door yanking open. 

I blinked against the sudden brightness, stumbling to my bare feet when I was yanked up by a meaty hand wrapped around my upper arm. My ribs, which were at least dislocated if not broken, protested and forced me into taking shallow breaths as I was dragged through the gray stone walls of my new hell. My eye--one was still much too swollen to open--darted around as I tried to find a way out or a weapon I could use or _anything_ that would help me as I walked the almost familiar route to the room where the scientist, Wood, seemed to always be lurking. Dude needed a new hobby other than waiting around to inject me with mystery concoctions.

This time Malfoy was waiting for me with Wood and his typical entourage of armed guards. I kept my gaze on cane-man as I was slammed into the chair, the restraints instantly sliding around my throat, ankles, and wrists. It wasn’t worth it to fight against them anymore. I needed to save my strength and not reopen the wounds rubbed into my ankles and wrists so that I could beat this man senseless once I figured out how to get out of here.

“We have a new test for you, Jennifer. It won’t take long, and then we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming, so to speak. Wood, if you please,” cane-man smiled menacingly, waving the scientist over to me.

I clenched my teeth as he plunged yet another needle into my arm, pumping a cool liquid into my veins that instantly settled over my mind and body like a fog. Damn it, everything was so _heavy_. 

My body relaxed into the steel chair beneath me despite the twinge of pain the action brought to the open cuts and bruises on my back. I lazily looked up to the man with the cane, head lolling in my restraints, watching him thoughtlessly as he grinned down at me.

“There, that’s better. All nice and relaxed.” He patted my cheek harshly, forcing pain to shoot through my system as it jostled my swollen eye socket. “Now, Jennifer, will you try something for me? I want you to take that chair,” he pointed to a metal folding chair in an iron cage in the corner that I hadn’t noticed when I walked in, “and crush it for me. That’s all. And then you can get some food and water and some sleep. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

It _did_ sound nice. My stomach gnawed at my backbone painfully at the mere thought of food, which I hadn’t had since I’d gotten here. And my parched mouth couldn’t even salivate at the thought of water. _Probably a bad sign._ But I couldn’t bend metal. There were some natural bits in there, but not nearly enough for me to manipulate.

“I can’t,” I whispered in defeat, leaning my head back against the headrest with a sigh. I was just so tired…

“You can. Just try,” he urged, patting my hand.

I groaned, lifting my heavy head and looked at the chair. I reached for my abilities beneath my skin, and I was shocked when they responded more strongly than they ever have. It was like a barely controlled inferno raged within me, aching to be let out. It felt like _power._ My bloodshot eye focused on the box, and I felt its presence in my mind just as I did a stone or a fallen log. I could feel it taking up space in the world even with my eyes closed. My right hand clenched into a fist, and with a loud bang and screech of metal, the cage twisted into itself until there only a gnarled mess of iron in its place.

I shouldn’t have been able to do that. Is this what they had been doing to me with the injections?

“How?” I asked wearily, looking up to the triumphant man next to me.

He smiled--not even an evil smile this time--and nodded to Wood, who busied himself behind me. “I told you that we would unlock your full potential, Jennifer. Now lie back, and we’ll get you the help you need.”

My good eye was obscured as the electro-shock mask slipped back onto my head, but I didn’t have the energy to struggle even as the rubber bite-guard was shoved into my mouth and thousands of volts were surging through my system.

It’d end soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Synopsis: The gang goes in to take on Hydra. Loki, Wanda, and Jen got ambushed and Jen is kidnapped by Hydra. They torture her and start trying to brain-wash her. She's giving a serum that increases the strength of her powers, as well as making it so she can bend metal. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I'm trying to get as many chapters up as I can before I go on a mini-vacation next Wednesday where I won't have access to a computer to keep writing. I appreciate any and all feedback! :)


	13. I can see in your eyes, you're ready to break. Don't look away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Blood, violence, torture, death, brief suicidal thoughts, language.
> 
> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during the revision process.

A pattern was established after a few more sleeps--I lost the will to count after the fifth time I’d managed to get any amount of sleep without getting knocked out or passing out. What did it matter if I knew how much time had gone by, anyway? I woke up in my room to the soundtrack of my former friends’ betrayal chanting in my ears with a glass of water and what I assumed was some sort of protein bar waiting for me. I downed both ravenously as I waited in the darkness, my ravaged back pressed lightly against the cold wall. When I wasn’t taken elsewhere to video viewings where I got to watch the horrific past deeds of the Avengers, or to another test of my abilities, or to get ‘electroshock therapy’, I sat on the cold hard floor of my cell and felt around mentally, testing out my new heightened abilities.

I counted the number of guns in the hallway by identifying the metal in them. I was aware of the old copper pipes that ran through the walls around me. Down the hallway and through an iron door laid in wait the machine that they strapped over my head every day. This hall had exactly seventeen other cells with iron doors. And I knew, deep down inside and without a doubt, that if I focused and twisted my hand _just so_ I could warp my door enough to escape. But there wasn’t anywhere to escape to, so it was pointless to try and risk getting caught. I didn’t need Brawny’s boot in my ribs again. Four times was plenty.

If there was a plus side to this, it was that my eyes were opened to the misdeeds of people I had once looked up to and even loved. My old family, the _Avengers_ , had only been using me. They wanted me for their own goal of making the world to their liking. They wanted me to help them wreak havoc on innocent people so that they could rule as they saw fit. It was all an act. Pretend to act for the greater good, for the betterment of mankind, and leave so much destruction in their wake. Nobody to hold them accountable. Nobody to tell them whether or not they were actually even helping. They wanted to control me, too, and I had been naive enough to fall for it. Add on not allowing me to fully realize the true potential for my powers and holding me back, and they clearly weren’t looking out for my best interests. They pretended to care for me and protect me while they kept me on the sidelines. I deserved more.

In the darkness, without any light or sound besides the neverending mantra, my mind compensated for the lack of stimuli with vivid hallucinations. Men dressed in black shooting at me. My so-called friends and team members arguing in the corner. But sometimes, when it felt like being both particularly cruel and unbelievably kind, it was Loki.

He knelt next to me, looking at me with such rage and concern battling on his fair features that I had never seen. Even my imagination wouldn’t allow me to see him as I wanted: content and happy. It had to add his pained face to the weight that had settled over my heart. Sometimes he tried to talk to me, but I just tuned that out as I had the soundtrack of my former allies betrayal. I didn’t need to add his beautiful voice to the grief weighing me down. Forgetting it was the best chance I had at happiness. Remembering him hurt too much and this life I was forced into didn’t allow a break for heartache.

~~~

“We have intel that your Avengers are still coming for you, Ms. Thompson. We thought we would make another video reminding them of why that’s foolish. Thank you so much for helping us with this little project.”

I was forced into the same position that I was in for the first video: kneeling, sitting on my ankles, with my collar chained to the wall behind me and handcuffs holding my hands captive behind my back. I don’t even look into the camera until Malfoy smacked his cane across my back, pulling a cry from my lips, ordering me to do so under threat of another blow to my bruised and broken skin. It takes almost all of my energy just to sit there, but I reach deep down within myself and lift my pained and weary gaze to stare into the black lens.

“Better. Now, Mr. Stark, we have received word that you are on your way toward what you believe is one of our bases to attempt to rescue this woman. As I said before, this is a foolish endeavor. Any attempts to do so will be taken out on her. Jefferson?” 

Malfoy stepped away from me, and Brawny man--Jefferson--took his place. It’s obvious what’s coming before it’s happening, and it’s glaringly obvious that if I’m struggling to just sit upright that I’m not going to be strong enough to fake it or hold anything back like last time. Maintaining my composure for as long as possible was the best I could hope for, and even that was a tenuous goal at best.

That resolve lasts up until the first blow Brawny delivered against my already injured ribs. A broken scream tore through my lips as white-hot fire shoots out from where I’ve surely at least cracked a rib by this point. Each breath tugged on them and sent a nauseating wave of agony through me, so I’m forced to pant and sob as shallowly as I can as more and more blows are rained down on my back and stomach until my body can take no longer, and I pass out, held up only by the collar around my neck.

~~~

“Turn off the machine. They’re here. Get ready to move her.”

The hastily spoken words broke through the mind-numbing haze caused by so many volts of electricity charging through my system. Seconds later the torture ceased. I slumped back against the metal chair, my muscles unable to support me after flexing and spasming for so long. My eyes cracked open, only one able to see anything for the machine covering it. Wood messed with the panel controlling the machine next to me, and the guards that normally watched me like a hawk were facing the door, shifting nervously and glancing between one another.

Another hallucination of Loki appeared in front of me. I lifted my eyes to the tall figure that looked both so broken and so enraged as he took me in. It was an interesting struggle on his handsome features. To be fair, I’d never imagined him in here before, so of course he’d be shocked to see me in this situation. I was too exhausted from the videotaping earlier and the shocking treatment to even attempt to force the image from my mind, though. It was nice to see something beautiful for a change, even if it’d hurt later.

The guards seemed to have other ideas, and they swung around to point their guns at the apparition, or, more realistically, me. Wasn’t their smartest idea, considering he wasn’t here and those would definitely kill me, but would that really be the worst thing to happen?

_No, don’t think like that._

“Don’t shoot! You could hit her, you imbeciles! Everything would be for nothing!” Wood ran out in front of me, spreading his arms as if he could actually stop the guards if they decided to open fire. He had about as much control over the situation as I did, and I was strapped to a chair and rendered helpless by my body’s weakness even if I was to somehow get free.

Loki glared at the contraption holding me before resting his gaze on me. The harshness tightening his eyes softened when he met my gaze. “What have they done to you?” he growled. 

I couldn’t answer out loud with the bite guard still in my mouth, but answering out loud was pointless when he was just a hallucination. Unable to do anything, I just took in the beauty of his rage. He was always so stunning in his armor, looking the king he always wanted to be. This was no different, although even during the tapings of the Invasion I hadn’t seen him look so murderous. I’d hate to actually be on the receiving end of that look.

In the distance explosions reverberated throughout the building, shaking loose some dust from the ceiling to fall about the room. _That was new._ Maybe they were testing someone else? I couldn’t be the only one learning to improve their powers. 

“Tony is breaking through their shielding. I am coming for you, little one. I will tear through every man I have to until you are safe in my arms,” he vowed loudly, fierce determination ticking in his jaw. In my peripheral vision, one of the guards shook his head and took a few stuttering steps away from both the door and Loki. I turned my attention back to Loki. He was much prettier to look at than a cowering guard, even enraged. His hand hovered over my bare knee, and I knew that he didn’t try to close the distance because there wasn’t any point to it; he wasn’t really there.

If only I could imagine him less distraught than this. I wanted the soft Loki that was only for me. The one who chuckled at me when I cursed out my hairbrush for pulling my hair and pulled me closer in his sleep. Who kissed my shoulder as I brushed my teeth. Who knew my coffee preferences and woke me with a cup if he got up before me. Whose cold fingers would be a balm on my ruined body. This version, shaking with anger, was a sight for sore eyes, but I missed _my_ Loki. But it wouldn’t be safe for him to come here. Although these men had tapped into power I didn’t know I’d had, I couldn’t protect him. Not like this, so weak in both mind and body. I couldn’t bear it if he got hurt because of me.

_You’re not real, Loki. Don’t come here. It isn’t safe for you._

“I am real. We are here. I’m coming for you,” Loki said calmly, his voice a level cadence that doesn’t do anything to lessen the threatening aura surrounding him. It’s a deadly sort of calm that barely hides the fury behind it. It means that he’s calculating, using all of his resources to think of the many ways to handle a situation. I’d always been more afraid of people who get quiet when they’re angry. It’s just the calm before the storm. And even if this storm wasn’t going to rain down on me, it was still terrifying to look it in the face.

Shouts and screams blended with the sound of bullets firing. Boots stomped across the floor in the hallway. Great crashes of crumbling concrete and debris echoed throughout the room. Wood had taken to cowering behind my chair after Loki had turned his murderous glare on him. I would run and hide from that look, too, if I wasn’t still restrained and didn’t know that it was not meant for me. Plus, it was just too much to try to undo the metal around my ankles and wrists when they would just punish me for it. I couldn’t take another hit in my ribs or on my back. Best to just wait and see what the fuss was all about. Surely this apparition wasn’t Loki, right?

I didn’t have to wait long. The door directly across from me was ripped off its hinges and thrown across the hall to slam into the wall so hard it embedded itself in the concrete. The illusion of Loki disappeared in a wave of green light and was replaced by his looming figure standing in the doorway, lit from behind by flickering light bulbs and the orange glow of a distant fire. The guards who had been tasked with watching me opened fire on him, but their bullets only seemed to anger him further as they bounced uselessly off of him. With a swipe of his arm all of the men, excluding Wood, were thrown into the wall. They slid down to the floor, unmoving, and I looked back to the god stalking into the room.

“It’s all going to be okay, love. I promise.” His words, soothing and calm, were opposite to the fury holding him taut as he moved past my field of vision.

I heard a scuffle behind me, Wood shrieking incoherently, and then nothing save for the chaos happening outside of the room. Loki, now spattered in blood, reappeared in front of me, his face contorted in agony.

“Oh, love…” he murmured, shaking his head as he took me in quickly He leaned over me and his intoxicating scent washed over me. I closed my eyes at the instant comfort it brought to me. Weird how I had never been that in-depth with my hallucinations before, but maybe this last treatment had finally broken that part of my brain, too.

Air rushed across my face as the metal device that went over my head was ripped from the machine with the savage sound of wrenching metal. Cool fingers brushed my skin and I pried my eyelids open to see Loki bending and pulling off the locks restraining me at my ankles and wrists. I fought the exhaustion threatening to take over me, instead willing my brain to make sense of the situation. Was Loki here for me? Or was this just a wonderful and terrible dream?

His long fingers gently grabbed my chin, holding me still as he pulled the bite guard from between my clenched teeth. That was more of a relief than anything else. Damn thing was too big and made my jaw ache.

No, I was wrong. The sting and soreness of my neck after it was freed from the restrictive metal collar by his strong hands carefully ripping it in half was the biggest relief I’d had since coming here. A groan escaped my dry, cracked lips and a flash of pain lit up Loki’s darkened gaze at the sound.

“Get her and let’s go, brother!” _Thor?_

“Can you walk, love?” he asked quietly, his hands hovering over me as if I were some wild animal he was afraid of spooking.

I had walked here, I think. It was just _so_ hard to remember anything after they shocked me. My jaw ached, both from the bite guard and the thick collar that rubbed against it, so I decided talking wasn’t a necessity. I merely nodded, wincing as my neck muscles that had been forced to remain in one position for so long protested the simple movement. His hands slid down my neck to my back to help me up, but he withdrew when his fingertips met the open wounds left from my last punishment and I winced in pain. They hadn’t given me any of the cold drugs today, so I acutely felt every injury that had been dealt against me as he instead took my hands and carefully pulled me to my feet from the chair.

I stumbled after him, my legs weak after such little use and practically no food or water. He stopped, lips pressed into a thin line, looking over me critically once again. Silent decision made, he picked up my shaking body into his arms and cradled me tightly to his chest. My grubby fingers splayed across his leather armor, doing their best to ground me in the surreal moment. The sharp pain sent through my ribs with each swift step he took as he barrelled down the hallway kept me present if nothing else.

Everything was a blur. I couldn’t focus on any one thing for too long. My entire body throbbing as I was jostled around in Loki’s grip. The screams of men around us. The sound of bullets, explosions, and rockets. The smell of leather and spice filled my nose when I let my head fall into the crook of his neck. My eye and nose screaming from the action forced me to turn my head so my forehead was pressed carefully into him instead. _I am disgusting and he’s holding me._ What a dumb detail to focus on. Light flashing behind my closed eyes as I gave in to the belief that this _was_ happening and Loki wasn’t going to let me go. Dreams weren’t supposed to hurt this much.

“Is she alive?” _Tony._

My eyes snapped open and found Tony, all decked out in his Iron Man suit, standing over us as Loki sat down to hold me in his lap. Fear surged up from deep within me, and I reached up toward him. He looked at me in worried concern, reaching out his metal hand for mine with a thin, sad smile.

I flicked my fingers toward him, and a metal panel broke off of the floor of the jet and flew into him, wrapping around him and pinning him to the wall.

“Wanda!” he shouted urgently.

Distracted, I let up on forcing the panel to wrap tighter around him. I turned to look for the Scarlet Witch, ready to defend myself, and she popped up over Loki’s shoulder, her hands twisting in my direction. I was able to catch the look of conflict creasing her face and then I was out, sinking into Loki’s embrace and deep, dreamless sleep.

~~~

I woke up to silence.

Well, almost silence. My soft breathing and the quiet hum of the heater in the background hardly counted. But that was silent enough compared to the monotonous voice spelling out the truths of the Avengers that had become the background music to my waking moments alone.

And I was _so_ comfortable. My skin felt free of the layer of blood, sweat, and grime it had accumulated against soft, warm bed sheets and my raw, cut-up back wasn’t sticking to a cold wall but nestled into a heavenly soft mattress. The sheets smelled like a heady, comforting mixture of something spicy and the lavender eucalyptus soaps and lotions that I preferred.

And then I heard the soft sound of a page turning.

I bolted upright in bed and wrenched my eyes open. My hands flew out towards the source of the sound and my wooden nightstand followed before I could even identify what was happening. Almost instantly a green light surrounded the furniture and it fell heavily to the ground, a leg breaking off from the impact.

I knew the magic behind that light. _Loki._ He looked up at me from where he was seated at my couch, uncrossing his dark slack-covered legs and resting his elbows on his knees as he closed his book. He looked concerned, sorrowful even, which is not the expression I figured he’d have after I tried to throw a table at him. It was a small table, but it still counted.

“How are you feeling, darling?” he asked kindly, setting his book down beside him and standing to walk over to me, each motion slow and deliberate. Just like when he had first found me. Like I was a skittish animal he was trying to lure into a sense of security, false or otherwise.

 _Oh._ I wasn’t in the Hydra base anymore. I was in my room. I dug my fingers into the familiar dark green blanket beneath me, tethering myself to the room as I fought the wave of memories threatening to overwhelm me. The electrocutions. The beatings. Malfoy. Wood. My cold dark cell. I shook my head against them as if that would force them from my mind, and closed my eyes.

“Just breathe, love. You’re safe. I will never leave your side. Breathe,” Loki soothed, his patient timbre coming from somewhere to my left. He sounded closer than he had been a moment ago.

I opened my eyes to watch him warily for a moment, determining if he was a true threat, before hazarding a glance around the room I’d claimed over the past several months. It looked untouched in the time span that I’d been gone, and I realized that I wasn’t even sure how long that was. But it was mine, it smelled like me and had my trinkets, my sketchbooks and bits and bobs. And that was something that Hydra couldn’t have duplicated, right? 

My wary gaze fell on an IV pole with several bags of unidentified hanging from it, all dripping into the line in my arm. I quickly ripped it out of my skin, ignoring the slight burn and bit of blood that pooled up from my less-than-delicate removal process. 

Focusing on fixing that small problem helped steady my breathing, but I didn’t relax, not yet. I still wasn’t sure where I stood with Loki, or what I was doing here, or what was happening next. Too many unanswered questions.

“Those were fluids, antibiotics, and saline. You were incredibly dehydrated and weak. We were worried about infection from your injuries,” Loki said, sounding mildly frustrated as he finally stopped to sit in a chair that had been dragged over beside my bed.

“Nothing goes inside me. No needles or injections or drugs,” I said as firmly as I could. My voice was hoarse from disuse.

“Love-”

“ _Nothing_ ,” I persisted, rubbing my hand against where the IV had been as I took stock of myself. My body was clean, as I had suspected, and what I could see of it was covered in healing green bruises and small cuts that had been much deeper the last time I was awake. I was dressed in one of my baggy t-shirts, no bra, and clean sleep shorts. I took a deep breath, wincing at the tug and burn of my ribs resisting. Those were still messed up; got it. “Who did this?” I asked, pulling lightly on the collar of my t-shirt.

“Myself. Even after Wanda put you to sleep, you were restless and agitated whenever anyone else touched you. I’m sorry for doing so without your consent, but given our past physical intimacy and the need for you to be cleaned and cared for quickly, I was the one best-suited for the task,” he said calmly, his eyes raking over my face as he spoke. He looked pained as he took me in, his eyes bouncing from injury to injury and then dancing around the room, only to fall on me again.

“Wanda was inside my head?” I growled, glaring at him. I didn’t trust her. What if she had messed with my thoughts? Changed my opinion on something or changed a memory? She was incredibly powerful, and who would know the difference? Who would care if she _did_?

“I’m afraid that she was, but only to put you to sleep so we could get you to safety. I did not allow them to search your memories, as they wanted.” He frowned, clearly upset at that. At least he had kept up his promise while I was unconscious. The bare minimum, really, but it was still appreciated.

“Thanks,” I grumbled, running a hand through my hair. He must have washed that, too. It was clean and wavy, free of tangles. How much had he done to care for me while I was out?

He reached out to take my hand after it had fallen back to rest in my lap. The warmth in his eyes dimmed when I flinched and pulled it away. A cool, collected mask slipped over the hurt on his face instantly, and he looked up to me with a thin smile. “Now, how are you feeling? You neglected to answer me earlier.”

“Like I was trapped inside actual hell and tortured brutally for days on end,” I snapped. How was I supposed to answer that question?

“They were devastated over your kidnapping. As was I,” Loki said, frustration peeking through his calm facade.

“It’s all an act! They just want to use me! They aren’t my friends! They took their sweet time to get me back because they don’t care. I was left in that hell hole to be tortured and beaten while they were here, living it up!” I screamed, standing out of bed and pointing angrily at the door as my temper broke through my weak attempt at controlling it. I swayed slightly, the blood rushing to my head and blacking out the edges of my vision. 

Loki stood up as I did and lightly settled his fingertips on my hips, ready to catch me if I fell and steadying me in the meantime. He left them there after I shook my head, indicating that I wasn’t going to drop, and I didn’t make him move. This close to him, with his gentle touch keeping me steady and his eyes filled with compassion as he peered down at me, it didn’t seem too important to fight him. I craved the comfort that he offered, even as part of me wanted to push it away. That part could shut the hell up.

His thumbs rubbed my protruding hip bones lightly, but even that hurt. I’d lost so much cushion protecting the; how much weight had I lost in there? Were my hips bruised, too? Wouldn’t surprise me if they were. “Come now, little one. I know you don’t believe that.”

I lifted my hands to tangle into the hair at the sides of my head, pulling on it as I struggled with my conflicting thoughts. He was too close. He wasn’t close enough. The Avengers were my enemies. They used me. They loved me. I couldn’t pick apart what was real and what wasn’t. 

“It’s what I know. They don’t care. They never did,” I said weakly, my conviction faltering even on my ears.

“And what do you know about me? Do I care? Am I using you?” Loki asked, voice cautious as if he didn’t truly want the answer to the questions he asked. His shoes came into my line of sight beside my bare feet. He reached out and untangled my hands from my hair, not allowing me to yank away from his touch by lacing his fingers through mine once he was finished.

I looked up at him, searching his serious face as he did the same to me. Watching his glittering eyes as they flitted over the bruises marring my skin. The uptick of his furrowed brow as he waited with bated breath for my response. His tongue darting out to wet his lips nervously. My answer meant more to him than he was admitting. Loki had never taken advantage of me. He had cared for my injuries and chased away my nightmares. He soothed me to sleep. He trusted me enough to open up to me in ways that he didn’t with the others. But still… 

“It took you so long to save me...” I wasn’t accusatory, just resigned, a heavy sigh following the words.

“I didn’t know where you were, darling,” he replied, voice cracking. Guilt swam in his shining emerald eyes and ticked in his clenched jaw. He relaxed his grip on me, but only so he could stroke the soft skin of the side of my hand with his thumb. “I needed them to find you before I could do anything else. As soon as we knew where you were, we came. I came. If it wasn’t enough motivation that you were simply gone, it’s that vile…” He shook his head and pulled me to him, releasing my hands so he could hold me to his chest. “That cursed video that they sent of you. They couldn’t finish it, but I made myself. And then we received the second video while we were on the way here…” He shuddered at the thought, muttering a curse to himself. “It almost destroyed me.”

I relaxed after a moment in his embrace, closing my eyes as I recalled the videos he was talking about. Those had been my first and last taste of Hydra, and neither of them had been the worst of the treatment I’d been given. I didn’t want to think about it anymore, though. It made it harder to breathe around the lump in my throat and the weight pressing into my chest. My arms snaked around his waist, holding him as tightly as I could. “Thank you,” I murmured, tears springing into my eyes. I was safe now. And that allowed me to feel the full gravity of what had happened to me.

Gently, everything he did was gentle since I'd woken up, Loki guided me to sit down on his lap as he settled down on his bedside chair, never releasing me. I sank against him, curling up my legs to my chest as I tried to fold as much of myself into his arms as I could. His heart raced beneath my hand as it splayed across his chest, the thin material of his white button-down shirt doing little to suppress the quickening beats. His fingers traced nonsensical patterns on my skin and I felt his Adam’s apple bob against the side of my head as I leaned against him.

“I will always come for the woman I love,” he whispered, tightening his fingers around me. He only loosened their grip when I made a quiet noise of discomfort as they dug painfully into one of my many bruises.

The tears that I had been barely holding at bay trickled down my face as I tilted my head up enough to look at him. He took a deep breath before meeting my gaze, searching my eyes desperately for my response. When I didn’t respond beyond looking at him, his expression became closed-off and his hands fell to hang loosely at his sides.

“Wait.” I slid my hand across his chest and down his arm to take his, picking it up and holding it to the middle of my chest so he could feel my own fluttering heart. I needed a moment to process everything, but I didn’t want him to shut me out and run away. I just needed a beat. My mind was such a jumble. Maybe it would be easier to process everything out loud.

“In..” I shuddered and took a deep breath, trying again. “In _there_ , you were the one thought I had to hold onto. Even if I couldn’t make it there all the time, you were my happy place. My escape. I… I don’t know if I wouldn’t have survived it if I hadn’t had the thought of you coming for me to cling to. I don’t know when it happened. We haven’t even been together that long. I…” I groaned in frustration and moved his hand to my forehead. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Just… Look? Please?”

His hand left my forehead to smooth some of my hair back behind my ear before he let his hand fall to curl around the side of my neck, careful to avoid the bruising and healing spots rubbed raw from my collar. His forehead tilted down until it rested against mine and I closed my eyes, breathing him in, and focused on the memories and emotions that were too difficult to put into words.

The first time I had noticed how breathtakingly beautiful he was when he took care of me in the infirmary. The simple pleasure of getting to know the lines and planes of his face, body, and hands as I recuperated and filled the pages of my sketchbook with charcoal versions of him. How much fun I’d had dancing with him and how _right_ it felt to kiss him. The fear that I held for him when we were cornered in that alley. How safe I felt in his arms. How safe I felt when he watched over me after my nightmares. The despair at his rejection. The hope and elation when he had taken it back. How safe and content I felt falling asleep next to him. How _good_ his touch felt against my skin as we tangled together beneath the sheets. 

I showed him _everything._ Everything that I could think of to demonstrate what he meant to me. It was more than words. _He_ was more than words. He was more than a feeling. He was soft, steady breathing in the darkness. He was arms made of cool iron holding me close. He was a small, poorly-suppressed smile as he teased me. He was warm spice and cool touches. He was...

I opened my eyes to see Loki staring at me, tears of his own running down his face as he watched me with wonder in his eyes. It was like watching his heart break and mend itself at the same time. Seeing the tears on his face was too much to bear and I felt the tears I had just stifled begin again. I had never seen him cry, he was too proud for that, but these weren’t tears meant to be hidden away. These were like mine, an outpouring of happiness and love that refused to be contained. Seeing him so open and vulnerable gave me the strength and clarity to finally put my thoughts into words. My hands shook as I curled them into his unbuttoned collar. “You’re home, Loki.”

All desperation and hope and love was conveyed in his lips and tongue moving against mine in a slow, intense kiss. There was no need to rush. Not when we were finally together again, everything laid out on the table. I was safely in his arms and I was never leaving them again. When he broke the kiss he held me against his chest, tucking my head beneath his chin. “Oh, darling woman, I love you. I love you so dearly,” he said, voice watery but full of relief and happiness.

I managed to curl my arms around his neck without pulling on my ribs too much and buried my face into the hollow of his throat. I didn’t care about the tears that stained his skin, and he didn’t seem to either as he held onto me like I was the oxygen he needed to breathe. “I love you, Loki. I love _you_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He deserves all the love <3
> 
> Also I wrote a little bit of Loki's side of things while the last two chapters were going on. Thought about expanding it, but I dunno. I've never written in his POV before, just thought about it. If that makes sense. Would y'all want a bonus chapter of that?
> 
> Thank you for reading! I appreciate every kudo, sub, bookmark, and comment you all leave! It means the world to me (especially the comments). Your continued feedback keeps me motivated to post. :)


	14. Hold onto me 'cause I'm a little unsteady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Blood, threatened violence, description of injuries, language, and a hearty dose of smut.
> 
> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during the revision process.

Like all good things, they must come to an end. Or at least be rudely interrupted.

“Loki, Tony is asking to come inside. He brought Jennifer some food,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. called out through the room, pulling me out of the warm, content bubble that we had created in Loki’s arms.

I stood up out of his embrace quickly, flicking my wrist and sending a glass vase full of flowers against the wall. I didn’t even look as I mentally felt around for a large, broken shard and pulled it towards me, levitating it above my open hand as I faced the door. My vision blurred at the edges and I swayed on my feet from the sudden movements, but the instinct to defend myself had been too strong to ignore.

Loki stepped in between me and the door, holding his hands up to show that he was unarmed--at least for the moment. He _could_ pull daggers out of thin air. He watched me warily, either unsure of whether I was going to hurt him or if I was going to fall on my ass. Honestly, it was probably a little concern for both; even I wasn’t sure which was more likely.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., give us a moment,” he called, his eyes never leaving mine, watching me cautiously like the caged, cornered animal I suddenly felt like. “You do not have to let him in. I can go outside and take the food from him-” he shook his head at the grimace that twisted my lips, “or I can go get you some different food, and we can stay in here for as long as you need. But if you want to hear what he was to say, I will be right here at your side. Although you do seem more than capable of handling yourself should anything happen, which it won’t, I will protect you. It is your decision, and I will support it either way.”

I studied him closely, waiting for the flicker of a lie to skitter across his face. When I found nothing but truth from the liesmith, I shifted my eyes to his chest, timing my breaths to the inhales and exhales that strained at the buttons of his shirt. My stomach growled, begging for food now that it was reminded such a thing existed, but the rest of me screamed that opening the door was a terrible idea.

Without warning the glass crashed to the floor next to me, and I crouched down to balance on my heels, wrapping my hands around the back of my neck despite the throbbing it caused on the bruised flesh. It was too much. I couldn’t face him. This man that used me for his own gain and pretended to care for me, to love me, like a father. One of my hands slipped down to grasp onto my necklace for comfort but came up empty. A shaky, sharp gasp tore through my lips, and I looked up with wide eyes when the door to my bedroom opened.

Stark walked in, looking wary but hopeful, and holding a plate with the most delicious looking cheeseburger and fries I’d ever seen on it. But I couldn’t focus on the fries, just the fact that he had walked into my room, without my permission, and was approaching me. It was his Compound, at the end of the day. Of course he’d have access to all of the rooms if he wanted.

I stood up and the shards of glass behind me rise as I do, but Loki was faster. He gave me a reassuring smile before turning the full force of his rage on Stark, anger rippling off of him as he closed the distance between them and pushed him toward the door.

“It’s a peace offering!” Tony sputtered, stumbling backward and looking to me as I stood there, torn and trembling, unable to form a coherent thought to make any sort of action one way or the other.

“You imbecile. You do not come into this room, nor does anyone else, without her express permission,” Loki hissed, giving Stark one last shove, forcing the food to fall to the ground and the plate to shatter.

Stark pulled at the watch on his wrist, covering his hand in his gauntlet and activating the repulsor, which he aimed at Loki. I reacted without thinking--apparently I was only capable of split-second decisions or none at all--summoning the broken nightstand leg into my hand. I threw it like a dagger and put as much of my energy as I could behind it, careful to avoid Loki. Stark managed to dodge it and turned his wide eyes on me, but I was already prowling towards him with the broken pieces of the vase suspended in the air behind me.

“Get out!” Loki shouted, and this time Stark did listen. He quickly backed out of the room, and the door whirred shut behind him, leaving us in overwhelming silence.

Free from the threat, I crumbled, the tinkling and shattering of glass echoing behind me as I released the tenuous grasp on my powers and resumed my position curled up on the balls of my feet, my arms wrapped protectively around my middle as I stared an unseeing hole into the floor.

“I’m going to come get you out of the glass. All right?” Loki asked softly, stopping several feet away from me and crouching down to get a better look at my face.

I glanced down at the glittering glass surrounding my bare feet before flicking my gaze back up to him, nodding silently. Glass crunched beneath his shoes as he slowly walked over to me, lifting me as if I weighed nothing with an arm behind my shoulders and one behind my knees. He deposited me gently on the bed before turning his attention to the glass, food, and china, swirling it all up into a whirlwind that he directed into the trash. I watched him silently, choosing to focus on what was happening immediately in front of me rather than sink into the abyss that my mind desperately wanted to go.

“How about I go find something lighter for you to eat, love? I don’t want to make you sick. You haven’t eaten in several days since being here,” he asked softly, mercifully not mentioning that I obviously hadn’t eaten much of anything while I was with Hydra.

I shook my head, ignoring the rumble of my stomach, and beckoned him to me with an outstretched hand. I needed his comfort more than I needed food. He did as I wordlessly asked with a frown, settling onto the bed at my side. I wrapped my arms around his waist and tucked my face into the crook of his neck, deeply inhaling the comforting scent of his skin.

“Would you like to hear another story about my mother?” he asked quietly, resting one hand on the small of my back, the other coming up to tuck some stray hairs behind my ear before falling to sit on my thigh.

 _That would be nice._ Anything to temper the panic that I was barely holding at bay. I could feel it, rising in my throat and pricking at my eyes, but I didn’t want to give in. I wanted to be here, with the man I loved, content and happy. Why was that so much to ask? I nodded and closed my eyes, listening as his voice vibrated against my head from its place against his throat.

“Frigga Allmother was so very much like you. Caring, thoughtful, stubborn, and brave. She was the one who taught me magic. She was raised by witches... “

It didn’t matter what he talked about, not really. It only mattered that he talked at all. His voice was a balm on my frayed nerves, lulling me into a calmer state with the smokey timbre of it. Getting him to talk about his mother was something that helped him, too. I could tell that even though it hurt--sometimes he would swallow thickly or take a long pause to collect himself--it was good for him to talk about her. She seemed to have been the only positive influence that he had growing up. The only one to even begin to accept him for what he was without asking more of him. He needed to be reminded that he was worthy and capable of being loved. It was too monumental a task for me to undertake alone, so I called on his late mother for assistance when I needed backup.

My stomach grumbled a while later, accompanied by a wave of nausea brought on by my lack of food or water. Loki heard it and stopped talking about how his magic differed from his mother’s, rubbing my back more firmly to rouse me from the stupor that his stories had sent me into.

“Would you prefer for me to go find you some food and you wait here, or would you rather come with me?” he asked, showing no preference for one or the other in his tone, leaving the decision entirely up to me.

I frowned and sat up from my slouched position, exhaling forcefully through my nose as my stiff body complained about moving after staying in one position for so long. Come to think of it, I hadn’t gotten much exercise in who knows how long. Walking around would probably be good for me, even if it was only to the kitchen and back. I furrowed my brow in concentration and closed my eyes, focusing on the world outside of my bedroom door. There were what I had guessed to be two cell phones in the area, which usually didn’t stray too far from the hips of anybody that lived or worked in the Compound, as well as Vision’s metallic body. Could I handle three people? Would they attack me? Was it safe?

“If you choose to go with me, you do not have to talk to anyone and I will not leave your side. But you are within your rights to stay here, perhaps draw in your sketchbooks or watch television, and I will happily find something to nourish you. You need to eat something, little one.” He insisted, rubbing his hand over my knee before standing up.

Leaving my bedroom would be entering the lion’s den, but I couldn’t stay in here forever. What could a quick trip to the kitchen and back hurt? Oh, _right_.

“Do they know that we’re…” I trailed off and waved a hand in between us as I tried to find the right word that would describe our relationship.

He smiled a tight smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “That I love you most ardently? Yes, that was made quite clear after you were taken. They know better than to say anything negative.” He bent down to kiss the top of my head. “I will be right back in a moment.”

I stood up quickly, clutching onto his arm as the blood rushed to my head for a moment. I really needed to learn that I had to move a bit more slowly for a while. He raised a brow at me in silent question. “I’ll come, too. Wouldn’t want to make the Asgardian Prince wait on a lowly mortal,” I laughed weakly, trying to lighten the tension in the room and bolster my resolve.

He reached up to lace the fingers of one of my hand in his, giving them a comforting squeeze. “It will be quick, love. Do you wish to wear something that covers you better?”

Oh, yeah. Probably shouldn’t go out there in my sleep clothes. When I nodded, the odd warm tingle of his magic washed over my skin, and my short sleep shorts lengthened into a pair of black loose pants and my baggy t-shirt into a thick, soft hoodie. It wasn’t anything that he would wear, which I would’ve expected with his magic, but it made me feel comfortable and secure.

“Thank you, love,” I said softly, bringing our joined hands up to kiss his knuckles lightly before dropping them between us. “Let’s go before I lose my nerve.”

He searched my face for a moment, looking for doubt, before leading me out of my bedroom. My heart was in my throat and the oxygen seemed thinner outside of the relative safety of my space, but I kept my eyes on him as he lead me to the kitchen.

“Hey, Jen,” Wanda greeted quietly.

I lifted my eyes from Loki’s back, hazarding a glance around the room once we were safely behind the counter. He didn’t move to begin finding my food, instead choosing to hover just behind me and to the side, releasing my hand to place his steadily on the small of my back, offering his silent support. Wanda and Vision were both sitting at the breakfast bar on the other side of the counter, a half-eaten plate of food in front of her. Steve was leaning against the kitchen table just off of the kitchen, a glass of water beside him. He was sweaty and his face drawn; maybe he had just come from his run? All three looked at me with guarded, tense expressions on their faces.

As they should. Now that I knew what they had been up to since I joined their little team, they had reason to be tense around me, and me them. I nodded to Loki without looking at him, signaling that I was fine and that he could go about why we had come here in the first place, my eyes finally coming to rest on Wanda.

“How are you feeling?” she asked, a half-smile on her face that didn’t match the furrow of her brows.

“I’m alive,” I gritted out, crossing my arms over my stomach to hide their shaking. I refused to appear weak in front of these people.

“Good to see you up and about.” Steve downed the last of his water and passed behind me in the kitchen to put his glass into the sink.

I whipped around, keeping him in my sights, my breath coming faster from his proximity. Loki looked at me over his shoulder, the knife he was using to cut fruit hovering in the air as he assessed the situation. I could see the tension in his shoulders, and it caused me to take notice of mine. But the discomfort took a backseat to the swiftly rising panic coursing through my veins. Steve crossed his arms over his chest and went to stand by Wanda and Vision, distrust blatant in the set of his jaw.

“Miss Jennifer, Tony had the suggestion that you work with Wanda to perhaps help process what you went through. She could help you discern reality from fiction, with her mental capabilities,” Vision offered, nodding his head to show his support of the idea.

“No. Nobody messes with my head. Especially her,” I snapped, glaring at Wanda, remembering her putting me to sleep on the jet against my wishes, and how Loki said they’d wanted to screw around in my memories while I was unconscious. I bristled and pushed down the urge to use my powers to assert the seriousness of my refusal. I didn’t need to make a scene, even against these traitors. _Not yet._

Wanda stood up and approached me, hands held up in a blatant show of peace. My body was practically vibrating the closer that she got to me, but I held my ground, even as I panted for air from the tension raging inside of me. She was an enemy, a threat, and she couldn’t be trusted. When her hand reached out to touch my arm, I gripped her wrist and twisted before pushing her away in one swift movement.

Several things happened in quick succession after that. Vision and Steve both stepped in front of Wanda, standing up straighter and glaring at me. Steve’s fists were clenched at his sides, and he was finally looking like the villain that I knew he truly was. Vision reached back to Wanda while he kept his eyes on me, torn between fully confronting me and checking on the woman he loved. Wanda stood behind the two men, looking both murderous and betrayed at my actions. _Now you know how it feels._ Loki mirrored Vision, putting himself between them and me, his hand reaching back to grip my wrist gently, both to hold me back and ground me with his touch.

“Don’t touch me. Don’t act like we’re friends. Don’t offer to _help_ me by picking through my mind and ripping it to pieces. You aren’t fooling me,” I hissed, trying to move to stand beside Loki, but his hold on my wrist held me to my spot behind him.

Steve chimed in, anger lowering his voice, “She was just trying-”

“To manipulate me,” I cut him off, my voice raised.

Loki, ever the diplomat when necessary, tried to diffuse the situation. “Her mind is her own and no one will pry into it without her consent.”

Wanda pushed between her male protectors to stare down Loki, her fingers twitching as she appeared to try to control her urge to call upon her powers. “But if it would help-”

“No!” Loki roared, letting go of my arm to hold his hands at his sides, sending a shockwave of his magic out from him that buffeted against me and rattled the cupboards. He took a deep breath and spoke again, voice laced with venom. “I know this is all new to you, Witch, but the ability to alter the minds of others is not one to be taken lightly. When she is ready to _talk_ about the situation, or even have me do so in her stead, she will. Until then, kindly thank Tony for his understanding in giving her the space and time needed to gather her strength and recuperate from such a harrowing experience.”

The air was sucked out of the room, watching Loki stand up against the three Avengers. I knew, logically, that he could handle himself, but it didn’t stop the knife he had abanded from flying into my waiting hand. I gripped it tightly, both praying that I wouldn’t need to use it and that I would get to. My mind was at war with itself, and I felt like I was one false move from any of them away from splitting in two.

“You don’t know what she needs. What she’s going through,” Steve spat, puffing out his chest, looking every bit the pissed off soldier that he was deep down.

“Oh,” Loki purred, chuckling lowly, “Yes I do. I know better than most.” He stalked forward until he was inches away from Wanda, ignoring the two men to tower over her. “Do not test me, Witch. I learned tricks like yours and more centuries ago. Your greatest capabilities are mere child’s play to me. Now, we will be leaving to return to our room, with her food and water, and none of you will stand in our way. Understood?” His words dripped with malice, sending chills down my spine.

He moved smoothly, efficiently, grabbing the fruit that he had assembled for me and a bottle of water before sliding his hand into mine. I couldn’t think, I was too overwhelmed and my brain had simply shut down, but my feet knew to follow after him as he pulled me back to my room.

Once the door closed behind us I leaned against it, closing my eyes as I processed everything that had happened. Loki had almost gotten into a fight with three of the most powerful Avengers, over me. I could’ve gotten hurt. _He_ could’ve gotten hurt. I slid down the door until I was sitting on the ground, my knees tucked up against my chest. I was choking on the fear and anxiety and waiting for the inevitable pain that would come from acting rashly. I had shown weakness, and that wasn’t allowed. Weakness meant pain. Weakness meant torn skin and bruises and electricity surging through my veins and blood.

Cool fingers brushed against mine and I slammed my eyes open. Loki was crouched next to me, hand hovering over mine that still gripped the knife I had taken from the kitchen.

“Give me the knife, love. You don’t need it here. I’ve got you,” he soothed, carefully taking the knife and making it disappear from his grasp whenever I didn’t fight him on it.

I launched myself at him, wrapping my shaking arms around his shoulders tightly, burying my face into his neck. I needed him, and I hated that I was so weak, but I also knew that he wouldn’t judge me. He sat down on the cool floor and pulled me into his chest, rubbing small circles into my back. 

“I can’t do this,” I whispered raggedly, fighting the panic that was clawing away inside of me.

“You can, little one. I am here to help you,” he promised me, leaving a small kiss on the side of my head.

“ _I_ don’t even know how to help me,” I choked out, shaking my head.

“I do, love. I have been in your situation before. It is not an easy road, but you will not face it alone. First, how about you eat some of this delectable fruit that I prepared for you, drink some water, and then maybe a shower? How does that sound?”

I pulled away from him just enough to rest my forehead against his chin, taking deep, slow breaths that matched his soft exhales against the top of my head. “Okay…” I agreed, squeezing his shoulders gently in gratitude before fully detangling myself from his embrace.

He helped me stand up, wrapping an arm around my waist to lead me to the coffee table, where he had placed the bounty from the kitchen while I had been having a meltdown against the door. I tucked my legs beneath me and sat down on the couch and set the small bowl of various fruits in my lap. He followed silently, grabbing the remote for the TV on the way and settling next to me. After turning on a harmless episode of _The Office_ \--he had been paying attention to my viewing habits--he leaned back on the couch and put his arm across it behind me, crossing his legs with an ankle propped up on his knee.

The obvious show he put on at being relaxed did its job, and I slowly sank back against his side, popping the fruit into my mouth and taking sips of water in between. I hadn’t thought the meager portion would be enough, but once I was finished with both it and the water, I felt unbelievably full. My stomach had shrunk more than I had expected from not eating for so long. I couldn’t get the confrontation in the kitchen out of my mind, though.

Wanda had approached me and tried to touch me, but it hadn’t been with malicious intent. At least, now that I looked at it once I had been removed from the situation, it didn’t seem that way. The hurt and shock in her eyes as I pushed her away hadn’t been faked. Unless she was that good of an actress. But they had all responded to my anger as if I was very much a threat. It was about time that they recognized the power I now commanded.

And then Loki stepped in, putting himself bodily in between us, willing to do whatever it took to protect me. He had deescalated the situation, which seemed out of character for him. That had been the perfect opportunity to create some chaos, stir up some mischief, and he had actively worked against it. Why? And he had said that he knew what I was going through. How? He had spoken some of the judgment he faced on Asgard from his father and brother, but they hadn’t done anything like that to him, surely not. Thor wasn’t like that. Even if he had betrayed me, he wasn’t outright abusive.

“Loki…” I tilted my head to look at him, taking his hand in mine and toying with his fingers anxiously. I didn’t know how he was going to respond to this question, but now that it was in my head, I needed to know the answer.

“Yes?” he asked, shifting on the couch next to me so that he was facing me a little more. The hand behind me combed through my hair repeatedly. It was so peaceful and calming and _normal_ for him to idly play with my hair, I almost didn’t want to break the serenity of the moment. _Almost._

I bit my bottom lip, not wanting to ruin the moment, but I couldn’t let it go. “What did you mean when you told Wanda that you knew what I was going through?” I blurted out in a rush, dropping my eyes to his chest.

His hand stilled in my hair, lingering against the back of my neck, and his arm tensed up behind me. I summoned all the courage I had and looked up to his eyes, which were staring unfocused into the distance. I squeezed the fingers that I was holding, pulling him back from wherever he had gone too inside his mind. His gaze cleared as he looked at me, a haunted pain lingering behind his eyes that pained me to see on his beautiful face.

A weak smile tugged on his thin lips, but he wasn’t fooling either of us with it. “How about a nice, hot shower, love?” he asked, changing the subject, standing up and straightening out the non-existent wrinkles in his shirt before heading toward the bathroom.

It had been wrong of me to pry. He didn’t want to talk about it, and I wouldn’t push it. He was taking such care with me and I owed him the same in return. I grabbed a clean pair of clothes and underwear before following him into the bathroom, putting my hand in between his shoulder blades to alert him to my presence. He had already gotten the water started for me, and steam billowed about the floor of the room, inviting me into the comforting spray. I hadn’t experienced a shower in ages, and it beckoned to me enticingly.

“If you have need of me, just call for me,” Loki instructed quietly, kissing my temple firmly before leaving the bathroom and closing the door behind him, allowing me my privacy.

I dumped my clothes on the bathroom counter and quickly stripped out of what Loki had dressed me in, leaving the dirty clothing on the floor. When I straightened back up after pulling off my bottoms, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. What I saw made me lean in further as I examined my body for the first time since I was back.

No wonder Loki looked at me like I was fragile, delicate, a wrong look or touch away from breaking to pieces. My pale skin had lost all of the warmth beneath it, so much so that even the brown freckles dotting my nose and cheeks looked muted. Deep purple bruises circled underneath my bloodshot hazel eyes, and my left eye was still swollen with a nasty bruise having blossomed around it. Lifting my head, I revealed the slowly healing raw patches from the collar and the bruising circling my neck. It hurt enough to make me gasp and grit my teeth, but I lifted my right arm o reveal large bruises covering my ribcage completely, marring the pale flesh and speaking little of the damage within. I could count my ribs without having to suck in, and my hip bones stuck out more than I would like.

It all told of the hell that I had gone through, and I clenched my eyes shut, bracing my hands on the counter as wave after wave of painful memories assaulted my mind. Each and every instance that lead to my battered reflection slammed into me, and I couldn’t stifle the sobs that tore from my throat. How was I supposed to move on from this when the evidence was staring me in the face? When shooting pains coursed through my body with each minute movement I made? It was a godsend that I couldn’t see my back, as I knew that was the worst of it, and those scars would not go away as the bruises on my face would.

“Darling?” Loki asked, concern softening his words. I heard the creak of the bathroom door opening, but I was too far into my head to speak up about my not wanting him to see me this way. I would never care about the nudity, but I didn’t want him to see me so obviously broken.

“Look at me, little one. Look at me,” he coaxed, and a chill radiated from him as he came up beside me. His rough fingertips caught my chin and tugged until I opened my eyes and lifted my head from my chest to do as he asked.

His eyes shone with such sadness as he took me in, and it only pulled more tears from my eyes and more hiccuping sobs from my chest. Now that I was looking at him, really looking at him, the matching purple bruises beneath his eyes jumped off of his fair skin. How had I not noticed the fatigue lining his elegant features earlier? He hadn’t been dealing with my being gone well, either. I hadn’t even considered what this was doing to him, although I was having a hard enough time keeping myself together moment to moment. He deserved better; that poor, poor man.

Both of his hands cupped my cheeks, and he wiped away each tear that trailed down my face with his thumbs. He leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead, and a rush of warmth flowed from the touch of his lips down throughout my body. I glanced at the mirror out of the corner of my eye to find that he had used his magic to cover the external signs of the damage I had received, although I could still feel the twinges of pain hidden beneath the surface. He was trying to help me, and it tugged at the strings of my heart. 

He stayed with me until my tears subsided, holding my naked body to his chest, one hand cradling the back of my head and the other wrapped around my lower back, avoiding the mess of healing bruises and cuts on my upper and middle back. When I had finally settled my breathing down to somewhat normal levels, he lifted my chin away from his chest with the stroke of his fingers on my jawline.

“I believe that the water may be cold by now, love,” he said with a frown.

The steady background of the water hitting the tiles stopped right after he spoke. He was just showing off his magic at this point. I nodded with a weak smile and stood on my tiptoes to leave a light kiss on his lips.

But when his fingers fell onto my bare waist to steady me as I stood on my toes, it ignited a fire inside of me that I didn’t expect. Not when I was seemingly so fragile. There was nothing fragile about the way that I held onto his biceps, holding him to me, or the way that he backed me up against the counter to roll his hips into mine.

And I was suddenly very aware that I was completely naked, and his tongue was tangling deliciously with mine. Each shock of pain that his fingertips caused as they danced over my skin was wiped away with a rush of heat from his tongue as it traced over my pounding pulse on my neck.

My fingers tugged on his shirt, pulling it from his pants, before fumbling with the buttons desperately. He lifted his lips from where he had dragged them to my shoulder, resting his forehead against mine, our panting breaths mingling in the space between us. I opened my eyes--I wasn’t sure when I had closed them--to look into his emerald gaze. His hands were shaking as they came up to cup my jawline, barely avoiding the injuries we both knew lay beneath the spell he had put on me.

“I need you, Loki…” I breathed, slipping my hand beneath his now-open shirt, reveling in his muscles twitching beneath the warmth of my touch.

“I don’t think I can be gentle, little one,” he warned, rolling his hips against mine to showcase the hard evidence of his arousal for me.

I didn’t care. I needed him. I needed to feel good. To forget. To get lost in him. To be reminded of what it felt like to be wanted and loved and cherished. I unbuttoned his pants and slipped my hand inside to palm the length of him over his underwear, drawing a groan from him. “I don’t want gentle. Help me, Loki.”

He groaned deep in his chest and moved his hands beneath my ass, lifting me up his body. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, latching my mouth onto the tender skin beneath his ear as he carried me back into the bedroom. I swallowed the gasp of pain that wanted to escape when I tumbled from his arms onto the bed. It wasn’t important right now. What was important was the intoxicating man standing at the edge of my bed, dropping his shirt to the floor, his eyes never leaving mine as he did so.

 _Damn._ I wet my lips with my tongue, all moisture leaving my mouth as he stepped out of his pants and underwear. My heart was racing furiously in my chest, but now it was from him crawling over my prone form on the bed, his eyes dark and wicked as he captured one of my rosy nipples in his mouth as he stretched out beside me, letting out a long hum of pleasure.

His other hand brushed my hair off of my forehead, and I felt the rush of warmth of his magic unfurling over my body--it was quickly becoming a familiar sensation. He gently grazed his teeth over my heightened peak before lifting from it with a languid lick, making me shudder beneath him. “While I may not be gentle, I do not want to cause you undue harm,” he explained, outlining the bruises on my ribs with tender, light kisses.

His words brought the reality that I was fleeing from back to the forefront of my mind, and I squeezed my eyes shut, reaching out to run my hands over his back, clutching at him desperately with the need to stay here with him and not disappear into the past. He must have sensed my panic, perhaps he noticed the shift in my breathing from quickened pants to actual hyperventilating, and he slipped his leg between my thighs, supporting his weight on his knee.

The bed rocked on either side of me and I opened my eyes to watch him prop himself up on his forearms on either side of my head. He hovered over me so that our chests brushed with each ragged breath. It was just enough pressure to feel the comforting cool weight of him without causing me any pain.

“Don’t think, love. Look at me. _Feel_ me. It’s just us right now. Just feel,” he purred, using the power of his deep, accented voice to bring me back to the present. One arm left the bed so he could drag his rough fingertips down my arm, leaving goosebumps behind on my chilled skin. I let out a gasp that he swallowed with his lips over mine as his fingers dipped over my wet folds, already throbbing and hot with need.

“So responsive. Just for me,” he murmured, smirking against my lips as he teased the hardened nub of my clit between two fingers. It sent shockwaves of pleasure throughout me, bringing me closer and closer to the release I so desperately craved.

I bucked my hips in time with the stroke of his fingers, seeking any friction that I could find. He did the same, his hard erection rubbing against my thigh, teasing me with how close it is to where I truly want it. All I can think about are his lips as they leave hot, open-mouthed kisses down the middle of my chest, suckling each nipple thoroughly, before continuing down my heaving abdomen. His tongue dipped into my bellybutton, sending a shock straight to my clit, and I threw my head back against the bedspread beneath me, a soft cry mingling with the heavy pants forcing themselves through my lips.

“Please, Loki…” I whined, tangling my hands in his long, dark hair, begging him for release, friction, _anything_.

He chuckled darkly, and I felt his breath puff out against my heated sex. He slid two fingers inside of me just as his lips latched onto my clit, and I lose myself in my orgasm so quickly it rips my breath from my lungs. I'm left a quivering mess on the bed as I ride the waves of it, gripping onto the bedsheets beneath me for dear life. I’m vaguely aware of his arms sliding beneath my legs so his hands can settle over my hips, holding me to the bed as I writhe against his tongue as it flicks relentlessly over me.

I expect him to ease up as I slowly regain control over my limbs, aftershocks flickering through my liquid limbs, but his tongue doesn’t stop flicking over my sensitive bundle of nerves. He slid a third finger inside of me, making me feel so full and tight and it’s just _too much_. 

My eyes fluttered open and I lifted my head enough to look down at him. The sight of his face buried between my legs was pure obscenity. I tugged on his hair, trying to pull him up to get a break from the onslaught of pleasure, but he only moaned into me and pulled my hips harder against him, if that were even possible. “Loki, I’m too sensitive. I’m going to come again…”

A truly devilish gleam lit up his eyes as he pulled away from me with a loud smack, his tongue darting out to run over his lips to taste me on his skin. “That is the idea,” he smirked, winking at me. _Oh god._ That look should be a sin.

His tongue traced over my slit, drawing a moan from deep within me. His fingers curled just so inside of me, finding my most sensitive inner spot, and it sent another shudder through me. My back bowed off of the bed, and even the ache in my ribs seems distant and unimportant compared to the feeling of his tongue as it flattens out and drags over my folds before pressing against my clit once again.

Waves of fire rolled through me, and with the grazing of his teeth over my clit, I crumple to pieces beneath him once again. Colors flashed behind my closed eyelids and my muscles bare down on his fingers as they work inside of me. Some barely alert part of my brain made me aware of him shifting over me and his fingers pulling from my slick heat.

My eyes blinked open just in time to see his fingers, the same ones that had brought me to such heights earlier, leaving his mouth with a lewd _pop_. _Damn. It should be illegal to be that sexy._ He lifted his body from mine and gripped my thighs, holding them open as he fully sheathed himself within me in one long, quick thrust that forced all of the air from my lungs in a loud moan.

“Norns,” he ground out between clenched teeth as I fluttered around him, still coming down from my last orgasm. He threw his head back and closed his eyes. His lips parted as he let out deep, quick moans matching his hard thrusts.

It’s the most beautiful and erotic sight I’d ever seen.

I can’t resist the urge to reach up and place one hand on his flexing bicep. The other rested on his chest just beneath his collarbones, and his heart raced beneath my touch. I don’t have a choice but to hold on for dear life as he ruts against me, pushing me into the mattress with the force of his thrusts.

The only sounds in the room are our mingled moans and the slap of flesh against flesh. My muscles began twitching as my third orgasm quickly approached, and his measured thrusts became deeper, more erratic. One of his hands moved to take mine from his chest and place it in between my legs. His fingers covered mine and made me rub against my clit, and I was so close to losing myself to the pleasure he was demanding of me.

His forearm fell heavily to the bed next to me, and I felt a rush of air over my torso as he dropped down to hover over me. The weight of him on me is almost painful, but I craved it, and it only forced him deeper inside of me and our hands trapped between us to press into me harder. His tongue darted out to trace the shell of my ear. “Come for me, love.”

And I fell apart at his command. I clenched around him, my body arched against his, a cry of passion pouring out of me and against the flushed skin of his neck. His groans mingled with mine, and he submitted to his orgasm with my name on his lips, his hips stuttering before slowing to a stop.

I opened my eyes in a daze, warm and content even as my muscles spasmed beneath him. He remained inside of me, something that I’m secretly grateful for, even as he shifts so that his weight is supported by both of his forearms on either side of me. My hands free, I slid them beneath his arms so they rest on his sides, tracing over his ribs gently.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, brow furrowed in concern. His hands closed over the sides of my neck, delicately tracing my jaw with his thumbs.

I shook my head with as much assurance as I can muster in my relaxed state, even going so far as to clench my inner muscles around him, drawing another groan from his lips. His forehead dropped onto my shoulder and cool breath huffed against my sweat-dampened skin. “Fuck. Easy.”

“You did anything but hurt me, Loki. I’m alright,” I said breathily, my heart rate slowing as I gazed up at him.

He smiled a contented, warm smile just for me, and leaned down to give me a warm, languid kiss. His tongue darted out to tease my swollen lips before he pulled away, collapsing onto the bed next to me. With a little maneuvering, he managed to get the sheets out from under us and over both of our bodies. He stretched out on his back and I roll over with a groan, the aches and pains finally making themselves known, but I ignore them to rest my head on the crook of his shoulder and drape my arm over his chest.

His arm curled over my back, and I stiffened against him, anticipating his touch on my marred skin. He dropped his arm so that it rests on my hip, rubbing the soft flesh with his thumb. “Are you certain you’re not hurt?”

I steadied myself to the sound of his deep, even breaths that moved his chest beneath me. He smelled of spice and sex and something inherently _Loki_ that made me feel safer than anything could ever hope to. “I promise you that I am no more injured than I was before you gave me exactly what I needed and asked of you,” I assured him, patting his chest in what I hoped was a comforting manner.

I shifted, getting more comfortable by slipping my leg over his, bringing the hand trapped between us to my side. I couldn’t stop my fingers from tracing the edges of his defined muscles, delighting in the beauty of his body. “You’re almost warm right now. It’s… different,” I murmured, voice muffled by the corner of my mouth pressing into his chest.

He hummed in contentment, reaching over with his free hand to push some of my impressive mane of hair off of his face before dropping it to rest on his stomach. I moved to pull away, the pain of being so stretched out finally becoming too much, and he made a sad, almost pitiful, sound at the loss of contact.

“Don’t you dare feel bad,” I prefaced, “but I just can’t be in that position anymore. My ribs…” I explained, rolling over so that my back was facing him, curling up on my side.

“Is this acceptable?” he asked, following my movements so that his front was pressed against my back from shoulders to hips, even going so far as to slide his leg in between mine. He left a soft kiss on my shoulder blade before nuzzling his face into my neck. I shifted a little, allowing his arm to come to rest beneath my head, using it as a pillow. His other arm wrapped around my waist and splayed across my stomach.

“It’s perfect,” I sighed, lifting my head enough to kiss his arm beneath me before settling back down into him and the sheets.

“I just... I need to hold you. I thought that I had lost you,” he murmured, fear rasping at his deep voice. He burrowed his face deeper into me, seeming to need the reassurance of my touch just as much as I had earlier.

“Me too,” I whispered around the lump in my throat that his words created. My vision blurred from the tears his tenderness brought on, and I close my eyes against them. His love almost hurt it’s so all-encompassing. “I’m safe in your arms.”

He nodded and left another soft kiss on the base of my neck, his breathing evening out against my back. I anchored myself to the moment in his arms and timed my breaths to his, letting the safety of his presence banish any worries that threaten to creep up on me. Just before I gave in to the exhaustion tugging at my consciousness, his quiet words whispered into my hair.

“ _Mine_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki is in full-on protector mode and I'm here for it. <3
> 
> Thank you all for reading! I appreciate every hit, kudo, sub, bookmark, and comment you all leave! :) It means the world to me and keeps me motivated to continue editing and posting this fic. 
> 
> I apologize for the delay in posting. Tomorrow I leave for a small vacation, so I may not post for several days (the vacation ends on the 11th). I'm also a substitute teacher and school starts on the 13th, so once that begins I will most likely not be able to post on my current tentative schedule of every other day. Thank you for sticking with me as I figure out how to balance real life with my passion for writing!
> 
> You all are simply the best and I don't deserve you :)


	15. I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Mention of violence, language, description of injuries.
> 
> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during the revision process.

I had become quite used to waking up from my nightmares.

I wasn’t accustomed to waking because of Loki’s.

At least that’s what it appeared to be. His fingers twitched against my bare stomach, tugging and pushing on the soft flesh, rousing me from my deep, dreamless sleep. Cold lips formed silent words against the back of my neck. I shivered from the goosebumps the tickling touch created and placed my hand over his on my stomach, squeezing gently.

“Loki. Sweetheart…” I whispered, carefully rocking my shoulders back against his chest to try to rouse him.

When he didn’t respond I rolled over in his grasp to squint at his face in the moonlit room. The faint light was enough to see the furrow in his brow and the frown tugging on his thin lips. This was not the contented face I was accustomed to admiring as he slept peacefully. I smoothed the pad of my thumb over the crease in his forehead while my other hand came to rest on his chest, rubbing against the firm flesh in what I hoped was a comforting manner. His muscles were taut beneath his skin and told of the tension that lay within his dreams.

His eyes opened suddenly and he sat up in bed, chest heaving. I pulled the sheet up to cover my chest and mirrored his position. My hand automatically found his spine and traced the length of it. His eyes were wild as they darted erratically around the room. He lurched out of bed, grabbed his discarded underwear and slipped them on before walking across the room to stare out of the window.

“Loki?” I asked softly, staring worriedly at his still silhouette against the glass. His shoulders were hunched and his head hung down to his chest. I could practically feel the tension vibrating off of him. With a muffled hiss of pain I crawled out of bed, picking up his shirt from where it had fallen and pushed my arms through the sleeves. Thankfully he had rolled them up earlier, otherwise they would be comically long on my shorter arms. It wasn’t much to fend off the chill of the room, but it’d have to do because Loki looked like he needed me--or at least a hug. Hopefully I could soothe whatever was wrong with him and convince him to come back to our nice warm bed. I padded over to him and wrapped my arms snugly around his waist. My forehead naturally settled into the dip of his spine between his shoulder blades.

“Go back to sleep, little one,” he said, not unkindly, but without the warmth I had come to expect from him when addressing me--especially in the comfort of the bedroom. But even as he said it his hands went from where they had been propped on his hips to cover mine, entwining with my fingers. His words and body didn’t align, and I trusted his body’s signals more in this instance. One talent that the God of Lies excelled at was lying to himself more than anyone else.

I left a light kiss on his back. “You’re obviously troubled over something. I can’t go back to sleep knowing that you're upset.”

He rotated in the circle of my arms so that he was facing me, and his face was unreadable, completely devoid of emotion. Which is the exact expression he always wore when he had emotions that he didn’t want to reveal or he was feeling something he wanted to stifle. He wasn’t fooling anybody, let alone me. “I’m fine.”

_Bullshit._

I leveled him with a firm stare. “You don’t have to tell me everything, but don’t lie to me.”

He pressed a tender kiss to my forehead before turning back around in my arms, setting his hands on mine to hold me to his stomach and chest once again as he stared out into the night. I was acutely aware of his heartbeat racing beneath his skin, but at least his breathing wasn’t as erratic as it was when he first woke. It was better than nothing.

“I’m here for you, just as you are for me. It’s a two way street in this relationship, sw-”

“It is nothing,” he cut me off with the hoarse whisper. 

“No, i-”

“It’s nothing!” he roared, throwing my hands off of his body forcefully.

At the sound of his voice--deafening in the silence--I jerked back from him, his force and my shock sent me stumbling in my haste to get away from him. I clenched my eyes shut as I tumbled to the ground. A soft cry left my lips from the impact, but I didn’t care about the pain. It was inconsequential compared to the panic that gripped at my thundering heart. When I opened my eyes, it wasn’t Loki who was standing over me, but Malfoy. He wore an evil grin that chilled me to the bone and stole my breath away.

“No, no, no. Not here,” I whimpered, shaking my head and curling my legs up to my chest. I tasted salt from the hot tears that streamed down my face. My fingers tangled in my hair in a futile attempt to block out the endless soundtrack of familial betrayal that I knew awaited me once I was done being punished for my disobedience. I couldn’t protect my whole body, but in this position at least the most important organs and my face were relatively safe from any blows he would have Brawny inflict upon me.

I didn’t know where Loki was. I didn’t know how Malfoy had gotten into the Compound, let alone into my bedroom. This was supposed to be my one safe place. Shouldn’t Loki have heard me sobbing? The damned rooms were next-to-soundproof, of course he couldn't hear me. But he couldn’t save me then; why would he save me now?

At the first touch on my shoulder I flinched away, my escape foiled by the bed behind me. I couldn’t hear anything over the roaring in my ears and my choking sobs. The second touch made me rip my hands from my head and my eyes slammed open to stare at the silhouette crouching over me. 

Maybe they forgot to give me that medicine that runs cold through my veins. Maybe I was too well-rested or they fed me too much. But this time, when I called on my powers, they responded. Even in the darkness, I was able to feel about mentally for anything I could use as a weapon, and a broken shard of wood would do the trick nicely. I would pay for it later, most likely with my life, but maybe a stake to the heart would at least get rid of this bastard. It worked for vampires; it’d work for sadistic torturers with terrible fashion sense.

“Don’t you fucking touch me!” I screamed, fear turning to anger as I opened my hand to call the wood into my palm. Forgoing my powers--I wanted to feel the asshole die by my hand--I scrambled to my knees and lunged toward him with the makeshift weapon raised above my head.

Cold fingers encircled my wrist and ducked beneath my open shirt to splay across my stomach. The frigid temperature and fragile strength behind the touches weren’t what I expected and it shocked me enough to get through the haze blanketing my mind. I leaned back on my heels and blinked several times at the figure restraining me. Slowly, after a few deep breaths, I could make out long dark hair, luminescent fair skin, and the deepest look of sorrow glittering in emerald eyes.

_Loki._

The broken table leg clattered to the floor from my slack hand. I had tried to attack Loki. I had gotten so lost inside my head that I didn’t recognize him and I had tried to hurt him. What if I had succeeded? What if I woke up from a nightmare and he was asleep and unable to defend himself? It wasn’t safe for him to be here with me. I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to him.

He must have come to the same conclusion because he released me and stalked out of the room without a word.

~~~

To say that I didn’t get much sleep after he left would be an understatement.

Three sleepless nights later and I was an exhausted wreck.

I had driven him away. He had been hurting from what had to have been a nightmare and I had pushed him too far until he had no choice but to snap. I knew that he had a volatile temper. I shouldn’t have been so shocked that he would respond that way eventually. Admitting to having nightmares, to that supposed weakness, was beneath an Asgardian Prince. He was too prideful.

I should have been stronger. I should have been able to snap myself out of it. I shouldn’t have pulled away from him. But he hadn’t been _him_. He had been my captor, my torturer, and then he was a faceless man who I had been convinced was there to finish what Hydra had started.

And I was too weak from my stay in that hellhole for my normal routine of jogging to the point of exhaustion to do the trick. Didn’t stop me from trying.

At least until another member of Asgardian royalty decided to interrupt me.

“Jen!” Thor’s voice boomed out over the Compound.

I ignored him and continued jogging until I reached the edge of the lake that formed part of the border to the property. People in movies always stared off into the ocean or lake or whatever body of water they had on hand when they were upset and needed clarity. Maybe it’d work for me, too. If nothing else I could push Thor into the water when he inevitably caught up with me.

“Did you not hear me?” he asked, not even panting as he stopped his lazy jog to catch up to me. Was that a testament to his strength or my weakness?

“The entire state heard you.” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my stomach. It took everything inside of me to not run away from him. I didn’t know if I could trust him. Hadn’t he used me, too? Loaning me his clothes on the first day that I became… _this_ and joking around with me. Treating me like a friend, and eventually, a little sister could have easily been an act that Stark convinced him to partake in.

He reached out to me and I took two big steps away from him, ignoring the painful stitch in my ribs and the shaking of my legs as I stared cautiously at him. I wouldn’t show him how exhausted I truly was if I had any say in the matter. Although my pale skin didn’t allow for hiding the dark circles under my eyes, or the bruises and healing wounds all over my face and neck. He _may_ take those as signs of a battle won, the foolhardy warrior that he was; he _may_ see them as worthy battle scars that told tales of my bravery. That sounded like him. Not worth the risk, though.

He sent a warm, hopeful smile my way. “How are you feeling? I have been concerned for you.”

I couldn’t contain the scoff that demanded to be set free from my burning lungs. “Peachy-keen, Captain Sparkles.”

“I see that spending time with Loki has added to your sarcastic wit.” The light behind his smile faded a little, but it was still plastered on his face nonetheless as he mimicked my pose and crossed his arms over his chest.

I bristled at the mention of Loki, AKA the whole reason I was being broody in the biting cold upstate New York outdoors. My sneaker-covered toe kicked a few loose stones into the frigid water in front of me. “Did he send you out here?”

A chuckle erupted from him and he shook his head good-naturedly. “We both know that my brother would not stoop to such measures.”

I hated that my heart dropped from that statement. But why would I expect Loki to ask Thor to do anything for him? It wasn’t like they were super close, although they had grown closer since losing Asgard. It still wouldn’t change the fact that Loki would never admit that he needed help in any situation, _especially_ to Thor. The wounds between them ran too deep to mend so quickly.

“Then why are you here?” I tried to keep the curiosity from seeping into my voice, but even I could tell that a little bit had still seeped in.

Did all Asgardian men tower over people avoiding them to force them to anyway? Or was that an Odinson thing? Thor walked around so that he was only an arm’s length away in front of me and stooped down so he was at my eye level. I tensed up and closed my eyes, banishing the terror that threatened to slither into my thoughts and sink its teeth into me like a snake. I couldn’t stop my heart from pounding in my chest, but I could blame that on the jog that I had just attempted, and I would continue to do so if anyone questioned me about it. With monumental effort, I opened my eyes to stare up at his earnest expression.

“My relationship with Jane was the only romantic experience that I’ve had with a mortal woman, and Loki did not approve. Compared to us, your lives are but a heartbeat. It is foolish for us to grow attached to something that will be so easily taken from us and will cause us so much pain in the end. And ye-”

I cut him off with a snide, “Gee, thanks.”

“Let me finish!” he raised his voice, face contorting with rage. 

I swiftly widened the distance between us, the edges of my vision dimmed and my breath caught in my throat. My arms closed over my stomach and I bent over them. He put his hands up in the air in apology and widened the distance between us even further and plopped down on a large boulder. It lessened the menace of his large frame considerably.

_Don’t run. Don’t run. Fight it._

After several moments, I was able to breathe as deeply as I could manage with my busted ribs, and my vision had cleared. I didn’t step any closer to Thor as I straightened up and planted my hands on my hips. The water lapping on the rocky shoreline was also incredibly interesting and I couldn’t imagine looking at anything else at that moment.

“I reminded him of these words when your dalliance was revealed to us. He said that the greater pain would be living the rest of his days without knowing the breadth of your love. He has never made an admission similar to that in all the time that I have known him,” he stated, so sincerely that it lifted my piercing gaze from the water to his face.

Exhaustion weighed down my words when I asked, “What’s your point, Thor?” My fear had died down enough so that I could think relatively rationally, but it didn’t mean that I wasn’t stressed from being alone with him. 

“Loki needs you,” he insisted bluntly. “I know that you are both far too headstrong for your own good. Both of you have suffered too greatly to let a misunderstanding get between something that could be great.”

“You don’t know what happened between us,” I hissed. Seeking a release from the turmoil inside of myself, I lifted one hand away from my body and a pebble from my feet floated into it. It took almost no concentration to use my abilities to put a little more oomph behind my throw as I tossed it toward the lake. It plopped into the water so far away that the sound of the impact didn’t even reach us on the shore. "Besides, I'm not... I'm not safe right now. I couldn't live with myself if I lost it and he got hurt as a result."

Thor's brow quirked in a surprising impersonation of Loki's distinctive expression. "You and I both know that that would never happen. You love him too much to ever hurt him, and he's strong enough to stop you if you attack him for failing to recognize him."

To be honest, I knew Thor was right. We were both being stubborn assholes to each other. I needed to realize that he hadn’t meant to lash out at me, and he needed to realize that I hadn’t been afraid of _him_. But he hadn’t approached me to talk it out. With each hour that passed, the more the doubt grew inside of me. He’d probably already thought it out and realized that tying himself to a broken human was a big mistake and gotten the heck out of dodge.

“I know that he is miserable. And he’s too prideful to come to you.” Thor stood up and carefully approached me. Thankfully he stopped several feet away from me, arms open at his sides in a show of trust and peace. “You both deserve to be happy. I know that you will not believe me when I say this, but I have grown to see you as a close friend, perhaps even a sister. You are good for him, and he is for you, and it pains me to see you both avoiding the other for no reason.”

I hated when other people were right.

~~~

One thing I was incredibly good at was stalling.

It was of great importance that I didn’t miss a single hair while shaving in the shower. Then I needed to moisturize thoroughly. Then my sketchbooks needed organizing, and that made my bookshelf look incredibly disorganized, so that needed fixing. Then I needed to do the stretching the doctor Stark hired recommended to keep my muscles from turning into tense wasted cords until I could begin training again. I wasn’t going to be doing that with Natasha again, so then I had to sit on the bed and worry about how I was going to get into fighting shape just going against Loki. It wasn’t like he was even close to an equal opponent to me.

By the time I was done doing all that I definitely _needed_ to do, it was time for dinner and the sun had fallen from the sky.

I paced a track in the floor of my room, delaying the inevitable.

My heart _hurt_. It hurt so terribly to have Loki on the other side of the wall and yet feel so far away that he may as well not be here at all. It hurt to know the sound of my name on his lips and long for it. I missed his embrace, his smile, his touch. _Him._ It was an actual ache in my chest that I hadn’t even begun to feel since the loss of my family.

And it hurt to admit that I wasn’t strong enough to keep on this road to recovery without him. It was too difficult to pull myself out of the darkness of my mind, to discern what was real and what wasn’t, and to remember how to be a functional human being. I needed his help.

I was punishing both of us for what few scraps of dignity I had left.

_Because I’m a dumbass._

I pulled together every bit of false bravado that I had tucked away in the recesses of my mind, marched out of my bedroom, ignored the din that I heard coming from the dining area, and banged my fist on Loki’s door.

To be met with silence.

_Well, that’s awkward._

I quickly scurried back to my room and leaned against the door after it was closed. I didn’t want to linger in the hallway and give the others an excuse to extend another olive branch. They had been trying so hard since I returned. I found my iced coffee waiting for me in the fridge when I foraged in between meals. Another ‘sterile’ sandwich had been left outside of my door the day before. Tense, anxious smiles greeted me whenever I ran into someone else. Banner had left books for me to read about surviving trauma. Stark even hired a doctor to see after my recovery, and that was the only offer I had accepted thus far--out of necessity more than anything else.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., where's Loki?” If she didn’t have an answer, I’d have to ask the others, and I’d almost rather chop off my hand than ask them for help with something.

“He’s in the rooftop garden..”

_Figures._

~~~

I never thought that I would think of Loki as anything but devastatingly handsome, but there’s a first for everything.

He looked absolutely terrible as I walked toward him across the softly lit rooftop. With his back to me, I could only tell his mood by his posture, but that was a huge giveaway in itself: slouched shoulders, elbows propped up on his knees, his face cradled in his large hands. That was not how he normally carried himself.

There wasn’t a universe that existed where he didn’t hear me walking up to stand behind him. He was too observant for that. Especially after I stood there for long enough that, staring at him in silence, unable to breach the distance separating us like it was the greatest canyon, my teeth started chattering in my mouth. Perhaps I should have thrown on more than a pair of skinny jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, but it was too late to go back now. If I left this rooftop without talking to him I wouldn’t have the nerve to do it again.

“Loki.” I was surprised that my voice sounded so hoarse, so weighted. It was as if uttering those two syllables had ripped my heart in two.

No, the thing that truly broke my heart was the look on his face when I knelt in front of him after my calling to him garnered no response. I delicately traced my fingers up his arms to tangle my fingers with his, and he didn’t fight me when I tugged his face from the sanctuary of his hands. His beautiful eyes were dull and bloodshot as they searched my face hopelessly. I couldn’t see the faintest glimmer of mischief or wickedness or arrogance in their depths, only despair and fatigue. The dark circles shadowing them seemed to only have deepened since I had seen him last. His elegant locks that he always seemed to keep perfectly maintained now hung limply to his shoulders, mussed from what had probably been his hands running through them repeatedly. He had even forgone his usual elegant attire for a simple black zip-up sweatshirt, matching sweatpants, and bare feet.

So, of course, the only thing that I can think to say when confronted with the miserable sight is, “You’re going to freeze to death out here.”

That pulls a mirthless chuckle from him, the sound harsh and cruel on my ears. “Oh, love, it is nearly impossible for me to meet my death in such a way.”

His fingers are ice cold in my grasp, so I begged to differ. “Come inside, Loki. Please.”

His lips twisted into a hollow cruel sneer. “Why do you care?”

“Because I love you, dumb-”

My words were cut off by him falling to his knees in front of me and yanking me into his chest. He clutched onto me like he was a drowning man and I was his life raft, all desperation and fear. Panic rose up within me at the suddenness of his actions, but I fought it. I fought the trembling in my body, from both the cold slowly seeping into my bones and panic rising within me. I fought the terror of feeling like I was _trapped_ in the iron grip of his embrace. I fought the fear that he could very easily squeeze just a little bit harder and my life would be over. I fought the pain in my ribs from his tight embrace and around my eye from being smashed into his chest. I fought. I fought. 

I _fought_.

Because this was _Loki_. He smelled like spice and leather and home. He was agonizing over a stupid misunderstanding we’d had not even a week ago. He protected me when I needed it most, even if he had temporarily failed to uphold that promise. His being an ass didn’t change the fact that he was _mine_ and I was _his_.

“I do not deserve it,” he whispered, his low voice muffled by his lips pressing into my hair. 

When I tried to pull away so that I could address him face to face, his hands only tightened around my waist, so I spoke into his sweatshirt. “You’re right. You don’t. Nobody deserves having a broken, violent, mess of a woman like me as their partner.”

 _That did it._ He loosened his death grip on me to hold me away from him just enough so that he could take me in. I pulled my hands from where they had been pinned between us to cup his strong jaw and stroke the edges of it tenderly.

“And I don’t deserve an arrogant prince who has anger management issues and is slowly freezing me to death on this rooftop.” A small smile crept across my lips. “But you deserve love, and so do I. And that’s what I can offer you. That’s all I can offer you, messed up as I am.”

He shook his head even as he leaned into my touch. “I raised my voice at you.”

“You did, and you will again. And it did scare me, because I stopped seeing _you_ and I started seeing _him_. But that isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known I would react like that,” I murmured, a shiver ran down my spine both from the flash of my captor’s face across my mind’s eye, and the combined chill of his skin and the breeze.

Concern tightened the corners of his eyes, and Loki wordlessly removed himself from my grasp to lean back and unzip his jacket, revealing the thin white t-shirt he wore underneath. He draped it over my shoulders and I gratefully pushed my arms through the long sleeves. It smelled heavenly and the extra layer of plush fabric provided the protection from the cold that I had unwittingly forgone. 

“You’ll get cold,” I protested weakly, not really wanting to give up the jacket, but I had to say it nonetheless.

A frown settled on his lips. “I will not,” he insisted. His tone made it clear that he would accept no further argument on the subject.

He stood up and managed to find my hands buried within the too-long sleeves of his jacket and pulled me up by them. When I gritted my teeth from my still-healing body protesting the action after kneeling on the cold, hard roof for even that brief moment of time, he slipped his supportive grasp beneath my upper arms to further support me until I plopped less-than-gracefully down on the bench he had just left. He settled down next to me and took one of my hands in both of his so he could rub it between his in an attempt to warm them. It only made them colder, if anything, but I would never complain about that.

“I was…” He stared down at our joined hands, indecision written in the furrow of his brow and the lines around his eyes.

“It’s okay, love.”

His limp hair danced around his head as he shook it furiously. The hunch in his shoulders lifted as he sat up straighter to face whatever information he was so conflicted upon giving me. “No. You deserve to know this. I should have foreseen how you would have reacted--and deep down I _did_ know this, my temper just got out of hand--because I have been in a similar situation to yours. Thanos, the Titan that you and your Avengers are trying to stop, and The Other…” he trailed off with a haunted, far away look in his eyes.

I leaned forward enough to prop up my elbows on my knees so that I could comfortably lift his hands to my lips and dot his knuckles with soft brushes of my lips while he spoke. I didn’t want to interrupt him while he was trying to say something so important and obviously difficult. It brought the barest uptick of the corner of his lips for just a brief moment, but it was enough to convince me to continue the tender gesture.

“Knowing from a first-hand basis what you were experiencing while I was _powerless_ to do anything to take you from them.” He lifted his heartbroken gaze to meet mine with a deep breath. “The driving force for my existence became finding you, protecting you, and I failed on both accounts. I know what it is like to be tortured and beaten and… _broken_ and I couldn’t protect you from it. You bear these wounds because I failed you.”

A small noise of disagreement came from my throat, but I didn’t offer him any words of solace. Not yet. I needed to process what he had just unloaded on me. Thanos had tortured him? We knew that he was incredibly powerful, but how powerful would he have to be to hold Loki captive and beaten for a year’s time? What would that do to someone’s mind? I was barely scraping by after a much shorter stint in my own Hell. Loki had to be incredibly strong to be keeping as calm and measured as he had been. Maintaining any semblance of normally must take such a large toll on him.

And it explained how he had become so adamant in caring for me since I came back to the Compound. Before our fight, if that’s even what that was, he had been making sure I’d eaten, reminding me constantly that I was safe, standing up for me against the others, and so much more. It was all because he had to face the same struggles in the past, and he didn’t wish that for me. It was both heart wrenching and incredibly touching at the same time. 

“When?”

“Before New York,” he answered tightly, his cheeks colored with shame.

“Oh.” That explained so much. Who could be held responsible for their actions after living like that for so long? I certainly couldn’t, even with how much pain that day had caused to myself and countless others. He had been hurting just as much. Really, it seemed like what Hydra had planned to do to me, Thanos and whatever The Other was had accomplished in him. “Does anyone else know?”

A sarcastic laugh burst out of him, cold and humorless. “Would anyone else care?”

I left one last kiss on the back of both of his hands before lowering them to my lap. Carefully, I trailed my free hand up his arm to cup the back of his neck and rub at the tension I found there gently. “So that was the cause for your nightmare the other night?”

He tugged his hand back into his lap, but he didn’t move away from my hand working at the stiffness in his neck, which was better than I’d hoped for. He needed distance, but not complete separation. I could work with that.

“It was. It is a weakness that I have not yet managed to overcome,” he muttered with disgust.

_Oh, that does it._

I crossed my arms over my stomach and leveled him with my best ‘do-not-bullshit-me’ stare. “Am I weak?”

His eyes widened and he cupped his hands over my knees, leaning forward slightly so that he could look into my eyes to convey his sincerity. “Of course not, little one. You have been so strong and brave for what you endured. Those-” he took a deep breath and a muscle in his jaw ticked, “those monsters did their measure best to break you. If you had come away from that traumatic situation without any residual struggle I would have questioned your sanity.”

I quirked my brow at him and tilted my head forward. I could wait all night for him to get my point. Even disheveled as he was, the view was unbeatable. Unless my bare feet froze off first.

Realization dawned on his elegant face, but he crushed it with that same look of disappointment I was growing to hate and he leaned back on the bench with another shake of his head. “It is not the same for me. I’m-”

I cut him off by touching my frozen finger to his lips. “You’re as Asgardian Prince and held to a higher standard than us lowly mortals? You were raised in a warrior culture that worships brutes like Thor who charge into battle with little regard for whether or not that is the right move? You were taught by Odin and Thor that you were lesser than because you weren’t always so gung-ho about jumping into conflict without putting some thought behind it? I know that your asshole of a father made you feel like you weren’t good enough because you would rather use words, or cunning, or even magic to get out of a situation rather than brute force.” I softened the harshness of my tone with a small smile. “Loki _Friggason_ is allowed to have a heart. Loki, _my love_ , is allowed to show that he has more emotions than arrogance or sarcasm. He is allowed to be soft and loving and sad and kind.” I lifted his hand to my face and molded it to cup my cheek over the bruise that still lingered on my skin. “I’m in love with the man who draws me closer to him in his sleep, who smiles at me with nothing but warmth when we wake up tangled together in the morning, who pulls me back from the brink when it seems all I can do is descend into the darkness of my memories. That man is _so much better_ than the one your father was so disappointed that you weren’t.”

As I spoke, the hardness slowly seeped away from his features. The harshness around his eyes faded away to reveal glittering, tear-filled eyes. The firm set of his mouth became a small, hopeful smile that was barely discernible, but it was still a far sight better than the frown he had taken to wearing. His thumb lightly caressed the yellowed skin of my cheekbone as he gazed down at me.

He crashed his mouth into mine without warning. It was a desperate, hungry kiss of teeth and lips and tongues that barely scratched the surface of the emotions boiling inside of him. I met him breath for breath. My hands clamped into the fabric of his shirt to hold him to me as we leaned over our knees on the bench. A low growl came from his throat when I nipped lightly at his bottom lip, and his tongue dove into my open mouth to tangle with mine relentlessly. Each touch of his mouth on mine sent waves of heat through my frigid body, warming me and waking me against the fatigue and cold I had been fighting against only moments ago. He was everything and I still craved more. I would never get enough of him for as long as I lived.

We were both panting by the time he broke the kiss. Our exhalations swirled in the air between us in small clouds as he let his forehead rest against mine and brushed our noses together. I expected to find happiness in his eyes when I opened mine, but instead complete anguish had fallen over him instead. His lips peppered over my cheeks, my eyelids, my forehead, and then he pulled away from me completely to stand up and move a few paces away from me, leaving me to watch him breathlessly as he paced before me.

After several moments of watching him fight with himself mentally, I broke the silence with a worried, "Loki?”

My voice seemed to pull him from his thoughts and he stopped pacing to turn to face me, his bare arms crossed over his chest. He opened his mouth several times to speak, but only closed it again with a harsh exhale when nothing came out. I was afraid to break whatever train of thought he was working through, so I sat there silently, the only movement I dared make was to curl my legs up to my chest and wrap his hoodie around them so that I could tuck my feet beneath its edge. My poor toes were slowly becoming popsicles, but I would stay outside for however long he needed.

“You are always so perceptive, and you are right about quite a lot when it pertains to me. But you’re missing one crucial detail. The reasons you listed are not the only justifications for my father’s disappointment or my brother’s lack of respect for me. It is much deeper than that. Thor speaks of how I was adopted, but I was not adopted from an Asgardian mother. Oh, no,” he laughed bitterly, a familiar sound for the evening and one that I am growing tired of, “I am not Loki Odinson or Loki Friggason.”

I didn’t know where he was going with his speech, but my stomach was rolling inside of me. I yearned to reach out to him and stop his hands from fidgeting in front of him. Every part of me longed to soothe the agitation pouring off of him in droves, but I was rooted to the spot by the dread taking root in my heart. 

I knew that he was adopted, everyone knew that, but that didn’t make him any less Frigga’s son--I refused to claim Odin as his father. I needed him to just spit it out before I jumped to what would probably be a far worse conclusion that what he was trying to say. “Loki, you’re scaring me.”

Abruptly, his hands seized the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head, dropping the discarded item of clothing to the ground next to him. His piercing gaze commanded mine, and I watched dumbstruck as his frightened, anxious emerald eyes melted into a startling bright red. I was only vaguely aware of my jaw-dropping as his exposed skin shifted from the pale porcelain that practically glowed in the moonlight and turned into what looked like a light blue--it was difficult to tell in the odd mixture of moonlight and warm lamps dotting the garden. Lines appeared to etch themselves in a symmetrical pattern across his forehead and cheeks. Similar lines traveled down his arms and across the defined muscles in his chest, down his abdomen, and disappeared into his pants. He no longer looked like the Asgardian man that I had quickly grown to love over the last few months, but something _more_ , something inherently alien.

When I was able to lift my exploratory gaze back to his blood-red eyes, I found him looking at me with such self-loathing and anger and torment that tears gathered in my eyes and dripped down my cheeks.

“I am Loki Laufeyson of Jotunheim, and I am a Frost Giant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUUUUUN
> 
> Thank you all for reading! I appreciate every hit, kudo, sub, bookmark, and comment you all leave! They mean the world to me and really motivate me to keep hacking away at this crazy story that won't leave me alone. You all are awesome and I don't deserve you! :)


	16. Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Smut before the first cut, brief mention of violence, blood, and torture, language
> 
> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during the revision process.
> 
> Special shout out to Vazanya for being such a dedicated reader/commenter and allowing me to steal calling Loki a blueberry popsicle. It tickled me too much not to use. :) Hope this meets your expectations! :P

“Talk to me, little one. I need to know what you’re thinking,” he pleaded desperately.

I watched in silent fascination as his dark brows creased together, creating an intersection with the lines now patterned across his forehead. His tongue--still pink--darted out to wet his lips nervously. Cracking echoed out between us from his grey-blue knuckles as he rubbed his hands together. I had never seen him look more anxious than he did standing before me in that moment.

And all I could think of was that he looked like an incredibly buff smurf.

“A Frost Giant?” I tested how the words felt on my lips, my voice quiet and dripping with curiosity as I stood up to slowly walk over to him.

He watched me with fear tight around his eyes. His breath stuttered in his throat when I reached out to take one of his hands into mine and traced the back of it slowly. My fingers followed the lines up his arms thoughtfully. They looked as if they were implanted beneath his skin and were hard yet supple at the same time, similar to the raised scar tissue on my shoulder. I worked to keep my face neutral beneath his intense scrutiny. It wouldn’t do for him to get the wrong idea about my exploration of his body before I had come to any conclusions myself.

“A lesser race to the Asgardian than you believed me to be. They’re primitive brutes who live on a planet of ice,” he spat out with obvious disdain for the beings he spoke of. The being that he _was_.

My probing touch settled on his shoulders, and I finally lifted my roving eyes to his face. If I looked hard enough, beneath the blue tint and blood-red eyes, I could see the man that I had fallen in love with deep down inside of him. He still felt like him, maybe a bit colder, but that could be because I, unlike him, wasn’t built for this weather and I was so cold that my fingers were tinted red. I lifted my hand up to run over the lines on his cheeks but I stopped just a hair’s breadth from his skin, suddenly unsure of how he would react.

“I will not hurt you. I am still _myself_. This…” he gestured to himself with a wave of his hands at his sides, “has always existed. You can touch me.”

But the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice said, _’Please_ touch me.’

I did as he asked even though he hadn’t said it out loud. My fingertips skated across the ridges of his cheeks and he closed his eyes to lean into my touch with a sigh. My hand cupped his jaw and I traced his bottom lip with the pad of my thumb, parting his lips just enough so that I could feel his short breaths puff out against it.

None of this was normal, but how normal was my life, really? I was a woman with freaking _powers_ , like earth bending nonsense, living in a tower full of superhumans and two aliens. How different was one alien from another? I didn’t know much about Frost Giants _or_ Asgardians when it came down to it. So, Loki was a smurf. He had been one all along; he just hid it well with some clever magic. No matter what he said about Frost Giants being a brutal primitive race, he had proved that wrong in the time that I’d known him. An alien was an alien was an alien. If I was going to start getting alien-racist about this then I seriously had some issues to work out. 

I set my hands back on his biceps--still felt like steel cables beneath his cold skin--and squeezed them gently to get his attention. “Kiss me.”

His eyes, so startlingly red, burst open so he could look down at me in shock. “Excuse me?”

I rubbed his arms gently with my thumbs as I answered matter-of-factly, “Kiss me. I want you to kiss me, right now, looking like this. Don’t change back.”

And when he finally shoved aside enough of his doubt to stoop down to brush his lips across mine, it fully cemented the fact that beneath the blue exterior, this was still Loki. His low groan of pleasure when I nipped at his bottom lip was one that I had reveled in countless times before and knew intimately. I slipped my tongue into his mouth and teased his with long, languid flicks that made him gasp quietly and tense up beneath my hands, but he didn’t do anything more. He let me do what I wished with him, but his hands stayed firmly by his sides and his body inches away from mine.

I broke the kiss and pulled away just enough so that I could open my eyes to look into his. He stared back at me, panting heavily, but hesitation marked his brow and tightened his blue lips into a thin line. My lips barely touched his as I whispered the one word I know would break him out of this anxious and fearful rut that his self-loathing had dragged him into: “ _Mine._ ”

 _That_ did it.

His arms curled around my back and he tugged me against him. He claimed my lips for his own and thrust his tongue into my mouth to tangle deliciously with mine. Once I was firmly held in place by his hand splayed across the small of my back, his other hand traveled down my back to slip over my ass and grind my hips into his roughly. His lips left mine to drag a scorching hot yet icy cold trail down my jawline while he continued to roll our hips into each other, making his _pleasure_ at my enthusiastic reaction very prominent where it ground into my thigh. My forehead dropped heavily onto his shoulder as I focused on keeping my legs from collapsing beneath me from the waves of delicious heat surging through them.

“Not here,” I insisted breathily with a weak shake of my head.

“Hold onto me.” His gruff command was quick and low. He didn’t give me much warning before he hooked his hands beneath my thighs and lifted them so that my only option was to cross my ankles behind his back and circle his shoulders with my arms. I planted lingering, hot kisses on the blue skin of his shoulder as he carried me effortlessly inside. The warmth of the building was so welcome on my frozen skin that my warm sigh of relief ghosted across Loki’s neck, and it sent a shiver up his spine that tightened his strong grip on my thighs.

I was too engrossed in tracing a ridge with my tongue that spanned his flesh from chiseled jaw to shoulder to pay attention to my surroundings. Only when he settled down into a chair that rolled beneath our combined weight did I lift my lips from his collarbone to take in our surroundings. Apparently he couldn’t wait to get to our bedroom, and a nearby conference room was going to have to do. He settled me over his lap with my knees on either side of his hips, and he used his grip on my thighs to push my center down over the sizable bulge growing in between his legs. Between his thin sweatpants and my jeans, it was more teasing than satiating, and a mewl of frustration crawled up from my throat at the lack of friction.

For a moment we just stared at each other in the darkness of the room, our aqua and porcelain faces lit only by the moonlight streaming in through the windows. Even without much light, the difference in our skin tones was apparent, as his didn’t catch the light as mine did as I straddled him. His startling eyes watched me with something akin to wonder lightening up the lust that lingered just beneath the surface. I relaxed my steadying grip on his shoulders to drag my fingers through his jet black hair, starting at his temple and working my way down until I was cupping his neck. He hummed appreciatively at the touch and gave me a small, content smile.

“You are always so beautiful, Loki,” I whispered, voice husky. 

“You truly mean that.” His hoarse voice was incredulous, but it wasn’t a question. 

“Of course I do.” I shifted on his lap so I could press a light kiss to the lines between his brows before clambering out of his clutches to stand up in front of him with my hands on my hips, all sweet honesty wiped from my face and replaced with sternness. “Take off your clothes.”

His eyebrow quirked up at my soft but commanding tone. With a hesitant but still wicked grin, he rose to his feet. When he reached out for me I took a step back out of arm’s reach and wagged a finger at him.

“No sir,” I said with mock seriousness, “just you. Strip, blueberry popsicle man.”

All hesitation finally left his face as he stared down at me with unbridled hunger. _Good._ With agonizing slowness, his large hands trailed over his flexed stomach muscles, and the rasp of skin against skin was so loud in the silence of the room it rivaled only the pounding of my own heart in my ears. I couldn’t tear my eyes away as he hooked his thumbs into the hem of his pants and tugged them and his underwear down, revealing inch by tantalizing inch of wonderful ridged blue skin that I longed to worship with my touch.

So worship I would.

Once he straightened up to his full impressive height my eyes flickered back to the rolling chair behind him. A quick flex of my powers and ‘come hither’ motion of my fingers and I urged it forward just enough so that it tapped the back of his legs. He sank heavily into the chair and opened his arms for me to return to his lap. And I would. After I took care of something else first. I had plans to show him just how much I loved him, in any form or color, and I would not let his heavy-lidded red hot gaze deter that plan.

“You always told people to kneel for you. But never me,” I mused, a boldness growing within my chest from the way his heavy cock twitched when I slipped his hoodie from my shoulders to drop at his feet. My head tilted to the side with a challenge lighting up my eyes. “Do it.”

He swallowed and a muscle ticked in his jaw as he clenched it tightly. Even looking like this, the Frost Giant that he was, he was very much Loki. Arrogant and smug as ever as he narrowed his eyes at me and lifted his chin. “Kneel, mortal.”

Calling me mortal had a whole new level of intensity when he looked so clearly like an otherworldly being. At times it was easy to forget that he wasn’t just a man like any other that I’d known, but kneeling down in front of him and coming right up to his hard blue cock settled between his legs left no room for any doubt in my mind. My fingernails scratched lightly against his thighs as I dragged my hands up them to come to rest at the base of him.

A wave of shyness overtook me as I carefully grasped him in one of my hands. He was so _big_ and I had his full attention. What if I wasn’t good enough for him? My other hand came to a stop on the flat of his abs, and he covered my hand with his. I marveled for a moment at the difference in our skin tones as they contrasted so beautifully in the dim light. His stomach muscles rippled beneath my hand as I looked up to him from my submissive position before him. The pure desire that shone in his ruby eyes killed any hesitation that had been swirling in my stomach, and I lowered my head to drag the flat of my tongue along the underside of him.

My name uttered as a curse from his lips sent a rush of heat straight to my already throbbing core. It spurred me on to take the head of his cock into my mouth and hollow out my cheeks while my tongue swirled around him. I reveled in the groans that I pulled out of him as I began a steady rhythm of stroking him with my hand around the root of his cock and my mouth bobbing up and down along the rest of him. His free hand fisted into my hair and encouraged me to move to the tempo that he wanted. His hips rocked into me shortly after, joined by a steady stream of moans that tumbled out of his parted lips.

Even still fully dressed, I was desperate for any sort of relief I could find for the pulsing wet heat between my legs. I slipped my hand out from beneath his to quickly fumble with the button and zipper of my jeans. Once I managed to get them undone my hand dove inside of my underwear to gather my own slick heat on my fingertips and rub it around my aching clit. The sight of me trying to find my own pleasure while using my mouth to give Loki his must have been too much for him, as he pulled my lips off of him with an obscene _’pop’_.

He easily lifted me to my feet and pulled me to stand in between his spread legs. I frantically scrambled to pull my shirt and bra off while he helped me step out of my jeans and underwear. Once I was just as bare as him, his hands latched onto my waist and he lifted me to perch on his lap in a move so smooth and quick that a laugh tumbled from my lips. He chuckled softly in return and peppered my neck and jaw with light kisses.

Of course, those stopped when I reached between us to guide him against my wet and ready heat. He held completely still, his lips sealed over the soft skin of my neck, as I rubbed him against my wet outer folds teasingly, drawing an impatient moan from him and a gasp from myself as he grazed my clit. I positioned him at my weeping opening and a single impatient thrust of his hips encased him inside of my warmth. His head fell forward onto my shoulder once he was fully sheathed within me and his panting breaths tickled the bare skin of my chest. I clutched at his back desperately as I stretched around him. He was just so _big_ , and if I was forced to guess, I would say that he might have even been slightly bigger in his true Frost Giant form.

“You are so tight,” he moaned reverently, rolling his hips ever-so-gently, pulling a matching pleasured groan from my throat and sending shocks of pleasure throughout my body.

I could already tell that this wasn’t going to last very long for either of us. My stomach was tight with the tension of my impending orgasm, and his lined brow was drawn together as he grabbed my ass with both hands to guide me up and down the length of him. This angle allowed my clit to rub against him just enough to bring me right to the edge, my legs tight and my breaths caught in my throat, but it wasn’t enough to send me over into oblivion.

Desperate for release, I pushed a hand between our writhing bodies to stimulate my hard clit. Loki watched me with lustful almost glowing red eyes. The sight drove him to thrust into me harder, faster, adding the slapping of our flesh together to the erotic sounds of our moans and breathy sighs that filled the room.

With one final stuttering thrust, he slammed my hips down onto his and emptied himself within me with a loud cry. The erotic sound of my name moaned through his parted blue lips was enough to trigger my own orgasm, and I clutched onto him in a wild attempt to stay tethered to reality as shocks and tremors rolled throughout me and fluttered over his spent cock still inside of me.

I forgot how to breathe. I forgot how to think. I forgot how to do anything other than ride the waves of pleasure and cling to him.

So great was the orgasm that I must have blacked out momentarily, because as I slowly became aware of my surroundings, I registered his hands rubbing my back soothingly, holding me upright and skating over the barely-healed wounds of my middle and upper back with such tender care and devotion. My head had fallen onto his shoulder and I rolled it to the side to leave a soft kiss on his pulse as it pounded in his throat.

“I love you, Loki,” I murmured, sleepy and content to fall limply against his chest.

I could feel his lips pulling back into a smile against the flushed and sweat-dampened skin of my shoulder. “And I, you, little one.”

~~~

“So are you always putting on _this_ appearance if you’re technically a Frost Giant?” I asked softly, afraid to disturb the peace of our bedroom--Loki had been slowly moving his belongings over in the last month since I returned to the Compound--but my curiosity got the best of me. I traced meaningless shapes across his pectoral muscles as I lounged sprawled across his naked torso. Our bare legs were tangled together beneath the sheets and his arms were wrapped around my back and performing similar ministrations to my waist.

His low voice reverberated through his chest and against my cheek. “My true heritage was only revealed to me recently. It requires more effort to-”

I cut him off with a mischevious smirk, “Look like a blueberry popsicle.”

He chuckled and pinched my side, causing me to yelp and swat his chest with a satisfying _’smack’_ that most definitely didn’t hurt him. “As I was saying, I have to actively work to hold the form of a Frost Giant as opposed to my Æsir appearance that you are currently pinning to the bed. I suppose it is subconscious to look this way,” he mused thoughtfully, the hint of disdain for his heritage barely lingering in his tone.

I shifted in the bed to cross my arms over his chest and rest my chin on them. This angle allowed me to look into his eyes more easily. He looked so peaceful and warm in the morning light, content even. Only the barest hint of doubt and self-loathing crinkled at the edges of his eyes. I would make him accept himself if it took the rest of my days.

“Well, I certainly _enjoy_ ,” I rolled my bare hips against his thigh emphatically, “both forms. And will continue to do so, as we did last night. Again,” I pinched his nipple, “and again,” I craned my neck to press a kiss to his jaw, “and again.” 

I made to pull away to start the day, only to be reeled back onto the bed by his arms tightening around my waist and pulling me back so that I was suddenly pinned beneath him. He allowed enough of his weight to hold me down into the comfortable sheets, the length of his firm body pressing into me from thigh to chest. He cradled the sides of my head in his strong hands and tenderly stroked my temples with his thumbs as he stared down at me with a small smile.

“That will have to wait for another time, little one. I have a proposition for you, and I wish for you to listen to it in its entirety before you respond. Understood?”

“Somebody is bossy this morning. Sure, I’ll listen,” I agreed with a shrug of my shoulders. My hands came up to rest on his sides lightly and I drummed my fingers against his ribs idly.

“You have made great strides in your mental and physical recovery in the past month, and I am so proud of you for it. However, the threat of Hydra and Thanos returning continues to grow with each passing day, and I was speaking with your Avengers the other day. We believe that we may be able to expedite the healing process if you allow the Witch to see what was done to you, so we may better determine a strategy to combat it and bring you back to yourself. We need to have you fully prepared to defend yourself if the case calls for it.” He presented his plan clearly and calmly, but his temperate attitude didn’t lessen my heart thudding against my ribs or my fingers digging into his pale flesh.

I centered myself in the strength of his steady gaze. He would not have suggested this idea if he didn’t think it would help and if he didn’t trust Wanda. It didn’t make me feel much better about the situation, but that small nugget of knowledge stopped me from spiraling into a full-blown panic attack. I inhaled when he exhaled, timing myself to his breaths that pushed against my chest. Once I felt reasonably confident I wasn’t going to succumb to my fear, I frowned and looked at the door as if it was going to spring to life and attack me. “They are my enemies. They want to use me.”

His long fingers pushed gently on the sides of my head to bring my eyes back to his. He looked so confident, so sure, and yet so loving as he gazed down at me. “I promise you that they do not intend to use you or hurt you. I searched Stark’s mind for his intentions just yesterday to ensure your safety. They are concerned for you. I believe that the Witch can help me in restoring your mind to what it once was. You have improved so rapidly and have such control over yourself comparitively, but a small nudge in the right direction with your _true_ memories may assist you a great deal. And as you do not want me to see what happened,” I shook my head, “then she is the only one who can help you at this time. I will not let her tamper with your memories. She will not remove or add anything, and most importantly, I will not leave your side.”

I let my head fall back into the pillows with a low groan. I hated the idea of anyone rifling around in my head; that is what got me into this mess in the first place. Now I didn’t know who to trust or what to believe except when it came to the man currently cradling me in his arms. But I also hated the pain on Loki’s face whenever he caught me off guard with his touch and I flinched away, or worse, threatened him with whatever nearby weapon I could find. I wanted the war inside my head to end. I wasn’t about to let _him_ poke around inside my memories; I didn’t want him to see me that weak or brutalized, but I couldn’t continue to live with the trauma that gripped my thoughts like a vice. If it called for it, I wasn’t sure if I could defend myself, and that would only put him in danger as he tried to protect me as well as himself. So, I relented, shoving my fear deep down inside where it was quiet while we both got ready for the day.

Everyone that lived at the Compound, plus Tony, was scattered around the various couches and seats when we left the safe haven of our bedroom, attempting to look natural and doing a poor job of it. I could plainly see the bulge of a vein in Steve’s neck, the clenching of Tony’s hands together, Natasha’s head tilted toward us as she pretended to work on a tablet. Vision was the most obviously apprehensive of the bunch, his anxiety pouring off of him as he stood protectively over Wanda’s side. The only one who looked relatively calm was Thor, who beamed at Loki leading me by the hand into the room.

I watched them just as closely as they did me. My eyes darted between them to watch for an attack as Loki sat me down in my favorite spot on the couch. He didn’t let go of me for a second as he settled down beside me, pressing his chest into my side and wrapping an arm around my shoulders for silent support. I did my best to push down the fear gnawing at my insides, looking up warily at Wanda who had moved to perch on the coffee table in front of me.

“I just want to see what they did to you, so we can try to put your mind back to where it was before. Is that alright?” she asked, regarding me as if I were a wild animal that had wandered into the safety of their home. I could tell that she was trying to be reassuring with her smile but her slightly widened eyes told a different story.

I tensed up to brace myself for the onslaught of trauma that was about to come my way. Loki took one of my hands in his and clutched it tightly in my lap. I lifted my eyes to him and he was leveling Wanda with a warning glare that would make anyone’s blood run cold. I hated this. I hated it so much that I wanted to scream and rip this room apart and hide away forever. But Loki thought this was what needed to be done, and he was watching over me, so I placed my trust in him. I relented, giving her a quick nod before closing my eyes and dropping my head and tilting my torso to press just a little more against the shoulder of the man who had sworn to protect me.

_White hot pain exploded across my back, my ribs, my face. Tony Stark is your enemy. Wanda Maximoff is-. Electricity burned through my body. Too many injections to count, each scorching me from the inside out. Hunger clawed at my stomach. No peace. No rest. Only pain._

She ripped out of my head and I released the breath that I had been unknowingly holding. My entire body was one giant clenched muscle as I struggled to hold onto the present against the barrage of memories that she had pulled to the surface. 

_That cane whirring through the air before it smacked against my broken flesh._ No--Loki’s strong arms around me. 

_Pain blossoming across my exposed skin._ Loki’s rough fingers dragging along those same pathways, pulling pleasure from deep within me. 

Each terrible vision that tried to force itself into the forefront of my thoughts was replaced with Loki, and I knew it had to be him putting those memories there, as I was still too frazzled to do so myself.

But for all of his efforts, still my ears roared, drowning out every sound around me. I opened my clenched eyes and lifted my head from the safety of his embrace to look around the room as I struggled to place myself anywhere but back in that hellhole of a torture chamber.

“Get her out of here, now!” Tony shouted, his voice far away and muffled, and I turned to him to see glass levitating around the room. A quick glance behind him clued me in that I must have shattered the wall of windows at some point in time. Wanda and Vision were already out of the room, but Natasha, Steve, Sam, and Thor were all standing with Tony, staring at me as if I were some sort of broken monster. Metal ripped itself from the wall and flew to form a crudely made barrier between Loki and me and everyone else. The glass and iron coffee table Wanda had been sitting on groaned before turning in on itself, the glass that made up the tabletop exploding and hovering in the air. It was as if I wasn’t controlling the chaos, but I knew that some part of me deep down was doing everything it could to protect me and this was how it saw fit to do so.

Strong arms scooped me up and cradled me to a lean chest, and within moments we were in my strangely untouched room--apparently my destruction hadn’t extended this far. I forced myself to pay attention to Loki as he sat down on the couch and shifted me so that I was situated in his lap. I almost strangled him with my arms wrapped around his neck so tightly but he didn’t make a sound of discomfort. I closed my eyes and pressed my face into his neck as I fought against the fear that boiled inside of me. 

I would not give in to the darkness wanting to overtake my vision. I would not give in to the panic threatening to steal my breath away. I would _not_ succumb to the fear clawing at my throat and pricking at my eyes.

“Shhh, little one. I will never let anything happen to you. You’re safe. I’ve got you. Focus on breathing with me,” he murmured, voice honey and warmth as his lips pressed against the shell of my ear. 

I did as he instructed and pressed my ear to his chest to listen to his heartbeat and breath, trying to match mine to his. His hands stroked small circles into my hip and back as he used his comforting touch to try to soothe away my panic. Once I felt like I had more a grip on myself, I pulled away to look up at him, only to see his eyes filled with sadness and rage. He smoothed a hand over my forehead and left a lingering kiss on my temple before settling me on the couch and striding briskly out of the room.

I don’t know how long I sat there, dumbstruck, before a heavy knock echoed throughout the room.

“Milady, may I come in?”

I hadn’t let anyone besides Loki inside since Tony had barged in that first day. But Thor had been slowly worming his way back into more neutral territory lately, and he also might have some information on where Loki went. I stood up and crossed my arms as I walked over to stand several feet away from the door. He may be the God of Thunder, but I would still be ready to do my best to kick his ass if I needed to. He’d win, but I could still try.

“Let him in this one time, F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” I instructed with a heavy sigh.

The door whirred open to reveal the smiling god leaning against the frame casually. When I only stared at him silently he strolled into the room to plop down heavily on my couch. He sprawled out with his arms stretched across the back of it and his legs spread out before him, looking right at home despite the tension pouring off of me.

“Where’d he go?” I cut right to the chase.

Thor scrubbed a hand over his face to reveal a much less pleasant expression tugging on the downturn of his lips at my question. “Tony tracked the vehicle that he commandeered to one of three Hydra bases that we are aware of currently.”

 _Oh._ So Loki finally snapped and went to go blow off some steam be ripping some Hydra assholes in half. I couldn’t say that I was sad for the inevitable loss of life, but I did pity the people that would face the brunt of his rage. He was not one for mercy at the best of times.

I latched onto the one absurd fact I could to stop the mental images of him ravaging an entire building full of people. “When did he learn how to drive? Can _you_ drive?”

The blinding, kind smile was back on his tanned face. “Sam instructed us both while you were training with Natasha. Tony thought it best that we learn how to operate any and all vehicles around the Compound in case of emergency.”

“Of course he did,” I grumbled, rolling my eyes. Always one to be prepared, Tony, and he had given Loki the tools needed to go out and wreak havoc on the world because I wasn’t strong enough to handle myself.

“Sit with me,” Thor instructed with easy arrogance, scooting over on the couch so that there was several feet of empty space to the side of him. He acted like the king he had been born to be, just expecting people to follow his orders without any protest.

But I was not his subject, I wasn’t even his friend, so I stubbornly shifted on my feet and shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans. It earned me a nod from him in acknowledgment of my decision and a shrug of his shoulders.

“Very well. He had asked me to keep watch over you if anything should ever happen to him, and although I greatly doubt that this is what he had intended, I swore to him that I would and I am not one to shirk my duties. So, if you do not mind, I will wait for his return in your shared chambers? If not I can station myself outside of your door, but this is far more comfortable.”

I wasn’t sure of it, but I knew that I couldn’t take Loki in a fight, and I knew that Thor was physically stronger than him, even if only marginally. Was it wise to let Thor just hang out in here? Did I care about his comfort? He had shown me nothing but kindness since returning from Hydra, and it didn’t seem like he wanted to hurt me. If he did he’d already had ample opportunities to do so in the last month. I kept my eyes locked on him as I backed up to my bed and crawled onto it, watching him closely for any twitch or flicker of movement that could be taken as hostile.

“You stay there and I’ll stay here. Got it?”

The hulking man nodded and closed his eyes, tilting his head onto the back of the couch. I watched his breathing even out over the course of several minutes, and only minutely relaxed when I was sure that he was asleep. _Some bodyguard._ I couldn’t decide whether or not I was insulted or touched that Loki wanted to make sure I was watched over in his absence. I was more than capable of taking care of myself, especially if my earlier performance was anything to go by.

I wanted nothing more than to curl up on the bed and relax, maybe read a book or doodle, but I was too keyed up with Thor present and Loki in possible danger to even attempt any sort of rest. That left my mind to run away with itself as I sat there propped up against the headboard.

I was able to destroy an entire wall of windows without blinking an eye. I didn’t even think about it and the industrial iron coffee table had collapsed in on itself. I had levitated a room full of glass shards while my mind had been completely and totally focused on the others in the room. What had Hydra done to me that I could now manipulate all these things, and with such ease?

Testing myself, I reached my hand out toward the wooden chair that Loki had stationed by my bedside. I barely tugged on the energy pulsing within me and it rose several feet in the air, not even shaking as I held it with only my thoughts. A twist of my wrist spun it around in slow, controlled circles, and I only had to relax my hand and it fell back to the floor with a loud thud, jolting the slumbering god on my couch awake. He watched me silently with appraising eyes, and I resumed my exploration of my powers once it seemed like he was content to do so. I held out my hand and with the faintest of effort, a long, thin piece of metal came loose from the doorframe and settled into my palm. All it took was drawing my hand over the cool material for the end to warp and bend into a fine point.

I jumped up off the bed when the door to my room opened and held up the makeshift weapon like a spear over my head. Thor was in front of me before I could blink, blocking my view of the door with his broad shoulders. The defensive action startled me enough that I lowered my weapon to my side as I peered around him to see who had come into my room.

Loki strode into the room swiftly, but I could detect a heaviness in his bare shoulders that also dragged at his feet. Where had his shirt gone? From the flecks of blood dotting his arms, I assumed that I didn't want to know. He locked eyes with Thor and nodded his head once, which seemed to be a dismissal, as Thor shot a quick smile my way before leaving the room. I was swept into Loki’s embrace as soon as the door closed, and although I had been worried sick that he was going to get injured, I couldn’t stop myself from melting into him.

“Are you hurt?” I asked into his neck. His skin tasted faintly of sweat and dirt, hinting at what he had gotten up to while he had disappeared.

“No, love. I am perfectly healthy,” he assured me.

“Good.” I detangled myself from his arms so that I could land a punch as hard as I could against his chest. He didn’t even flinch while my knuckles felt like they were broken. _Real smart move there, punching a man who can deflect bullets with his skin._ His face was expressionless as he stared down at me, and it only fueled my anger. “You can’t do that shit! I only knew where you were because Thor told me. You don’t get to just run away without saying something, anything!”

He arched a brow and tilted his head down at me, narrowing his eyes. “I answer to no one.”

It was hard to intimidate the giant of a god, but hell if I didn’t try by mimicking his pose and crossing my arms over my stomach. “No, you don’t. But we’re in a relationship now, and that means that I love you, damnit. So you can’t just run off and fuck some people up without either letting me come as back up or you telling me where you’re going. Because I care about you, and it would _end_ me if anything happened to you. I was scared for you, Loki.”

The hardness in his face softened and he reached out to brush his hands along my upper arms. “You are angry because you were worried about me?”

I shook out the pain in my hand with a grimace and rolled my eyes. “Yes, smart one. I know what they’re capable of…”

Careful not to jostle my injured hand, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders to tuck me back into his chest. “I apologize for not explaining myself earlier. When we were in the living area, I was ensuring that the Witch didn’t do any damage to your memories and…” he trailed off with a heavy sigh that shuddered throughout his body.

“You saw what she saw, what happened to me,” I supplied quietly. I let my injured hand press against the cool skin of his stomach to soothe the throbbing ache there. It wasn’t as effective as ice, but it’d do in a pinch.

He made a quiet noise of affirmation and took my hand from his stomach to carefully cradle and cool the injury more effectively. “I did.”

So the sight of my torture had driven him to violence? It would fit the suddenness of his departure and his rash behavior. He wasn't known for being the most level-headed in the best of times, and his protectiveness over me was apparent to anyone who saw us together. He had only been trying to protect me. It was sweet and infuriating, which seemed to sum him up perfectly. I craned my head up to look at him. “Next time at least let me know where you’re going, okay? You would ask the same of me.” In reality, he would demand that I stay here while he took care of the threat, but I didn’t need to bring that up when we both knew it was true.

He pecked my lips gently with a soft smile. “Of course, my love. Forgive me for worrying you.”

“Fine.” I tried to hide my placated smile with an angry grimace that I knew he didn’t buy. “Jerk.”

~~~

It took weeks of work to get me to anything close to resembling ‘normal’ after Loki convinced me to continue the test treatment. Weeks of Wanda leaning over me as I sat on my bed in Loki’s arms, her eyes and hands glowing red as she delved deeper into my mind, locking away each moment of torture and agony that I experienced while I was away. And while she worked, Loki brought each happy memory with the Avengers that he could dig up to the forefront of my thoughts, reinforcing the notion that we were family, I was loved, and they never set out to hurt me.

It was thankless, never-ending work that often ended with me shuddering against Loki as I struggled to handle the invasion and manipulation from their very powerful minds. It left Wanda exhausted as well, so tired that she had to be carried out of my bedroom by Vision--who never left her side when she was around me. I couldn’t blame him, given my track record, but some part of me was deeply hurt by the hostility in his eyes as he would take her to rest.

The only one who didn’t seem to be drained from the exercises was Loki, but he was a god after all. If they did affect him negatively, he hid it well as he held me for as long as I needed after each session, rubbing the tension from my muscles and lavishing praises upon my fragile and overworked spirit. If you had asked me six months ago if I would have thought that the God of Mischief would be nursing me back to health I would have laughed right in your face.

He was the constant anchor in my life. Keeping me grounded as I slowly integrated back into a tentative routine with the others. His hand upon my lower back or my arm guided me through the world and kept me from spiraling down into the darkness whenever something triggered the memories Wanda had been working so hard to push down and shut away. It was him I turned to when the nightmares wrenched me from sleep, his arms reaching out to hold me to him before he’d even fully woken up. Without his steady presence at my side, there’s no telling where I would be when it came to my mental state.

~~~

_“Did you get that email-” Tony asked as he leaned over his desk and fiddled with a rocket for his suit._

_“Sent off to Roger in SHIELD? Sent it this morning,” I cut him off._

_“And call back-”_

_“Mr. Smith over in Programming? Handled that this morning. He won’t be bothering us anymore.”_

_“And that interview-”_

_“Scheduled for this Friday at two pm, after your lunch date with Pepper. I made reservations at that Italian place she likes so much. I also hired two new interns that you asked for, had your shipment of wiring sent up to your main lab, scheduled pizzas for delivery for the gang tonight, sent out for your dry cleaning, and called and sent up an appointment for your doctor to come over to take another look at your shoulder,” I replied matter-of-factly, finally looking up at him from my cell phone where had been glancing through an email._

_Tony looked taken back and took his glasses off to drop them onto the desk. “How’d you know my shoulder is messed up?”_

_“When you’re thinking you tend to rub it,” I shrugged. “Plus, Pepper told me.”_

_“You talk to Pepper?” he asked, looking a little too shocked at that information. Had he met either of us?_

_“Of course. She is basically running everything around here. And she lives with you. She just got a little busy and needed me to set it up. We talk about_ everything _,” I chuckled, wiggling my eyebrows._

_“Jesus. If you weren’t so good at your job I’d have to fire you. But I couldn’t let you live with all the dirt you’ve got on me, and the cover-up for your death would be a logistical nightmare.” Tony rolled his eyes with a smirk._

_“You wouldn’t know what to do without me, Mr. Stark!” I called, pulling a bottle of ibuprofen from my back pocket and tossing it to him before walking away. “Take this for the headache. I’m going to go meet with Janet about putting out some fires.”_

_“You’re the best, kid!” he called to my retreating form. I only smiled to myself and waved back at him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that took so long, folks! Looks like with my new school schedule I'll be able to post 2-3 times a week, but rest assured that I will not stop posting until this fic is finished. I'm not abandoning you! Just learning how to juggle real life with my imaginary world. :)
> 
> Thank you all for reading! I appreciate every hit, kudo, sub, bookmark, and comment you all leave! They meant the world to me and really motivate me to keep hacking away at this crazy story that won't leave me alone. You all are awesome and I don't deserve you! :)


	17. There's nothing that I wouldn't do to make you feel my love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Language, dirty talk, violence
> 
> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during the revision process.

An unseen benefit to Loki and Wanda digging around in my head was that my nightmares had slowly dissipated as time wore on, and I was left with pleasant memories to recall instead. It made waking up a much more pleasant experience, for sure. Although the god wrapped around me when I woke each morning certainly didn’t hurt matters. 

I stretched my arms and legs out with a groan and arched my back against the cool chest pressed against my back. Loki grumbled incoherently and tightened his grip around my stomach, pulling me more firmly into his chest and burrowing his face into the place where my neck and shoulder met.

“What was that, love?” I asked with a cheeky grin, wiggling my hips back against his playfully when the _hard_ reality of his awakening made itself known against my ass. 

His teeth lightly closed down on my shoulder before he let his head rest heavily against mine. “I said that if you keep moving around like that I’m going to have to do something to keep you still. I’m sleeping,” he replied, his voice low and raspy, the last moments of sleep still clinging onto him. I would be lying if I said that his morning voice didn’t do things to me.

With a sly smile, I ground my hips against him, letting out a soft sigh to lay it on extra thick. A growl rumbled deep in his chest and he quickly moved out from behind me, boxing in my hips with his knees and holding my hands to the bed. My heart sped at the beautiful sight of him towering over me, mischief and desire warring against one another in his bright emerald eyes.

“Good morning, handsome,” I beamed up at him innocently.

“You wicked woman. Do you understand what you do to me?” He asked, diving down to capture the delicate skin of my neck between his lips, covering me in open-mouthed kisses that made my breath catch in my throat.

I lifted my hips to roll against his, settling his hard arousal at the juncture of my legs. I could feel the hardness of him through the thin layers of clothing separating us and it made me bold. “You can’t exactly hide _that_.”

“Why would I wish to hide my desire for you when you are so willing in my bed?” he asked, tracing the edge of my tank top with his lips, so close and yet so far away from where I truly wanted his mouth.

“ _Your_ bed? Whose room are we-”

“Prince and Princess of Darkness, time to get up for training!” Tony’s voice echoed throughout the room thanks to the ever-helpful F.R.I.D.A.Y..

Loki pulled his mouth from my flushed skin just long enough to growl out, “Go to Hel, Stark.”

“Reindeer Games, she still needs to get to work and you know it. Three minutes!”

Loki, seeming to take Tony’s warning as a challenge, swooped down and captured my lips between his own, his arms winding beneath me and arching my back up against him. I instantly melted and my brain temporarily shut down from the feeling of his cool tongue teasing mine and his hips rocking into me gently.

Just as a soft moan spilled from my mouth into his, he broke the kiss and pulled away with a devilish grin. “Time for training, love,” he said innocently, pressing a light kiss to my cheek before dropping me back to the bed and standing up to get ready for the day.

I just watched him in a daze, unable to form any coherent thought as I tried to calm down despite the need he had stoked to life between my legs and the tempting sight of him changing into thin athletic pants and a black t-shirt. My brain finally kicked into gear enough for me to scramble off of the bed and face him down with my hands on my hips. “What was that?”

Loki looked up from where he had sat down to tie on his tennis shoes, his brow raised in confusion. “What ever do you mean?”

I pointedly looked down to the still-hard length of him that was very visible in his pants. “ _That_.”

He smiled down at me as he closed the distance between us, wrapping his hands around me to rest against my lower back, looking all the sweet, innocent man that he most certainly was not and had never been. “I’m simply dressing to assist you with your weapons training later, little one.”

He kissed me gently just beneath my ear and lingered there for a few seconds longer to purr, “And to get you ready for tonight.”

I pulled away from him as best I could, which wasn’t far with his fingers interlaced behind me, trying to read his expression and only finding the typical mischief twinkling in his emerald eyes. “Tonight?”

He squeezed me to him in a quick hug before letting me go and walking towards the door casually. “Tonight. But not to worry about that, now, love. We have work to do,” he called, tossing a wink in my direction before the door whirred shut behind him, leaving me standing there dumbstruck. 

_Arrogant, scheming, teasing, handsome, impossible asshole._

I quickly got ready for the day, determined that if he could be a tease I could, too. After performing my typical bathroom morning routine, I found my tightest pair of black yoga pants and a strappy sports bra, slipping into them and a zip-up black jacket that I left unzipped just enough to show off what little cleavage I had to work with. After throwing my hair up in a ponytail and slipping on my tennis shoes, I was out of the room and ready to go.

Steve was standing there in the kitchen, looking much too awake for such an early hour of the morning, especially after the daily torture called a ‘morning run’ that he subjected himself to. He was working on his protein shake and glancing at the paper on the counter in front of him, with my morning iced coffee in his free hand. He looked up and held it out to me as I cautiously approached him. “Morning, Jen.”

There was still a small, nagging voice at the back of my head that told me that this wasn’t safe. That I should be wary of the overly-muscled man in front of me, calmly offering me coffee that he must have made. Coffee that he could have done anything to without my knowledge. But I shoved that voice deep down where it was more easily ignored and painted grateful smile on my face as I took it from him and sipped it appreciatively. “Thanks, Cap.”

“You doing okay? We’re still a bit worried about you,” he asked, moving to sit down next to where I had plopped down at the kitchen bar. He looked at me with nothing but kind concern, his innate goodness shining through his expressive face.

I sighed and took a big gulp of my coffee to stall as I tried to formulate an answer he’d be happy with. I was doing better in the months since I’d been taken by Hydra. There were still doubts that lingered at the edge of my mind, always there but usually quieted by exhaustion or distraction. I, usually, only flinched when I was surprised by someone’s touch now, as opposed to making the nearest piece of metal or glass into a weapon and going on the offensive. It was an improvement if nothing else.

“Yeah, I have good days and bad days. Loki helps with the nightmares on the bad days. And training helps me feel more…” I trailed off, wracking my still-sleepy brain for the word just outside of reach.

“In control?” he supplied with a knowing smile.

“Yeah, I guess. If they come for me again I’ll be more prepared, especially since I’m kind of a super soldier like you, now. Just without the massive biceps.” I lifted my arm up, trying to flex and coming up short-handed, especially next to him. I had gotten a surprising amount of muscle built up through my daily workouts, but I wasn’t genetically modified to be a superhuman like he was. He chuckled and squeezed my tiny muscle with a fake noise of appreciation before settling back into reading the paper.

“So...that Loki thing. That’s still working out for you guys?” he asked uncomfortably some time later, stroking his neatly-trimmed beard.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at the unease that he thoughtfully pushed through to check up on me. The Avengers hadn’t come to like Loki, not really, but they tolerated him. Especially after all the help he was in getting me back from Hydra and bringing me back to myself. Thor’s acceptance of him after they returned from losing Asgard helped a great deal too. It was hard to go against the big teddy bear of a man when he set his mind to something.

I swallowed the last of my coffee, setting the glass on the counter with a satisfied sigh. “Yeah, it is. I know that you guys don’t get it, but we...we love each other. Weird as _that_ is to say.”

Steve clapped a heavy hand on my shoulder, keeping it there despite the small flinch that jerked at my suddenly rigid spine. “Good. If he hurts you, just know that I will personally see to it that he gets what he deserves.”

A genuine smile tugged on my lips and crinkled my eyes as I looked at the very earnest and very serious man threatening my boyfriend. Loki could take him in a heartbeat, but the sentiment was still sweet. “I think there’d be a line,” I replied, reaching up to pat his hand before standing up and away from his grasp. “I appreciate it, though, Steve. Even if your Captain America is showing a little bit,” I teased, nodding to him before leaving him to his paper so I could get to my workouts.

The only good thing, if you could call it that, about my experience with Hydra was reflected in my training. My reflexes had increased slightly, which made me lose to Natasha about half the time now instead of once in a blue moon. I still didn’t have a chance in Hell at beating Loki anytime soon, but the man did have several centuries of practice and the physical capabilities of a god--or a Frost Giant--on his side.

Nat was waiting for me, lounging on a stack of protective floor mats and scrolling through her phone. I stopped several feet behind her, well out of arm’s reach, and mentally reached out for the metal bottle of water she had open next to her. It was all too easy to flip it up into the air above her and dunk the contents on her head, making her screech as she whipped around to look at Loki, who was in his usual corner smirking at my antics. “You asshole Asgardian!”

 _“Excellent, if not childish, love,”_ Loki spoke into my head while he put his hands up in mock-surrender, glancing at me as he tried to hide the pleased grin tugging doggedly on his lips. “I am not to blame for your current predicament, but your trainee.”

I was rewarded with her wrath directed at me, but I _actually_ managed to hide my glee at the prank, looking innocent and confused with a frown and shrugged shoulders. “I’m not that good at controlling metal yet.” It was a bluff, but one that I wasn’t called out on.

“You’re dead!” Nat growled, shifting her gaze back to Loki, who smirked and conjured daggers into his open palms at his sides.

I quickly grabbed a towel from the stack by our training set-up, tossing it onto her head to defuse the situation. “It’s just a little water. Besides, you are about to get gross from me kicking your ass for the next hour, so it won’t matter anyway.”

She rubbed the towel over her drenched blonde hair, grumbling incoherently. After she was satisfied with her work she tossed it aside and put her hands on her hips, looking me appraisingly up and down. “Ready to get started?”

I answered her by attempting to tackle her to the ground, running at her with my hands aimed at her shoulders. She grabbed my arms and leaned into my momentum, tossing me over her falling body forcefully. I scrambled to my feet and felt an elbow in between my shoulder blades, knocking me forward. I whipped around, swinging my leg low and knocking her feet out from under her. I was on her hips in an instant, and we grappled on the ground for what felt like an eternity before I managed to pin her with my hands around her throat. She tapped out on my arm, and I rolled over to set her free and sprawl out on the mat, catching my breath.

“You’re still thinking too much, Jen,” she chastised, grabbing the water bottle I had left the day before and attempting to drink from it. “It’s empty and Loki emptied mine. Go get us some more, would ya?”

I groaned, snatching the bottle from her hand and summoning the other one to sit at my feet. I put my water in between my thighs, holding it there as I unzipped my sweaty black jacket and tossed it to the floor. I made eye contact with Loki as I adjusted the straps of my bra, knowing that my heavy breathing from sparring would help _enhance_ my assets.

_“What are you playing at?”_

I smirked at him, grabbing both bottles and walking over to the fountain to fill them back up. _“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”_

_“The sight of you bending over that fountain in those infernal pants is what I’m talking about. I want to push you against the wall and have you right now, claim you for all to see. To feel your heat wrapped around me and hear your moans echoing around this room…”_

And then I knew that he was onto me, and he was giving it right back. Even projected into my head, his velvet voice melted my insides and stoked a fire deep in my belly. I quirked my brow at him, hoping that the flush on my face could be attributed to the exercise, and walked back to Nat to hand over her water. 

_“I’m just trying to get you ready for tonight.”_ I didn’t need to look at him to know that he was smirking wickedly, it was all over the mental projection of his voice.

I took a few swigs of water before tossing it to the side, squaring off against Nat again. This time she wrestled me to the ground first, sitting on my stomach with her hands holding down my wrists. 

Loki purred into my thoughts, voice laced with desire, _“I envy her at this moment. To feel your warm, slick body writhing beneath me.”_

I grunted, trying to ignore him as I bucked her off of me and rolled over, switching our positions so I was holding her down while I straddled her hips with my knees. _“Oh, but this position could be quite enjoyable, too. To have you ride my cock, freeing my hands to explore your body, traveling down between us to find your most-treasured pearl…”_

I gasped, looking over to a nonchalant Loki who was easily tossing conjured daggers one after the other into a wooden target across the gym. He looked far too at ease. The only sign that his words had any affect him in any way was the growing tent in his pants. My temporary distraction was enough for Nat to gain the upper hand, flipping me over so hard that the air was forced from my lungs and I couldn’t breathe to fight back against the hands at my throat. I was forced to give in, coughing life back into myself after she had crawled off of me.

_“Distracted, love?”_

_“You’re dead, Friggason,”_ I hissed mentally, standing up and wiping the sweat from my brow with the back of my hand. 

I looked back to Nat, bouncing on my toes to get going again, but she was looking blankly into the distance. She shook her head, as if she was literally snapping out of it, and then frowned at me. “I forgot that I needed to call Clint about something, Jen. Raincheck?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. Do what you gotta do,” I replied, watching her suspiciously as she grabbed her stuff and quickly left the room. It wasn’t like her to leave training or to forget something as important as checking in with Clint.

Turning to the mischievously grinning face of my boyfriend, I grabbed my water bottle and my jacket, carrying them over to dump against the wall just a few feet from where he was standing. He looked entirely too pleased with himself.

“Odd that she would suddenly remember that right in the middle of us sparring,” I commented dryly, turning to face him as I tightened my ponytail, all previous arousal gone as I pondered over her sudden change of thought. He looked entirely too happy with himself.

Loki was the picture of innocence. Well, as much as one could be while tossing a dagger around and throwing it straight into the center of the far-off target. “Mortals do tend to have flighty memories.”

“Loki…” I said slowly, crossing my arms over my stomach as I stood in front of him, forcing him to make the dagger that he had just thrown disappear so that it wouldn’t soar through my neck.

“Do not walk in front of me while I’m throwing knives! It isn’t safe!” he said loudly, fear revealing itself as anger as he grabbed my arms, giving me a small shake.

I stood my ground, staring into his eyes and biting on my bottom lip. “Honest, no lies or tricks: Did you make her think she needed to do that?”

Loki held no remorse as he answered, “Of course, darling. I wanted you to be finished with her, but it wasn’t yet time. So, I just put the suggestion into her head that she needed to-”

“That’s not okay, Loki!” I exclaimed, throwing my arms out to knock his hands off of me.

“It was harmless.”

“I don’t care. You don’t just mess with people’s heads like that. Do you do that to me? _Suggest_ that I need to come see you or touch you or-”

“Never! I would never do that to you!” he shouted, betrayal at my accusation flashing within his brilliant green eyes.

“But she’s okay to fuck with?” I asked, pinning him to the spot with my glare and throwing my hand out in the direction Nat disappeared to.

He ran a hand through his long black hair. “It is different-”

“No, it isn’t. She has just as much right over her mind as I do. Just because you love me doesn’t make me any more special than anyone here,” I stated, my voice cold and my eyes colder. I shook my head, unable to deal with him any longer. “I need to go take a run. And you need to think about why you think it’s okay to mess around in some people’s minds and not others. Because it isn’t, god or not.”

“Darling!” he called out at my retreating form, but I ignored him as I ran from the gym and kept up the quick pace once I was outside, tracing the perimeter of the Compound.

I allowed the steady pounding of my footsteps on the alternating ground and concrete, the burn of my muscles and breath, and the quickened beat of my heart to lull me into a less reactionary state.

What he did was wrong. It was _very_ wrong. He had agreed that he would never enter or mess with my thoughts without my express permission. And even when he thought it could help, he never broke that trust. But what was the disconnect between my mind and someone else’s? Sure, it’s okay if the person is trying to kill us and he wants to keep us safe or get a leg up on the fight. But to manipulate someone just so that he could spend more time with me?

I had to push down the part of me that was flattered that he wanted to see me so badly. That was the stupid part of my brain fueled by my own affections. Plus, part of his reasoning had to come from his dick, after he turned himself on by saying all of those things to me. There was no doubt that he was a selfish man when it came to his desires.

But I had known that going into the situation. Taking care of me while I was injured and soothing me after a nightmare didn’t mean that he was suddenly a completely changed man who did no wrong. He was still the Trickster God, the God of Mischief, and a few months of being in a relationship with a human wasn’t going to rewrite centuries of mischievous and, sometimes, downright self-centered and manipulative behavior. 

I stopped jogging. My hands propped me up against my thighs as I leaned over to catch my breath against the stitch in my side. The sweat clinging to my skin was freezing in the cold winter air of upstate New York, and I regretted leaving my jacket in the gym in my hasty retreat. Too late to go back for that now.

Was my reaction to him fair? How was he supposed to learn these things without being taught? He sure as hell wasn’t going to listen to anyone else in the Compound if they tried to help him, which left me as the only option. He only barely listened to me as it was, and getting angry at him wasn’t going to make that happen more often. Loki had too much pride and ego to see his actions clearly and admit when he was wrong. I only worked that out of him once, and that was hardly an admission of guilt at all. 

I groaned at the quickly-growing headache throbbing at my temples. Apparently my body was as unhappy with the situation as I was. The dark clouds that had rolled in during my time outside suddenly let loose, and it began raining heavily down on me and a few unsuspecting landscape crewmembers caught inside. I hurried into the main building, feeling disgusting from a combination of too hot sweat and freezing rain clinging to my body. I needed a shower, some lunch, and maybe to punch a few more things to figure this out. 

No, I wasn’t going to stay mad at Loki forever. But I wasn’t going to go crawling into his lap at the first sign of him either.

The steady drumming of hot water on my back helped soothe the chill running through my bones, but it did nothing for the growl in my stomach or my pounding headache. I dressed comfortably in a thick, warm sweatshirt I had stolen from Loki--his clothes were much softer than mine--and another pair of leggings. I left the muggy bathroom to go grab some lunch when something on the perfectly made bed caught my eye.

I frowned, running my fingers through my damp hair as I walked over to investigate. A plate sat in the middle of the bed, topped with a delicious-looking turkey sandwich and jalapeno kettle chips. Next to the plate was a black box tied beautifully with a gold and green ribbon on top. There wasn’t anything on the outside to indicate who had left it, but the colors made it quite clear that Loki had snuck into the room while I was showering to leave me the offerings.

With a huff, I pushed the box away, not wanting to deal with it for the foreseeable future. I had half a mind to toss the sandwich away and stubbornly make my own food, but it would be a waste of really good turkey. Even with all the money Tony poured into my bank account, I hated to waste. I crawled onto the center of the bed, flicking on the tv as I ate Loki’s totally-not-an-apology sandwich. It was frustrating how satisfying it was to my starving taste buds. Curse him for paying attention to my go-to meals.

After I was finished, I did everything I could to distract myself from the box at my side. I watched my favorite episodes of _The Office_ and _Survivor_ , got up and paced around the room, organized my books by alphabetical order, sketched the view of the Compound from my window, and even tried to take a nap--which was pointless and left me staring at the backs of my eyelids while I puzzled over what was in the infernal box.

Several hours later, curiosity won out. I sat up from where I had been reclining on the bed and sighed heavily in defeat as I pulled the large black box to sit in front of me. I fingered the soft ribbon as I tried to dredge up some inner will to resist my overwhelming need to know what was inside. He’d never gotten me anything before. What would a thousand-year-old prince decide was a good make-up present?

In his mind, the mid-thigh length emerald green low-cut sweater dress I found nestled inside black tissue paper would lessen my anger towards him. There were gold threads interspersed among the thick green yarn, catching the light as I turned it this way and that to examine it. A paper fluttered to the floor as I held it up, and I could pick out what had to be Loki’s elegant script from a mile away:

_Wear these tonight. I will come for you at six._

I frowned, looking back into the box as I placed the dress aside. After picking up a few layers of tissue paper, I found a black leather jacket. That and the dress screamed out _Loki_ , from his colors, to the exceptional materials, down to the expensive designers stitched onto the labels. I had never owned anything so nice, not even when Tony gifted me all those clothes to tide me over until my belongings could be moved over. I knew that the god had exquisite taste, even his workout gear was made by a designer that I couldn’t even pronounce, but this was too much.

I sat on the bed, idly stroking the ridiculously soft dress as I stared at the note. On one hand, I didn’t want to give in to him. He was always so smug and confident that everyone was going to do what he wanted. No questions asked. _Prince Loki_ spoke it, and it happened. He shouldn’t think that this relationship was going to work that way. He couldn’t just buy me expensive gifts and make me a sandwich and expect that I was going to instantly forgive him.

But on the other hand, I was _dying_ to know what he had up his sleeve. He said this morning that he had a surprise for me, so presumably, he had already purchased these gifts. This was all just part of a plan set into motion before the day started. Did I really want to ruin a surprise from the God of Mischief?

I fell for one of his tricks, and I couldn’t even be fully mad about it.

I groaned, throwing the clothing onto the bed and stood up, giving in to the weaker side of myself that needed to know what was up his sleeve. According to my new watch, courtesy of Tony, I had about an hour to get ready. It was just long enough for me to lightly curl my dark hair. I left it down to protect my neck from the frigid temperatures outside. My makeup was simple but classic, a red lip, winged eyeliner, thick mascara and just a hint of gold on my eyelids to compliment the gold in the dress. Because it _was_ winter in New York, I wore a pair of thigh-high black boots, leaving only a few inches of my leg exposed. It wasn’t going to be the warmest, but it was the best I could do with the time allotted by my lack of decision-making skills.

I hated to admit it, but I looked _good_. No one could say that Loki didn’t know fashion, and that apparently extended into women’s clothing as well. The dress was just baggy enough to be comfortable, and the leather jacket offset that by ending right at my hips and tapering in at the narrowest part of my waist. It was as if the outfit was made for me, which I wouldn’t have put it passed him to get it tailored to my measurements. He was just crafty enough to do that without my knowing.

I faced my bedroom door right at six, steeling myself for the flattery and cunning I knew was waiting on the other side of the door. He was undoubtedly going to lay the charm on thick, and I was bound and determined to not let it get to me. I was a strong, independent woman who wasn’t going to take shit from any man, even a Norse God.

 _A very sexy Norse God_. 

He was waiting for me on the other side of the door, looking like he belonged on a magazine cover in his all-black suit beneath a long wool overcoat. His hair was slicked back from his face, highlighting his sharp cheekbones and even sharper jawline. I got temporarily lost in his piercing green eyes as he raked his gaze over my body, looking pleased with what he found if the wolfish smile on his lips was any indicator.

“That outfit is very becoming on you, love. I do take pleasure in how exquisite you look wearing my colors,” he purred as he offered me his arm.

I blinked and took a deep breath to center myself. Now was not the time to listen to the raging emotions--and let’s be honest, hormones--clouding my judgment. I refused to take his arm, leaving my hands hanging limply at my sides as I cocked my brow up at him. “What is all of this?”

He didn’t seem fazed by my refusal, instead taking the initiative to gently grasp my hand and slip it into the crook of his elbow. I was assaulted by the heady aroma of his spicy cologne, washing over me as he pulled me closer to his body and lead me toward the elevator. “Patience, little one.”

It was useless to try to pull my arm out from his; I knew from hours training with him that he could hand my ass to me if he wanted to, so I followed along as he took us into the elevator and hit the button for our destination. 

“Garage? I’m not allowed to leave, Loki.” It still wasn’t safe, with Hydra’s intimate knowledge of my identity.

“Ask for forgiveness, not permission,” he replied smoothly with a wink, stepping out into the well-lit garage filled with more expensive cars than permanent residents in the Compound. He summoned a set of keys from the pegboard by the wall and clicked them to unlock a sleek black foreign sports car.

I finally dug my heels into the ground, tugging on his arm as I looked up to him with a furrowed brow. “I’m not going anywhere. One, it’s not safe for me out there. And two, I’m still mad at you for this morning,” I said firmly, squirming away and crossing my arms stubbornly over my stomach.

Coldness seeped into my skin as he placed one hand gently on my neck, the other settling on my waist over the jacket. His eyes were filled with frustration and the barest hint of sadness as they met mine. All pretenses of charisma and charm melted away, leaving him bare before me. “I will always keep you safe, love. And my earlier actions… may have been in poor taste. What I want for tonight, what I had planned, is to have the evening with you. Alone. I have been unable to court you properly, and I was raised by an amazing woman who would frown upon my actions thus far concerning our relationship,” he said softly, a muscle ticking in his jaw and his eyes losing focus for a few brief moments.

He came back to me, swallowing thickly as he released me and opened the door for me, holding out his hand. “I would, if you’ll allow it, greatly enjoy treating you as the Lady you are and the Prince that I was raised to be.”

I stepped towards him, watching him carefully as I gently placed my hand into his. I stood firm when he tried to help me into the car. I barely caught the flash of disappointment that was there and gone from his pale features in an instant before he could fix his face into a more neutral expression. “No tricks tonight?”

“Of course not. I promise to be nothing but a gentleman tonight, unless you wish otherwise,” he chuckled, helping me into the car with one hand holding mine and the other resting against my side over my jacket once I relaxed, closing the door behind me once I was settled.

Warmth blasted through the air vents after he climbed into the driver’s seat and started the car, helping to ease the chill lingering on what little exposed skin I had. He drove effortlessly to our destination, ignoring my repeated attempts at figuring out where we were going. I was still left in the dark as we drove into New York City, merging with the ungodly amount of traffic heading inside for the nightlife it offered.

“Loki, are you sure _you_ should be here?” I asked quietly, looking over to him as he weaved in and out of traffic easily. Everyone knew about him here, about his role in the destruction from years ago, and his face wasn’t one easily forgotten. They would not be so quick to forgive, especially since they didn’t know of the torture and manipulation that coerced him into doing such unspeakable things. He may be as unsafe here as I was anywhere else.

“Of course, love. Why ever not?” he replied, looking to me with a smug grin as his features shifted, revealing him to have short, curly reddish-brown hair, slightly more tanned skin, thin-rimmed glasses, and a well-trimmed beard and mustache. Even without changing his facial structure, the look softened him around the edges and made him appear much more welcoming and kind. It was gone just as soon as it appeared. “Do not worry, they do not see me as you do.”

“Are you mess-”

“It is merely an illusion. I do not have to pry into the minds of mortals to do something as simple as this.”

I frowned, tugging my bottom lip between my teeth as we pulled up to a valet service outside of a restaurant with a French name I would only horribly mispronounce if we tried. The valet walked around to help me out of the car, but Loki was faster, stopping the young man with a hand on his arm so that he could do the honors instead. He didn’t give me a chance to reject his help, taking my arm gently and halfway lifting me from the car, tucking my hand into the crook of his elbow to lead me inside.

“This is too much…” I muttered once we were seated at a comfortable, and somewhat secluded, booth. From the dim romantic lighting, to the waiters dressed to the nine’s, to the menu that didn’t even have prices on it--if you had to ask you couldn’t afford it--I was a bit overwhelmed. 

Loki looked up from the menu with nothing but warmth in his eyes. “You are deserving of it all and more.”

“But-”

“I do not want to hear another word from your lips concerning your unworthiness of tonight. It is my pleasure to treat you as you deserve, and far overdue.”

I sipped at the red wine that Loki had ordered after our order was taken. He seemed unbothered by anything at the moment, when there was still very much that should be nagging at him. If his conscience wasn’t going to do it, I was going to let my liquid courage give me the oomph to take over that role.

“What you did isn’t okay, and dinner and an expensive outfit won’t fix it,” I said quietly, leaning forward so that my cutting words wouldn’t be overheard by the waiters scuttling around us. We were relatively alone for the busy restaurant, the nearest table was far enough away that I couldn’t hear them talking, but I still wanted some iota of privacy.

A sigh passed through his lips and he leaned forward as well. His hands reached out to take mine across the table, but I didn’t reciprocate the gesture, just letting my hands sit limply in his. He frowned down at them and rubbed my knuckles with his thumb. “I understand,” he replied, voice heavy.

I tapped my fingers against his wrist until he met my eyes. I needed to see the expression in his eyes, to see if he was hiding something behind the cool facade that he had perfected over years and years. “Do you?”

“I do. There should be no difference between respecting your mental privacy and autonomy and that of any other mortal. But these habits that I have built up over centuries will not erase themselves from my personality in one day. You have to allow me time,” he insisted, imploring me with his piercing gaze as it swept over my face.

I faintly tickled his palm with my fingertips.

For the rest of the meal, he slowly took down the walls I had built up around concerning him. The food was amazing, and I caught the pleased glint in his eye whenever I couldn’t suppress a soft moan at my first bite. Between his relaxed demeanor, the delicious food and wine, and my own weak heart, he had slithered his way back into my good graces by the time he was escorting me back out of the restaurant.

“Now where to?” I asked, tucking my arms close to my body as we waited in the freezing night air for the valet to bring the car around.

He pulled me close to him, wrapping me in as much of his coat as he could while he was still wearing it. Even his normally chilled skin felt warm in comparison. I accepted the gesture, leaning my cheek onto his firm chest and inhaling his warm scent deeply. “Patience, love.”

“Is that all you can say?”I grumbled, my voice slightly muffled by his silk shirt.

“I do enjoy your expression when I surprise you. Allow me that much.” He smiled, pulling me away from him so that he could deposit me safely in the car after it pulled up, kissing the top of my head before he sealed me in. I did as he asked, settling into the plush leather of the seat as he pulled us back into traffic once again. 

Without warning my watch lit up the dark interior of the car, projecting Tony’s voice loudly over the soft music of the radio. “Kid, where the hell are you?”

I looked guiltily over at Loki, who seemed unbothered by the abrupt interruption. “Um…”

“Don’t answer that, there’s a tracker in the watch. We’re coming to get you.”

“There will be no need for that, Stark. She is perfectly safe with me,” Loki replied calmly, not even looking down at the watch he addressed as he navigated the busy city streets and rolled down the window.

“That’s reassuring,” Tony said, the sarcasm practically oozing out through the tiny speaker. “We’ll be there in 20.”

“No, you won’t. Goodbye, Stark.” Loki reached over, removed my watch with one hand, and tossed it out of the now open window with the other.

I gasped, unable to form a coherent sentence in my shock as we drove away from the surely now-crushed tracking device. My fingers searched in my jacket pocket for my phone. Tony surely had some sort of tracker in that, too. But my pockets were oddly empty.

“Your phone is back at the Compound where I left it after removing it from your person in the garage,” he said smoothly, a mischievous grin lighting up his pale features. “And as I have neither tethering me to that insufferable man, you are _mine_ for the evening.”

“They can track the car, though. And what if something happens?” I asked, panic edging into my voice when I thought of the laundry list of terrible things that could go wrong for either of us tonight. I clenched my hands together, looking outside at the cars streaming by us as if they all held Hydra agents inside of them, waiting to kill him and take me back to _that room_.

His large hand rested over both of mine. I pulled my wide eyes to him after he squeezed my hands reassuringly. “I will _always_ protect you,” he vowed, taking his eyes off of traffic briefly to look at me with nothing but fierce determination on his handsome features. “Besides,” he smiled like the Cheshire Cat, “we’re at our next destination, and the valet will take the car for us. This city is so vast that he has no chance of finding us if we do not wish to be found.”

We pulled up to a very busy club, the outside crowded with people waiting impatiently to be let inside. I stared at it open-mouthed, looking like a fish out of water as he walked around the car and pulled me from its warmth into the shockingly cold air. Flashbacks of our past experience at a club surged through my mind and my feet froze to the sidewalk. “Loki…”

In an instant he was leaning forward before me, putting his stern face even with mine and his hands on my upper arms. “Do not let them ruin this night. They do not control you. Be with _me_.”

I stared into his eyes, finding my strength in the surety of his gaze and the firm hold he had on my arms. They grounded me in the moment. “Okay, let’s go,” I said, sounding much braver than I felt. I set my jaw, nodding to him and taking his hand as he led us to the bouncer. He must have learned from our experience last time, as he slipped the giant man a sizable wad of bills when we were close enough.

It was my turn to take the lead after the bouncer shifted his appreciative grin from the money to my body, leering at me hungrily. I could feel Loki stiffen beside me, instantly possessive, and I tugged on him none-too-gently to pull him into the thumping music of the building. We didn’t need to get into a dumb fight before the real fun had even begun.

We only made it just inside the door when he stopped us. He nudged me into the wall with his hands on my hips and lips brushing my ear as he growled out, “I do not like how he was looking at you.”

I placed a soft kiss to the skin just below his ear, my hands pulling him down closer to me by his shoulders. “You’re the one to blame for dressing me this way,” I teased.

He nipped lightly at my neck, his fingers tightening around my soft middle. “Am I at fault for wanting to show off the beauty on my arm?”

I blushed, unable to hide my pleased smile as he pulled away and led me further into the club with his hand firmly holding onto mine. He weaved expertly through the crowd which seemed to sense his dangerous aura and part for him. Once we were at the bar he shouted our order at the bartender, not letting me speak up when I tried to place my own. The several twenties that were placed into the tip jar ensured our drinks were made quickly, and I was pleased with the vodka cranberry set down in front of me. He really had noticed every little detail.

No sooner than I had taken a sip of my drink was Loki tugging me away again, this time to the edge of the dance floor. I carefully held my drink out from my body, not wanting to spill it on either of us, while he faced me and pulled me into him with his free hand, the other busy holding his glass of clear dark brown liquid. He downed it quickly, making the glass disappear so he could put his hands on my hips.

Among his many other talents, Loki could add dancing to the list. Even with the strong drink coursing through my bloodstream, I could appreciate the way his lean body moved with mine to the deafening beat of the music. He grasped my hand, spinning me out from his body and releasing me. My laughter was swallowed up by the crowd as he watched me dip and sway to the music. His eyes never left mine, filled with a happiness that I rarely saw in him. And I could detect a tiny bit of desire at my gyrating body, too.

He didn’t let me dance alone for long, closing the short distance between us until his hips were pressed against my ass and his chest the length of my back. One of his hands splayed across my stomach and the other bunched into the fabric at my hip, guiding me to move my body with his. I anchored his hands to me with mine and delighted in the feeling of his rigid body working against my own. My head fell back against his shoulder, opening up my jaw and neck to him, and he accepted the offering by trailing his parted lips against my overheated skin. The cool puffs of his breath against me sent delightful shivers down my spine.

It could have been minutes or hours by the time I pulled myself away from him, doing the leading this time as I collapsed down at a high table against the wall. He watched me with concern, pushing my hair off of my slightly sweaty neck and onto my shoulder. 

“I’m okay. Just need to take a break and cool off for a second,” I assured him, pulling him closer to me so that I could be heard over the music.

“I’ll go get you another drink, love,” he replied, giving me a deep but quick kiss before disappearing into the crowd.

I watched him saunter away with a bright smile that stayed on my lips as I peeled off my leather jacket and draped it across my lap. It was a very nice jacket, but combined with the long sleeves of my sweater dress, the alcohol, and Loki grinding against me, it proved a little too hot for me to handle. I fidgeted with a buckle on the cool leather, looking up from where I had been staring dazedly when a bottle of beer was plopped down on the table in front of me.

The smile faded from my face slowly as I took in the very drunk man swaying before me. He was either poorly dancing to the music or he was too drunk to stand still. Either way, he kept one hand on the beer in front of me and put the other on the back of the chair I was sitting on, boxing me in between his arms.

“Wanna dance?” he slurred, his breath a putrid mixture of different alcohols as he leaned in far too close to me.

I simultaneously pushed at his chest and leaned back as much as I could, succeeding in at least putting a few more inches of distance between our faces. “No thanks. I’m waiting on my boyfriend to get me a drink,” I shouted over the noise, knowing that men usually would back off if they knew that a woman wasn’t alone.

He was either too drunk or stubborn for that to work, though. “I don’t see him around. Surely a dance wouldn’t hurt,” he insisted, grabbing for my exposed thighs with clumsy fingers.

I made to push him away again, more frustrated at his advances than anything, but he stopped me by grabbing my shoulders and slamming his mouth against my own. Before I could shove my fist through his face he was ripped away from me. Loki stood before me, panting with barely concealed rage as he looked down at the drunken man flailing around on the floor.

“If you are overly fond of your hands remaining connected to your body, I’d strongly recommend keeping them off of her,” he sneered, his low voice cutting through the din of the club. The rage behind his words and flashing in his eyes sent my heart racing in my chest.

“We were just having a good time, buddy. She liked it!” the man shouted after he finally righted himself. He put his fists in the air, glaring at Loki as he took a heavy swing toward his face.

Loki easily dodged the terrible excuse for a punch--even I could’ve dodged that. He shoved his hand into the man’s chest so hard that he flew several feet away from us and crashed into a group of people dancing, all of them falling ungainly to the floor. I looked around, seeing the bouncers advancing toward us quickly through the crowd, looking very pissed and itching for a fight.

“C’mon, Loki. We gotta get out of here,” I shouted, clutching onto my jacket and his hand as I tried to tug him toward the exit. He resisted, murder still in his eyes as he advanced on the drunken idiot stumbling to his feet. I placed myself in front of him, grasping his cheek so that he was forced to look at me. “Let’s just go. He’s not worth it.”

He searched me quickly, his brow furrowed as he took me in to quickly check for any damage to my person. His hands carefully pulled me away from him and moved me to stand behind him. My tugging on his arms did nothing. It was like trying to move a brick wall. “He should know not to touch what isn’t his,” he growled, the words edged with venom. He pulled the man up by his collar, landed one solid punch into his temple that knocked him out instantly, and then dropped him unceremoniously back to the floor. “And now we may leave.”

We skirted around the crowd that had gathered to watch the beating--it certainly couldn’t have been called a fight--and slipped out through the side door into the alley. I went to put on my jacket only to be stopped by Loki, whose hands were running over my body searching for injuries. 

“Are you certain he did not harm you?” All anger was gone and he was once again the loving man that woke me up in the mornings.

I shivered from the biting wind and nodded quickly. “I’m fine, I promise,” I answered quickly. I’d never seen him react that way, not to anything. Even during the footage of the battle of New York he hadn’t looked as enraged as he had moments ago. He truly looked the warrior that he and Thor had been raised to become. If I hadn’t have stopped him I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had killed that guy, just for kissing me.

He grumbled deep in his chest, pulling me tightly against him once he could prove for himself that I was physically intact. When I shivered again he took my jacket from my hands and draped it across my shoulders before spreading his hands across my back again. “I should not have left you alone.”

I lifted my head just enough to look up to him, reading the conflict written in the lines across his forehead and between his brows. “I’m a big girl, Loki. I can take care of myself against a drunk asshole.”

“But he _kissed_ you,” he insisted, his lips twisting at the thought of it.

“He did. And I was half a second behind you in laying him out for it. He doesn’t deserve to die for that, though.”

“But-”

I shushed him with an ice-cold finger over his thin lips. “No buts. You defended my honor and I appreciate it. But we don’t kill idiots for just a kiss,” I said firmly, moving my hand down to rest on his shoulder.

His brow furrowed with concern as he looked down at me, doubt creeping into his emerald gaze. “He said you liked it…”

I rolled my eyes. “You know when I enjoy something. Did I look like I enjoyed that? Was I looking at him like I’m looking at you now?” I asked, pressing my chest against his and clasping my hands together behind his neck. I smiled warmly up at him as my fingers tugged lightly on the curled ends of his black hair.

He didn’t answer, but he did crush his lips to mine in a demanding kiss. He walked us back to press me against the wall of the building, one of his legs sliding between my own to hold me in place. Every ounce of his desperation and jealously was pushed into his lips working roughly against mine and his tongue slipping into my mouth, possessive as it tangled with mine. His hands slipped beneath my jacket to arch my back into him, holding me as if I was going to abandon him the first chance I got.

He broke the kiss with a ragged gasp and dropped his forehead against my own. “You are _mine_.”

“I am yours,” I agreed, breathing heavily, knowing that he needed to have that repeated to him.

“ _Mine_ ,” he rumbled into my neck, worrying and sucking on the tender flesh over my pulse point almost to the point of pain. Just when it was about to become too much he soothed the mark he had left with tender kisses.

I shivered, both from the cold and his tongue dragging across my skin. I managed to push him farther away, my hands sliding down his shoulders to clench around his pectoral muscles. “I know you’re a Frost Giant, but us mortals get cold when half their thighs are exposed from said Giant hiking up their dress,” I teased, looking up to him with as much of a smile as I could muster with my teeth chattering against each other.

“My apologies, little one. Let me take you home.” He pulled away and wrapped an arm possessively around my shoulders, holding me to his side as he walked us out of the alleyway. I stayed tucked against him, allowing myself the comfort of his strong arm around me and his warm cologne as he waited for the valet to return with our car. Huddling for warmth didn't exactly work with a Frost Giant, but his lips brushing across the top of my head definitely made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Gunshots broke through our moment of quiet comfort. Loki’s clothing melted away with a green light that crawled over his body, changing into his black and green leather armor. He pushed me behind him, facing off against the threat that I hadn’t even had a chance to see yet. I peered around his arm, to finally see the six men advancing on us with guns drawn as the people around us fled the chaos. 

_Motherfucking Hydra._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't let them get too happy, it seems!
> 
> Thank you all for reading! I appreciate every hit, kudo, sub, bookmark, and comment you all leave! They mean the world to me and really motivate me to keep hacking away at this crazy story that haunts me day and night. Y'all are awesome and I don't deserve you!


	18. Stay with him if you can, but be prepared to bleed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Violence, needles, blood, language
> 
> Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta'd, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during the revision process.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

Turns out Loki shouldn’t have been the only one disguised.

Screams pierced the night air and mingled with the faint bass coming from inside the club and the cacophony of never-ending traffic. It all faded into the background as I stared down the barrels of six guns. In one smooth motion, I reached out toward the street and wrenched a door off of a passing car to hold in the air in front of both of us as I stepped out from behind Loki. My wide eyes shot over to him and my heart stopped in my chest when I watched a bullet bounce harmlessly off of his chest. I was never going to wrap around the fact that he was basically bulletproof. Fiery pain lit up my side and legs, and I recognized the familiar agony on my side as that of a bullet shredding through my flesh. One had made it through the window of the door, and it pulled my attention away from the intimidating god drawing daggers next to me and back to the men actively trying to kill us. I clenched and bared my teeth against the rush of pain and warmth, determined to ignore it until we weren’t in imminent danger.

Loki had already taken out two of the assailants, who sprawled unmoving on the street with his knives sticking out from their foreheads. I shuddered at the grisly sight and tore my gaze away from it to the next man doggedly coming for us. I ripped out a park bench from the concrete and wrapped it around him. A guttural shout ripped from my lips as I used all of my strength to shove it and the man trapped within deep into the sidewalk with a dramatic wave of one arm toward the ground while the other remained poised in front of me to hold up my makeshift barrier.

In the time it took me to take care of that one, Loki had finished off the remaining men. I waited, levitating the door in front of us with one hand while I looked to see if anybody else was coming for us. Instead, I was met with the sight of a quickly-growing crowd of people creeping closer to us, their phones blocking their faces as they recorded the mayhem we just unleashed. _Shit._ I dropped the door and stepped closer to Loki to take his hand.

“We need to get out of here,” I said urgently, trying to move my mouth as little as possible as I took in the cameras all pointed toward us.

The rage died down from his eyes and he followed my gaze darting around us, recognition dawning on his features. His leathers melted away in a flourish of green light back to the black fitted suit he had been wearing earlier. He kept a firm grip on my hand as he prowled over to the valet who was cowering behind the podium, demanding to know where they parked the cars. I hissed through my clenched teeth as the adrenaline left my system, leaving me to fully feel the exhaustion flooding my system and the wounds marking my thighs and side. Loki somehow caught my tiny sound of pain amidst his interrogation of the poor valet and he frowned, easily cradling me in his arms as he made his way to the parking garage. I didn’t protest--doing so would be pointless when he was in such a state--and closed my eyes to the oncoming blue and red flashing lights.

It wasn’t long until we were at the car and I opened my eyes as Loki tucked me carefully into the front seat. I frowned at the blood on his shirt. It was such a nice shirt, but it wasn’t like he didn’t have ten other black button-up shirts just like it hanging in our closet. What was really worrying was knowing that I was going to do much more damage to Tony’s very nice car that Loki had commandeered for the evening. There wasn’t much to be done about it, though. 

He slid into the driver’s seat, his jaw clenched in a worried frown as he took in my shivering, bleeding appearance. “Will you be alright until we get back to the Compound? I would rather not take you to a standard Midguardian hospital. They’re not…” he trailed off, obviously torn.

“Safe,” I finished for him, reaching over to place my hand on his lean thigh. If Hydra had managed to track me down in such a big city in the span of a few hours, they had to have people waiting for my injured ass to show up at a hospital. “I’ll be safest at the Compound, and I’ll be okay until we get there. Just take me home,” I pleaded softly, squeezing his leg once before removing my hand so I could bunch my dress up enough to use it to put pressure on the graze on my hip. It was bleeding the most out of all my injuries, and while I wasn’t going to bleed out from it, I still liked to keep as much blood inside of me as possible. Before Loki began driving he conjured a thick green blanket over my legs and reached over to tuck it under them, doing his best to be as gentle as possible.

I turned on the radio once we started driving. The distraction was needed since Loki was too deep into his own thoughts to say anything. It wasn’t a short trip back to the Compound.

“-ers on the scene say that the male appeared to be the very same man, Loki, who attacked New York in 2012. He and his unknown female companion were seen engaging in a battle with armed men outside of a local nightclub. There were six deceased left on the scene, and police are looking for the pair and suspect they may be a possible threat. If you see either of these two, proceed-”

I turned off the radio, slumping back in my seat and running my dirty and bloody hands through my hair. “Tony is going to be so pissed.”

~~~

Tony was _pissed._

He was waiting for us as we pulled up and yanked my door open as soon as the car stopped. He made to jerk me out of the car but Loki stepped in between us, firmly pushing him back so he could unbuckle me and gather my blanket-covered body back into his arms.

“What the hell was that? Videos are all over the internet of you two fighting those guys!” Tony shouted, jogging after Loki as he walked swiftly into the building to take me to the infirmary.

I wrapped my arms around Loki’s neck for stability, winding a hand through his hair and scratching at his scalp to try to keep him as calm as possible. His agitation was set in the line of his jaw and the tension in his neck, and I didn’t want him getting too angry while he was holding such precious cargo. Besides Tony, Nat and Thor trailed after us. 

I kept my eyes on Thor, trying to reassure the worried King with a pained smile. “It was Hydra. At least I think so. They were dressed like the ones from before but I didn’t see the logo anywhere.”

“Are you hurt, my lady?” Thor asked, coming up to stand beside me as he easily kept pace with his brother. 

The worry he felt as he glanced over my blanket-covered body was palpable, and I had the strongest urge to reach out and pat his arm comfortingly. My arms were currently helping to stabilize me against Loki’s quick steps, so all I could do was shake my head briefly. 

“Just a few scratches,” I lied through my gritted teeth. 

Loki’s arms tensed beneath my body and his eyes bored into the side of my face. The God of Lies seemed awfully unhappy with my pitiful attempt at one. “She was struck in her side by a bullet and has broken glass embedded in her thighs.”

“A bullet? F.R.I.D.A.Y. get a hold of whatever doctor we have on-call for tonight,” Tony ordered, following us into a room.

“No, F.R.I.D.A.Y., don’t. It was just a graze. I’ll be o-okay,” I winced, letting go of Loki as he carefully sat me down on a cold metal table. He peeled the blanket away from my legs, the fabric had gotten stuck in the drying blood of my more serious wounds and caused them to bleed more as what little scabs they had created were taken with it.

“Shit, Jen. That is going to need stitches,” Nat said, her eyes wide as she took in the blood slowly pooling beneath my thigh on the table and the soaked fabric of my dress.

Loki was in front of me, clearly uncomfortable with everyone crowding me as he carefully unzipped and pulled my boots off of my feet. The tension hadn’t left his upper body since the attack, and his eyes shifted between the others in the room as they crowded around us. Thankfully the clothing I did have on had offered some protection, and there was only about a hand’s width of exposed skin on the middle of my thighs that had small pieces of glass sticking out of it. That was going to be fun to remove.

Tony slipped on a pair of glasses that he pulled from his pocket, and I could barely make out tiny bits of text and images flickering across the glass as his eyes shifted behind them. “Now that people know Rock of Ages is back on Earth, we’re going to have some damage control to do. Poison Ivy, you’ve only been seen as my PA, so they probably won’t connect those dots for a few days, so they’re just going to assume that you’re in league with him. I’ll have Pepper-”

“Enough!” Loki shouted, causing everyone in the room to startle at his sudden outburst, myself included. He cupped my cheek gently, his gentle touch a complete juxtaposition to the rest of his rigid body that hovered protectively beside me, silently apologizing for frightening me as he glowered at the rest of the inhabitants in the room. “Unless you know how to mend the wound she sustained from the bullet, I would like you to leave. Now.”

Tony, Nat, and Thor looked at one another, their eyes wide in the face of his protective outrage. Nat stepped forward, shoving Tony and Thor toward the door as she did so. I offered them an apologetic grimace, the best I could do against the pain and wearing overwhelming my mind and body. I was grateful for his outburst, to be honest. I wasn’t in the mood to try to figure out damage control for the situation that we hadn’t had any control over ourselves. That could wait for tomorrow. I turned my head to press a light kiss to his palm before slipping my fingers through his to grasp his hand in my lap. I needed his touch just as much as he seemed to need mine. He was still on edge as he watched Nat move around the room to gather the supplies she’d need to tend to me, but I took the soft exhale that he gave when I shot an exhausted smile his way as a small improvement.

“She’s going to need to take her dress off so I can fully get at that graze,” she said matter-of-factly, arranging everything she’d collected on a metal table that she wheeled up next to where I was sitting.

Loki slipped my leather jacket from my shoulders, folding it and setting it next to me. He helped me shift enough to get the dress out from beneath me before carefully tugging it off and tossing it into the trash can. My heart sank to see it trashed, but it wasn’t salvageable, ripped and blood-stained as it was. It was one of the few dresses that I would actually wear again, if only because it had been a present from Loki. My arms automatically wrapped around my middle against the chilly air of the room.

She didn’t seem to be fazed by my state of undress as she grabbed a pair of tweezers from her collection of medical tools. Her face was set in concentration as she bent forward and made to begin removing the glass from one of my thighs. 

Loki stopped her with a firm hold on her wrist. He moved it to linger over my hip before letting go. “I will tend to that. Just the stitches, primitive things they may be.”

I didn’t miss the slight catch in her breath when he grabbed her, and I unwound an arm from myself to awkwardly pat her hand. “It’s okay, Nat. We can get the rest.”

She nodded, setting the tweezers back down and grabbing some antibacterial solution. She was methodical as she shook the bottle onto the gauze pressed over the opening. When she had the gauze prepped, she paused with it inches from my skin, looking up to Loki who remained standing over me like a specter I couldn’t shake. “When I get to the stitches it’s going to hurt like a bitch. If you could keep her from smacking the hell out of me, I’d appreciate it.” She shifted her gaze to me with a sympathetic frown. “We’re out of painkillers and numbing agents. You ready?”

I suppressed a shiver of fear that threatened to run down my spine, not wanting to appear weak in front of the two badasses currently watching me with nothing but concern and worry. I wouldn’t be so freaked out if she hadn’t told Loki that he was going to have to keep me from punching her out. But, the sooner we started, the sooner it would be over with. I dug my fingernails into my palms, took a deep breath, and nodded to her.

“It’ll be easier to keep her still and get at this thing if you lay her down.”

He grunted softly in reply. One of his large hands settled on my shoulder and the other in between my shoulder blades to help ease me down. He let go of me briefly to cushion my head with my discarded jacket before kneeling behind my head at the table. His arms were like iron bands around my waist and over my arms, pinning me down in preparation. I shivered from the in anticipation as he let his cheek come to rest against my temple to offer some small sort of comfort as he restrained me.

I was reminded just how strong Loki was when Nat cleaned out the wound, having to rub and tug forcefully at it to get it done properly. “Fuck, Nat!”

“That’s not the worst part. You got her?”

Loki’s chin rubbed against my cheekbone as he nodded, his arms tightening minutely around me. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on his thumb caressing the bare skin of my stomach and his breath fanning out across my face as I waited for the bite of the sutures.

“Shit,” I groaned out, the burning in my side coming to a head as the needle pierced through my skin. I tried to arch my body away from the touch but I couldn’t move an inch thanks to Loki’s secure grip holding me down. The chill of his skin against the hot blood that trailed down my side and the electric pain singing my nerves made me break out in a cold sweat. My body didn’t seem to know how to react to so many differing sensations at once. I felt like my teeth were going to shatter in my mouth from clenching them so hard, and I could faintly hear the tinkling of broken glass over the rushing in my ears.

“Breathe, little one. Breathe.” Loki exaggerated each exhale that blew across my flushed skin for my benefit.

The excruciating tugging and piercing of my flesh went on for an eternity. I became nothing more than a creature of sensations, all thought lost to my exhausted and strained body. Loki’s calloused fingers softly stroking my ribcage. The sharp pierce of the curved needle into my ragged flesh. The agonizing fire of thread pulled taut. The chill of the table beneath me only slightly colder than the Frost Giant fixing me to it. The blood and raw power flowing through my veins and roaring in my ears.

And finally, the sweetest relief when cooling ointment was smoothed over the neat row of stitches and covered by a thick bandage taped to my skin. My eyes rolled open when Loki lifted his body from mine to brush his lips across my sweaty forehead. I let my head fall limply to the side to watch Nat stand up and toss her bloodied gloves into the garbage.

“Hey, Nat?” I called softly, lethargy taking too much of my energy to speak any louder.

She smoothed her hands across her thighs as she walked back over to me. Weariness and unease weighed heavily on her beautiful features, and I allowed myself a brief moment to collect my thoughts. I hadn’t even considered the possibility that she was trying to double-cross me or use me while she had been stitching me up. Somehow, she had begun to take back the role of best friend that she had held before Hydra had placed those doubts in my head. I didn’t have to shove away the nagging fears that lingered on the edges of my thoughts with her.

“Thanks for patching me up.” I lifted my heavy hand from the table with a small smile.

She took my offered hand with a matching smile. “Next time don’t use something with a big window in the middle of it, ‘kay?” We both chuckled quietly. Her eyes flicked over to Loki as he stood by my side. “You sure you can handle the rest?”

I can only imagine the look he must have given her, as she smirked and put her hands up in mock surrender. She flashed me a wink before turning and making a hasty exit.

I struggled to sit up after she was gone, but I was stopped by Loki’s hand gently pushing my shoulder back to the table. His eyes were filled with guilt as he moved his soft touch to wipe away an errant tear from my cheek and brush a lock of sweaty hair off of my forehead. I hated that look in his eyes and blamed myself for showing such weakness. He didn’t deserve my pain on top of everything else we were going to have to deal with shortly.

“Rest. I will take care of you,” he insisted, stroking his hand down my arm to lift the back of my hand to his lips before releasing it.

I let my arm fall over my face to shield my bloodshot eyes from the harsh glare of the white lights blaring down on me. My silence and stillness was my response, and I flinched when his hands touched the tops of my thighs. He pulled away quickly, and I forced my arm to flop out to the side so that I could look at him. His piercing eyes were flying over me like I would break just from the gentlest of touches.

“It’s because your hands are cold and I’m half-naked on a metal table that is also cold, in a room that apparently doesn’t have a working heater,” I explained wearily. When he didn’t move I pulled my arms back so that I could prop myself up into a half-sitting position on my elbows. It stung a little and I exhaled softly from the sharp ache of it, which made the lines between his brows only deepen. “I need you to help get that glass out of me and then take me up to bed. Help me?”

It was cheap, to play on his protective instincts to pull him out of a spiral of guilt, but it worked. He managed a nod before the worry lining his face was joined by a serious concentration tightening around his eyes. His hands ran tenderly over the ruined skin of my thighs and the familiar warm tingle of his magic flowed out from where he touched me. When his hands trailed down to my knees I was able to see that the glass previously embedded inside of me was nowhere to be found. He methodically applied the same ointment Nat had used, making sure not to put too much pressure on the already tender and smarting cuts.

“How?” As soon as the question passed my lips parted in awe I knew it was pointless to ask. He was, as Tony and Thor put it, a witch. Making some glass disappear was probably something he’d learned hundreds of years ago.

A small bit of pride slipped into his low voice and tugged on the edges of his lips. “I am a god of many talents,” he stated, eyes smoldering as he spread my legs just enough so that he could wrap clean gauze around both of my thighs. With so many tiny scrapes and cuts it was the best option of protecting them until I healed in a few days. That look of hunger should be outlawed it was so potent, especially paired with his fleeting touches on the inside of my legs.

Finally finished, he placed a strong arm behind my shoulders to help me sit up. He shrugged off his suit jacket and settled it on my shoulders before picking me up off of the table. He levitated my jacket to rest in my lap and provide that much more privacy in my state of undress as he carried me out of the room. I felt a bit bad for leaving it bloodied and the windows smashed in, but there wasn’t much to be done about that. I faintly pushed against his chest, only for him to curl the fingers beneath my knees and around my back tighter against me.

“I can walk,” I grumbled, even as I fought against the impossible weight of my eyelids.

“Damn it, woman. Stop being so stubborn and allow me to care for you,” he said, frustration edging into his tone. “I will not have you undoing our hard work for your foolish pride.” 

On theme with the night, I gave in to his earnest demands. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let my head fall heavily onto his shoulder as I closed my eyes. I couldn’t find the energy or will to open them when I heard my fellow Avengers cry out at the sight of us. We must have been in the main living area for so many to have spotted us at one time. It almost took too much energy to even put individuals to voices as they cried out at once.

“What happened to her?” Steve.

“What the hell?” Sam.

“Is Miss Jennifer alright?” Vision.

“She’s going to be fine.” Nat.

“Brother, do you require assistance?” Thor.

“I will care for her.” Loki’s voice rumbled over me.

I sagged deeper into his arms with each swaying step, rocked deeper towards sleep with his gentle movements. The burn of my injuries had already lessened considerably, possibly due to just how exhausted I was. I gave in to sleep just as I heard water beating against shower tiles.

~~~

A groan slipped through my lips before I was even fully conscious, the burning and itching on my hip pulling me from my blissful dreamless sleep. I sighed in relief as I felt a large cool hand close over it to ease the worst of the discomfort. My bleary eyes slowly blinked open, taking in the empty bed before me. Loki shifted beneath the covers at my back. His body enveloped mine more thoroughly, curled against me from hip to shoulder, and his nose nuzzled into the soft skin of my neck. I stiffened and put my hand into my hair expecting to feel it encrusted in dirt and blood from the night before, but found nothing but clean--albeit tangled-- hair.

“I made sure to wash the gore from you before putting you to bed. I did not want to ruin my shirt that I had dressed you in for sleeping,” he explained, his lips brushing the sensitive skin behind my ear. Of course he would think to do that. One of these days I was going to make sure I was awake for him performing such an endearing and intimate action.

I relaxed and my hand fell back behind his head to tangle in his own disheveled dark locks. He hummed contentedly. If only I could bottle up this quiet moment; even with the injuries and aches and pains, I would live in it forever.

That’s not how life with Tony Stark worked, though.

“You two. Out here. Now,” his curt voice blasted throughout the room.

“Ah, hell,” I grumbled, wishing I could rip the speaker from the ceiling. It seemed like his favorite hobby was interrupting my happiness with the man currently burying his face into my hair. “Time to go get our asses handed to us.”

“He will do no such thing. Not to you,” Loki growled, leaving me abruptly to stand up and stalk over to the dresser to pull out his clothes for the day.

“My face is probably plastered all over the news already,” I countered, slowly following him, wincing at the tug my movements made on my hip and thighs.

He violently threw down a button-down shirt, keeping his back to me. “Because of your association with me,” he spat.

His frustration and doubt twisted his elegant features as I watched him in the mirror propped up on the dresser. He glared down at the piece of furniture like he wanted to rip it to pieces, as if it was the cause for our places in this mess. I reached out to smooth my hands down the taut muscles of his back. “I would bet my bottom dollar those men were Hydra. I’m sure that’s what Tony is going to say when we walk out of there. And if that’s the case, they weren’t after you. _You_ were disguised, Loki. _I_ wasn’t.”

He jerked away from my soothing hands, whipping around to tower over me with wide eyes. “You were there because of me!”

Even though I wanted to tremble beneath the full brunt of his fury, I ignored that urge, reminding myself that he would never hurt me; he was only lashing out in the face of emotions that he didn’t want to handle. I tilted my head and did my best to make him see reason. “Because you planned a wonderful night for me, Loki.”

“It is _my_ fault,” he seethed. The fury raging in his eyes slowly crumbled in the face of my calm persistence to reveal the anguish and guilt he was trying to hide.

I picked up his discarded shirt and slipped it over his arms and shoulders. I allowed my fingers the pleasure to run down the middle of his torso as I lined up the buttons, and once aligned, I began fastening them for him. He was wound so tightly with his warring emotions that he didn’t react to my featherlight touch. “You can’t blame yourself every time I get hurt, love. It comes with the territory.”

All anger drained out of him with a shaky sigh. His pale features were haunted and drawn as he desperately looked over my calm face. “It is my duty to protect you.”

_There it was._

I finished buttoning his shirt and reached behind him to grab the sleek pair of black pants he had ripped from the hanger earlier. “I’m not some damsel in distress, Loki. I can take care of myself,” I promised, holding the pants out to him. “Your job is to stand by my side. Maybe do that handy Superman trick where you block bullets for me.” That drew a tiny smile from him. “But I never expected you to take on the responsibility of playing bodyguard around the clock.”

Loki accepted the pants and then let them fall to the ground so his hands could bunch into his large t-shirt that draped down to barely my thighs. He brought his lips to my forehead and inhaled deeply, breathing me in. “I promise that I will make them pay for what they did to you.”

“And I’ll be right next to you when that happens,” I replied, tilting my chin to leave a tender kiss on his neck.

“You are _everything_. I don’t know what I would do if…” he trailed off and his Adam’s apple bobbed before me as he swallowed thickly.

“Hey, hey, hey.” I looked up at him, taken aback by the unshed tears shining in his emerald eyes. I’d never seen him this way. There was an actual ache in my chest at witnessing him so close to breaking, so vulnerable and raw. “You don’t need to find out. Not right now and not for a long time. I’m _here_.” I cupped his sharp jaw in my hands with a warm smile. “And I’m far too stubborn to go anywhere. You’re stuck with me. Got it?”

He turned his face to kiss my palm softly. “If you insist,” he replied, the smallest of smirks tugging on the thin line of his mouth.

It wasn’t a major mood improvement, but I’d take what I could get. I kissed him soundly before taking his pants from the floor and shoving them into his arms. “Now go get ready. I don’t want to piss off Tony anymore than I already have.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, because the worst scenario either of us has faced is an angry Tin Man.”

~~~

“It has been confirmed that the couple who fled the scene of the attack late last night was none other than Loki Odinson of Asgard and Jennifer Thompson, former Personal Assistant to Tony Stark. Eyewitness accounts and CC Television captured them acting very close before the six, now deceased, men opened fire on them. We have footage of the incident from a bystander’s cell phone, but I must warn you that it is graphic in nature.”

Shaky footage of Loki and I from inside a building took over the large screen. It’s clear that the bullets fired upon us are blocked by his body, bouncing off of him as if they were rubber. Even in the poor quality footage, my glowing green eyes are plainly visible as I ripped off the car door of the moving vehicle and wrenched up the park bench from the concrete. My gaze dropped down to stare at the wooden table before me, not wanting to relive the previous night if I could help it. 

I raised my eyes from the grainy surface only when the frightened chatter of the crowd and sirens from the video stopped, and when I looked back to the screen, I found it paused on a slightly blurry image of my angry face. My freakishly lit-up eyes dominated the shot. I didn’t even look human. Am I human anymore? I grimaced, looking back down at the conference table that we were all seated around.

“How long have you been able to do that, Pebbles?” Tony asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared me down behind his blue-tinted glasses.

Why was this where the conversation began? “Do what, Tony?” I asked, unable and unwilling to keep the venom from my voice. It had been a rough night, he had ruined what little bit of a good morning I’d had, and I was hurting something fierce. I wasn’t in the mood to be attacked for being more of a freak than I had initially thought.

“Don’t get cute with me. You’re suddenly able to rip the doors off of passing cars now? And your eyes are a green electric show like Point Break’s? That would have been nice to know.”

“Yeah,” I shrugged my shoulders, “I would have liked to have known it, too. You know, this isn’t doing a lot for my confidence that you lot aren’t trying to control me.”

He shifted on his feet and leaned slightly forward over the head of the table. “You not telling us about the full extent of your powers isn’t doing a lot for mine, kid.”

I stood up with enough force to knock the rolling chair back against the wall behind me. My hands slammed down on the table with a bang that resounded throughout the room. “Oh, you can fuck right off with _that_ bullshit. I’m as new to this as any of you. It’s not like I have cars whipping by me while men are trying to kill me and the man I love and I have to react in split-second decisions that I can’t even consciously make. You all know how it is. I just _reacted_ to protect both of us. I’m sorry that freaks you out, but it is what it is. You can accept it, move on, and help us figure out how to handle this shit storm raining down on us from something we had no control over, or you can step back and let Loki and I leave. No muss, no fuss. But I will not be treated like a criminal for doing what I needed to do to keep us safe,” I ranted, maintaining a carefully controlled venom in my level tone.

I realized only after the fact that I had spoken for Loki without consulting him. I had just volunteered him to leave with me. What if he didn’t want to leave? My eyes widened as I looked over at him to gauge his reaction. His eyes searched mine with an unreadable expression for a moment before he nodded in solidarity.

“What exactly are you implying, Stark?” Loki interjected, his brow raised as he shifted his gaze to cooly regard Tony.

Bruce stepped in from where he had been watching from the corner of the room, holding his hand up to Tony who looked ready to deliver his own biting remark back at the tense god sitting next to me. “Maybe we’re all just a little on edge and need to take a breather for a second.”

“I don’t like not knowing the full extent of what you’re capable of,” Steve admitted, leaning back in his chair with a shake of his head.

I shifted my hard gaze to him, not liking the tone the meeting was taking. “I’m _not_ Bucky, Steve.”

“We don’t know what they did to you in there!” Steve countered, his raised voice echoing around the room.

Loki shifted forward in his seat and I quickly placed my hand on Loki’s arm before he could retaliate. He turned his frosty glare to me. _“They’re turning against you,”_ his frustrated voice slipped into my thoughts.

I flicked my fingers to slide the chair back behind my knees and fell back into it with a heavy sigh. _“Then help me talk to them, Silver Tongue.”_

He leaned back, schooling his expression into one of indifference as he shifted his gaze between the agitated Avengers. “The Witch and I both experienced the torture that she endured through willing searches of her memories. We know the extent of her mental and physical injuries and can attest to her continued recovery. She can assuage any doubts you may have about Ms. Thompson, as I highly doubt that you will believe anything I tell you, considering our relationship.”

Wanda looked up from the table and nodded her head solemnly. “I saw it, and I’ve seen her progress since she’s returned. She isn’t a threat to us.”

“Is this meeting to see if we’re a threat to you or to figure out what we’re supposed to do about last night?” I cut in loudly. “Because there isn’t anything I can do to prove to you that I’m on your side that I haven’t already done. If anything, I’m the one who should be questioning all of you, after everything that I went through. So, if _that’s_ what we’re discussing, I don’t need to be here for this.” I stood up to further solidify my intention to leave and glared at Tony hiding behind his glasses. 

“What _was_ that, Jen?” Nat asked, sounding more curious than horrified, to her credit. It was much appreciated.

I crossed my arms protectively over my stomach, painfully aware of the throbbing in my hip and the pull of the thick bandages under the tight jeans I had hastily thrown on earlier. “The eye thing? I dunno. Maybe something like when Wanda or Thor really tap into their powers. I didn’t even know it was happening.” I shrugged, looking at Wanda hopefully. Thankfully she wasn’t looking at me with the same trepidation that Tony and Steve were, but the lack of expression on her face wasn’t the biggest morale boost either. If anyone were to understand dealing with powers previously unknown to you, it would be her. “Nat always tells me that I think too much when I fight. Well, I guess last night was what happens when I don’t think, for better or worse. All I knew was that these men were coming at us ready to kill, and Loki was taking all of the bullets.” I looked at Loki, who was watching me with a hint of pride peeking out through his calm facade. “I don’t fully trust your alien juju to keep you protected against them forever and they looked like Hydra and I would _not_ survive going back there, so I just… reacted. I-I didn’t mean to kill that man, though.”

Thor tipped his head to me in gratitude. “You fought valiantly at my brother’s side last night, little mortal. Of that, you should be proud.”

His praise lowered some of my defenses. Maybe the entire room wasn’t as against me as I had originally believed. Some of the wind taken from my sails, I sat back down. I didn’t realize that I wanted his approval as much as I did until it was given to me. But he was Loki’s older brother, even adopted, and the King of what was left of the Asgardian people. It was hard to remember that fact when he acted so _normal_ all the time. It was only natural to want his support.

“You shouldn’t have been out of the Compound in the first place. And to take off your watch so we couldn’t find you? That’s a dumbass move, Pebbles,” Tony scolded, intent on not letting us--or at least me--off so easily.

“The blame for that aspect of the evening should fall solely on my shoulders. I removed her phone from her without her knowledge before we left, and the watch after you attempted to track us through it. The evening was entirely my doing,” Loki corrected, refusing to back down under Tony’s disappointed stare.

“And why in the hell would you take her away from the Compound in the first place? I know that your ancient brain must be a little rusty in your old age, but Hydra is still out to get her! It isn’t safe for her out there!” Tony shouted.

I bristled under his attack on my beloved. “I can take care of myself! I’m not-”

It was Loki’s turn to silence me with a steady hand on my arm, his hard eyes never leaving Tony’s as he slowly rose to stand behind me at the table. He moved with a terrifying predatory grace that only hinted at the true power he held within. “She is not your prisoner. She has not left this place except for one night amongst friends and one mission, the latter outing ending in her kidnapping and torture. You do not understand the madness that consumes one when one is forced to stare at the same four walls for months on end.”

“It was for her protection,” Tony stubbornly insisted, puffing out his chest to match Loki’s.

“That sounds familiar,” Wanda spoke up, her jaw set as she looked at Vision beside her. “If we just keep hiding them, _both_ of them, the people aren’t going to stop being afraid. They fear what they don’t understand. And right now they do not understand what happened last night.”

“There must be a plan in place to improve the situation, yes?” Thor asked.

Tony clicked off the screen with a heavy sigh. “I’ve been talking to Pepper. Our best bet is to go public with as much as we can. Tell them that Rock of Ages went back to Asgard and paid for his crimes and he’s here to help us right his wrongs-”

“I am not-”

“I don’t care if that’s not why you’re really here. It’s what we can sell to keep SHIELD from taking you into custody and locking you up until Pebbles is dead and gone.” He paused, letting that sink in for a moment as he paced back and forth at the head of the table, his body trying to keep up with his rapidly working mind. “We tell them that Jen is a new recruit for the Avengers, which isn’t technically a lie. The cat is out of the bag concerning you two as a couple, so we’ll spin that to our advantage. ‘The New Yorker who found it in her heart to forgive the Big Bag Asgardian’ or something like that.”

“So, what does that mean, though? A press conference? A newspaper article? I’m not sure either of them should go in front of a camera with how blood-thirsty the reporters would be. They aren’t known for keeping their cool,” Sam prodded, shrugging at me. “No offense.”

I heard the chair creak behind me as Loki dug his fingers into the dark leather. I shrugged, “None taken.”

Tony pulled out two watches from his pocket and tossed them across the table to Loki and me. “I scheduled a press conference for later today. I’ll do the talking; they’re used to that. There’s also a charity gala Friday night that we were planning on attending without you both, but I snagged two extra tickets. It will be good for them to see you acting like _normal_ people. You can do that, right?”

“Can _you_ do that, Stark?” Loki asked bitingly as pointedly ignored the watch I held out to him to stare down its creator.

“You two kids play nice,” Nat grumbled as she watched them warily.

_Like that was_ ever _going to happen._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I am so grateful for all of the lovely feedback that I've been getting lately. It means so much to me to know that my writing is appreciated. :) Y'all are awesome!


	19. I don't wanna be the one to have the sun's blood on my hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Graphic descriptions of violence, blood, language, brief mention of previous torture
> 
> Please keep in mind that this is un-Beta'd, so I hope that you'll kindly excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during the revision process.

“Loki Odinson was under the control of an outside force and coerced into his misdeeds in the 2012 Invasion of New York. After the incident, he served time for his crimes in solitary confinement on his homeworld of Asgard. He has since returned with his brother, King Thor Odinson of Asgard, to make amends for his previous actions. He has assisted the Avengers on several missions to better the safety of our fellow man. His presence here is fully supported by myself and the rest of the Avengers. He is not a threat to us.”

Tony was a natural at press conferences. Even when reading a pre-prepared speech, which he would _hopefully _stick to this time, he seemed completely at ease with the stressful situation and stiff legalese. Only those closest to him would notice the tension he held in his shoulders or the worry he hid behind his glasses. Loki was going to be a hard sell, and by proxy, so would I.__

____

____

I had stood on the sidelines for countless press conferences and events acting as his assistant. I was comfortable in that role; my job consisted of just waiting to step in if it went south or if an urgent matter came up that I needed to get Tony out of there to handle. I was much less confident in my current position. I was the subject, or at least a good part of it, to be discussed in front of a hundred reporters who would then publish or broadcast it to millions of people. All eyes were on me and the Asgardian by my side, scrutinizing our every twitch and breath. A wrong move would not end up in just my firing from the company, but with the very real possibility of my arrest. It wasn’t a relaxed atmosphere, to be sure.

Loki, on the other hand, looked as poised and calm as ever. It was easy to picture him as he would’ve been on Asgard, standing dutifully to the side as Odin rambled on and on about some issue that he would most definitely handle differently. There wasn’t a crack in his apathetic gaze as he stared out at the crowd, looking as if he belonged there in his dark gray three-piece suit. Tall and proud and wholly above the proceedings, I felt very small in comparison.

“Many of you have seen her before, but the newest member of the Avengers is my former assistant, Jennifer Thompson. She has been a huge asset to the team since she joined several months ago. We have nothing but positive things to say about her and her abilities.”

All of the heads and cameras in the room swiveled to direct their attention to me. I wanted to shrink away into the shadows beneath their intense scrutiny. I settled for dropping my eyes to the floor. Loki shifted on his feet enough to brush his arm against mine, and I flicked my gaze over to him. He lifted his chin slightly higher and took a deep breath in through his nose, directing his eyes to settle just above the reporters present. I took the hint and fixed my neutral gaze just beyond the onlookers. With my hands clasped behind my back and my chin lifted proudly, I could almost pull off looking as stately as him. _Almost._ My quickened breathing and ashen face had to give my nerves away.

“Now, I know that you’re all here because of the incident that occurred last night. Loki and Ms. Thompson had been out on a mission for us when they were attacked by terrorists. They handled the situation as best as any of us could have, without any civilian casualties. Rest assured that we are working on finding and eliminating this terrorist cell permanently. In the meantime, we ask for your patience and continued support. Thank you.”

Of course, his clear-cut dismissal and retreat from the podium didn’t stop the barrage of questions hurled in our direction.

“Are Loki and Ms. Thompson dating?” 

“Who were the terrorists?”

“How can we know that he’s changed?”

~~~

“I’m _not_ wearing heels, Nat,” I refused, scowling at the black strappy stilettos of death she held out for me. “Besides, you won’t be able to see them in this dress.”

I wasn’t wrong. My black floor-length gown completely hid my bare feet as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Thankfully Pepper had listened when I asked for some sort of sleeve to hide the scar on my shoulder, but chose to ignore the request for a dress with a back as well. The intricate lace that began above the deep-V of opaque fabric at my chest continued up to the collar at my neck and down both arms, but it _didn’t_ extend to the very open and low back. The dimples at the base of my spine were visible, for goodness sake. If anyone tried to touch any part of my back tonight they would just get a handful of my skin. _Awesome._

The tangled web of scars stretching across my middle and upper back were out for all to see, as Nat had insisted that the dress was meant to highlight them for a reason--to show the world what I’d faced and overcome--but it just sounded like I was some freak put out on display. She insisted that leaving my long hair down would be a waste of such a beautiful gown; the elegant bun pinned to my head with far too many bobby pins was much more fitting, in her opinion. I didn’t argue, but maybe I should have. It would only give the people who were coming just to see Loki and me in public another thing to speculate about, but it wasn’t a battle worth fighting. Whenever Nat was in control of my styling I just let her go to town. She knew what she was doing, and my nerves were pulling my thoughts in too many directions to even begin to formulate a decent argument.

“C’mon, Jen! Grow a pair and wear the damn heels. It won’t kill you _and_ it’ll make your ass look great,” she replied, tossing the shoes at my feet so she could strap into her own slinky stilettos.

I ignored her, going to my closet to select and step into a simple pair of black flats instead. “My ass already looks great,” I countered, painted plum lips pulling into a smirk.

“His ego is rubbing off on you.” She rolled her kohl-rimmed eyes, checking herself out in the mirror before heading to the door. “C’mon Princess, we don’t have all night.”

I rolled my eyes and followed her out, my snappy comeback dying on my lips as I got an eyeful in my escort for the evening waiting outside of my room. All of the air rushed out of my lungs. Loki had no right to make a tuxedo look _that_ good. I stopped dead in my tracks, ogling him appreciatively before he took notice of me. Leaning against the wall with his hands shoved into his pockets and his head dropped to stare at his shined black leather shoes, he could have walked out of a movie. His slightly curly hair was tucked back behind his ears to accentuate his sculpted cheekbones and chiseled jaw, and his emerald green bowtie brought out his penetrating gaze when finally looked up upon our entrance. My heart stuttered in my chest as our eyes met; he was the most stunning man I had ever laid eyes on, and he was all mine.

I blushed under the heat of his perusal as he languorously traced every curve of my body in the tight dress with his penetrating gaze. He sauntered over to offer me his arm with a leering smile. “You are ravishing, love,” he whispered into my ear, lightly setting his hand over mine when I slipped it into the crook of his arm.

“You clean up pretty well yourself, Asgardian,” I replied warmly as he led us downstairs. Nat had made everyone wait for us--perfection couldn’t be rushed--but she claimed they wouldn’t mind when they saw what they had been waiting for. From Loki’s darkened eyes and wolfish grin, I’d have to agree with her on that one.

Our entrance was welcomed with a wolf whistle from Sam which triggered another deep blush to bloom on my fair skin. Loki tensed up, either from jealousy or possessiveness, and I stroked the inside of his arm with my thumb to soothe him. That side of him was never going to go away, no matter how much I proved my loyalty to him. Truthfully, the less civilized part of me enjoyed his desire to keep me for his own. I hazarded a look around the room, which immediately made me feel inadequate. It was a little intimidating to be reminded that the people you lived and worked with could all pass for models and movie stars.

Thor, immaculately dressed in his own tux, came forward and clapped Loki on the shoulder. “Well done, brother,” he said loudly in that resounding voice of his that echoed around the large reception area. I couldn’t help but smile at the implied compliment and received a wink for my efforts. While the eldest Odinson wasn’t my type--I couldn’t believe that I had thought he was at one point--I could understand the easy, confident appeal that he had as he chatted idly with the man holding me securely to him. Loki also seemed to appreciate the hearty endorsement, as he stood a bit taller and cast a proud smile in my direction.

“Natasha, Sam, Steve, and Thor, you’re in the first car. Jen and Loki, you’re in the second car with Tony and myself. Wanda and Vision, you’re with Bruce in the last car. We’re late, so let’s get a move on,” Pepper called, walking in from outside and pointing everybody in the right direction. Tony was apparently already in the car, as he was nowhere to be found.

Loki and I followed Pepper, climbing into the black SUV assigned to us and settling in the back row. Tony was, as I guessed, sitting in the row in front of us fiddling with something on his phone. He didn’t even move at our entrance, and only briefly looked up to kiss Pepper on the side of her head when she sat next to him and told the driver to head away from the Compound.

Several minutes into the ride, Pepper turned around as best as she could in the seat so she could face us. “I have to tell you this even though you probably know it, but you both need to be on your best behavior tonight. Nobody really knew you as Tony’s assistant, Jen, and they’re going to want to get under your skin. Loki, Thor assured me that you have been to many events like this on Asgard and that you would know how to act properly?” She paused, waiting for Loki’s quick nod of agreement before continuing, “You both need to consider how you want to present yourselves. Jen, you know how it goes. You saw the spotlight that fell on us after we went public. Just,” she looked pointedly at Loki before meeting my thoughtful hazel eyes, “think about how you want it to go, okay?” She offered us a sympathetic smile before turning around, going back to whatever work she had to do on her smartphone.

“What is she referring to?” Loki asked quietly, probably not wanting to be overheard by the couple diligently working away just in front of us.

I shook my head and tried to muster up a reassuring smile but I could tell by the frustration written on his face that it wasn’t successful. “I don’t know. Probably nothing important.”

His steady gaze turned to steel and he leaned toward me slowly. “Do not lie to the _God_ of Lies, little one. It never works out well.”

I suddenly became very interested in a piece of lace detailing on my sleeve, picking at it with my nails to avoid looking at him. That didn’t work for too long, as he delicately grasped my chin with his long fingers and lifted so I was forced to look at him.

“Tell me what she meant,” he ordered, his low voice brokering no room for argument.

I knew exactly what she was implying, and I _also_ knew that he wasn’t going to take it well. But if I didn’t tell him, his irritation was going to get the best of him and that wasn’t what we needed right before spending several hours playing nice in front of people desperate to see us crack. “Besides what happened last week, I’m relatively unknown to the public. I have a small reputation as Tony’s assistant, standing in the background while he conducted business. There press and paparazzi are going to be there, digging for whatever they can find to publish in the tabloids and trashy magazines. Which wouldn’t be so bad, but…” I stopped, tugging my chin free from his hand so I could direct my quiet words at his chest. “If I present myself as your partner, it,” I sighed heavily, “it won’t look the best for me. She was reminding me that appearing in public with you, as your partner, is going to make your reputation rub off on mine. It’s going to make it all much more difficult.”

He visibly stiffened, shifting farther away from me in the seat as he regarded me with a feigned air of cold indifference. His spindly fingers laced together on his lap. “Ahh, I see. Is that what you want? To no longer be tied to me and my negative past deeds?”

“No!” I said loudly, earning a quick concerned glance from Tony and Pepper. I smiled awkwardly until they gave up on their curiosity and turned around. “No. I’m not going to abandon you just because tonight is going to suck. This will, however, be our moment to publically come out as a couple. So, we need to decide if we want the world to know about us or not. We will be closely observed either way. What do _you_ want?” I asked, my stomach threatening to come up through my throat at the sudden onset of nerves raging inside of me. I couldn’t stop my hands from wringing together in my lap if someone paid me.

“I am proud to have you by my side,” he replied, the hurt he managed to hide from his stony expression creeping into his otherwise clear voice. “But it is your decision on whether or not you feel the same.”

“We will be the most hated people there…” I cautioned. He needed to be prepared for what we were about to face, whether we did it together or not.

“I have spent the majority of my life as the most despised person in mixed company. Their opinions do not matter to me.” He frowned. Vulnerability reflected in his eyes for a brief moment before he turned to the window. “It would, however, make this ordeal much more bearable if I did not have to face the criticism alone.”

 _Really fucked that one up. Good job._ I slouched backwards, deflating as I stared out my window. I didn’t know whether I was more upset at Pepper for bringing it up or at myself for even making the suggestion that we might go it alone. I knew about his deeply rooted trust and abandonment issues and I had just played into them handily. Words weren’t going to make it any better. He was the God of Lies. He knew that words meant little compared to actions. The only option I had was to show him that I wanted to stand by his side through it all.

Because that’s what I wanted, right? I couldn’t imagine facing all of this alone, and I certainly didn’t want him to have to do it either. He, more so than anyone tonight, was going to be watched like a hawk at this event. He hadn’t yet proved to them that he wasn’t the same man that they had last seen. I couldn’t throw him to the wolves like that. We made each other stronger in all situations, and this was more nerve-wracking than any mission for the Avengers. We’d both be much calmer if we could lean on the other in our weaker moments.

The car pulled up outside of the venue for the night, an impossibly large museum, and stopped right next to the red-carpeted stairs. Through the heavily tinted windows dozens of paparazzi lay in wait to get pictures of the Avengers and other celebrities as they made their way into the charity gala. And, by some twist of fate, I had been lumped into that group.

Pepper and Tony exited first to a chorus of shouts and cheers. Loki, ever the gentlemen when it concerned me, gracefully withdrew from the car before turning to offer his hand to assist me. Apprehension settled in faint lines on his fair skin as he waited, illuminated from behind by the flashing bulbs of tabloid reporters waiting to get the perfect shot of our entrance. With a grateful smile, I took his hand, carefully easing myself out of the car. Loki’s stricken face studied me, waiting for my next move to indicate how we would go about the evening.

I released him to smooth down my dress with shaking hands and his face fell instantly, but only briefly; his mask of apathy slipping over his face with practiced ease. He began to walk away, adjusting his suit jacket stiffly, and I just barely managed to snag his wrist before he made it too far. He turned on his heel to see what I needed and my heart panged in my chest at the hint of betrayal shining in his eyes.

My hand drifted down his wrist to lace my fingers with his and pull him into my side. “You can’t leave me alone with these sharks. It’s not very Prince-like of you,” I teased with a hopeful grin. 

A relieved smile spread across his face, showing his teeth and wrinkling around his eyes. Bright flashes from the cameras pointed at us blinded me as he left a lingering kiss on my forehead. His pleased hum vibrated through my skull. The tension left his body with heavy exhale of relief. “Please excuse my poor manners. It will not happen again.” He brushed another kiss on the back of my hand before straightening up to face the screaming paparazzi head-on. 

“-you two together or-” 

“-side of what happened last-” 

“-she a good la-” 

“-Tony not good enough so you had to move up-” 

“-with an Asgardian Prince like?” 

“-do we know this isn’t just another trick-” 

Loki’s head tilted slightly to the side as he fought to catch each sleazy and lowball question. With a quick wave at the yelling silhouettes behind the flashing cameras, I tugged him along the walkway. Now wasn’t the time to give them any attention that wasn’t necessary, and I told him so. 

“A number of those questions were out of line,” he muttered, shooting a glare back in their direction while I guided him inside of the building. 

“They want to get a rise out of us; it sells their shitty magazines. Don’t stoop to their level,” I replied, leading him down the cordoned-off pathway. My sure steps ground to a halt just outside of the hall where the gala was actually taking place. A lead ball had fallen into my stomach and my heart thundered in my chest. 

Loki took in my anxious face and pulled me off to the side, allowing the small crowd of people we had been blocking to continue inside unhindered. He stooped down until all I could see was his face. “Do not tell me that you are afraid to go into that room filled with harmless mortals?” 

I laughed weakly. “I’m not afraid of the other _mortals_. I just don’t want to go in there, big difference.” 

He rolled his eyes at my bluff. He straightened up and pressed his hands over the front of my shoulders so that I dropped them back to mirror his impeccable posture. Before taking my hand once again, he nudged my chin upwards with his calloused fingers. “If they will not give you the respect that you deserve, _take it_ from them. Show them the fierce woman that I know you to be.” 

Bolstered by his confident assurances, I followed him into the crowded room. I fixated on his thumb rubbing against the thin skin of my knuckles. I forced myself to _not_ focus on the hush that fell over the space as soon as we entered or the eyes that watched our every move as we made our way over to the bar. I didn’t pay attention to the hushed utterances of our names as I downed a glass of red wine and then clutched onto my second. I was one-hundred percent not paying attention to them at all. 

_Right._

The only saving grace, besides Loki’s continued quiet presence at my side, turned out to be his brother. We had managed to find an area along the wall where I could keep an eye on everyone and stay out of the way, hoping not to be bothered. Thor had other ideas, as he strolled over to us with a beaming smile and held out his hand to me.

“Right now you are both a terrifying sight, ghostly in black as you stare people down. Come, dance with me, my lady,” he offered, directing the words to me but his attention on Loki. 

“He has a point,” I conceded, also looking up to the imposing man at my side. He definitely had the tall, dark, and handsome thing going on, but in a much more menacing manner than the saying usually implied. 

To his credit, he extinguished the small flicker of doubt that reflected in his eyes down enough for him to nod at us both. “They do seem to have taken to you, brother. Go on, then.” 

Loki took my proffered half-full glass of wine and I stood on my toes to quickly kiss his cheek before I took Thor’s hand. He was determined to make our revelry known, as if all eyes weren’t on us anyway, by stationing us at the center of the dance floor. The live band hired for the event played a catchy, upbeat tune. Thor put one hand on my back, shockingly warm compared to Loki’s, and took my other hand, swinging us around to the beat. It was impossible not to give in to his infectious joy as he danced, looking more carefree than I’d seen him in ages. It took only a few turns and ridiculous dance moves from Thor before I was laughing so hard that my face ached. He wasn’t ever really that uptight around the Compound, but it wasn’t every day that the King of Asgard let loose so completely. 

After my dance with Thor was over, Tony smoothly cut in. He made sure to be respectable with his hand resting on the middle of my back, avoiding my scars, the other holding mine lightly. 

“Rock of Ages doesn’t look too happy over there,” he said, glancing behind me. 

I peeked over my shoulder to see Loki standing where I had left him, arms crossed as he carefully monitored us. The high arch of his brow dared Tony to try anything untoward. I turned back to Tony with a shake of my head. “He gets a little…” 

“Possessive? Jealous? Dramatic?” Tony offered with a smirk. 

“Concerned,” I supplied, silently agreeing with Tony’s offering. “I don’t mind it.” 

Loki couldn’t help it, though. Everything good in his life had been ripped from him, and while we hadn’t discussed it, I knew that Thor had reminded him of the grim fact that my days with him were numbered. The hazards of my position in the Avengers only added another layer of danger to my life. If I were him, if I had suffered as much as he had over those that he cared about, I’d keep me as close as possible, too. 

A tall black man dressed in a monochromatic black suit approached his, a wide smile that didn’t reach his eyes plastered on his face as he held out his hand for Tony to shake, which he accepted after releasing me. His eye--for he had an eyepatch covering the scarred socket of the other--only glanced at me before settling back on Tony. “Mr. Stark, so glad to have you come with the rest of your team! I haven’t been introduced to the newest member,” he said jovially, clapping Tony on the upper arm briefly before turning to fully face me. 

“Ah, of course. Nick Fury, this is Jennifer Thompson, my former assistant and newest member of the Avengers. Jen, Fury is the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the man that I’ve been speaking to about our current situation with Hydra.” Tony made the introductions politely, but the tightness around his mouth hinted at a tension that he couldn’t disclose in mixed company. 

“Pleasure to finally meet you.” His large hand grasped mine for a strong handshake just teetering on painful. 

I pulled it away as soon as possible, discreetly folding my hands together in front of me so as to deter any further physical interaction. “The pleasure is all mine, Director Fury.” 

“Would you care to dance?” he asked without a smile. The emotion behind his offer was completely opposite to Thor’s earlier. While the golden god had been jovial and bright when he offered, Fury leveled me with a calculating stare that did nothing to hide the evaluation he was bestowing upon me. 

I didn’t see how I had a choice in the matter. Not when it came to someone in a position to drastically help us or hurt us, as he saw fit. I plastered a smile on my face that didn’t reach my eyes and settled my hand into his. “Sure!” 

If nothing else, I was grateful that Fury followed Tony and Thor’s lead and placed his hand just beneath my ribs on the bare skin of my back, and that his rigid arm held us at a reasonable distance away from one another. All I had to do was get through this dance and then I was heading back to my partner so he could scare off any more threatening men who just felt _off_ in some odd way that I couldn’t pinpoint. 

“You have caused quite a ruckus, young lady,” he commented, looking down his nose at me as he led us in slow circles around the dance floor. 

“It wasn’t intentional,” I pointed out, doing my best to keep my voice calm and polite. It was working, so far. 

“We at S.H.I.E.L.D. have been very curious about what makes you so special that Hydra would want you so badly.” 

Exasperation creeped out of where I had poorly tucked it away, “If you ever find out, let me know.” 

He turned me out of his arms and then back into him again, pulling me close enough that our chests touched lightly with each breath. I stiffened, but without making a scene I was stuck until the dance was over. “It is odd, if I may say so, that you were just an assistant for Tony and now you’re a member of the Avengers.” 

My blood ran cold at the unspoken accusation beneath his words. “What exactly are you trying to say, Fury?” 

He dropped his hands from me and shoved them into his pockets with a shrug of his shoulders that didn’t match his icy tone. “Only that it is peculiar for a nobody such as yourself to be thrust into this world, join the Avengers, cosy up with a villain like Loki, and become a target for Hydra all in the span of less than a year.” 

I flexed my fingers by my side, and an empty champagne glass flew into my waiting hand without my consciously calling on it. His eye widened as he watched my fingers tighten around it before he smoothed a knowing smirk back onto his face. “Strike a nerve?” he asked, looking far too pleased with himself. 

“No,” I tilted my head to the side and stared up at him with barely-restrained anger, “but I could strike one of yours.” 

He leaned forward until I could feel his breath on my face, eyes flicking down to the glassware clenched in my fist. “Do it,” he challenged. “Prove to them that you’re the villain I know you are.” 

My blood boiled and I was highly cognizant of the power that coursed beneath my skin. He straightened up to fully tower over me with a pleased grin. I clenched my jaw, fighting against my desire to drag him into an abandoned room and make him regret this unsettling conversation when a hand wrapped around my waist and turned me away from Fury. 

I jerked my head up, ready to give whoever was holding me a piece of my mind when I realized it was Loki who was quickly leading me away. He brought me to a more crowded area of the dance floor, erasing the lingering feeling of Fury’s hand on my back with his own cool touch, his other pulling the glass from my hand to make it disappear before moving my now empty hand to perch upon his shoulder. Satisfied with how I was positioned, his hand ghosted up my back and the other curled around mine away from our bodies. “They’re watching every move you make,” he cautioned me softly, tracing his concerned gaze over my frowning face. 

He guided me around the room in a slow, elegant waltz. It was all I could do to keep up with his graceful movements without stepping on his toes. Thankfully he had enough experience to compensate for my lack of dancing experience. We had both proven our prowess at grinding on each other at the club, but here, he shined. Like this, he was regal, graceful, powerful as he commanded the floor. Warmth filled his eyes as he stared down at me with the barest hint of a kind smile. With his hand cupping my shoulder blade and the other holding mine firmly, I was swept away into the measured rise and fall of our bodies. Somehow, staring into his eyes, trusting him to lead me in the unfamiliar steps, breathing the same air as him in front of so many people, this felt more intimate than any dance we had shared amongst sweaty bodies and thumping bass. 

“And how is this any different than them watching me put Fury in his place?” I asked petulantly. 

He chuckled and shook his head lightly. “Because that will surely not convince them of your nauseatingly good-natured personality, which I need to use to further my positive reputation among those who wish to see me locked away in prison for all eternity.” 

I smacked his shoulder with a laugh. 

The mirth fell from his features. His eyes warmed once again with sincerity, and I would’ve sworn up and down that my heart skipped a beat. He spun me away from him fluidly, only to pull me back into his arms with a quick tug on my hand. When I twirled back against him he kept still. His free hand tucked a bit of hair that had fallen from my bun behind my ear, and it curled around the side of my neck to caress my jaw. “In all honesty, I was going mad watching you in the arms of other men. You are the most exquisite woman in attendance tonight. Your impeccable waltz with a dashing prince?” He bent down to leave a tender kiss on my parted lips. “Let _that_ be fodder for the pathetic press.” 

How was I supposed to respond to something like that? _Thank you for loving me so completely?_ My fingers rubbed at the smooth fabric of his tuxedo jacket, and after opening and closing my mouth several times hoping that a response would tumble out, all I could manage was, “My Loki.” 

Pride raised his chin minutely and the most breathtaking smile tugged on his lips. A pleasant glow flooded through my body and I knew that I had to look like some lovestruck fool beaming up at him, but I didn’t care. The answering adoration shining in his eyes was all that I needed. The clicks of cameras were barely audible over the live band as he gathered me back into his arms to resume the dance. 

The intensity of his words lingered in my mind, providing a welcome distraction from the unpleasant conversation with Fury, but not a lengthy one. At the song’s end, he brought us to a stop in the center of the now-deserted dance floor. He maintained eye contact with me as he brought my hand to his lips, brushing a delicate kiss there before bowing at his waist before me. _Was he for real?_ I lowered my chin to my chest in response, curtsying seemed a little too much, and when I lifted my head I caught Fury watching us from behind Loki’s shoulder. He stood out like a sore thumb--analytical and alarming-- among the rest of the crowd that had stopped their mingling and dancing to watch the spectacle of the newest Avengers sweeping across the floor. 

I squeezed Loki’s hand and closed the distance between us as another song began, opting for the more comfortable dancing position of high schoolers at prom everywhere, draping one arm around his neck and shifting back and forth on our feet. “I have a bad feeling about him.” 

“Did he threaten you?” he questioned darkly after he slowly turned us around to see who I had been referring to. 

“I don’t think so. I’m not sure,” I replied hesitantly, inching closer to him so that I could rest my forehead in the crook of his neck. I just wanted to soak up the comfort of his presence for a moment of peace, even if it was just a single moment. 

He shifted my hand to his chest so that he could place both of his on my back, stroking the scarred skin with his thumbs as he held me close. I tensed up at the contact on my sensitive marred flesh. He swept his hands up to cover the majority of the scars, his touch gentle but unyielding. “They are part of you. They show your strength.” 

“That’s what Nat said,” I muttered, lost in thought. I closed my eyes and willed the sway of our bodies and the beat of his heart to banish the crawling of my skin from the talk with Fury. Surely if Tony had been working with him to track down Hydra he couldn’t be all bad? Maybe he was like the rest of the onlookers and was trying to see what made me tick. He _was_ the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. and he would want to know more about me as such. He had to protect the people from any threats, and I wasn’t out of the woods on that front yet. Plus, my abilities were still not well known, and the public was itching for more information about me. 

They were already getting plenty of details on my relationship with Loki, if him rescuing me from that conversation, leading me in a stunning beautiful waltz, and cradling me close to his body as we swayed back and forth were any indication. He wasn’t known for public displays of affection; he had a reputation as a stone-cold badass to uphold. But Fury wouldn’t care about that, except for what it meant concerning Loki’s alleged redemption and my role in it. 

My train of thought was derailed when Loki stopped swaying and dug his fingertips into my skin roughly. I opened my eyes and craned my neck to look up at him. The rage and alarm that burned in his eyes as he stared at something behind me set my heart racing in my chest. 

“Go find Thor and stay with him,” he commanded, storming off quickly towards the exit. 

I was never one to follow directions to the letter. I looked around the room, spotting the big muscled man talking to someone pleasantly and holding a beer. Not wanting to waste time closing the distance between us I reached out, curling my fingers toward me so that the beer left his hand and flew into mine, dodging people and sloshing a bit of the fizzy liquid onto the floor on the way. He looked up in alarm and traced its path to see me watching him urgently. I set the drink on the tray of a passing waiter and jerked my head in the direction that Loki had gone before walking as quickly as I could after him. Best not to make a scene, even if we were stealing the limelight for most of the evening. 

Thor caught up with me before I’d even reached the exit. “What is wrong?” 

I didn’t slow down. If he wanted to have this conversation he was going to have to speed walk and talk with me. I only barely caught sight of the heel of Loki’s shoe as he turned the corner. _Damn, he’s fast._ “Loki told me to find you and stay with you. So that’s what I’m doing.” 

“I do not believe this is what he had in mind,” he reasoned. His hand encircled my wrist to stop me from rushing after Loki. 

I whirled around to face him. “Whatever he is chasing is obviously dangerous if he wants to keep me away from it. Now, do you want to leave him to face it alone or do you want to come with me to see what it is? I will go through you to get to him if I have to,” I threatened, flexing my hands just enough so that the metal supports around the windows behind us creaked in response. He may be almost a foot taller than me, a god with the power to smite me down where I stood, and a man I was beginning to call a friend once again, but I would fight him tooth and nail to get outside to stand by Loki’s side in whatever he had gone off to confront. “I’m not leaving him.” 

Indecision warred on his face, his blue eye flicking between me and the exit to the building several times. The choice was made for him, however, when a great roar followed by a flash of green light came from outside, lighting up the large room through the windows. 

“Loki!” he bellowed, sprinting outside. 

I did my best to follow, but my legs were restricted by my long, tight dress. Frustrated, I snagged a glass from a woman as she walked by and smashed it on the floor. I used one of the shards to cut a slit on both sides of the dress, ignoring the cuts it left on my hand as I ripped at the slits until they reached my knees. 

_It was such a pretty dress, too._

_Not what’s important right now. Focus, idiot._

Now free to move, I bolted outside, my eyes straining to find Loki. I barely heard Tony fly up behind me; the jets of his suit were a mere whisper against the blood rushing in my ears as I searched the darkness. 

_There._ He was kneeling over the body of a man, his leathers covered in blood and growing dirtier with each powerful blow of his fist that he slammed into the man’s face. Thor was at his side in an instant, wrapping an arm around him and tossing him off and away from the man. He put his arms around Loki’s chest when he lurched to his feet to go back to his brutal task. 

“Unhand me, brother!” 

Trusting Thor to keep Loki contained, I ran over to the still figure on the ground, falling to my knees by his side. His face was an unrecognizable mess of blood and tissue that made me gag. I was forced to look away to compose myself. My watery eyes fell upon the cane the man held limply: thin, black, with the Hydra symbol along the side. A muffled groan came from the man below me, blood bubbling from his mouth as he tried to speak. 

_Kneeling on a cold concrete floor. Flashes of never-ending pain as a cane whipped across my back again and again. This man ordering my torture as he held it at his side._

_Malfoy._

I snatched the cane from his slack hand, bringing it behind me and then bringing it down against the side of his head with it with all of my might. A feral cry between a sob and a scream tore through my painted lips. The sickening sound of wood meeting pulverized flesh would forever haunt me. But it wasn’t enough. I snapped the cane in half over my thigh, and with another agonized cry, shoved both jagged ends into his chest. 

I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt warm arms wrap around me. A tiny part of my brain told me not to attack Thor as he pulled me away from the grisly scene. Loki stood in front of me, wiping away my tears with his thumbs as he cradled my face in tender blood-stained hands. 

“It’s over, love. It’s over,” he soothed, gently drawing me away from Thor to cradle my head against his chest. The blood on his leather armor seeped into my thin dress and raised goosebumps on my skin in conjunction with his cool touch, but I didn’t want to pull away. His presence was a balm on the overwhelming emotions swirling within me. 

“Guys, now’s not the time,” Tony warned, landing heavily next to us. I looked up from where I had been staring blankly at Loki’s chest to take in the gathering crowd of people watching us with horrified expressions. Even worse were the photographers pushing their way through as they did their best to get a picture of the dead man and his murderers. 

_Shit._

“Can you conceal this?” I questioned quietly, leaving his arms to stand in between the crowd and the corpse behind me. As if that was going to help anything. 

“They have already seen it,” he answered, staring down the throng coming closer with a wary expression in his eyes. 

“You two get her out of here,” Tony instructed, flying forward to stop the incoming crowd before it could get any closer. 

Out of the corner of my eye I caught the rest of the gala guests spilling out of the building, including the rest of the Avengers. Oncoming sirens sounded through the roar of the shocked crowd as news of what we had done traveled through them. I stayed silent as I fought to remain present. Even when forced to face the reality of having killed a man in cold blood, it was a better alternative than to descend into painful memories that Malfoy’s reappearance attempted to trigger.

_Loki’s right. It’s over._

White-hot fire tore across my bicep. My shocked cry pierced my ears and the world moved in slow motion as my heart rate kicked up a notch in my chest. I looked down to see blood pouring down my arm, staining my alabaster skin red beneath the black lace. Arms wrapped around me, cushioning my head against wet leather as we tumbled to the frigid ground. Screams and gunshots sounded into the night. I tilted my head to see who had pushed me down, only to meet Loki’s narrowed eyes with my own.

The pulsing pain in my arm brought me back to reality, and Loki knelt over me, daggers materializing in his hands as he quickly took in the chaotic situation. Bullets whizzed passed us; the few that hit their mark bounced off of his armor uselessly. He needed protection. My searching eyes landed on the marble facade of the museum. It was difficult sprawled on the ground, but I grunted and arched my back with the effort of ripping a piece of thick stone from the wall, following the natural fissures of the rock to lessen the strain on my powers. I directed it in front of the largest concentration of civilians to deter any wayward bullets as they fled the scene. My flexed arm held it in place while I traced the bullets back to their source, barely able to make out dozens of men coming toward us from the shadows, the Hydra symbol barely visible on their bullet-proof vests.

“For fuck’s sake!” I yelled, getting to my knees beside Loki. It wouldn’t do to try to fight this fight prone beneath him. 

“Get the civilians out of here!” Steve yelled, jumping into the fray.

After that, I was forced to focus on myself as another bullet lodged itself in the meat of my thigh. I let out a shriek of pain, pulling the marble previously used as a shield for long-gone bystanders over to protect myself and Loki. Peering from behind it, I could make out even more Hydra men approaching; the glint of their weapons caught the incoming blue and red emergency lights. 

With a low groan, I strained all of the muscles in my body and ripped a deep hole in the earth beneath a small group of men advancing on Wanda and Vision. I didn’t watch as they fell into it, moving onto the next batch, but I heard their screams suddenly cut off as I closed the hole back up. 

They wouldn’t be shooting at me or anyone I loved anymore. 

Nat shouted out somewhere behind me, and I could only hope that she was okay as a man charged me from the darkness to my left. A green-lit dagger pierced his chest courtesy of Loki who was standing to my right. There was no time to thank him as several men ambushed us at once. 

Loki’s savage grunts sounded in my ears as he went to work dispatching two men at the same time, the whirl of his cloak moving quickly in the night. I reacted on instinct to the first man who charged me, reaching out and clutching his gun in my bleeding fist just as it fired. I barely registered the burn it left on my hand and the bullet that barely missed my ear as I willed the metal to distort and meld together beneath my touch. I used the now-useless hunk of metal to hit the man in the temple, knocking him out cold. 

My brain shut down and I became a machine. Each punch, kick, and use of my powers was done without thought. I sent men falling into deep chasms that I ripped into the ground, crushed them beneath broken hunks of marble, and pinned them beneath thick tree roots under my command and twisted bits of metal rent from police cars and nearby benches. The scent of iron filled my flared nostrils and screams of pain and gunshots rang in my ears. Each flare of agony throughout my body was ignored because if I gave any of it even a second of my attention, it could very well be the very last thought I had. 

Above it all, I picked up on the piercing wail of a child. I searched for the cause frantically. _There!_ Passed Wanda, who was throwing a man away from her in a wave of red light, was a little boy, crying as he huddled behind a bush. Casting one glance around to pinpoint where the majority of the Hydra agents were, I sprinted away, my hands twisting in the air as I willed the bush to grow and wrap around him. Seconds felt like an eternity until I was sliding to the ground before him, tearing up my knees and shins on small rocks and twigs. The branches parted for my grasping hands so I could pull the boy ensconced within free. He hung onto me desperately, burying his face in my neck as he sobbed. I curled my torso around his as best I could, remaining crouched as I pressed my back into the building and looked around for whoever he belonged to. 

“It’s okay. You’re safe, just close your eyes. You’re safe with me,” I chanted into his ear, my hands protecting his head and supporting his bottom. 

Finally, I spotted a frantic man shouting around the edge of the building. Nobody without a severe hero complex would risk such danger unless they had a damn good reason. Taking a chance that my instincts were right, I ran along the edge of the wall until I got to him. 

He ripped the tiny child from my arms to hold him to his chest. “Timmy! Thank goodness!” he sobbed, meeting my eyes in a quick show of gratitude before dashing off into the night. 

That issue resolved, I needed to find Loki. I scoured the battlefield lit up in a constant strobe of blue and red emergency lights, and white lightning for my dashing god in black and green. When I finally found him, battling gracefully against two men, it was just in time to watch a third man dash up behind him. 

He drew a large knife from his thigh, quickly reached around Loki, and impaled it into his stomach. 

Loki ripped the knife from his body and shoved it into the neck of the man in front of him with a feral snarl, letting loose a torrent of blood from them both. And then he fell to his knees, one hand clutching at the hole in his abdomen while the other threw the remaining two men back with a burst of green light. 

I barely registered that the anguished scream that echoed throughout the night came from my own raw throat. My arms shot out to my sides, sending a shockwave through the ground that expanded out from me in a fast-moving circle. It knocked down all who were still standing as it reached them. When the wave came to Loki I threw my hand out, using its momentum to rip the ground beneath his knees away from the rest of the soil and hover in the air. I pulled my arms into my chest, sending the circle of thick soil--and the man on top of it--soaring to my side. My hands rose above my head and a wall of dirt as high as my waist shot up around us, shielding us from harm. 

Loki struggled to stand, but he was too weak and fell back against the dirt wall with a pained cough. He trembled as he fought against blood loss and pain. “It seems… that I-I am injured,” he said, trying to smile but failing as his lips twisted to release a shaky gasp. 

I dropped to my knees at his side, gathering his hands and holding them over his wound. _Were they always this cold or had he already lost too much blood?_

“You’re okay, you’re okay. It’s fine, you’re okay,” I stammered, tears thick in my throat and clouding my vision as my hands pressed against his to try to stem the bleeding. 

“Battle suits you, l-litte one,” he choked out, a drop of blood spilling out of his mouth to roll down his chin. “What a shame-” 

“Nope, cut that shit out. I’ve got you. I’m not allowing you to die, remember? Just hold your annoying ass on,” I commanded, refusing to let him say anything that even remotely resembled a goodbye. He wasn’t dying. I wouldn’t let him. He could stop bullets and one blade was what finally got to him? Unacceptable. 

I fought the fear clawing at my chest, standing up from behind my barricade. I allowed myself one last moment of weakness to glance at Loki slumped against the barrier, breathing shallowly with his eyes closed, his brow furrowed. 

Anger unlike anything I'd ever known slammed into me, setting fire to my blood and causing an electric green light to glow in my eyes and over my clenched bloodied fists. 

It was easy enough to summon a jagged piece of metal from a broken street sign. Easier still to send that makeshift dagger through the neck of the nearest man. And then the one nearest to him. And again and again. I moved in an intricate dance above Loki until the only men left were fighting my fellow Avengers. Once I helped dispose of the last man Thor had been fighting--conductive metal plus lightning does quite a bit of damage--I screamed his name into the night, bringing the God of Thunder running to my side. 

“No. No-no-no-no,” Thor cried, sliding one hand behind Loki’s neck and placing the other hand over his, applying pressure to the large wound in his midsection. 

With one last burst of energy, I knocked down the wall of dirt that I had constructed so that the others could easily see us. Tears slid down my dirty and bloody face and sobs tore at my throat as I knelt back down beside Thor who was clutching Loki to his chest. My right hand tangled in his raven hair and my left pressed over Thor’s in what felt like a futile gesture. 

I couldn’t breathe. 

I couldn’t move. 

I couldn’t do anything besides stare down at the ashen face of my love. 

_Please, please, not him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry.
> 
> Today is Fanfiction Writers' Appreciation Day, but I can honestly say that I feel so appreciative of you all for consuming my work. My heart is so happy with every bit of feedback that y'all give me, whether it be kudo, bookmark, sub, or comment. It makes all the difference in the world to know that even just a handful of you are interested in this story.


	20. Please, please, don't leave me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Description of injuries, blood, language, brief mention of attempted suicide and torture, talk of murder.
> 
> Thank you so much for being patient with me for this update. I know it was really rude of me to leave it on a cliff hanger and then not update for several days, and I am terribly sorry about that. I let my followers on Tumblr know that I am currently going through a bit of a rough stint with my health (hence the Spoonie in my title), but I don't really have a way to update those following me on here. Rest assured that I will not abandon this fic, and even if sporadic, the next chapter will always come until this story is finished.

_In. Out. In. Out._

I willed him to keep breathing with me. It was as if my fervent thoughts were the only thing keeping him alive. I didn’t know what I would do if he stopped.

His eyes remained closed, clenched tight in agony, but I selfishly hoped that that distressed expression remained on his face. It meant he was holding on, fighting, and that’s all I could ask of him until we could figure out what could be done. My brain couldn’t even begin to grasp what to do next, it had gone frustratingly blank, but someone would have an idea. They _had_ to.

_Right?_

The sound of boosters winding down filtered through the haze of shock that had settled over my senses. I lifted my glittering eyes to Tony after he dropped a heavy metal hand in between my bare shoulder blades and Thor’s shoulder. The metal was shockingly warm from his use of the repulsor only moments ago. The visor of his helmet had retracted into the suit so I could see the apprehension lining his face.

“He’s gonna be okay, kid. The ambulance will get him back to the Compound. A doctor will be there waiting to get him patched up. Thor, I need you in the first car with me so we can call and tell the docs what we can and can’t do for him, since you guys aren’t human. But to do all of that, you have to let him go,” he said, voice-controlled and patient as he looked back and forth between the two of us kneeling protectively over Loki.

But Thor and Loki weren’t the same. Loki was a Frost Giant. Even if he looked Æsir, he was anything but. They couldn’t give him our blood. Would a needle be able to pierce his durable skin for stitches? What if it couldn’t? What _could_ they do for him? I didn’t know the answer to any of the questions that seemed vitally important.

Two sets of hands clamped down on my upper arms, roughly pulling me away as the EMTs approached with a stretcher. The harsh action reignited the dull throb in my bicep to a searing heat as one hand squeezed down on the fresh bullet wound. I ignored it and threw my weight against their tight grip, kicking and snarling. When my struggling did nothing, I directed my flexed fingers at the ground. All of my frantic energy pulsing beneath my skin poured into the soft earth, lifting roots from deep underground to wrap around my ankles and hold me in place The hands released me like my skin was aflame when I let out a cry of pain; it felt like my ankles were being ripped from their sockets, and I fell onto my back when I was suddenly free. I scrambled to my feet, stepping out of the roots that sank back into the ground, and rushed back to Loki to hover over him once more. 

My narrowed eyes settled on Tony since he seemed to be the one taking charge of the situation. “I am _not_ leaving him.”

Nat walked quickly out of the shadows and lowered herself down next to me. She frowned at the dreadful state of the injured god before bringing her attention back to me. Her hand brushed off a bit of debris that had cemented themselves into scrapes on my forehead, making me wince. “You have to let them take him back to the Compound. He can’t stay here. If he stays here, he _will_ die. At least he’ll have a chance at home.”

 _Die?_ I glanced down at Loki’s wan face. I couldn’t imagine this being the last I saw of him. Would this be my final memory of him? It couldn’t be. I wouldn’t allow it, not after knowing the beauty of his smile. I kept my eyes on him and nodded. Nat took my hand and pulled me to my feet, and Thor stood along with us. Wanda walked up to the other side of Tony and lifted Loki onto the waiting stretcher gently with the assistance of her magic. My hand sought out Thor’s as we walked just a step behind Loki’s unconscious form, seeking comfort in the only other person who could even begin to feel the anguish that pulled constant silent tears down my face.

Tony came out from behind us to stand by the open doors of the ambulance, his hands raised to halt our progress. “Neither of you will fit in the ambulance, especially not you, Thor. We’ll follow right behind him in our cars. That’s the best I can do.”

Thor looked torn as he shifted his gaze to me, trusting in my knowledge of this world.

I hesitated. Every bit of me yearned to chase after the ruined body of the god that I loved and cram myself into that ambulance, but I also knew that they would need all the space they could get to keep him stable until we arrived at the Compound. It felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest and now rested in Loki’s pale, cold hands. 

And I had no choice but to watch him leave with it.

“We stay on that ambulance’s tail, or it’s your ass, Stark,” I threatened, poking him hard in his metal chest for full effect. It hurt my finger a little, but it was worth it.

Tony nodded, mouth set in a grim line. “Everybody load up!”

Thor ran off toward where the vehicles were idling in front of the museum. The rest of the team had slowly gathered around us as the scene had unfolded, and at Tony’s shouted command, they dispersed. I hobbled after them as quickly as I could, but the adrenaline had begun to wear off and the bullet that had lodged itself into my thigh sent surges of sharp agony through my frayed nerves with each jarring step. I powered through and climbed into a waiting SUV behind Tony, glancing around to see Thor, Sam, and Nat already buckling themselves in. Pepper was behind the wheel, and she slammed her foot down the gas pedal as the ambulance turned on it’s flashing lights and sped off ahead of us.

With the numbing adrenaline fully out of my system, I was aware of every bruise and scrape tarnishing my skin. Nat had ended up buckled in next to me, and she used a knife--where she found it I wasn’t sure--to cut off strips of my already ruined dress, tying them tightly around my bicep and thigh as makeshift tourniquets. I gritted my teeth against the necessary field dressings. The siren of the ambulance we followed was so loud that I couldn’t make out most of what Tony and Thor were talking about in the front, but I was too frazzled to worry about that much anyway. My mind was otherwise occupied with racing, disjointed thoughts.

Loki was a god. Gods didn’t die, that’s why they were gods. But gods _could_ die. Odin and Frigga had died. Frigga was assassinated by a stabbing herself. I had watched bullets bounce off of him like they were made of rubber. Surely a lone puncture wound wouldn’t kill him, right? He _had_ lost a lot of blood, though. But the blade hadn’t been that long. I’d never seen him shake like that. He didn’t deserve to die. Not when he might not know how loved he was in this world. I was supposed to stay by his side to protect him. We were a team! I had failed him. I had _failed._

_I failed him._

An eternity later, we followed the screaming ambulance as it pulled into the Compound. A man in a white coat and another in scrubs were waiting for us next to a rolling metal table at the entrance. We screeched to a stop a few car lengths away from the ambulance, giving it a wide berth so they could get the stretcher out easily. I pushed the door open before the car was turned off, vaguely aware of Thor doing the same as we ran around to look for Loki.

All color seemed to have drained out of pale face during the ride. I couldn’t even see his chest moving for the flurry of activity of the doctors and paramedics, but the urgency in the men transferring him from the ambulance gurney to the metal table had to mean that he was still alive. They wouldn’t be so rushed if he was already dead, right?

Thor stayed at my side as we followed the duo of doctors rolling the gurney inside and down a series of hallways into the infirmary. When we tried to go into the room that they wheeled him into, Tony, Steve, and Nat both pulled us back from the shut doors before stationing themselves in the way.

“Nat, move. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will,” I growled out, head lowered and feet spread apart so I could retain my balance as I faced off against her. The powerful stance shot fire through my injured leg, but I wasn’t about to back down because of a bit of pain when it came to Loki.

Thor took a similar pose next to me. Bloodied and covered in dirt, he was even more imposing than usual, the grime giving credence to his ability to handle himself in a fight. “There is ample space in that room for us.”

Tony, still in his suit but sans helmet, crossed his arms over his chest and pinned me down with a warning glare. “If you and Thor go in there, they won’t be able to get any work done. They need space, but they also need peace and calm to be able to focus. Do you look calm right now, kid?”

With my fists clenched at my sides, tattered dress covered in multiple people’s blood, and desperation shining in my eyes, I knew that I was anything but a steady presence. I couldn’t live with myself I was a distraction to them and that caused Loki more harm. Thor and I hazarded a quick look at each other, and the tension blew out of him with his heavy sigh that puffed out his cheeks.

“We will remain right here,” he vowed with a nod of his head. He dropped down into a metal chair that groaned beneath his weight and tilted his head back against the wall to close his eye.

“You need medical attention.”

Steve’s gruff voice brought my attention back to the slowly bleeding wounds beneath the tourniquets on my arm and thigh, the blistered burn on the palm of my left hand, and the untold number of cuts and scrapes dotting my body that my thin dress had done little to protect against. I sank heavily into the chair next to Thor and my head fell to my chest with a tired sigh. Thor’s large hand lay open on his knee, and I placed my much smaller palm over his and laced our fingers together. His hand overwhelmed mine with its size and warmth, and I drank in the strength it offered like a drug. Somehow, during this ordeal, my doubt of his intentions surrounding me had vanished away. 

Maybe that’s what happened when two people are faced with the possibility of losing the most important person in their lives.

Steve stayed posted in front of the doors. He, too, looked fearsome in his dirtied Captain America suit, his blue eyes piercing as he watched Thor and I wait anxiously for any news from the doctors inside. Nat returned some time later, showered and fixed up with a bandage wrapped around her forearm. She kicked two chairs in front of me, plopping down on one and scattering a selection of bandages, gauzes, cleaning solutions, and other medical tools onto the other.

“Pain meds?” she asked, face blank excluding one raised brow as she held out the syringe and the bottle of morphine to me. It was considerate of her to ask, to show me the tools so that I could see what she was doing and know without a doubt what was in the syringe.

I nodded my consent with one caveat, “Just enough to take the edge off.” There _was_ a bullet in my thigh, and I didn’t want to pass out like I had in the past. I needed to be awake for when they finished with him.

She pulled a small amount of morphine into the chamber and plunged the needle into my leg. The cold fluid automatically took me back to a cold, dark room filled with electricity and painful consequences. I shoved the mental image away with a shake of my head. Nothing was going to pull my focus from the present moment, not even _that_.

But as Nat began to work at stitching up the wounds, a combination of fatigue, drugs, and worry pulled at me until it felt like I was disconnected from my body, watching instead of feeling as she furthered the tears along the sides of my dress so she could move the fabric to get at my thigh. Expertly, she pried the bullet from my thigh and stitched up the wound left behind. It was easier to just tear away the lace sleeve of my dress for her to have enough room to stitch up the graze on my bicep. My blistered hand was left to the open air after it was smothered in burn cream.

Thor turned down any medical attention, but it didn’t look like he had any serious damage that would need any extra help.

The chair was covered in bloody rags and plastic wrappers by the time she finished tending to me. I could only meet her eyes and nod in silent gratitude before she left; I couldn’t think of anything to say. My brain was still firmly focused on Loki, unconscious and bleeding and alive, just on the other side of the wall at my back.

What I wouldn’t give to have our situations reversed, to take his pain away and shoulder it for him instead. Without that as a real possibility, my fears swirled into more terrible thoughts by the second. Would I feel the cool caress of his calloused fingertips on my skin again? Would I ever see the warm, sleepy smile that he had just for me when we woke in the mornings? I couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t hear the pleasing velvet of his voice sounding out my name again. It wasn’t possible. I would track down whoever I needed to drag his soul out of Valhalla if it came to that.

I clung masochistically to the fiery twinge that broke through the grips of the pain medication as I limped back and forth in front of the doors. My repetitive steps pulled on the stitches of my thigh, but I relished the discomfort. It kept me awake, and awake meant alive. I chewed on my bottom lip as I finally came to a stop against the opposite wall.

It had been too long. What had gone wrong? Surely by now they’d be finished with him. There had been too much damage. They didn’t want him to live because of his past and they were just letting him bleed out instead. They were killing him.

Just as I was about to barge into the room, permission be damned, the same man who had taken Loki opened the metal doors that had quickly become my obsession. His white coat and scrubs were dark red with the Loki’s blood; the table he pulled behind him also told the tale of the gory scene we had been denied access to. I pushed passed him and the doctor behind him to burst into the room, seeking out Loki.

My heart lodged itself firmly in my throat as I watched him, waiting for his bare chest to rise with his breath. My knees threatened to buckle with relief when I got my wish. Even shallow, it was there, and that was enough. I couldn’t bridge the distance between us, though, suddenly afraid to touch him. I hadn’t expected him to look so _fragile_.

The doctor’s tired voice came from over my shoulder. “His skin is so tough that he kept dulling the needles. It took a bit longer than we’d have liked, but we managed to stitch him up. We couldn’t give him any blood, but he does have a saline drip going. The rest is up to him.”

Thor barrelled around us and pulled two chairs up to the bed, one on either side. He plopped down onto the chair at Loki’s left, staring at his brother’s sleeping face. Seeing Thor so close reignited my own need to be with Loki, overpowering my odd fear of hurting him with just a touch, and it wasn’t even a second later before I fell into the open chair at his right.

This close, he looked both so much worse and so much better than I had anticipated. My uninjured hand came on top of his of its own accord. I had to remind myself that he was a Frost Giant, that he was always cold, and it wasn’t because he was dying. The crease between his eyebrows had smoothed out, and if it weren’t for the sterile setting and bandages I could see around his middle, he could have been in our bed, sleeping peacefully.

But there were dark shadows beneath his eyes, and his breathing wasn’t as deep as that of sleep. I had to be mindful of the IV coming out of his wrist as I skated my hand up the length of his arm, stroking the soft skin reverently. My eyes followed the slow movements of my hand, almost hypnotized by the repetitive pattern and speed.

“Will he survive this?” I breathed, afraid of the answer but I needed to voice the question plaguing my mind.

“Were we on Asgard, he would handily. But it is no more, and I do not possess the tools necessary to aid him in his healing,” he said quietly, his rich voice full of despair. “But, my brother is strong. If anyone can survive such an injury, it is he.”

“I’m sorry that you lost Asgard. I can’t imagine how I’d handle it if Earth just…” I searched for the right word, sucking my bottom lip in between my teeth. After a few quiet moments, I gave up. I lifted Loki’s limp hand to my lips and just held it there, memorizing the feeling of his skin against mine--a sensation I would never take for granted again. My tired eyes drifted up to his colorless face. “He’s so pale.”

Thor’s chair groaned as he shifted his weight to rest his forearms on the bed. “I was concerned he would look differently.”

“Hmm?” The curious sound vibrated my lips against his hand, tickling the sensitive, chapped skin.

Thor’s gaze flitted between Loki and me quickly before settling on his hands as he rubbed them together anxiously. “Oh, I was simply expecting him to look…”

I narrowed my eyes and lowered our joined hands from my mouth back to the soft sheets beneath him. “Like a Frost Giant.”

He straightened from his slouched position. “He spoke of his true heritage to you?”

“Of course,” I replied indignantly.

“And you _still_ love him?”

A muscle fluttered in my cheek from my clenched jaw. I tightened my fingers into the stiff, blood-stained fabric over my knee. “Of course I do. He’s the _man_ I love. Not a creature, not a god, not Æsir of Jötunn. He’s just Loki.”

“But surely you know of the Frost Giants. How-”

I cut off what was surely going to some horrible judgment before it could begin, bristling at his inference that I wouldn’t love him because of such a stupid reason. My blood boiled and my powers rushed through my veins. I worked to speak in as much of a measured tone as I could. “He is your brother. He is Odin and Frigga’s son, although I’d rather that Odin hadn’t been part of the picture at all, to be honest.”

“Do not speak of Odin in that manner.” It was a threat, delivered with a low rumbling voice that had never been directed at me before. Anger tightened the lines around his eyes and throbbed in the visible veins of his neck.

I refused to back down. I rose to my feet instead, ignoring the trembling of my legs against the foolish demonstrative stance. I wasn’t afraid of him, even if he could easily wipe me off the face of the Earth. Loki was too important for me to be afraid. “To you, he may have been a great leader, a great father, but take a look at it through his eyes.” I ticked off each point on my fingers as I made them, “Stolen as a baby to be used for political gain, told his entire life that his true self was a _monster_ to be despised, lied to about his identity, locked away for what was meant to be an eternity, cast aside and ostracized by basically everybody but your mother, belittled when he wasn’t ignored, shouted at and demeaned in public. He fought tooth and nail for acceptance and love and to get out of the shadow of his family and it was never freely given.”

I combed a trembling hand through my disgusting hair, having to pull it out halfway through because it was so tangled. “He has _every_ right and reason to be the way he is, to not trust anyone, to act in his own interests. Just as you are the way you are, so is he.”

He crossed his massive arms over his burly chest as he leaned back in the chair, head tilted to the side and lips pursed into a thin line. It was a pose very similar to one Loki frequented, but I’d never tell him that. “And how am I?”

Maybe I shouldn’t have opened this can of worms, but it was too late to take it back. I leaned into my judgemental anger. “Quick to action, sometimes without thinking it through. A little more motivated to fight your way out of situations than think them through. More confident, loud, outgoing. You were raised to be King of Asgard, and you act like it. Like you know your place in the world and take it for granted. You know the effect you have on people, making them trust you, and in some cases, become attracted to you. You revel in it. Because you have never had to doubt your place in the world, except for when your father banished you. But that was only temporary. You never questioned the love that Odin or Frigga had for you, not really. You always trusted that what you did was right.”

I braced myself against the bed, arms straight as I leaned forward over Loki to pin him down with the full intensity of my barely-contained fury and disappointment. “But you aren’t always right, just as he isn’t, just as I’m sure as hell not. Shit like what you did to him on Sakaar? That’s not okay. He could’ve died, been _killed_ actually, and you just left him there, helpless. I know that he’s betrayed you, but so have you to him, every time you let your glorious four talk down to him, the entire time you allowed him to be locked up in those dungeons without even visiting him, when you ignored the obvious signs that he wasn’t okay, when you refused time and time again to even try to see his side of things.”

A cruel, low laugh devoid of humor escaped from somewhere deep within me. “He tries so. damn. hard. He carries around all this crap that Odin dumped on him, the trauma of being tortured for a year after he tried to commit suicide, and I-”

I stopped my own rant, lowering my head to stare down at Loki’s handsome face, forcing myself to take deep, calming breaths. He wouldn’t want me to lean into Thor like this, even after all they’ve done to each other. My hand skirted up his side, over his ribs, to come to rest on his chest. His heart thudded out, strong and steady, no faster or slower than it was when he normally slept. It brought me more peace than I thought it would. “He can’t acknowledge any of it. He tells me these stories of Asgard when he thinks that I’m asleep, or near enough to it that I won’t remember. But I do, because it’s heartbreaking and it obviously hurts him and I can’t… I can’t _fix_ it. I can’t do it on my own; I don’t have enough time. I know that you’ve talked to him about my dying, about how short my life is compared to yours, and-” I swallowed around the lump forming in my throat, “he’s going to need someone there for him when it happens. I’d feel a lot better if you at least tried to be there for him, to help him and _listen_ to him, after I’m gone. He can’t go it alone, even though he thinks otherwise. He loves you. I know he doesn’t really show it, but he does. He just wants to be your brother.”

Thor watched me silently for some time. I didn’t dare look up to him to see what effect my unplanned speech had on him. So it took me by surprise when Thor rose from his chair, swiftly closed the short distance between us, and enclosed me in the warmth of his embrace. I stiffened at first, unused to such affection from him after so many months of pushing him away, but when he didn’t let up, my body slowly relaxed. My hands even reached out to pat him on his broad, muscled back. He tightened his arms quickly before standing back to hold me at arm’s length so he could look down at me.

“Loki is most fortunate to have earned a love so complete from one so strong,” he stated quietly, a warm smile settling comfortably onto his tanned face. It fit better than the worry and anger he’d worn lately.

“Thor, Brunnhilde has called your phone several times. She says it’s urgent,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. said, her voice breaking through the platonic intimacy of the moment.

Thor darted his gaze back and forth between me to his brother, the need to stay by his side while also answering the call from his Valkyrie clearly dueling in his mind.

“I’m not leaving him,” I vowed, reaching my hand up to squeeze his hand reassuringly before stepping away to press my bottom against the edge of the raised bed.

He groaned in exasperation as he backed away towards the doors. “You will alert me if anything changes?”

“Promise,” I promised with a steadfast nod, brows lowered and jaw set. “Thor?”

He stopped his retreat at my soft call.

“I don’t love you like I do Loki, but I could see myself becoming your annoying little sister who doesn’t let you get away with acting like an idiot. So be careful out there, okay?” I offered him the kind words with a good-natured shooing motion with my hands.

“I am entrusting you with his care and protection while I am absent.”

And then he was gone and I was left alone with my slumbering god.

Time passed differently in that brightly lit hospital room. It was measured in the shallow breaths that lifted his chest, the slow drying and cracking of sweat and blood on my skin, the fatigue that weighed down my eyelids and the gradual lightening of the world through the window as the sun rose for the new day. At some point in the night F.R.I.D.A.Y. let me know that Thor had to go to New Asgard to settle some dispute, but I hadn’t cared to look at the clock to check the time.

The sun had fully risen by the time Nat walked into the room, face serious and arms crossed over her stomach. She jerked her head towards the doors she had just passed through. “Go take a shower. I’ll take a shift.”

I shook my head stubbornly. The very thought of leaving him made my heart race in my chest. I lifted my weary, red-rimmed eyes to hers. “I can’t leave him.”

She plopped down in the chair Thor had been in earlier and pulled out her phone. “It’ll freak him out to see you like this when he wakes up. Go get cleaned up and at least grab a granola bar or something. If he finds out that you haven’t been taking care of yourself while he’s taking a snooze, you’ll never hear the end of it. And then I’ll never hear the end of it from you. So, go; I’ll watch Sleeping Beauty.”

I could kiss her for saying ‘when’ and not ‘if’. I hadn’t entertained the thought that he may not wake up since my talk with Thor, but the ball of dread in my stomach had lingered there just the same. He _would_ be pretty upset if he woke up to see me covered in blood and dirt, and probably a little disgusted. She knew just the buttons to push to get me moving. _Damn it._

“Have F.R.I.D.A.Y. let me know if anything changes, please.”

She didn’t look up from her phone as she nodded and grunted, “Sure thing.” I gratefully squeezed her shoulder on my way out, my legs tingling from sitting in one position at his side for so long. 

I had to admit that it felt heavenly to stand beneath the pounding showerhead and watch the water swirling at my feet slowly change from rusty brown to clear. Even the sting of the scalding water on my healing cuts and scrapes was welcome as it battled against the drowsiness that urged me to just lay down on the shower floor and take a quick nap. 

After the shower, I moved about on autopilot. It was the safest option to get me through what I needed to do and back up to his room. I threw on a pair of sweatpants and a matching hoodie that I stole from Loki’s side of the closet. They smelled like him and were luxuriously soft against my ravaged body. My hair was left to air-dry into a frizzy, wavy mess. Only the desire to watch over Loki was enough to keep me from crawling into the welcoming mussed bed. I snagged a bottled coffee that Nat liked to have around and a protein bar before heading back to the infirmary, waving them at Nat to prove that I was following orders.

“Any changes?” I asked, sinking down into my previously vacated chair and stuffing a bite of the bland bar into my mouth. _Cookies and cream, my ass._

“None. How are _you_ doing?” she asked, pocketing her phone and directing her pointed gaze at my leg. “Ruining my handiwork, I see.”

“Hm?” _Oops._ Small spots of blood seeped through the light fabric of my pants. “Well, I guess I ripped a stitch or two coming down here. But it doesn’t hurt too bad.” 

It wasn’t a lie. General unease, anxiety, and dread had blanketed my body, only adding to the throbbing ache of my actual injuries scattered over me. I was just one big wound, and pushing it to the back of my mind was the only way that I could cope with it. 

I called it compartmentalizing, and Nat called it: “Avoiding the issue again?”

I wolfed down the last of the bland bar, tossing the crumpled wrapper into a trash can by his bedside. “I’ll heal up. I’m not taking more morphine. It makes me sleepy.” I pressed, cutting my eyes to her before surveying Loki for any changes. “I need to check his bandages.”

She stood up in my peripheral vision and then began roaming around as I lifted myself out of the chair to perch on the side of his bed by his hips. Nat wheeled a tray covered with medical supplies in front of me. I looked up and found her watching me with sadness softening her eyes and a frown on her face. 

“If you need anything, you know where to find me, okay? Drink some water with that coffee,” she commanded, patting the table of supplies twice before leaving the room.

Alone with Loki, it was too quiet. The only sound in the sterile space came from me as I bustled about getting everything laid out to my liking. In my quick check of the room, as my hands worked at opening packages of sterile bandages, I noticed that he had a new bag of saline solution hooked up to him; Nat must have changed it. That was kind of her and somewhat unexpected. I didn’t know how she felt about him, but she had pushed us together, so she couldn’t think too terribly of him, right? No matter what happened, I was indebted to her for playing matchmaker. It was a debt I’d gladly pay, hopefully over many years with Loki grumbling at my side.

I pulled down the thin blanket covering him to get at the bandages wrapped around his middle. The blood that had seeped through the layers of gauze was dried and dark, hopefully signaling that he was already beginning to heal. Thanks to the remote attached to the bed I was able to leverage him into an upright position, but it would still take some maneuvering to get him situated so I could get my arms behind his back to rewrap the bandages. 

I thought the silence might drive me mad, my mind begged for distraction, so I decided to talk to him. Maybe he could hear me and it would help? It certainly helped me, and he wasn’t awake to complain about it.

“You sure are heavy for a thinner guy.” I shifted his shoulder over a pillow with a quiet grunt. “I mean, you do have muscles, I’m very aware of how ripped you are,” a blush bloomed on my pallid cheeks, “but still. This is probably going to hurt, so I guess I’m glad that you’re asleep for this part,” I rattled on, tossing the old bandages that I had carefully cut off of him away. 

The white square of gauze covering his stab wound was caked with dried blood, and I winced sympathetically as I slowly pulled it from his skin, knowing that it was tugging on the wound as well. Sure enough, after I had fully gotten it off, a small amount of blood pooled on the edge of the stitches. I took a second to admire the handiwork of the doctor as I dabbed at it gently with gauze covered in antiseptic solution. For having to change needles several times, it was good work. Clean stitches neatly spaced apart, which, if they left a scar, wouldn’t mar his skin too terribly.

“You did this for me before. That was the first time you showed that you weren’t some heartless asshole like I had thought you were. I never thought our roles would be reversed. You're a god who can’t even be pierced by bullets, and a knife from some guy catching you by surprise is what does you in?” I liberally applied some antibiotic ointment over and around the tear in his skin. “When I was in this same situation you told me that I wasn’t allowed to die. Well,” I swallowed the thick tears that strangled my voice, “I didn’t give you permission either. I know that you’re more of an _‘ask forgiveness rather than permission’_ kinda guy, except without asking for forgiveness, but I’m gonna need you to follow the rules just this once. Okay?” I attached fresh gauze to his taut stomach with a strip of medical tape before I wound new bandages around his lean torso to help secure and protect my work. “I think I overheard Tony saying in that car that he thinks that was the last of Hydra. So now that we don’t have to worry about that anymore, you need to get out of this bed and take me on a proper date that doesn’t end in people dying. How weird would that be?”

Once I was finished, my fingers caressed the smooth skin peeking out from the top of the bandages gently. The muscles, even in his sleep, rippled beneath my loving touch. I carefully pulled away the extra pillows that I had used to prop him up and piled them at the foot of his bed. It was impossible to resist pushing a stray hair off his forehead and my hand naturally fell to cup his chiseled jaw afterward. 

“Come back to me, okay? Please,” I whispered, unable to speak any louder for fear that I would give in to the tears that glittered in my hazel eyes. Crying wouldn’t make him wake up and it’d just give me a headache.

Even though he was a Frost Giant and probably didn’t even get cold, I still pulled the sheet up over his naked torso, tucking it around his shoulders. My aching body protested my twisted position on the edge of his bed, so I settled back down into the cushioned chair I had claimed earlier. An audible sigh of relief rushed out of me. I leaned forward, crossed my arms over themselves and rested them against the outside of his thigh. I would watch him for any changes from this position. I should really sit up and drink the bottled coffee that sat on the floor next to my chair, but that required too much movement. Besides, I wasn’t going to fall asleep this way; it was just more comfortable. That was my last thought before my eyelids fluttered closed and I dozed off.

~~~

Something startled me and I woke up with a gasp, lifting my forehead from where it had fallen onto his upper thigh. I grumbled incoherently, arching my back and stretching my arms over my head as my body made it known that sleeping in such an odd position for so long was not the best idea I’d ever had. Someone had turned off the overhead lights in the room at some point, leaving the room illuminated only by the fading sunlight and a small bedside lamp. I looked around the room with bleary eyes. A glass of ice water and a grilled cheese sat on the table beside me that had previously held medical supplies. When I reached out to grab the sandwich it was still warm. That must have been what woke me up.

“You’re welcome,” Tony commented sarcastically.

I didn’t bother to turn my head to address him. I was wiped, mentally and physically, and even that task seemed too arduous. He could come around the bed if he wanted to talk face to face. I took a bite and suppressed a pleased moan over the simple sandwich. I hadn’t eaten in way too long. I visually inspected Loki for changes as I chewed.

Did he have more color to his cheeks than he had earlier? It was hard to tell after staring at him for so long. His breathing had deepened, though, which I took as a sign that he was in less pain. His measured breaths more closely resembled those of the deep sleep that I listened to in the wee hours of the morning. Surely if he was getting worse, it'd be more obvious, right?  
Tony’s shoes clicked on the floor as he strolled around to stand across from me on the other side of Loki’s bed. He shoved his hands into his pockets with a sigh. “How’re you both doing?”

“Splendid,” I replied with a too wide, too-bright smile.

His dark eyes rolled in his head before settling back on me, his brows raised above them.

Apparently my satire wasn’t appreciated. _Got it._

I scrubbed my hand over the back of my neck. “He seems to be breathing easier, so that’s good. I,” I stretched my arms behind my back, wincing at the pull of the stitches as they got caught in the fabric of my stolen sweatshirt, “I’ll be fine. Nothing a few grilled cheeses and naps can’t fix.”

He nodded and his jaw ticked as he shifted on his feet. “Good, well, then I need you to look at-”

“Tony, if you’re here to tell me that last night with that bastard from Hydra was uncalled for, that the press is having a field day, that we’re supposed to be the good guys, save it. I’m not apologizing and I’m not dealing with it today,” I cut him off brusquely. It was very rude of me, but I didn’t have the fucks in me left to give. Those were reserved for Loki.

He shook his head just a bit at my retort, blinking at the abruptness of it, before clearing his throat and heading toward the door. “Okay then, Poison Ivy. I’ll save it for tomorrow. Drink that water.”

I turned my head to look at him curiously over my shoulder when he called my name.

“I covered for you both, to the press and SHIELD, about that asshole from Hydra. No worries.”

He shot me a kind smile before ducking his head and leaving the room.

I had forgotten all about killing Malfoy after Loki beat him within an inch of his life. He would’ve killed him if I hadn’t gotten there to finish the job. All of the moisture left my mouth.

I had thought that killing him would make me feel better, vindicated and free. But instead, I just felt numb and empty. I had never killed in cold blood before. True, he had deserved death and so much more, but I hadn’t ever made the conscious decision to end someone’s life. I had always acted in self-defense.

Excluding last night. A wave of fierce cold anger had settled over me after Loki had been injured. I didn’t even recognize myself as I looked back at the memory. I had ended the lives of all of those men without blinking an eye. They were trying to kill my friends and kidnap me, but in the past I would have felt at least a bit of remorse or shock at what I’d done. Guilty, maybe.

I’d do it again in a heartbeat for what they did to Loki.

What kind of monster did that make _me_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I appreciate you all so much and I hope you know that!


	21. So don't wipe your eyes, tears remind you that you're alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Language, brief mention of blood and violence
> 
> Apologies for how long this update took to get to you! I'm a bit burnt out on this series, to be honest, but thankfully it's almost over! Just a few more chapters (I think) and it'll be all wrapped up!

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. any news on Thor?”

I grunted with the Herculean effort it took to move Loki’s hips over just a few inches so that I could more easily sit on the side of his bed. It was like moving a freight train he was so heavy. He didn’t look it, but Loki was dense. When there was finally enough room for my not-so-small rear end to comfortably perch on the space I had created, I sank onto the bed beside him and raised the bed so it elevated his torso.

“He will have to stay in Norway for a few days to handle a few things. He asked if you have any updates on Loki’s condition in the meantime.”

I lightly dropped the medical supplies for changing his bandages on his blanket-covered lap before lifting my tired eyes to his face. I hadn’t been sleeping very well in the day and a half since he had been in the infirmary, and that would not change until his condition improved. Lit by the bright white midday sun streaming in through the windows, I could almost convince myself that he looked better. The barest hint of pink had returned to his cheeks, and the eggplant bruises under his eyes had faded to a sickly mauve.

_Just keep repeating the good things._

I made quick work of cutting away the bandages I had wrapped around his waist the previous day. They were free of blood, unlike the last time I had overseen this aspect of his recovery, so that was a good sign. My hand had a mind of its own when it traced softly over the ridges and hollows of his muscled chest. His breath made his smooth skin rise and fall reassuringly beneath my lingering touch.

I shook myself from the light daze into which I had put myself into and set myself back on task. There was a job to do, and only when it finished would I allow myself to pine and worry over him. I carefully peeled off the medical tape and gauze directly protecting the wound, making sure to be gentle enough to avoid pulling at the stitches. After dabbing a bit of cool ointment onto my index finger, I gently rubbed it over the healing stab wound.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Tell Thor that he isn’t awake yet, but he’s healing, so I think he _might_ be okay.” I was proud that I relayed the information with only a tinge of sadness lacing the words. 

It wasn’t but a few minutes before I had replaced the bandage over his stitches, lowered his bed back down, disposed of the soiled supplies, and settled back into the chair that would soon be permanently molded to my backside. And my forehead had become very well acquainted with the contours of my forearm from my leaning forward over his bed to rest my eyes for what I imagined being a brief moment but turned - without fail - into a nap lasting several hours.

What I wasn’t used to, however, was anyone touching me while I was dozing hanging off the side of his bed. So when a large hand clumsily fell onto the back of my head, it pulled me out of my fitful sleep in record time.

I jerked upright, yawning loudly as I did a bleary-eyed scan around the room in search of the threat with the last bits of light from the sunset and the warm glow from Loki’s bedside lamp. My stiff hands rubbed the remnants of sleep from my eyes as I arched my back in a feline stretch to loosen the tense muscles that I earned from staying in such an unnatural position. But I refused to leave the room in case something in Loki’s health changed, so it was the price I willingly paid for peace of mind.

Elegant thin fingers encircled my wrist to pull my hand away from my face. My other hand fell to my lap, and I belatedly realized that while my brief look about the room had detected no intruders, I had forgotten to check if Loki was awake.

And he was very much awake.

He delicately inspected the bandages wrapped around the burn on my hand with a frown, turning my hand this way and that before his critical gaze. “You are injured.”

I felt like an idiot with tears blurring my vision and strangling my voice, but I couldn’t stop the happiness flowing out of me for anything in the world. Without thinking, I practically threw myself onto the edge of the bed so I could snake my arms around his waist and press my face into his bare chest. “You’re awake!”

He grunted at the sudden impact of my body against his, and I tried to pull back when my brain caught up with my body and reminded me he was still injured and had only just woken up. His arms curled around my back and tightened when I attempted to pull away, holding me to him.

“How many times will I have to remind you I am not worthy of your tears?” he chided me softly, his voice hoarse from disuse but still able to convey his pleasure at the emotions I utterly failed to contain.

His lips brushed against my hair before settling against it, and he inhaled deeply before releasing it in a contented sigh. I splayed my hands across the bare skin of his back with a matching sigh, desperate to feel as much of him, awake and responsive, beneath my desperate fingertips.

“You’re not the boss of me,” I quipped. I shifted so I buried my face in the hollow where his neck and shoulder met, putting as much of my weight as I could on my elbows behind his back so I wouldn’t hurt him.

“You’d been unconscious for almost two days. I didn’t know if you would wake up…” I admitted quietly, speaking the words into his neck so I wouldn’t have to face him feeling as vulnerable as I did.

But he would not let me hide my fears in the safety of his skin. He tucked his fingers beneath my chin to lift my face enough for him to take in the twisted expression on my face, from my eyebrows pulled towards each other to the frown turning down the corners of my lips. I winced as the strain of holding up my weight on my injured bicep became a bit too much and sat up. He tried to follow me, but I placed a firm hand on his pectoral to hold him down. I couldn’t truly hold him down if I wanted to, but he did as I wanted just the same.

“You are still healing from getting stabbed. Let me raise the bed before you pop the stitches I’ve been working so hard to keep clean and intact. Do. Not. Move,” I commanded with raised eyebrows, warning him to disobey me with a few firm pokes of my finger over his heart as I fiddled for the remote hanging from the side of the bed.

A wicked smile pulled on his lips, but he raised his hands in surrender. He didn’t show any signs of pain excluding a tightening of the lines around his eyes as I lifted the bed behind his torso so he was in a more comfortable - supported - sitting position. I wiped away the last remnants of my happy tears as I reveled in the luxury of taking in his upright and conscious figure for a moment. Even with the dark circles beneath his eyes and the unruly state of his inky hair, he was beautiful, relatively healthy and alive in the orange light of the setting sun.

“One stab wound from a mere mortal man is not enough to take me from you, little one,” he assured me, sounding touched at my worrying over him, if the fleeting smile he wore was any indication. He reached out to settle his hand on top of the bandages wrapped around my hand. “However, your fragile body appears to have taken damage.”

“I’m not _that_ fragile.” I shrugged off his concern. “It’s nothing.”

“Show me.” His unyielding gaze brokered no argument to his quiet command.

Stalling, I stood up and filled my empty glass with water before bringing it back to him. I had to set it on his bedside table when he refused to take it, his arched brow silently furthering his point that I needed to do as he said before anything else would happen.

I huffed and rolled my eyes. He only insisted because he cared and I couldn’t fault him for that; I didn’t have to hide my frustration, however. “Fine.”

It warmed my heart that he _had_ to make sure I was okay, but he was going to blow it out of proportion. I started with the easiest injury to access and unwrapped my hand, holding it out to him once I was done so he could fully look over the healing blisters stretching across the width of my palm.

“I grabbed a gun as someone was trying to shoot me, _like an idiot_ , and got burned,” I explained, answering the questioning quirk of his brow and unwavering stare behind sooty lashes.

“Any other injuries?”

Lying to him was pointless. He would see right through me, and if he didn’t, he’d see the scars later and know they were new. I didn’t want to damage the trust he’d built up for me over something so minuscule as refusing to let him check on me. I took my hand back and tried to roll up the arm of my sweatshirt so that the graze on my opposite bicep was visible, but the material was too thick and bunched up just passed my elbow. I gave in and just took the whole thing off, tossing it onto his knees unceremoniously so I stood before him in just a raggedy old bra. At least it was clean.

“It’s just a graze,” I asserted, stepping closer to put my elbow into his outstretched hand.

He carefully inspected the bruised flesh just outside of the stitched up slash, which was already healing over. It hadn’t been too big to begin with, just a few inches long and only moderately deep, but I bruised easily and that made any injury appear worse than it was. A muscle in his jaw twitched, but he said nothing as he released my arm and curled his fingers twice in an unmistakable ‘give-it-here’ motion.

Apparently, the slight limp that I had believed to be undetectable had, in fact, been noticed. I worried my bottom lip between my teeth as I carefully rolled my bottoms down my thighs until I could step out of the thick black sweatpants I’d stolen from his side of the closet that morning. I could only hope that Tony wasn’t going to be, well, _Tony_ and barge it on me standing in my underwear in front of Loki. He’d never believe that I was showing my slightly over-protective boyfriend my battle wounds, and I didn’t want to face _that_ ridicule for the next few weeks.

His forehead creased as he leaned forward just enough so he could put his hands on my hips to turn me around. I felt the cool touch of his fingers on the back of my thigh, searching for an exit wound and coming up empty.

“It didn’t go through.” I smoothed my fingers over the backs of his hands as he turned me back around gently, as if I would break at any touch more forceful than a caress. “ _Now_ will you drink the water since we’ve established I won’t die?”

He accepted the offered water and downed it quickly, betraying how thirsty he really had been. Nat had taken out his IV after the last bag of saline had been administered, but it still wasn’t a substitute for the real thing. I took that moment to pull my ‘borrowed’ sweatpants and sweatshirt back on to preserve my modesty, just in case.

Once I was dressed again, he wordlessly pulled me back to sit beneath the blankets beside him on the bed. I folded myself into as small of a space as I could against the rail to keep from putting pressure on his abdomen, but he stubbornly pushed on my lower back until I draped my leg over his naked hips and I was tucked securely underneath his arm. My head naturally fell onto the space where his shoulder met his chest. It took a considerable effort to remind myself that even though he was naked beneath me, all funny business was out of the picture until he didn’t have a massive hole in his stomach.

“I may be injured, but I am not that delicate, little one,” he murmured against the top of my head. The pleased smile stretching across his lips was audible in his graveled voice.

“You tell me when you are hurt. In any way. Always.” It wasn’t a question, and he punctuated each sentiment with a quick kiss to my hairline.

I lifted my chin to smile contentedly up at him. Besides his grunt of pain when I’d tackled him like a linebacker earlier, he seemed to be doing fairly well for someone who had been unconscious for almost 48 hours. The mischievous sparkle that lit up his emerald eyes had returned as he met my gaze. His long fingers dropped their hold on my hip to brush across my cheek before cupping my jaw to pull my lips to his.

It was a tender kiss full to the brim of the love we held for each other. I could feel him smiling against my caressing lips and it was infectious. The kiss became more teeth than lips and tongue from our smiles, but I couldn’t care less. I had _my_ Loki. He was safe; he wasn’t going anywhere, and I would do anything to keep anything like this happening ever again.

He hummed, a pleased, deep sound, and nuzzled my nose with his before tucking my head back underneath his chin. I stared out at the setting sun, happy to just enjoy this moment of peace before it was interrupted. Our lives didn’t allow for a long intermission before the show must go on, but I was grateful for the fact that we got a break at all - even if only for a breath. I had believed, deep down inside of my aching heart, that I wouldn’t get moments like these anymore. I would not waste a second of it now that it was within my grasp.

“Always.” My whispered promise hung in the air between us for only a moment before fading away to a comfortable serenity that only comes from spending time with the one you love more than anything else.

After the sun finally fell beneath the horizon, I flicked on the TV if only to have a bit of background noise. We were watching _Survivor_ , a show which Loki did not understand at all - “Why would anyone subject themselves to hardship for such a meager sum of money?” - when I remembered that I didn’t have the leisure of just sitting around in bed all day with him, even if that’s all I wanted to do for _at least_ another few hours. I picked my head up from where it had fallen against his chest and stared up at the speaker embedded into the ceiling - an odd habit I couldn’t shake even though I could also look at my watch or my phone to have the same desired effect.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., can you tell Thor that Loki is awake?” I should have told him hours ago, but I had been too relieved to think of anything outside of each other, to be honest.

“I alerted him as soon as he woke up.”

“Oops,” I muttered, eyes wide and mouth pulled back into an embarrassed grimace, “I was supposed to tell him right away if anything changed about your condition.”

Loki _tried_ to hide behind his standard mask of indifference, but sitting this close to him and having known him as well as I did, I read him like an open book. His brows were pulled inward and down slightly, creating ridges in between them I always had the strongest urge to smooth out with my fingertip. I could practically see the wheels turning behind his narrowed eyes that searched my own.

I saved him the agony of voicing his questions aloud by further elaborating, “He’d be here, but he had to go to New Asgard to handle something. He only left because I promised him I wouldn’t leave your side. I’ve-”

“You _must_ take care of yourself,” he cut me off with a fierce warning look only softened by his thumbs rubbing teasing circles into my pliant flesh. Of course, he’d latched onto that offhand line and ignored the rest of it.

“I’ve eaten since you’ve been in here, and I’ve obviously taken a shower and changed clothes.” That I slept hunched over his bed and only ate because Tony, Nat, or Wanda brought me food was beside the point. That was need to know information and he wasn’t hurting for the lack of it. 

I pulled away from him to sit up fully and stretched, arching my back with an almost inhuman groan it was so indulgent. “Speaking of, I need to go scrounge around for some dinner for both of us. Will you be okay if I’m gone for a few minutes?”

If he rolled his eyes any harder, they’d stay that way. “Even in the state I’m in, I could still best you in a fight.”

I stood up and stepped out of his grasping hands a few feet away from the bed. A scalpel flew from a drawer into my waiting hand with the barest tug at the energy buzzing beneath my skin. I squared my shoulders and held it loosely out from my side with my head tilted slightly to the side and a dangerous smile. “Want to test that theory?”

It was impossible to mistake the lust that blew out his pupils. The blankets covering his lap stirred slightly, further solidifying his reaction to my sassy challenge. My eyes darted there, and I was powerless to stop my tongue flicking out to wet my parted lips.

“With pleasure,” he purred, devouring my body with his red-hot gaze. 

_Nope!_ Not giving into _that_ , even though it was strangely empowering to know that he could find me attractive even while I had what felt like terrible bedhead and wore his sweats. I tossed the scalpel and put a bit of force behind it with my powers, lodging it into the wooden cabinet behind him for a bit of dramatic flair. “Stay here, handsome. I’ll be right back with some food and some underwear.”

“Hurry back to me, little one. I’ll be waiting,” he purred, eyes bright and flashing mischievously.

No man should look that attractive while he was recovering from an almost-lethal injury. It was just _rude_.

I knew that there was a new skip to my step when I popped out of the elevator and made my way into the shared living quarters for everyone, but I didn’t see any reason to suppress it. I breezed through the spacious empty living room to slip into our bedroom.

There wasn’t any point in changing clothes, what I was wearing was clean enough and it was almost time to get any actual night’s rest, anyway. I’d be much more comfortable in sweats that skin-tight jeans. I did, however, run a brush through my tangled hair that had masqueraded as a rat’s nest for who knows how long. I shoved a pair of silk boxers and pajama bottoms into the large pocket of my hoodie before padding out of the bedroom to fulfill the second part of my mission: sustenance.

Sam, Nat, and Tony had made their way into the kitchen while I had been freshening up, and Sam was tending to some chicken frying on the stove while Nat chopped away at vegetables. Tony was propped up against the bar, flipping through something on his phone with a focused expression creasing his forehead.

“He must be doing better,” Sam observed with a smile as I skirted around him to dig around in the fridge.

“Look at the smile on her face,” Nat chuckled, “he _has_ to be awake.”

Precariously balancing the ingredients for a light dinner in my overloaded arms, I shot them a lighthearted glare before dumping it all on the counter opposite Tony, who looked up and watched me, lips pursed in thought.

“ _Is_ he awake, Poison Ivy?”

I addressed him while I began assembling two identical sandwiches on plates that Nat slid in front of me. “Yeah, he woke up a few hours ago. Seems fine enough. To be honest, he seems great for having been asleep so long. Must be something to do with his accelerated healing? I don’t know, but I’m not complaining.”

Tony clicked off his phone and shoved it into the back pocket of his jeans before stuffing his hands into the front pockets. “Really?”

I dumped some strawberries onto both of our plates with a nod. “Yup. His stomach isn’t healed yet, not fully, but the rest of him definitely doesn’t look like he’s been stabbed.”

After dumping the unused ingredients back in the fridge, I scooped up both plates and nodded to the trio. “Gotta get him some dinner. See you guys later?”

Sam and Nat agreed with easy smiles before going back to preparing their dinner. Tony pulled himself away from the countertop and took a plate from my hands without asking, walking with me toward the elevator.

“You’ll need someone to help push the buttons on the elevator,” Tony pointed out, as if he was doing it out of the goodness of his heart.

We both knew that was some bullshit.

I shot a suspicious stare his way once we were in the elevator, opening my hand so that my glass plate hovered an inch above my palm. My cocked eyebrow and cleared throat just drove my mutely made point home.

It was back in the safety of my grip by the time we walked into Loki’s room in the infirmary; I was good, but I wasn’t going to risk wasting delicious, expensive deli meat if the breathtaking god in the bed distracted me and broke my concentration.

He lifted his chin and straightened up as I placed his plate on his blanket covered thighs. He regarded Tony with an air of indifference. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

I made to sit on my chair, but Loki guided me to sit back on the side of his bed with a gentle tug on the waistband of my sweats. My plate ended up balanced on my leg as I tucked my foot beneath me and looked up to Tony, waiting for the answer to Loki’s question.

“Ah, yes, that. First, I wanted to come and check on the invalid, since you told me he was up and at ‘em.” 

I put my hand on Loki’s thigh to stop the retort that I just _knew_ was coming. 

“Then I wanted to let you know, Pebbles, that you’re a TV star now.” Tony glanced at the large black screen on the wall which flickered on as if prompted by his speech. Knowing him and F.R.I.D.A.Y., it probably was.

The conservatively dressed woman on the screen seemed to pin me down through the screen as she reported. “Friday night at the charity gala held in New York, the guests were grateful that the Avengers were in attendance when a terrorist group known as Hydra attacked the festivities. There’s been a lot of buzz about the two newest to the group, Loki of Asgard and Tony Stark’s former assistant, Jennifer Thompson. Mainly, is Loki really on our side now and what exactly can Jennifer do? This footage should answer those questions for you. I will warn those watching though, it is very graphic.”

The clips they had seemed to be gathered from multiple sources, most of them cell phones from bystanders if the quality was any sign: a slightly grainy video of me using a chunk of the building to shield the idiot bystanders from the flying bullets, Loki, twisting in the air and lodging his throwing knives into the chests of two Hydra men as bullets pinged uselessly against him, me running through the fray to rescue the little boy to deposit him in his father’s arms, me getting shot in the leg and using the same chunk of marble to shield myself while I ripped a giant chasm into the ground for the attackers to fall into, and finally my animalistic scream and the subsequent shock wave radiating out from me that also ripped the soil out from beneath Loki and sent him flying to me. The video paused on an image of me, my eyes glowing green as I thoughtlessly murdered all those who meant my loved ones harm.

Watching the events so soon after they had happened was too much. The small room stank with the thick metallic tang of blood. My leg and arm throbbed as if the wounds were only minutes old, not days. My ears rang with the garbled screams of men as I sent my hastily made dagger through their necks.

I couldn’t breathe. _Did someone turn the heat up?_ Loki was injured, and he needed protecting. Panic sucked all moisture from my mouth. It was too much. My entire body trembled with the effort needed to keep my muscles bunched and ready to defend myself.

Loki’s lips on my ear and his hand rubbing firmly into the curve of my waist pulled me out of the memories threatening to smother me completely. “It is over. I am safe, as are you. I am right beside you.”

I focused on his velvet voice, rough and low, repeating words of comfort to me until I could look up from where my eyes had dropped to my shaking hands to meet Loki’s steady gaze. His face pinched with concern, and I responded with a weak, fleeting smile before leaning my forehead against his chin.

“Okay there, kid?”

I tilted my head to look at Tony, who radiated discomfort with his arms crossed over his chest and weight shifting back and forth. He most likely felt guilty for showing that to me, but he couldn’t have predicted how I would react.

Loki’s words rumbled through my head as he held me to his side. “Are there more traumatic recordings of her worst memories that you would like to force her to view, or is this meeting over?”

I lifted my chin to brush my lips across the hammering pulse in his throat, calming him with my touch. Our sandwiches lay forgotten on our laps as he wrapped both arms around me as best as he could with my sitting beside him and I spread my hands out on his chest to easier curl into him.

Tony cleared his throat. “I talked to S.H.I.E.L.D. about everything.”

“Fury?” I asked, not bothering to stop my disdain for the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D from lacing my words with venom.

Tony arched his brow at my obvious hatred. “That’s the guy. They’re handling the clean-up of the situation, dispelling any rumors, true or false, that are floating around about Hydra. He wanted to come here and see you right away about what happened and how you got your powers, yada yada yada, but I convinced him you were injured enough to need rest for a few days. You’re welcome.”

I bit my bottom lip, shoving down the hateful comments I had for the aforementioned man. It wasn’t the time for that fight. “Anything else, Tony?”

Tony seemed to jump on the opportunity to change the subject. His eyes lit up with interest. “I’ve been talking to Strange, the doctor who has the Time Stone. Once we get word of Thanos coming back where we can reach him, we’re going for him.”

Loki tensed up and his heart raced against my cheek. “I will be participating in this mission.”

“Where he goes, I go.”

Tony nodded with a grim smile. “Then let's rock and roll.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Y'all are the real MVPs for sticking with this for so long!


	22. If we go down, then we go down together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how long this last chapter took in getting to you.
> 
> Big thank you to yespolkadot_kitty and justthehiddles for motivating me to keep going on this fic when I was frustrated!
> 
> Warnings: Violence, blood, death, language. There's a fight scene, so just, be prepared for all that entails.

One month after the downfall of Hydra at the gala, uneasy peace had fallen over the Compound. The facility was in a holding pattern, every occupant waiting with bated breath for word of Thanos’ return to Earth. It was only a matter of time, and until then, all we could do was prepare the best we could.

Loki, thanks to his accelerated healing, was in fighting shape within two weeks. A hard glint entered his eyes whenever the Mad Titan was brought up, and I would rest my hand comfortingly on his arm, his back, or his thigh, to silently remind him he was safe and present with me.

After facing the fear of losing him, I didn’t let him out of my sight for more than an instant. He, thankfully, seemed to preen under the attention when he wasn’t helping Nat kick my ass in the gym. I was still the least experienced of the group, and even with my powers, I was a liability if someone became distracted because of me. 

Fear drove my actions, and when Loki would pin me to the cushioned floor of the gym, demanding that I do and be better, the pent-up cocktail of rage and worry fueling him flashed in his eyes.

We trained. We fought. We worked.

We were as ready as we would ever be, unless we died of anticipation first.

~~~

“Hey, hey,” I sleepily reached over, shaking Loki’s bare shoulder beneath the blankets. “Wake up, you’re okay. Loki!”

He lurched upright in bed and straddled my hips beneath the sheets in one swift motion; a dagger pulled from his hidden pocket dimension kissed the taut skin of my neck while his other forearm pressed down across the top of my chest. His eyes were wild, unfocused and erratic as they darted over my face blindly in the thralls of his nightmare. His ragged breathing was practically deafening in the otherwise silent bedroom.

I didn’t dare move. As tensions rose from the threat of Thanos looming over our heads, his nightmares had increased, too. Last week he had almost strangled me after a particularly bad nightmare before he realized what he was doing, and he was just beginning to forgive himself for _that_ ; I didn’t want to add an accidental throat-slitting on top of his misplaced guilt.

Not dying also seemed like a good idea.

“Loki, it’s me. It’s okay. You’re safe here, with me, I promise. I’m safe. It’s okay,” I cooed quietly to him, chanting the words steadily to bring him back from the hellish imaginings of his mind. I maintained eye contact even as I called on the power coursing through my skin to pull on the metal chain of my bedside lamp, illuminating the room in an orange glow.

Slowly, the glaze over his eyes lifted, and he blinked down at me, pulling the knife from my skin and sending it back to where it came from with a look of horror. He tried to pull away from me, incoherently mumbling apologies, but I shook my head, hooked my hands behind his shoulders and my feet around his calves to pull his comforting weight down onto me. He resisted for but a moment, muscles tense and unyielding, before he sighed heavily and let himself melt into me, holding most of his weight on his elbows on either side of my neck.

“You okay now, handsome?” I asked quietly, voice muffled by my lips pressing into his disheveled raven hair as his face found sanctuary in the hollow of my throat. One of my hands trailed up his bare back to scratch lightly at his scalp, a move which was almost guaranteed to calm him down.

“I just want to face him and be done with it,” he growled against my skin. He pressed a light kiss to my collarbone before lifting his head to stare down at me, the creases in his forehead and the thin line of his lips revealing the worry and frustration he barely contained.

I craned my neck to kiss him thoroughly, only letting my head fall back to the bed when I felt him responding to me, his hips rolling against mine and his tongue snaking out to tangle sinfully with my own. We panted into the small space between us, eyes hooded with lust.

“In time. Don’t you always preach patience to me?” I teased, dragging my hands down his arms to come to rest on his biceps, rubbing them appreciatively with my thumbs.

“I’ll show you patience,” he threatened, swooping down to capture my neck in his lips, drawing out hearty, contented laughter from deep within me.

~~~

Tony’s voice cut through the music blasting through the speakers in the gym, making my steps stutter as I grappled with Loki. He caught me handily, righting me while we listened to the louder-than-life voice blare out, “Okay guys, it’s showtime. Get to the jet ASAP, dressed to kill a giant purple asshole.”

For a second, I couldn’t comprehend what Tony had said. The moment we had been waiting for was finally here, and the shock of it glued my feet to the floor. I lifted my gaze to Loki standing in front of me. Rage ticked in his jaw and steeled his eyes. With a golden glow, his athletic sparring outfit changed into his leather armor, oiled green and black fitting him perfectly and matching the golden-horned helmet adorning his head. I hadn’t seen him wear that in person before, and it added a menacing height to his already towering appearance. 

He was grandiose, larger than life, and he was _pissed_.

Shaking myself mentally, I jerked my head toward the door for him to go ahead to the jet before sprinting off, adrenaline flooding my body and putting an extra boost in my steps.

Hydra had disposed of my old uniform, so Tony had a newer, higher-tech version made for me. It smoothed over my body like a second skin, bulletproofed reinforcements covered my torso, upper arms and thighs, and the forest green material glinted with metal fibers woven throughout so I could fly - well, a bastardized version of flying. Two wicked jagged knives, courtesy of Loki, sat in built-in holsters on the outside of my thighs, easily accessible by physical reach or with the buzzing powers just beneath my skin. My sturdy boots thudded onto the floor, echoing throughout the large minimalistic areas of the Compound before I bolted outside.

By the time I reached the hangar I was winded, following on Nat’s heels - who looked lethal in her black leather suit. We sprinted up the ramp, and I immediately sought Loki, forcing myself to take even breaths as I planted my hands on my hips.

Tony and Steve were in the cockpit, although Tony was quickly replaced by Nat who tapped him on the shoulder and gestured for him to get up. Vision and Wanda flew passed me to land close to the front of the jet, immediately observing the hectic energy as everybody answered the call to arms. Loki stood off to the side, fingering a throwing knife in his hand as he stared unseeing at the floor. 

My feet carried me to him without my having made the conscious decision. Just as I was nervous before the last mission we went on and he was there for me, I would be there for him. My hand settled over his spine at the middle of his back as I came to a stop at his side, turning to face Tony. In my peripheral vision, I registered Loki lift his head, but he said nothing, only crossed his arms over his chest and lifted his chin, face devoid of any discernible emotion.

Tony strode purposefully to the center of the jet just as Sam ran up the ramp, and we lifted off seconds later. All accounted for after his quick glance around the small space, Tony nodded to himself and brought up an image of Thanos on the screen built into the wall behind him.

“Okay, so I just talked to Strange and Thanos will hit New York City just a few minutes before we get there, so we have to hit the ground running. He’s going after Strange and the Time Stone, and this is our shot to take him out for good. We know he has a close circle of baddies around him, and Strange said he’d have an army, too. The doc is working on getting the Wakandans and Asgardians, plus Thor, there but it’ll be tight.”

His throat bobbed as he swallowed, and his shining dark eyes darted between each of us. “Be safe out there, guys.”

With his anxious parting words, he cast a spell of tension over the ship. Wanda and Vision bowed their heads together, talking quietly amongst themselves, hands held tightly between them. Sam went up to kneel by the cockpit with Steve and Nat, who were flying the jet at breakneck speed toward New York City. And Tony crossed over to us, lifting his metal hand to clasp my upper arm firmly.

“Don’t do anything reckless out there, Pebbles,” he instructed me, voice a little shakier than I suspected he would’ve liked. He gave me a small smile and a squeeze on my arm before dropping his hand to hold it out to the stiff Asgardian at my side.

Surprise flitted across Loki’s face before he could smother it with a look of focused intensity. He didn’t shake Tony’s hand; I didn’t expect him to, but he _did_ dip his chin in a small nod of acknowledgment. “Stark.”

“Give ‘em hell, you two, and watch each other’s backs,” Tony said with a smile, full of bravado once more. He joined the others at the cockpit without further preamble, allowing Loki and me a moment alone.

You knew better than to ask him if he was okay, because whether or not he was, he wouldn’t answer anything but the affirmative in mixed company. Instead, we mimicked the other couple on the ship, prying Loki’s hands from their rigid position crossed over his elbows to hold them in yours. His emerald eyes, fierce with just the barest hint of fear widening them, locked onto mine. I plastered on the strongest, most determined expression I could muster, squaring my shoulders and setting my jaw. 

“I won’t let him touch you again,” I said lowly, both a vow and reassurance.

He gripped onto my hands like they were tethering him to the moment, and I could barely detect the chill of him through the thin gloves protecting my hands. I yearned to feel his skin against mine one more time, but there wasn’t time for sentimentality. He gently tugged me into him so I was securely tucked beneath his arm and my forehead pressed into the hollow of his cheek.  
He had no words, and I had depleted mine. What did you say when you were facing the very real possibility of your death with the one you loved most? It would have to be enough just to be together, breathing each other in as the engines of the jet whined our descent.  
“Don’t forget; our goal is to kill Thanos and keep him from getting the stone from Strange. Do whatever you need to do to make those things happen,” Tony called out just as the jet settled onto the ground with a shudder and the ramp descended, filling the tight space with distant panicked screams.

It was chaos. The Quinjet had touched down in the middle of an intersection, and the sound of sirens and battle thundered against my ears. Or that could be the thunder booming in the sky as Thor stepped through what looked to be a _hole_ in the air, surrounded by an orange circle, followed by Valkyrie and what could only be described as a mob of Asgardians, armed to the teeth and screaming their rage as they attacked what appeared to be alien dogs - weird black and yellow creatures with mouthfuls of jagged teeth charging down the New York streets on four and six legs, attacking anything in their path.

The rest of the Avengers set to action, heading into the battle with no hesitation. I ripped my gaze from the horde of aliens to search the crowd for Thanos, but he hadn’t made his appearance yet. Loki stepped up to my side and caught my eye, throwing his hands to his sides as daggers appeared in his grip. I poured all of my love for him into the quick look we shared.

And then he was off, illusions of him spreading out and charging headlong into the fray. Determined to keep him close to prevent him from as much harm as I could, I ripped my own knives from the sheaths at my thighs and followed, hoping that the fear clawing at my insides would turn into adrenaline once my blades had been anointed in the blood of my enemies.

It was too hectic and crowded to rely on my powers to carry me in this battle, so I gritted my teeth and faced the first monster head-on. They were shockingly tall, towering over me as I ducked to slash at the backs of the ankles at the first one that came up to me, snarling and swiping at me with giant clawed hands that I barely ducked. _Fuckers are fast!_ I had to use all of my strength to pierce their skin, and the blue blood that tainted my knives shocked me for just a second too long.

The back of a monstrous hand slammed into my chest, knocking me down to the ground, and when the _thing_ advanced on me, hunched and seeking my blood, I reacted without thinking. My hands twisted in the air, wrenching a light post from the ground and pulling it up over the throng to slam into the alien, pinning it to the ground around its neck.

I scrambled to my feet, panting from the exertion, sweat dripping down my face and into my eyes irritatingly. Sam flew over the crowd, spinning in the air so that his wings sliced through the thick leathery hide of the creatures. 

I caught sight of Loki just a few feet away, fighting like it was a vicious dance. He was all swift, sure movements that flowed from one to the next, daggers an extension of his body as they plunged in and out of the creatures indiscriminately. Each duck and thrust of his body appeared expertly choreographed as his mind and body worked together in familiar patterns he had mastered over hundreds of years. The green aura of his magic interspersed throughout it all, used to send an opponent flying or distract one with an exact fearsome copy of himself before he stepped through it, daggers taking advantage of the quick moment of confusion to render their lives null.

Chanting broke through the din and I whipped my head towards it to see two large circles appear in the side of a building. A man floated in the air, clad in a red cape, and I assumed that had to be Doctor Strange for all Tony had told us about him. Through the circles came a wave of warriors, chanting and brandishing spears, led by the Black Panther and Bucky sprinting into battle.

“Squidward incoming!” Tony’s shouted voice sounded distant through the watch I wore beneath my suit.

I stood on the balls of my feet, knees bent, daggers drawn as I tried to figure out who the hell he meant by ‘Squidward’ and how much of a threat someone could be with that nickname. Although he called Loki ‘Reindeer Games’, so dumbass nicknames obviously didn’t imply strength.

A figure cut through the air, regal and bored as he surveyed the fighting below. His grey skin and weird nose made him look like Squidward, so at least Tony was accurate in his smartass remarks. 

My teeth clenched as I pulled a traffic light from a post and directed it at him with a sweeping motion of my arm. The alien didn’t even blink as he changed its course, throwing it into a group of Asgardians and Wakandans battling the monsters frenzied beneath him. Determined, I whipped an abandoned car into the car and hurtled it in his direction, but that was deflected, too, and at me with breakneck speeds.

Defensively, my hands shot into the air, and the car stopped just inches from me, wrapped in two shades of green light. I let out a breath I had been holding and dropped my hold on the vehicle, and the brighter green light remained for half a second before the car was launched once again at the back of the floating monster.

Loki stepped forward several feet away from me, eyes narrowed and hands clenched into fists at his sides, watching the car as it smacked into the alien, sending them both careening to the ground.

There wasn’t any time to rejoice in the impact. A beam of purple light split down the street and destroyed anything it touched. Loki collided into me, knocking the air from my lungs, and carried me from the line of fire with the help of his superhuman speed. I patted his arm to thank him - there wasn’t time for anything else - and then we both turned to the source of the energy strutting down an abandoned street.

Thanos.

His hand rose in front of him, covered in a gold gauntlet that reflected the shining midday sun, and the light purple Power Stone was barely visible seated in the accessory. An almost inhuman shout of rage tore from Loki’s throat beside me, and he was gone before I could blink having vanished on the spot. As if he had heard Loki’s rage, the Titan turned toward me, leveling me with a wide, almost peaceful smile.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

I ran. Not away from the terrifying man like I should have done, but towards him like an idiot with a hero complex. Tony and Vision flew overhead, beating me to Thanos, who was sending bolts of purple waves at the two men. Wanda sprinted alongside me, eyes and hands glowing red as she grabbed pieces of rubble and tossed them at him, distracting him like a gnat to a dog. I took her lead and reached for any bit of metal within my grasp, trying to wrap light poles around his ankles and benches his wrists, but every bit of debris was either obliterated with a beam of purple light, or sent flying by Squidward, who had come back to fight at Thanos’ side sporting a cut across his forehead.

“We need to get that gauntlet off of him if we want any chance at killing him!” Steve shouted to the group through the watch comms, relaying our new mission.

Loki was still nowhere to be seen, but the distinct touch of his magic was evident in the green-lit objects soaring toward Thanos and Squidward. Bullets and explosions clouded the area in smoke as Bucky, Clint, Sam, and Tony all directed their heaviest firepower at them. Thor even stormed towards the two, lightning taking out those in his way effortlessly. It just seemed to piss them off for all the help it did, but it was a distraction, keeping them from harming anyone else while we all worked to get the Power Stone out of Thanos’ grasp.

“Got it, Mr. Stark!” came from behind me, followed by a thin figure in red and blue swinging into the thick of it.

“Kid, get out of here!”

“But the bad guys!” Peter almost whined, his age showing itself. He landed on the side of a building and shot a web onto the gauntlet and tugged with all of his might.

Steve, directly in front of me, held his shield at his side as he ran at Thanos with everything he had in him. I made to follow, called to help end this once and for all, but white-hot agony stopped me, erupting across my back.

A pained cry spilled from my lips and I whirled around for the source. One of those alien dogs, this one with six limbs, echoed my outburst with an angered roar. His claws dripped red with my blood. I couldn’t linger, couldn’t worry about the agony that throbbed with my pulse, not when this monster swiped at me once again.

I took a risk. It was stupid and reckless and Tony would kill me if he saw me do it. But Nat and Loki would be proud. I didn’t think, I only reacted. I ducked and stepped _into_ the alien, making its attack overshoot me, and plunged both of my knives deep into its neck as hard as I could. Blue blood drained from the wounds, soaking my hands and staining my suit, but the dull of its eyes was worth it, even after the edge of a claw dragged down my cheekbone, rending the flesh and filling my mouth with hot copper.

“Hold him!”

Loki’s voice, twisted and strained, pierced through the air above it all in a battle cry that sent chills down my spine. I turned just as Spiderman’s web ripped the gauntlet off of Thanos. Steve physically held onto one arm while Wanda used her powers to assist him, and Tony and Sam had the other.

But it would not be enough.

Directing the power coursing through me at the metal woven into my suit, I sheathed my knives and curled my fingers upwards, rising shakily into the air. It was a delicate balance, trying to figure out how to fly, even though Tony and Wanda made it look _so_ damn easy. I didn’t have time to make it perfect and graceful. All the Avengers clinging onto Thanos were showing signs of strain, and I still didn’t know where Loki was.

I clumsily careened through the air toward Thanos, catching an eyeful of his gray underling beheaded at his side, before I clamped my legs around his neck, hooking my ankles together. His shout of rage shook my entire body with the power of it, but I tamped down the fear that shot through me like lightning. I ripped my weapons from my sides to plunge them into his shoulders on either side of me with as much force as I could, bolstered by a scream that ripped at my vocal cords.

“Where’s Vis? We can’t hold him much longer!” Wanda gritted out to my right, a floating fiery spectre.

“You do not need him,” came Loki’s voice, somehow cutting through the hectic noise of it all. He appeared out of thin air feet in front of Thanos, daggers in hand and eyes blazing. I had never been so close to him looking so angry, face twisted into a man I didn’t recognize as he calmly stalked forward until he was within arm’s reach. Using his powers, he lifted me from around Thanos’ neck and lowered me to the ground behind him.

Pulling the long bladed weapon from his back, Loki cut Thanos’ head clean from his body with his own weapon and dropped it to the ground after the deed was done.

Thanos was dead.

In movies the battle always stopped once the main villain was killed, but this wasn’t a movie. While his lackey, Squidward, was dead, there was still an impressive horde of aliens to kill. And with the wounds bleeding life-giving heat over my back, face, and neck, it would take everything I had left to make it out the other side.

All the Avengers, including Loki and myself, dispersed without comment to dispatch the leftovers.

Everything was a blur of animalistic sounds and flashes of movement. I ducked and dodged each blow as best I could, digging deep for every ounce of strength within me to make sure I saw the end of the battle. I couldn’t worry about my teammates, even as I heard various cries of agony ring throughout the air, as I wouldn’t be able to help them if I joined the mounting piles of bodies scattered throughout the city.

The stench of blood was thick in the air, choking me and tearing my eyes as I shoved my knife into the eye of a monster, following its body as it collapsed on the ground, landing crouched with my feet on either side of its head. I took just a beat to catch my breath, panting and sweating and straining to find the next threat to my life, when something encircled my wrist, yanking me around.

My knives were forced from my hands, and I screamed before I was jerked into a lean, leather-clad chest. My body knew who it was before my mind caught up - I’d had months to memorize the feel of him - and I ignored the sharp sting of my cheek to press myself against Loki, wrapping my arms around his back. I held onto him for dear life with my eyes clenched tightly shut, assuming that he had only come to me because we had somehow lost, something was wrong, and he had taken these last few moments to give in to sentiment and come to me. That was the only feasible explanation for this blatant show of affection.

“It is over, little one,” he said lowly, lips moving against my temple as he bowed his body around mine.

I blinked my eyes open, glancing around at the grisly scene before us. Bodies, both human and alien, littered the streets. I searched the still, bloodied faces for those of my friends, my found family, heart in my throat as I clung to Loki to reaffirm the knowledge that his would not be amongst them. I came up empty, thankfully, and brought my chin to his chest to stare wearily up at him.

Bruised, bloodied, injured with a cut to his eyebrow and his jawline, he was magnificent as he returned my searching stare. He frowned, removing one hand from my hips to tilt my face to inspect the gash along my cheek.

“I’m okay,” I assured him, and I meant it. I was injured, yes. My back and face felt as if they had been lit on fire, sure. But he was safe, my friends were alive, and the ghost hanging over Loki’s head had finally been vanquished. Everything was trivial in comparison to those facts.

“You are an exquisite warrior, and you are mine,” he replied, eyes flashing just before he crushed my lips to his in a bruising kiss. It was everything I had wanted from him before the battle, love and trust and strength, but now it was sweetened with the freedom and relief that he now held over his future.

There was nothing hanging over us now.

~~~

Somehow, the Quinjet had survived the battle in working order. Sporting various injuries and covered in blood and crime, we made a motley crew as the Avengers all climbed onto the ship. We had stayed long enough to make sure that the Time Stone was still safe in Strange’s possession, and for Wanda to destroy the gauntlet with the power stone inside of it.

I sank heavily to the floor of the jet as Nat and Steve lifted it out of the city, exhaustion and relief a powerful combination of drugs in my system that liquified my bones and muscles. Loki came to sit beside me, gracefully folding his long limbs beneath him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, careful to avoid the long gashes on my back, and held me close. My hand fell to rest on his thigh. I was too worn out to find purchase on the slick leather of his armor to anchor it elsewhere.

“How are you feeling?” I whispered, taking in the unreadable expression on his face.

He puzzled over it for several moments. I could see the gears turning in his head from the furrow in between his brows and the distant expression in his eyes. Finally, the tension melted away, and the corners of his lips ticked up the smallest amount. “Avenged.”

I slapped his thigh and shook my head. “Terrible joke. But really, are you okay?” I knew how I felt after killing my captor, my torturer: numb, almost empty. It hadn’t changed what had happened to me, only removed the threat lingering in the shadows.

His mouth opened to reply, but he was cut off by Thor coming to a stop in front of us. Loki tensed up beneath my touch. Clearing his throat, Thor held out his massive hand, a grave expression unnatural on his normally cheerful face.

“You fought well,” he praised him, rich voice hinting at a small amount of trepidation, “brother.”

I nudged Loki in the ribs when he didn’t move, and slowly, Loki stood up beside me. He reached out and clasped Thor’s hand, pumping it up and down once. 

“As did you.”

~~~

“Hey, Mother Nature, you wanna lose to me next?” Sam asked, boastful with a hearty laugh that suited him well.

I pulled Loki to the bar beside the pool table, squeezing his hand before releasing it to call two beers from the fridge for us, handing one to him after I popped the metal top off with a flick of my thumb. Such trivial use of my powers was refreshing after months and months spent working to rid the world of Hydra, and then Thanos. My eyes rolled as I took an appreciative swig of my beer. “One, I hate that name. Two, how do you expect to beat me _or_ Steve at pool with your arm still in a sling?”

Sam winked. “I got skills, baby.”

Steve shook his head at me and shrugged his shoulders. “Once the news gives you a name, you’re done for. Mother Nature, you are, sweetheart.”

I patted Loki on the shoulder, and he set down his beer momentarily to lift me onto the bar. I tangled my fingers into his hair, guiding him back between my spread legs so I cradled the back of his head against my stomach. I let my hand fall to rest on his shoulder, caressing the soft skin of his neck idly. “Mhm. That’s why we’re all mostly healed two weeks later and you’re still broken. Got it.”

“Hey, we can’t all have freaky powers. I don’t think the world could handle me if I were any more amazing than I already am.”

“What’s going on in here? Someone throwing a party and forget to invite me?” Tony asked loudly, strolling into the room followed by Nat, Bucky, and Bruce.

“We didn’t forget,” Steve deadpanned, grabbing a pool cue from the wall.

I bent down to press a light kiss to the top of Loki’s head, breathing him in for a moment. He tilted his chin backwards and up to give me a content smile.

“I love you,” I promised, tracing my finger over the scar slashing through his brow with my fingertip.

He captured my hand to press that same fingertip to his lips. “I love you.”

“Get a room, lovebirds!” Nat teased, tossing a used lime from her shot so that it bounced harmlessly off of my chest and fell to the ground at Loki’s feet.

Laughter, carefree and pleasant, rang throughout the room as the Avengers assembled for a bit of well-earned relaxation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it folks! Had I known how much of a beast this thing would become, I never would've started it. Goodness gracious!
> 
> Thank you all who stuck with me until the end. I hope you enjoyed this long and wild ride with Pebbles and Loki. You all have been so kind and gracious in your response to it, and that was the only thing that kept me going toward the end.
> 
> I appreciate all of you. :)


End file.
